To All; I thank god I found this site - to know that I am not alone is a source of great comfort to me. I have posted a few rambling messages - I am still on auto-pilot and can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Question is; why would I want to? She is in my heart, but I want her in my arms, NOW. I miss her crazy bad; who am I going to kiss and hug and tell all my troubles to? I don't want to live without her....I haven't had to for 15 years and can't even remember life without my sweet little stinky bum. I miss giving her really bad haircuts and then laughing insanely at how undignified she looked having the fur cut off the back of her back legs (poo would get stuck, so i had to keep it trimmed). She looked like she had been riding a horse too long when looking at her from behind. She would strut away very stiff-legged at having been subjected to another of mommy's home-haircuts. I have no one to talk to - my daughter is 17, but her grief is so personal to her, she confides in her best friend and on some level she is angry with me for having to make the decision that caused her to be permanently separated from her sister. And yes, the cat was her sister - I treated Angel like my child, my sweet adorable cuddly soft downy yummy-smelling baby. I killed my best friend - I am not only going to hell, I am in HELL.

Hi Toni,

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved Angel. She had been a huge part of your life for fifteen years and it's obvious she was very special to you. Losing our beloved pets to death is difficult enough, but it's even more difficult when we have to make the decision to end their lives.

I totally relate to how you're currently feeling. I too had to make the decision to have my beloved dog "Little Man" put to sleep. It was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do and I suppose all of us who have had to make that decision will have some doubt as to whether we did the right thing.

It's been a little over three months since I lost Little Man and things have gotten a little better for me. I don't feel the knife-like pain anymore, but that longing for what once was will forever haunt me. Our little buddies were like our children and so many people don't understand why we are so devastated when we lose them.

Please don't torture yourself Toni for doing what was right. You gave Angel the greatest life a cat could possibly have and I know she never doubted your love for her---no, not even during those last moments. Your little angel's time had come and there was nothing anyone could do to make her stay. You did the right thing by giving her the most humane death possible and although you don't understand it now, you will someday be at peace with yourself for doing what was right. Everything you did was done out of love and Angel certainly understood that. She knew her mommy would never do anything that wasn't in her best interest.

Be kind to yourself, Toni. That's what you little angel would want. I don't have the magic words to take away your pain, but please know I understand how you're feeling and I share your great sense of loss.

Please continue to come here and talk about Angel as much as you need to. We're always here to listen.

You're in my thoughts,
__Jim

Tony, Angel is so beautiful and you painted a wonderful picture of what your life was like with her. There is no doubt that you loved her with all your heart and I am so sorry she is not with you now. At least not where you can see her and touch her but she is there close by your side. Her love will stay with you throughout all eternity.
Ann