Hi.

My beautiful puppy-like kitten-like cat collapsed on Saturday night after a long battle with his too big heart. I drove him to the vet, hoping they could help us. When we arrived my pusscat just lay down on the table. I had no choice but to stop his suffering. Knowing that, however, does nothing to alter the fact that I miss him so very much.

Not even a week has gone by and now people are telling me (out of concern for me, I know) to get on with things and that's life and it was all for the best, why don't I just try get on with life and try to put it to the back of my mind? He was my baby boy...

I'm so angry at them for not understanding how deep the pain runs. About why I hate to go home, why I don't want to pretend everything's fine, about how I really do want to stop all the clocks.

I know the pain will lessen, and I'll eventually remember him with joy, as he deserves. For the moment, why can they not just let me be?

xx

I am so sorry that you lost your sweet baby and that some people just do not understand the pain that goes with it. Either they have never loved a fur baby like those of us here have or they just do not want to deal with death or the pain from it. I have not lost my Snookie yet and I have been crying for months now of what is to come. We just lost my son's chihuahua on 11-11 and we are still crying. Oh it is not as bad as it was in the beginning but it still hurt a lot and I know it will for a long time to come. You do not need to feel alone when you come here we are all in pain and we care.
Ann

Dear Kayelle,

I am so sorry for your loss of your baby boy. You came to the right place. Come and talk as much as you like, we understand. I have been through the "go on with your life" thing. But most of the time those people have never been through this kind of pain and can not understand. Take your time and greive, and talk to us. We are here to help any way we can.

I remember what it was like not to want to go home. Stymy would greet me every night at the door. The first few weeks I cried walking to the door because I would look for him and I knew he wasn't going to be there. I even had a hard time cleaning my house because he was always right by my side. I am still not up to par but it is getting better.

Try to do something in his memory it night boost your spirit.

Love and Belief,
Vicki

Ann and Abby's Mommy, thanks for your kind words. How sad it is that we all know how painful this is. But thanks for sharing my burden for a while.

Abby's Mommy, just read your post. Abby was absolutely beautiful - you must be heartbroken. It really touched me - she died just hours after Jana (he was an accidental boy named Sue) of heart failure too. I'm so sorry for your loss, and for everyone's. i'd rather that not one other person had to feel the way that I feel now. You'll never forget her, but some day I hope you will remember her without those last hours. That's what I wish for you, just as I wish for myself.

Ann, my thoughts are with you and I'm so sorry that you have to face this too. Be as strong as you can and as weak as you like.

My babykitten is gone and I'm mad at them for not noticing. It should be on the front pages!!! My mum I think, wants me to 'snap out of it' because a) she doesn't like to see me in pain and because quite a few years ago I suffered from a lengthy bout of clinical depression. Does that mean I'm not 'allowed' to be depressed over the death of my best friend? I would have thought it rather more abnormal if I didn't grieve. How could I have loved him if I don't?

K

I am so sorry for your loss, but you have come to a place where everybody understands, and nobody here thinks you should "get on with your life"! We are all grieving and healing the best way that we can.

I have been so fortunate, because my family, friends and co-workers have shown care and concern for me. I am honestly blessed. However, when I read posts like yours, it just makes me angry. I can't imagine what I would do if someone implied to me that my Rachael wasn't important enough in this world to grieve over! If there were people that didn't understand, I think I would try to avoid them until I felt stronger.

You know what's best for you, and continue to grieve until you feel better. Nobody has a set time table and there is no quick fix. The MORE you grieve the MORE you will heal. I don't think these people understand that if you were to try and stop the pain, it would only fester and grow worse with time. Your precious baby boy was a HUGE part of your life. I am so sorry he has physically left you, but so glad that you were able to be loved by such a wonderful furkitty in your lifetime
I would NEVER EVER give up this pain and loss if it meant not ever having almost 12 beautiful years with my Rachael.

Cheri

Vicki thank you. I too, cry all the way to the door because I know he won't greet me. He used to share my life - insisted on sitting on the side of the bath when I took one, would try and sit on my lap if I went to the toilet! All those silly things we take for granted - and now it's gone. I tried to make the bed and couldn't (I could only remember Jana 'helping' by climbing into the quilt cover). I can't bear to switch the bathroom tap fully off yet (he refused to drink out of anything as unsavoury as a bowl - liked it 'fresh'). I can't bear to give him all up at once. At night, I wish him goodnight still, and for the first moment when I wake up, I forget he's not there.

I'm trying to think of something to do in his honour. He was a house cat - I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any thoughts?


K

I would NEVER EVER give up this pain and loss if it meant not ever having almost 12 beautiful years with my Rachael.


Thank you CheriAnn. Me neither.

oh how sad....I cried every day for 6wks after I lost my boy on Oct. 15, I still cry. I think the stupidist thing said to me "you have to say goodbye to moose and get on with your life" those kind of remarks make me mad, this was said by a concerned friend who has never lost anything yet, not even his parents.. I dont think it ever gets better myself, I just think we learn to cope, I am trying to learn to cope now, it is an up and down process, for the most part I have had a surrounding of understanding friends, but like I have said before, this site has been my lifeline, it has helped me to get through this awful awful season in my life. Pamela

Everyone deals with loss in their own way and many people just don't understand the pain of losing a pet who was not just a "pet" but a family member. Depression is a scary thing to see your kids go through and I'm sure your mom is just afraid, like you said, of you falling back into a rut. If you feel depressed (like you felt before) make sure that you talk to someone about it... but don't be afraid to be sad. Shed as many tears as you need for your little one. You are NOT alone in how you feel. Come here often and lean on the people here whenever you need. It does get better in time.

Take care,
Kristie

Kayelle,

What I did to honor Stymy when he passed; I put his picture in his favorite room and I put his favorite things around it. Like his favorite toy, the scooper I use to get his food (he loved to eat) and I picked flowers from our yard were he enjoyed spending time. I guess it was little things that remined me of him. I also lit a candle in his honor.

I also wrote letters to the lady who gave me Stymy to thank her for 6 1/2 wonderful years I had with him, and the vet who helped me care for him and listen to my concerns. I wanted them to know how they helped me.

Here on lightning strike they have tributes and memorial section, maybe you could type in tribute to your baby boy. What ever helps you get through the pain ... doing those things really helped me.

Vicki

Kayelle,
I am so sorry for your loss of Jana. As others have said, the people who are telling you to "get over it" aren't you. Some of them are probably trying to be helpful, but they've probably not had the kind of bonding with furry family members that seems to be prevalent here, but rare in the average household.

Hi Kayelle,

I know exactly how you feel. When I lost my dog it was equivalent to losing a child as far as I'm concerned. He was my child in every sense of the word but most of the people in my life just can't understand why I'm having such a difficult time "getting over it."

My dog made me feel more special than any human ever has and losing him has left a huge void in my life. I know it's the same for you. I suppose only other pet lovers will ever understand the way we feel. Grieve as long as you need to...it's the only way we will ever be able to come to terms with losing our furbabies. I fully understand your frustration and pain.

__Jim

Dear Kayelle, I'm so sorry that your baby had to leave you. I felt exactly as you do when my cat died and I know the shock and hurt that you feel when people misunderstand how powerful the grief is. I am so glad that you are able to share your emotions and thoughts.
They are definitely appreciated, and you have my warmest thoughts and wishes now and always. When you asked for suggestions for honoring your kitty's memory I thought right away of what I did a lot of to move through my own grief: art. I'm not an artist, but the act of creating art which memorialized my beloved cat-child and the beauty he radiated was a comfort. The memory of him still inspires me to create things in his honor. It makes me feel as though a part of him lives on through me. I understand how precious your cat is to you. You are both blessed to know such love.

With love,
bek