****EDITED BY MUFFINS...............11/21/2004 @ 7:15PM
My beautiful cat of 15 years, Miss Princess Angel, passed away 3 days ago. I am totally devastated and cannot function; how can I live without her?? I feel like I betrayed my best friend; I had to have her euthanized and I feel like I killed my best friend. My grief is overwhelming me - I sleep with a photo of her that I put in the exact spot she liked to sleep on my bed. I am still putting food in her bowl - I still position the closet door where her litter box is so she can get in - I cannot even bring myself to empty her litter box. I loved her so very much that I cannot see past having her put down as being a humane thing - who am I to decide if she lives or dies? Maybe she wanted to stay with me - how can I live with myself?? Please help me.
Thank you!
Toni
Full Version: My Best Friend Is Gone
Hello Toni,
I am so sorry you lost your beautiful Miss Princess Angel
She is such a beauty!
I can assure you that you have come to the right place though. Everyone here knows your pain. I too had to make that terrible decision for my sweet loving Rachael. Like you, I felt enormous guilt!!!! I kept asking myself if I did the right thing, asking the "What If..." and the "If only..." questions. In the end, I know that I did do the right thing for her. Judging from the guilt and pain I felt, I know it would have been worse if I had let her continue to suffer and live a life with NO quality, just to make me "feel better". She had cancer that couldn't be treated and eventually would have passed anyway. So, I only spared her the torture of "living" (if you could even call it that) without being happy anymore.
Many, many times it is written in here that you took on the pain and suffering so that your sweet furbaby wouldn't have to any more. That's exactly what helped to end my guilt. What you are feeling is so very normal. However, it really is an added burden for you. You already have to deal with all that pain and loss, so the guilt will only make your journey to healing longer. You MUST forgive yourself and know in your heart that Miss Princess Angel is smiling and thanking you. What you did was for LOVE only! You did nothing to hurt her.
You did a wonderful thing for her and look at how strong you became when she REALLY needed you?! I still don't know how I was able to take the car ride with my precious Rachael that would end her pain. I REALLY don't know how I was able to hold her while she took her last breath, but in the end I did it, and I did it all for her with love. You are alot stronger right now than you realize.
Grieving takes time and everybody works on their own time schedule. Do whatever feels "right" to you right now. Personally, I found myself cleaning house like I had NEVER done before after I lost Rachael. I chose to remove her dog dishes immediately because they were too painful to see. I vacuumed and then shampooed the carpets, because her fur only made me feel worse. Most people, however, need to leave them there with the toys until they feel they are ready to remove them. You are just dealing with this in the only way that feels comfortable to you right now.
Allow yourself to cry and grieve. I have also read in here many times that the tears are "healing tears", and they are SO right. When I first lost Rachael, I didn't think I could go on anymore either. My husband and I never had children, so Rachael was our "daughter". It's now been 7 weeks, and I still cry and feel pain, but it has become bearable for me now. I have recovered from the guilt, and that has freed me to start healing. I can promise you that the pain will get better with time. Just be patient and let it happen.
I have now reached the point where I can see her pictures again. I have created a memorial to her everywher now! I have one on my cubicle at work, I have a cute sticker on my back car window that has a halo over dog paws and her name, I have started decorating her grave and got her a head stone, and I have been filling a shadow box with items such as her collar and tags, baby teeth that I saved, etc... In time, you will find a direction for your pain that will help you. You'll know when you are ready.
Come here often and express your feelings. We are all here for you and everybody here cares
Cheri
I am so sorry you lost your beautiful Miss Princess Angel
She is such a beauty!
I can assure you that you have come to the right place though. Everyone here knows your pain. I too had to make that terrible decision for my sweet loving Rachael. Like you, I felt enormous guilt!!!! I kept asking myself if I did the right thing, asking the "What If..." and the "If only..." questions. In the end, I know that I did do the right thing for her. Judging from the guilt and pain I felt, I know it would have been worse if I had let her continue to suffer and live a life with NO quality, just to make me "feel better". She had cancer that couldn't be treated and eventually would have passed anyway. So, I only spared her the torture of "living" (if you could even call it that) without being happy anymore.
Many, many times it is written in here that you took on the pain and suffering so that your sweet furbaby wouldn't have to any more. That's exactly what helped to end my guilt. What you are feeling is so very normal. However, it really is an added burden for you. You already have to deal with all that pain and loss, so the guilt will only make your journey to healing longer. You MUST forgive yourself and know in your heart that Miss Princess Angel is smiling and thanking you. What you did was for LOVE only! You did nothing to hurt her.
You did a wonderful thing for her and look at how strong you became when she REALLY needed you?! I still don't know how I was able to take the car ride with my precious Rachael that would end her pain. I REALLY don't know how I was able to hold her while she took her last breath, but in the end I did it, and I did it all for her with love. You are alot stronger right now than you realize.
Grieving takes time and everybody works on their own time schedule. Do whatever feels "right" to you right now. Personally, I found myself cleaning house like I had NEVER done before after I lost Rachael. I chose to remove her dog dishes immediately because they were too painful to see. I vacuumed and then shampooed the carpets, because her fur only made me feel worse. Most people, however, need to leave them there with the toys until they feel they are ready to remove them. You are just dealing with this in the only way that feels comfortable to you right now.
Allow yourself to cry and grieve. I have also read in here many times that the tears are "healing tears", and they are SO right. When I first lost Rachael, I didn't think I could go on anymore either. My husband and I never had children, so Rachael was our "daughter". It's now been 7 weeks, and I still cry and feel pain, but it has become bearable for me now. I have recovered from the guilt, and that has freed me to start healing. I can promise you that the pain will get better with time. Just be patient and let it happen.
I have now reached the point where I can see her pictures again. I have created a memorial to her everywher now! I have one on my cubicle at work, I have a cute sticker on my back car window that has a halo over dog paws and her name, I have started decorating her grave and got her a head stone, and I have been filling a shadow box with items such as her collar and tags, baby teeth that I saved, etc... In time, you will find a direction for your pain that will help you. You'll know when you are ready.
Come here often and express your feelings. We are all here for you and everybody here cares
Cheri
Shes adorable,
Im so sorry for your pain.
We have all found that posting our stories on Death & Dying Support has helped us through the worst of the pain, just knowing that you are not alone and more important that the feelings you are feeling are normal.
Cry lots of tears they are very healing releasing a lot of the pain and when it comes the anger too.
Lots of love to you
Sue
Im so sorry for your pain.
We have all found that posting our stories on Death & Dying Support has helped us through the worst of the pain, just knowing that you are not alone and more important that the feelings you are feeling are normal.
Cry lots of tears they are very healing releasing a lot of the pain and when it comes the anger too.
Lots of love to you
Sue
My precious baby cat's visage watches me as I type this - I have pix of her plastered all over my home. I think one moment her stare is accusatory - then I dare to look up at her again and I see trust in her eyes - I am her mom, surely I didn't do this heinous thing to her. But I did...I let the vet euthanize her - HOW COULD I??? She was never a talkative cat - Miss Princess Angel rarely meowed, but her expressive blue eyes spoke volumes when she gazed lovingly upon the person who would one day end her life - the person who swore to go to the ends of the earth for her - the person who spent literally every free second of life entertaining her and brushing her and planting a million sloppy kisses on that certain spot in front of her ear that tickled her. I am a very solitary person - my sweet little Lee-Lee (one of a BILLION nicknames) was my partner - my BEST friend, my confidante. She NEVER told my secrets to anyone - she NEVER talked behind my back, she NEVER thought I looked fat in those pants, she NEVER was happy to see me go, she ALWAYS knew I was approaching the front door - she ALWAYS sat there, listening for the key in the lock, and would greet me with the proper feline disdain (which was just a facade) acting like she didn't care that I had been gone. She DID care, she always missed her mommy and her sister (my daughter) and would scold me gently for leaving her alone. She always made an adorable trilling sound when she jumped on my bed - she had her spot -which was where ever I was laying. I am on the edge of an abyss; the specter of continuing a normal life without her is UNTHINKABLE. I don't sleep in my bed now - I sleep on the couch, as I can't bring myself to be comfortable and warm and safe after I consigned her to somewhere else. I don't deserve to be forgiven; I want her back - I love her so much I feel like someone is carving my heart out with a dull spoon. Fifteen years of unquestionable loyalty; undying love has died - I feel like I am frozen inside. When the pain of everyday life was too much for me, I would hug her warm soft body to me, and I could feel the pain ebb away as the perfect cadence of her breathing and purring would soothe me; I was whole again and could face my problems. Life made sense when my shmoopy was beside me; all was right with my world when baby cat was in it. What kind of world is it that allows the bright spots in life to be snuffed out? It is no comfort to me to hear that I had fifteen years - I WANTED MORE. I WANT ANOTHER FIFTEEN YEARS WITH HER. I wasn't finished showing her how very much I love her; how much I needed her in my life; how much my daughter needed her; how integral she was in the fabric of our lives. I wasn't finished taking a bajillion pictures of her every movement; I wasn't finished boring everyone within one thousand miles of stories of "How cute Angel was this morning", or "She did the most wonderful thing today - she walked by herself into another room!!" Anything she did was remarkable, magical, adorable because she was MY BABY CAT - my ANGEL.
Dear Toni:
Hi! Inasmuch as I am always very, very sad when a new person has had to find their way to a Pet Grief site, how happy
I am that you were led here, to us.........to, Lightning-Strike.
We all understand how you are feeling..........the pain, the numbness, the auto-pilot mode, the rambling of words that
you "might think" do not make sense.......the hard time you are having getting through the day....the huge, "big job" that taking a shower might be....
You have come to the right place Toni.......And we all love and care about you!!!
First, your sweet Miss Precious Angel , WOW............she was a beauty......... And, SHE WILL ALWAYS REMAIN
THAT BEAUTIFUL SWEET GIRL, in your memories.......
Memories that you have of her, that will NEVER, EVER BE TAKEN AWAY!!!!
You did not "kill" your sweet girl.....
As Cheri said, "
After my sweet girl Ernestine was put to sleep on February 7, 2004 at noon-time..........I came here, to LS.... Just
like you.........
I didn't know what else to do with myself....
After my husband went to bed, I was alone here with my thoughts.....
And.........a very wise and wonderful person said those exact words to me, that Cheri quoted......
I love that she shared those very, very special words with you....
Because, those words were THE ONLY THING IN THIS WORLD THAT MADE SENSE TO ME!!!!!
My sweet Ernestine wasn't in pain anymore......... And, she suffered sooooooo very, very much!!!!!
No more violent retching......no more burning esophagus......
Though making that decision to have her put to sleep was THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER HAD TO DO......
It was MY GIFT TO HER
AND, I WOULD DO IT AGAIN 1 MILLION TIMES OVER.......SO THAT SHE NEVER, EVER WOULD HAVE TO SUFFER!!!!
Your darling Miss Princess Angel are up at Rainbow's Bridge, with my Ernie-Bird, and they are with all of our
sweet furkids, (and, all of God's precious animals), that have passed on....
Our sweet babies are among wonderful company!!!!
It took awhile for Ben and I to take up Ernie's bowls..... She also had two favorite toys; they were both Beanie
Babies-------one was a Lemur, and the other a Lion.........
I slept with both of them for quite sometime.....
Please, Toni...........I hope that you will stay here at LS..........
What helped me was to pick someone's name, and follow their journey's on HOW THEY GOT ALONG WITH LOSING
THEIR VERY PRECIOUS FURKIDS......
That helped me sooooo much!!!!!
I did that with sooooo many members here........
Read "our journeys/our stories"........And, always, share your stories, your pain, your tears with us......
Trust me, there will always be someone here to comfort you.....
God Bless you and your family......
Love, Denise
Hi! Inasmuch as I am always very, very sad when a new person has had to find their way to a Pet Grief site, how happy
I am that you were led here, to us.........to, Lightning-Strike.
We all understand how you are feeling..........the pain, the numbness, the auto-pilot mode, the rambling of words that
you "might think" do not make sense.......the hard time you are having getting through the day....the huge, "big job" that taking a shower might be....
You have come to the right place Toni.......And we all love and care about you!!!
First, your sweet Miss Precious Angel
, WOW............she was a beauty......... And, SHE WILL ALWAYS REMAINTHAT BEAUTIFUL SWEET GIRL, in your memories.......
Memories that you have of her, that will NEVER, EVER BE TAKEN AWAY!!!!
You did not "kill" your sweet girl.....
As Cheri said, "
QUOTE
Many, many times it is written in here that you took on the pain and suffering so that your
sweet furbaby didn't have to, anymore. That's exactly what helped to end my guilt...
sweet furbaby didn't have to, anymore. That's exactly what helped to end my guilt...
After my sweet girl Ernestine was put to sleep on February 7, 2004 at noon-time..........I came here, to LS.... Just
like you.........
I didn't know what else to do with myself....
After my husband went to bed, I was alone here with my thoughts.....
And.........a very wise and wonderful person said those exact words to me, that Cheri quoted......
I love that she shared those very, very special words with you....
Because, those words were THE ONLY THING IN THIS WORLD THAT MADE SENSE TO ME!!!!!
My sweet Ernestine wasn't in pain anymore......... And, she suffered sooooooo very, very much!!!!!
No more violent retching......no more burning esophagus......
Though making that decision to have her put to sleep was THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER HAD TO DO......
It was MY GIFT TO HER
AND, I WOULD DO IT AGAIN 1 MILLION TIMES OVER.......SO THAT SHE NEVER, EVER WOULD HAVE TO SUFFER!!!!
Your darling Miss Princess Angel are up at Rainbow's Bridge, with my Ernie-Bird, and they are with all of our
sweet furkids, (and, all of God's precious animals), that have passed on....
Our sweet babies are among wonderful company!!!!
It took awhile for Ben and I to take up Ernie's bowls..... She also had two favorite toys; they were both Beanie
Babies-------one was a Lemur, and the other a Lion.........
I slept with both of them for quite sometime.....
Please, Toni...........I hope that you will stay here at LS..........
What helped me was to pick someone's name, and follow their journey's on HOW THEY GOT ALONG WITH LOSING
THEIR VERY PRECIOUS FURKIDS......
That helped me sooooo much!!!!!
I did that with sooooo many members here........
Read "our journeys/our stories"........And, always, share your stories, your pain, your tears with us......
Trust me, there will always be someone here to comfort you.....
God Bless you and your family......
Love, Denise
QUOTE (Toni @ Nov 21 2004, 09:55 PM)
. But I did...I let the vet euthanize her - HOW COULD I???
Because you loved her and your heart said it was time.
I know that now that is hard to accept but we all go into a kind of auto mode as if someelse has taken us over and we just go ahead in a fog.
What you did you did from love and taking her pain for yourself is the most selfless act that you could ever have done for her, she will always love you for that.
I know that 15 years was no way long enougth for you, but think, just maybe it was way long enough for her, she had learned her lesson she was pure and perfect and got a human to love her unconditionaly - i would say she learned her lesson well and is collecting her medals as we speak.
And feathering her nest for the time her unfur baby comes home too.
Denise - thank you - and thank you darling Ernestine for making friends with Princess Angel, her first new friend up there. I want to go there and be with her; tell her I didn't want her to leave me, that I am sorry she got sick and was gone within 2 days of her diagnosis; but how??? The pic of her I posted was taken THREE days before she dies - how could that be??? She looked like she was ready for another 15 years of sloppy kisses and bad home-haircuts; I have been crying so much my nose and lips are chapped and peeling from the salt of my tears. They would fill an ocean, yet not come close to dissolving my guilt in this, this THING that happened - my sweet baby-girl is gone, and I am alone now, so alone. I don't want to go on, I don't know that I can, but knowing Ernie-Bird will accompany Angel-Lee on her voyage without me, her first without her loving mommy at her side, does help. I had so MANY kisses still to bestow on her; so many hours to spend tickling the toe-pads on her hind legs; chin scratches to be had and how that spot in front of her ears smelled - I loved it so. Why did this happen? How could I have let it happen? I look outside and people are going about their lives; how dare they? Stop the world, my cat is gone, I want to scream. I am screaming, but inside my head, and no one hears me. The panic that maybe I should have explored other treatment options - maybe the internal bleeding hadn't been unfixable - enlarged heart? Yes, her heart was enlarged, but only because I filled it up with all the love I had to give and know have no one to give it to. When she left, she took my heart and soul and now I live in the dark, alone.
Dear Toni:
Please, please know that your sweet, precious Miss Princess Angel, at the exact time of her passing...........was placed
IMMEDIATELY & LOVINGLY into the arms of the Loving Patron Saint of Animals....St. Francis....
There is no safer place for our babies to be, Toni!!!
All of our sweet Angel Babies in Heaven..............they will teach your sweet Angel "how to fly"...... I know that Miss
Princess Angel has received her WINGS IN HEAVEN, BY NOW.....
If you haven't already, Toni..............please, look into the website "Rainbow's Bridge"....
I think that it's www.rainbow's bridge.com.
Yes.......it is a wonderful site.......but, it does show where our babies go, once they leave earth......
Kathy, (LittleGirl'sMommy), explains it best.........she'll be here........but, she said that "when our sweet babies leave
Earth................they are in perfect and utter bliss"........
And..........after we have lived a LONG AND HAPPY LIFE............LIKE OUR FURKIDS WOULD WANT......
IT WILL ONLY SEEM LIKE TWO DAYS HAVE PASSED, BEFORE WE ARE RE-UNITED WITH OUR KIDS AT RAINBOW'S BRIDGE....
TO WALK INTO ETERNITY FOREVER............
So, please.............Toni........do exactly what you are doing, right now...........
Stay on this board......Read, post, PM and e-mail people.....
We are all here for you, my new friend....
God Bless you and Yours..........
Love, Denise
Please, please know that your sweet, precious Miss Princess Angel, at the exact time of her passing...........was placed
IMMEDIATELY & LOVINGLY into the arms of the Loving Patron Saint of Animals....St. Francis....
There is no safer place for our babies to be, Toni!!!
All of our sweet Angel Babies in Heaven..............they will teach your sweet Angel "how to fly"...... I know that Miss
Princess Angel has received her WINGS IN HEAVEN, BY NOW.....
If you haven't already, Toni..............please, look into the website "Rainbow's Bridge"....
I think that it's www.rainbow's bridge.com.
Yes.......it is a wonderful site.......but, it does show where our babies go, once they leave earth......
Kathy, (LittleGirl'sMommy), explains it best.........she'll be here........but, she said that "when our sweet babies leave
Earth................they are in perfect and utter bliss"........
And..........after we have lived a LONG AND HAPPY LIFE............LIKE OUR FURKIDS WOULD WANT......
IT WILL ONLY SEEM LIKE TWO DAYS HAVE PASSED, BEFORE WE ARE RE-UNITED WITH OUR KIDS AT RAINBOW'S BRIDGE....
TO WALK INTO ETERNITY FOREVER............
So, please.............Toni........do exactly what you are doing, right now...........
Stay on this board......Read, post, PM and e-mail people.....
We are all here for you, my new friend....
God Bless you and Yours..........
Love, Denise
Denise - thank you seems so inadequate....your reply made me cry for an hour as I read it again, and again, but the thought of Angel having wings is warm and fuzzy, like her pink jelly-belly I so loved to kiss...guess I named her right. She has new friends on the Bridge, and I live for the day I can hold her warm body next to mine - my arms are so empty and time looms ahead of me without an end in sight, but I guess all in due time, right? Ernie helps her, I am sure of it, her first new friend up there, right? Baby-Cat was never particular regarding other animals when she was Earth-bound, but now is different; mom is not up there, so she will adapt to her new environment by making pals; please God hear me, hear my words, hear my cries at night - take care of her for me, God, I loved her so..........I need for someone to help me dry the ocean of tears I cry every minute of the day and hour of the night. I dare to say this only here - is God really hearing me anymore?
Hi Toni:
Yes, God is still hearing you, Toni......
And, please, try and believe me when I tell you that MY BELIEF is that at the momemt that our "children" have gone
to Heaven...........that they are put straight into the arms of St. Francis....
To me, there's no more comforting thought.......
And, then, they all go to a place called "Rainbow's Bridge", where IT'S ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL.........
Lots of grassy meadows for our babies to run free in (no more pain/no suffering).......... Kitties, dogs, birds, squirrels,
ponds with lil' fishes, etc., etc.............
And, there are so many beautiful flowers, trees..........
I often think that Ernie (who was always an indoor cat), runs free with everyone's babies, .......
To see who can "catch" a butterfly on their nose, first....
That thought is precious to me!!!
YES............YOU DID NAME YOUR SWEET GIRL PERFECTLY...........ANGEL.....
She now has fluffy white Wings now, that go along with her name....
God DOES HEAR YOU, TONI.............
Do you know that beautiful poem, "Footprints in the Sand"?????
At times in our lives, God walks beside us, showing "four footprints in the sand".............
*****but*****
When life seems too difficult, and you cannot seem to get up, and get through the day.............
There is only ONE SET OF FOOTPRINTS........
And, that's when God is carrying you..
God will always and forever be with you........
It is still soooooooooooooooo early for you, Toni.....
I remember crying all the time after Ernestine was put to sleep......... Every minute, every hour of every day....
The pain, soooooo overwhelming.
I had a massive migraine, my heart hurt because it was broken into a million pieces..........I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep,
didn't care if I ever showered again..........
I just didn't care..........
Then, after being here at LS for awhile........
Sometimes, I would think of something adorable that Ernie-Bird used to do.....AND.............
The corners of my mouth be "turn upwards"............
My God..........."Was that about to be a smile"??????
Shortly after that, I could laugh again.........
It felt weird to "laugh", but, I then felt that my sweet Ernestine was happy!!!
Ernestine, like MOST ALL OF OUR FUR-KIDS absolutely hated it more than anything, when mom was sad & upset!
Our furbabies DON'T WANT US TO BE SAD...........
Your sweet girl, she wants her mommy and sister to be happy.......
Really, she does....
And.............always remember............
Your sweet Angel is always right next to you.........
She hasn't gone far.....
You can't "touch her" right now.........but, she RESIDES IN YOUR HEART AND SOUL!!!!!!
There are soooooooooo many wonderful people here who have helped me....Both old and new.....
And, even though your pain is sooooooo great right now.....
Do you see what you are doing????
YOU ARE HELPING OTHERS TO DEAL WITH THEIR PAIN........
WHAT A GIFT YOU ARE TO OTHERS, TONI!!!!
God Bless You and your family....
Love, Denise, Ben, Ms. Lucy & Mr. Yoster
Yes, God is still hearing you, Toni......
And, please, try and believe me when I tell you that MY BELIEF is that at the momemt that our "children" have gone
to Heaven...........that they are put straight into the arms of St. Francis....
To me, there's no more comforting thought.......
And, then, they all go to a place called "Rainbow's Bridge", where IT'S ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL.........
Lots of grassy meadows for our babies to run free in (no more pain/no suffering).......... Kitties, dogs, birds, squirrels,
ponds with lil' fishes, etc., etc.............
And, there are so many beautiful flowers, trees..........
I often think that Ernie (who was always an indoor cat), runs free with everyone's babies, .......
To see who can "catch" a butterfly on their nose, first....
That thought is precious to me!!!
YES............YOU DID NAME YOUR SWEET GIRL PERFECTLY...........ANGEL.....
She now has fluffy white Wings now, that go along with her name....
God DOES HEAR YOU, TONI.............
Do you know that beautiful poem, "Footprints in the Sand"?????
At times in our lives, God walks beside us, showing "four footprints in the sand".............
*****but*****
When life seems too difficult, and you cannot seem to get up, and get through the day.............
There is only ONE SET OF FOOTPRINTS........
And, that's when God is carrying you..
God will always and forever be with you........
It is still soooooooooooooooo early for you, Toni.....
I remember crying all the time after Ernestine was put to sleep......... Every minute, every hour of every day....
The pain, soooooo overwhelming.
I had a massive migraine, my heart hurt because it was broken into a million pieces..........I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep,
didn't care if I ever showered again..........
I just didn't care..........
Then, after being here at LS for awhile........
Sometimes, I would think of something adorable that Ernie-Bird used to do.....AND.............
The corners of my mouth be "turn upwards"............
My God..........."Was that about to be a smile"??????
Shortly after that, I could laugh again.........
It felt weird to "laugh", but, I then felt that my sweet Ernestine was happy!!!
Ernestine, like MOST ALL OF OUR FUR-KIDS absolutely hated it more than anything, when mom was sad & upset!
Our furbabies DON'T WANT US TO BE SAD...........
Your sweet girl, she wants her mommy and sister to be happy.......
Really, she does....
And.............always remember............
Your sweet Angel is always right next to you.........
She hasn't gone far.....
You can't "touch her" right now.........but, she RESIDES IN YOUR HEART AND SOUL!!!!!!
There are soooooooooo many wonderful people here who have helped me....Both old and new.....
And, even though your pain is sooooooo great right now.....
Do you see what you are doing????
YOU ARE HELPING OTHERS TO DEAL WITH THEIR PAIN........
WHAT A GIFT YOU ARE TO OTHERS, TONI!!!!
God Bless You and your family....
Love, Denise, Ben, Ms. Lucy & Mr. Yoster
Denise and family:
You are all a God-send to me, really. And it does make me happy (?) to believe Ernestine and Angel are checking out shrubbery together; Angel is most likely showing off her catnip mouse to Ernie; she decapitated it shortly after I bought it and often carried the head in her mouth and made soft trilling sounds to it, as if it were a baby. To my everlasting regret I had her fixed 10 years ago; another "if only" that is rearing its ugly head. Her offspring would be worth it all, but there are none. She was in the SPCA when I found her; someone had THROWN her from their car, and she was brought there. Such a gentle cat - she never held it against us that her previous family ARE S%% - she was the second cat I brought home as I one I adopted the previous day had died overnight and I returned to the SPCA to bring the body back, they offered me another cat instead of refund - and that is when I saw HER - on the top of the cat-tree; haughty demeanour, nose held high; she obviously felt she had risen above her station!!!! She owned my heart from that moment on, and while I feel bad the original cat I adopted passed after only one night with me (distemper) I cannot but think that FATE intervened on that day long ago - maybe God knew what a troubled abused life was in store for me back then and sent her to me for future comfort. If I don't hold onto that, my life will continue to come apart at the seams. She always had a royal, ladylike air about her; I treated my liege accordingly...I carried her room to room on her pillow so as not to sully her paws on mere Earth; brought her food and water bowls TO HER when she flicked her tail at me (her signal that she was in need) and to most people I was a looney toon, spoiling my baby so ridiculously that they couldn't relate. I talked her thru many tramautic events in a cat's life - where is my catnip mouse-head? The 3 seconds that she couldn't find it must have been stressful for her (!)....we needed major therapy to get thru those 3 seconds, ya know -you get the idea - I really went overboard spoiling her. Where is all that stuff going to go now??
You are all a God-send to me, really. And it does make me happy (?) to believe Ernestine and Angel are checking out shrubbery together; Angel is most likely showing off her catnip mouse to Ernie; she decapitated it shortly after I bought it and often carried the head in her mouth and made soft trilling sounds to it, as if it were a baby. To my everlasting regret I had her fixed 10 years ago; another "if only" that is rearing its ugly head. Her offspring would be worth it all, but there are none. She was in the SPCA when I found her; someone had THROWN her from their car, and she was brought there. Such a gentle cat - she never held it against us that her previous family ARE S%% - she was the second cat I brought home as I one I adopted the previous day had died overnight and I returned to the SPCA to bring the body back, they offered me another cat instead of refund - and that is when I saw HER - on the top of the cat-tree; haughty demeanour, nose held high; she obviously felt she had risen above her station!!!! She owned my heart from that moment on, and while I feel bad the original cat I adopted passed after only one night with me (distemper) I cannot but think that FATE intervened on that day long ago - maybe God knew what a troubled abused life was in store for me back then and sent her to me for future comfort. If I don't hold onto that, my life will continue to come apart at the seams. She always had a royal, ladylike air about her; I treated my liege accordingly...I carried her room to room on her pillow so as not to sully her paws on mere Earth; brought her food and water bowls TO HER when she flicked her tail at me (her signal that she was in need) and to most people I was a looney toon, spoiling my baby so ridiculously that they couldn't relate. I talked her thru many tramautic events in a cat's life - where is my catnip mouse-head? The 3 seconds that she couldn't find it must have been stressful for her (!)....we needed major therapy to get thru those 3 seconds, ya know -you get the idea - I really went overboard spoiling her. Where is all that stuff going to go now??
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