Hi everyone, I just need a place to vent. One week ago today I had to say goodbye to the best furry child I've ever had. I've cried every day and my heart seems to weigh a ton. This morning I went on our walk route alone. I must have scared all the neighbors as I was crying most of the time. I miss my Kona dog so much. The last 4 months I spent so much time caring for her and worrying about her. I just don't know what to do. I thought I was doing so much better.

Kona, wherever you are, your mommy loves you and misses you.

Susan

Hi Susan, I am sorry for the pain and the tears you are having. You are not alone there are many wonderful people here who will help you and cry with you. It might help to tell us more about your wonderul baby Kona. I'm sure it hurt you so much to go on the route alone without your little girl. I don't believe I could have done it so soon.

I too have been caring for my little girl Snookie and although some think it is a blessing for the extra time we have it is also painful because of all the months of fear and worry not knowing when it might happen. We lost our son's chihuahua Chili Bean on 11-11 and we are still crying. Just let those tears fall it has been such a short time for you, keep coming back and talk to us..
Ann

Dear Susan,

I am sorry to here about your loss of Kona.

My Stymy had cancer for about six months so I understand when talk about giving them all your attention, I feel your pain. But you gave him the best, last days you could. All he wanted was your love and it sounds like that is what you gave. Please remember that he is free of pain now and is happy being at the rainbow bridge.

You are going to have good days and bad days. As time goes on your good days will out number your bad. It has been three months for me and every once and awhile it just creeps up on me and I will be sad all day. My husband will ask me what is wrong and I will tell him I'm having a Stymy day and he understands.

Be glad when you have the good days and remember when a bad one comes it will be over soon enough.

Love and Belief,
Vicki

Hi Susan,

I can honestly tell you that you are not alone. I know that doesn't stop the tears, but what you feel is SO normal. You will have a better day again.

I can't imagine what it was like caring for Kona for four months. What strength you have! I only had 4 days with my Rachael, but those four days were SO SCARY and heartbreaking for me. I would come home from work with my heart up in my throat, wondering if my sweet Rachael was still "there". When I would open the door and see her struggle to come greet me, I would fall to my knees in tears to hug her.

That Friday we decided to spend one last weekend with her, and end her suffering on Monday. By only Saturday morning, I saw her suffering even more. My heart just couldn't take one more day of seeing and hearing her pain. I helped her pass peacefully (with my vet's help) that early afternoon.

You can be sure that Kona knows how much you love her and miss her

Please take care of yourself,
Cheri

Thanks for answering. Last night was a meltdown, but I'm a little better this morning. I'd love to tell you about Kona. She was a lab-shepard-newfoundland-rottie mix with a little of each in her. We got her as a pup and her litter was soooooo cute. I wanted to take them all. She was gray with a long curly tail. One ear was shepard and one ear was lab. When she'd get excited, one ear would stand up and the other wouldn't. She had so much personality. She talked to us and we'd know exactly what she wanted. She was an avid digger and we dedicated an entire patch of the backyard to her digging. All you'd have to do is say "rat" and point to the ground and away she'd go. She'd yowl with glee as the dirt went flying. Even after we had to amputate the front left leg, she adapted and learned to dig. We took her to the beach and that was her favorite because the sand was soft and easy to dig in. I have pictures of craters that she dug. She even helped us dig a hole to plant a tree. The neighbors were laughing and wanted to borrow her. We called her the rat-o-tiller. I could go on and on.

I like the way you call them Stymy days. I think I'll borrow that and call mine Kona days. I'm curious..after three months are the memories becoming more of the good times? Right now I seem to be stuck in the sick memories.

As for Snookie, I'm sending all my good thoughts your way. After recently losing Chili Bean I can't imagine having this happen. Snookie is lucky to have you.

Thanks for listening,
Susan

Cheri, just as I was posting, so were you. The picture of Rachael under your sign in is beautiful. Thanks for listening. I do feel good that I could end the suffering for Kona with our vet quietly and peacefully. Watching Rachael struggle must have been hard. My heart broke every time I saw Kona in pain.

Deep down I know I'll feel better, but right now I guess I just need to go through the meltdown to get to the other side. It's nice to be able to vent to people who love their furry children as much as I loved mine. It's also hard because every story breaks my heart.

Susan

I can so relate to what you wrote, for me it will be 7 weeks this friday I had to make that awful decision. I have been very alone since, to the point of isolating myself. I havent been able to go on my walks without my dog, it would just hurt so bad. I still dont sleep in my room where Moose slept waiting for me to come home from work. I am just waiting to move from here, I need to make the change. I cried every day for 6 wks!!!! I have grieved like never before, I feel guilt, phycial pain, depression, and having a bit of a problem moving on with my life, I still have a hard time imaging my life with out my boy. I still wake up every morning and miss his presence so so much that sometimes it is truely more that I can bare. I know it hurts so much my first week is almost a blurr to me, I cant beleive I made it this far. Pamela

Susan, I would be happy if you used Kona days. As for the memories, I make it a point to remember the good ones. I really enjoyed taking care of him the last few months but they were hard days too. However if I didn't try to remember the good times no one else would either. I think it is very important to honor them by trying. Even though my husband didn't aways want to talk about Stymy after he passed, I made a point to talk about him when I felt like it, but I tried to talk about good memories.

I think you should type a thread under tributes and momorials. I have one for there for Stymy but so many other people have them there too. Also Jan has a thread going right now about funny stories I think you should type your story about the rat-o-tiller there. I know everyone would get a kick out of it ... I did.

Thanks,
Vicki