I have been trying to come to terms with the sudden death of my little dutch bunny Peter from bowel cancer on August 14th this year, but as I've failed dramatically to recover I looked around and found this support site. It was very nice to see so many people who know what I'm feeling. I have had little in the way of understanding and support from anyone.
Even if I try to talk to my wife she clams up and says she too upset to talk about it.
Maybe I can't get over it because the house is chock a block full of memories of her (yes, Peter was a girl but we thought she was a he until a month old and decided to keep the name anyway). Maybe it's because I've had a two week holiday in Canada that couldn't be put off due to obligations, and then had to instantly start a new job when I returned to the UK. Mind you, I missed her far more once abroad and away from her cremation urn.
No, it's because we were so inseparable from the day I saw her in her little hutch at the pet shop. She hopped straight over to me and licked my nose through the bars. Since then we were always together. I'd get up in the morning and pop down to the kitchen to let her out of her hutch. We'd play until I had to leave for work and then I'd leave her with my wife. I'd sit all day at work with her in the back of my mind, and coming home was such a heart warming occasion, opening the door to find my little darling in the hallway waiting for a kiss. Then I'd sit in the lounge with her all evening, playing with her, or stroking her with one hand while doing necessary research for work with the other. No matter how hard a day it had been at work I always had my baby at home to return to.
Whenever we went on holiday one of my wife's friends would lodge at the house and look after the pets. I'd try to enjoy myself but would always be fretting about if something happened while we were away.
Then when I lost my job at the end of last year I was gutted, and tried very hard this year to find another, but at the same time I was happy to be able to spend so much more time at home with my babies.
I suppose the trouble with some animals is that they purposefully hide any signs of illness as in the wild they would be singled out by a predator. When one of our cats gets ill we tend to know about it straight away, but rabbits don't show it until it's too late. We did everything we could to ensure a long and happy life for Pete - she had the best food, a huge three storey hutch for nights or when we were out so the cats could use the catflap, she had tons of toys, access to the whole house, a garden area meshed over for safety, a lot of love and attention from both of us, she was spayed when she was one year old, and had regular visits to the vets to have her nails cut. Each time she went the vet would examine her eyes, ears and teeth and each time she would come away with a clean bill of health.
The last time this happened was only about six weeks before she fell ill, so you can imagine my total shock and devastation when, upon noticing her looking a little thin on Monday 11th August and finding that for the first time she wouldn't eat anything offered, we took her to the vets and the vet found a large hard lump in her gut. We brought her home and took her back the next morning for an exploratory operation. I kept hoping the vet would phone with good news but he called saying she was riddled with cancer - it was all over her intestines and had started on her bladder. We had her back for one last day with us where she just cuddled up to me with such a sad, regretful expression, as though she was saying she knew she was dying and was so very sorry and heartbroken herself. Then on Thursday morning we let her say goodbye to the places she loved the best in the house, and then took her down to the vets for one last visit. As he prepared the mixture for the injection she snuggled into me and licked my face frantically as I kept telling her how much I loved her, and then, as the needle went in, she gave my one last sorrowful heartbroken stare and suddenly she just went limp in my arms and was gone. She was only two and a half years old.
We brought her body home wrapped in a blanket and arranged for the crematorium. We had to keep her in the fridge for a couple of days before she could be taken there due to them being booked up, but for me there was some comfort in having her body at home. I could still visit her every now and again to stroke her forehead. It was the hardest thing of all to leave her at the crematorium. I knew when I returned to pick her up in the afternoon she'd be a little wooden box of ashes. Now she sits at my side in the lounge in the evening, and at night she sits on my bedside table, always within stroking distance, and I know I feel some comfort in having her 'still with me', but since that day my life has felt like a nightmare I can't wake up from. I keep hoping I'll suddenly sit up in bed with a different feeling inside, like I've had a very disturbing dream, and race downstairs to find my baby at the door of her hutch wanting a cuddle, but I know it'll never happen. I feel like the rest of my life is a black tunnel stretching a long way into the future, with a tiny pinprick of light at the far end - that being when I too become 'transformed', and am sat beside her. Everything I am normally interested in has become shallow and fails now to stimulate. I seem to trudge through each day as if ticking off the weeks of a long prison sentence. All I can do is hope her spirit is still with me. We have had a number of funny things happen since she died that definitely had a rabbit signature to them but I'm not sure this is the place for such talk. I never used to believe in anything following death until two of my wife's cats died within a fortnight of each other three years ago. The amount of times they've been seen since, or I've felt a cat rubbing against my feet only to look down and see nothing... well, let's just say once or twice recently I've had a bunny nose dob me hard on the ankle as if asking for attention, but there was nothing there!

I am so sorry to hear about your Peter. What you are going through is very normal. You lost something very precious in your life. I lost my dog Snoops at the beginning of this month so I think I know some of what you are feeling. It's hard for people who do not have pets to understand what you are going through but know that you are not alone. My heart goes out to you ...

I am so very sorry about your loss. The bond you had with your bunny was a very special one. A lot of people do not realize how long bunnies can live and how they are every bit as important as dogs and cats are. From your post, it certainly sounds as though she had a very happy life.

I lost my dog Andy in April and my dog Nellie on October 1st. I still am sad over Andy's death. Losing a pet is like losing a child, because they give you such complete and unconditional love. I am glad you found this place. I just recently discovered it too and the people here are so understanding and supportive!

You are absolutely right about them still being around. After Andy was gone, I often would hear him snoring. When it first happened, I ran around the house like crazy looking for him. Yesterday I had my first experience with Nellie being around. I was sitting outside on my favorite wooden bench and I felt her jump up beside me. At first, I didn't think anything of it, until I reached down to pet her and remembered she was dead. I looked down and the bench was empty. The pets that have passed come around to let us know that they are always with us and that they love us.

I will keep you and your sweet girl in my prayers.

Thanks guys!!! Yesterday was hard because I had to drive past the vets on the way to work. Seven weeks ago I was there at the same time in the morning, my bunny looking apprehensive about what else was going to be done to her. I really wish now we'd had her put to sleep at home where she loved to be. I almost certain that all our babies have hung around since they died. When we came back from Canada there was an awful lot of banging around and paper rustling going on in places where none of the other pets were. I'm sure all your babies are close to you too.

Ian and I had a wonderful experience a few weeks ago.
Ian was sitting on the floor looking at me on the settee, I saw one of those shadows out of the corner of my eye, you know the ones we always dismiss by saying our eyes are playing tricks on us.
But this time Ian looked in the same direction id seen the shadow, like hed seen something too.
I asked him what did you see, ‘nothing’ he said.
So I asked again and again he said nothing so I said ‘you saw something at the same time I did what did you see’ –
‘It wasn’t them he sadi their dead’!

This is more than six months after loosing our dogs Jude and Sadie , actually it makes me wonder if it was Sadie we saw as twice while typing this I have typed sadie instead of said, something I did quite a lot after loosing them.
When they first went we had the lights flickering, noises and even felt fur brush past my legs. If you want to say about your experiences here I for one will be listening.

I had a rabbit called Ringo many moons ago and had to have him put to sleep as his back legs went, we kept trying but in the end he was dragging them around behind him so ……..

I totally believe that our animals stay with us. Since Oscar died, a few weird things have happened. On the night he died, my Mum was walking my dog and on the way back she said that she saw a cat identical sitting in the middle of the road. She was convinced that I had brought him back home, that's how alike he looked. Was he saying goodbye to her? I have heard stories of a similar nature before.
My Mum also came to visit me today for the first time after Oscar passed. I swear, as we were sitting there, I saw a black shape go past, so much so that I looked. It could be the shadows but who knows!?
My other cat, Amber, who loved Oscar so much, has taken to sitting on his grave. She sits there quite a lot and did the same when my dog died three years ago. Why do you think this is? I'd love to know what you think? Maybe she can see things that we can't? They say animals have a sixth sense!
My Mum experienced similar things to SJ Jand S when my dog died. He was thirteen and we all just adored him, of course. She said that she would feel fur brushing past her legs and see things. Who are we to say what happens to these lovely creatures when they leave this world??

starahelm,
Your story about Peter brought tears to my eyes. It
sounds like you two were inseparable. And even though I am
not the religious type, I would have to agree that those signs
would have to be from her.
What do they mean? They mean "daddy, I'm fine now, I love you and thank you."
It is unfortunate, that our family and friends do not always
understand the pain we are going through when we lose our beloved fur children.

We have all been in your black hole.
What has helped me to move on (not to forget, you will never forget her)
is to keep journals. Write down how you feel, &%^yze your feelings,
try to come to some solution to the problems in your life.
My family has not been very understanding at all times, usually at the lowest times.
So I decided that the only one who could help me is me.
And honestly, within the last 3 weeks, I've been set free from my pain.
Just an idea. I hope someday you can find peace with Pete's departure.
Good luck.

A Jonsdotter

Thankyou to everyone for your kind comments. These are the kind of words you dare not say in public for fear of ridicule, and I think that says that the human race still has a long way to go. I'm sure just as with my Pete all your pets are hanging around watching over you. It doesn't stop the yearning to be able to kiss and hold them again, and I'm sure they're all craving just as much for those special moments in the day, but it definitely lifts your own spirit when something happens that you just can't explain away scientifically.

There was an evening about two years ago, when I went into our kitchen to look at the back window and try to see who was making a lot of noise on the street - there was some kind of argument going on. Because I didn't want to be seen I switched the light off, but found suddenly that it had gone too dark and I couldn't see anything at all. As I started fumbling for the light switch I felt a cat brushing back and forth against my ankles while softly purring. I thought it was my cat Bubbles and I started talking to her, saying I'd give her a stroke as soon as I found the switch. The very second I switched the light on the brushing stopped and I was instantly alone in the room. Judging by the type of fur I felt it must've been my wife's old cat Delamar, who died in December 2000. When I opened the kitchen door to go back to the lounge Bubbles was in there looking at me very in a very odd fashion as if to say 'who were you talking to using my name?'
This is just one of those instances when I could not find any kind of explanation other than it being what I thought it was.

Starhelm,

I read your post and cried again, as I so often do as I read others' posts. I am so deeply sorry for your loss of Pete. It sounds like she was a soulmate bunny, and its just going to take a lot of time to get over the loss.

You said there are 100s of reminders everywhere. That can be a good or a bad thing. I put Saki and Freyja's stuff away soon after they passed. It was too much. But I have done a lot to memorialize them and that helps-- photo albums, special places like gardens or memory boxes, bricks, website memorials, all that stuff helps -- somehow it is comforting like Pete's urn.

I wish I'd experienced more "weird" things, more visits. But I guess I also do not cling to the ones I've had. Once, I heard her crying. I didn't listen at first bc she was always telling some sort of story, and so it was-- just one of those noises you get used to. Then I remembered that she had passed and began searching for her. (That statement makes no normal sense, but you know what I mean). Soon as I started looking though, it stopped. Another night, I could feel the weight on her on my chest as I slept -- this was a common position for us. But then when I woke, she wasn't there....

It just takes time. Freyja died May 28 2003, and Saki June 19.... I think they are well and happy now and do not visit me much bc they are having so much fun where they are....

Yes, when Pete first died we seemed to be getting 'visitations' almost every two or three days, and then again when we came back from our holiday there was a lot of noise in the house and my wife swore she saw her hop around the door into one of our bedrooms (a room she was always trying to get into because the door was often closed when she was alive), but there has been little over the last three weeks, bar from every night I have a strange feeling that there is something down beside my bed.
With my wife's cats, however, it seems the opposite. When they both died within a fortnight of each other, we had no visitations for about 6 weeks. Then I saw one of them running into the bathroom and walking behind the door. When I went to check there was nothing there. About two weeks later I heard some banging downstairs. I went to check and the lounge door was closed. I thought a cat must have got trapped in so I opened the door, and a sort of wispy streaky black cloud about the size of the black cat we'd lost seemed to shoot past my ankle and off towards the stairs before disappearing completely. I even felt my ankle go icy cold. We didn't get another visitation for about a year after that. When the next one came we were in bed but I couldn't sleep so I was just lying there thinking. I then heard what sounded like a cat padding up the stairs and into our bedroom. The noise seemed to come around the bed to my side. Then I had this feeling like something was staring hard into the back of my head from the edge of the bed. I lay there feeling a bit nervous about it and trying to listen intently. Then I suddenly started feeling a series of very strong jabs against my back. I nearly jumped out of my skin and rolled around and sat up, waking my wife. I told her and we went to check the house but all the cats were shut in the kitchen with the catflap unlocked. My wife claimed that her older cat 'Caramon' used to do that exact same thing to her all the time, because he wanted her to move over so he could jump on the bed and settle in a pre-warmed area. I'd never experienced it but then we had decided to swap sides of the bed two month's before. I always look back on this when I start doubting whether the spirits of my loved ones are still around.
It was about six months after this that I had the younger of the two rubbing up against my ankles in the kitchen, but we have not had a visitation from any of the cats since.

Sounds to me like you are very receptive, have you ever had a medium reading?

When Jude was ill and keeping me up all night I saw reflections in the windows at night one was a pair of feet to the side of me and as I looked the feet stepped into my shadow.

I now believe that this was my dad helping to give me the strength to look after Jude, as he had had both his feet amputated before he died I feel this would be his way of showing me he was there, why else would a spirit show me his feet!!

I know I was tired and had little sleep in weeks but this was soo real.

Next time you see or hear anything just acknowledge them, this I have discovered is what they want, just for you to know they are still here and, dare I say it, that there is no death, just change.

Love Sue

It's 2 months on Tuesday (14th October) since little Pete died. It is still very hard to cope, but this group has been a great help to me. Before I joined I was feeling like I just wanted everything to end, but it has been great hearing from so many people who truely understand. To my wife and I our furries are our children, and to us they are far more precious than human children in that they never really grow up. They may slow down and have more rest periods but they still have that childlike quality that humans soon lose. To be stripped of their companionship is devastating, but it has put a stopper in my fear of death, for when we finally die we will be reunited with such wonderful loving spirits that it now seems like we're on a journey but the destination will be like the garden of eden.