Our cat was killed by a car on Friday night, September 26. Wehave had her for 11 years. We got her one year after my husband and I met. We always said she was our "Test Baby", meaning if we could look after her, we would be good parents to real children. She had a special attitude and was very protective of us and our children ages 4 and 7. Cleo was her name. We buried her in our back yard the same night, and she was still warm....I am taking it pretty hard. It is so strange in our house without her. Its got an empty feeling. I never expected her death to be this difficult. I hear her at night "meowing", walking up and down the stairs, "pawing" at the door, etc.
I know we will get another kitty, but I don't know how long we should wait. I'm afraid if it is too soon we will be doing Cleo a disgrace. But it just feels so lonely here. I have cried and cried, mornings and nights are the hardest time.
Cleo we love you now and always. May you roam free and be eternally happy forever.

It would be so nice if there were an answer to your question: 1 month, 1 year, 5 years... but there is no such answer... I would suggest waiting as long as you can... wait until AFTER you learn how to stand how empty the house feels... That might be the key and of course, its going to take different people different amounts of time to get there. When you no longer notice the house is empty, then you are probably ready to fill it up again.

It's just different for different people. We got a new dog 2 months after our Freyja passed, and I think for my husband that was long enough, but I think I could've waited. Even for Tim it is hard -- he calls Hathor (our new pup) "Freyja" accidentally and is a mother hen to her -- I think he'd be less like that if he had recovered more...

Anyway, I am sorry for your loss of Cleo. She was your first child, and I know the loss is devastating.

Love,
Jennifer

I'm so sorry for your loss ... I understand exactly how you are feeling with the "empty" house. We had to let go of our dog (who we had for over 16 years) at the beginning of September ... I know very clearly the empty house feeling ... the constant hearing of their little feet and the jiggling of their tags (even though you know they aren't there).

As Jennifer said there is no answer to your question ... we (my husband and I) ended up getting a new puppy a week later ... he just couldn't take the silence. That was probably a too soon for me and I did have issues for a day or so over whether this was right for Snoopy (he was the one we had to let go). While the new one did fill up that empty space in the house what I discovered is that she did not and still does not fill up the empty place inside me ... that will take time. Nor did her presence in the house keep me from missing my little man and crying over the fact that he was no longer here. What it did do was give me a reason to come home ... I don't regret the decision ... she has been a joy and she has helped me to realize just how much I need to have an animal in my house. I don't think getting her so soon was a disservice to Snoops but that is as Jennifer stated a very personal decision.

Only you in your heart will really know when it is time ... left on my own I probably would have waited a few months but that is me ... my husband had a different time table and I was able to make the transition but as I said before ... I still cry every day and its been almost a month now ... heck I'm crying as I type this.

I do want to tell you how sorry I am for your loss ... when you feel yourself getting really sad try and remember some of the funny things your cat did ... that might help you through some of the rougher moments ... that was a piece of advice that was given to me and although I did cry and did help me through some really rough moments.

hugs,
Beth

I am very sorry that you lost Cleo. When I lost my guys I waited a full 5 months because I was leaving on a trip to Europe. But the "emptiness" of the house was horrible.

Getting a new cat soon would NOT be a disservice to Cleo's memory - you LOVED her and called her your "test baby". THAT is an amazing testament to the love you had for her.

So... my advice is that you get a new baby when YOU feel you WANT one. You sound ready to me. Sometimes it only takes a few days, sometimes it takes years - sometimes the only way to heal a broken heart is to find it someone new to love.

Just remember that a new kitty will be NOTHING like Cleo. They may have some of the same habits, but they will be their own little being, with their own personality - and a kitten is hard work. Harder than you can probably remember it being. A kitten will exhaust you and wear you down - all the while making you laugh and cry and wish Cleo was still with you. My new kitty Oscar tires me out, gets me angry, makes me laugh - but he is nothing like my two "rainbow" kits who are waiting for me on the other side. He is his own cat. I didn't expect that.

Good luck - take your time finding a new baby. But when you do, take them into your home immediately. I imagine that kitty will be a very lucky little furbaby.

My sympathies to you for the loss of your cat, Cleo. It is so shocking when it happens so unexpectedly. We lost our boy, Rupert, a week ago today. He'd been ill over the weekend and we were sure he'd pull thru, but when the vet came back and told us what he was really suffering from (emphysema) and there was nothing they could do for him.....it was the most difficult thing we've ever had to do, putting him down, even though it was the right and most compassionate option. It really does make a hole in your life. It's the little things that have gotten to me...the empty bed, the favorite toys sitting in the same place he left them, the empty dish, the disruption of the usual routine. We have another cat, Mickey, who won't touch those things, and has been quite lonely. We play with him as much as we can, but it doesn't seem to be enough. We had Rupert for a little over 11 years, too. Talking with the wonderful folks here in this forum has helped me enormously, as well as letting the process of grief just happen.

It's true, the time to get a new pet is very personal. I feel like I'm close to being ready, missing Rupert so very much but becoming ever more certain in the knowledge that it was him time, and it is as it was meant to be, and it's ok to move forward. He will never be replaced, but would, as annakin said in an earlier reply in Remembering My Cat, have wanted us to give another kitty a loving home. However, my husband may need more time. This weekend he spent a lot of time organizing photos of our boy, and burnt some sage to clean out some of the sadness in our house. So we'll see.

As everyone said before, make sure you are truly ready to start a new relationship with another animal friend. What's right for some isn't right for others. You need to know in your heart that it's ok to get another pet, that you are in a place emotionaly where you are capable of giving that pet the same love and care that you gave your beloved Cleo.

Let your memories of all the wonderful things about Cleo fill your heart, and help it to heal. You will get thru this, never forgetting your sweet kitty, but being able to move forward. I will be thinking of you, and sending out healing energy your way.

It is weird -- Hathor has cured the "empty house" sensation. I think maybe God sent her to cure just that. She is bouncy and loud and -- well, just never quiet...

But at the same time, she does not, cannot fill that space left by Frey. She's just such a totally different dog than Frey ever was! I don't know what to do with her!!!!!!

I was somewhat surprised to learn that Tim (my husband) is still grieving. He went out to the pet memorial site the other day and I asked "Why????" and he garumphed "I dunno..." I know Hathor cannot replace Freyja in his heart either, but I guess I was somewhat surprised that he could be so enamored with Hathor and still mourn for Frey...

It's not the same for me. And it is NOT just bc I might feel guilty about loving another dog.!!!!!!! It's not guilt -- it's more like: self protection. I have to hold a part of myself back because Hathor is going to die someday, and I don't know if I can handle it again. And even though I love Hathor, and even though until I got her, I (and Tim) thought I might not ever laugh again ... I cannot help but protect myself from that sort of loss again....

I had the same feelings ... still do sometimes. When we got our two new little ones (Rosie and Basil) I kept focusing on that time when they too will go. I was having a hard time learning to love them and letting them into my heart. But, I have made a conscious effort to allow them in and what I found is that now I love them to pieces. I still cry over the loss of my Snoops (actually I cry almost every day) but in having these two for me is like a living memorial to my little boy. I find that I take lessons learned with Snoops and I don't make the same mistakes with the two new ones. I find that I treasure my time with the new puppies (something I think only loss can teach you to do) in ways that I never really did before. In my mind, loving these two brings back to life things that Snoops taught me. He gave me so much and I learned so many things from him that to me it would be a disservice not allow those lessons to benefit new animals.

I understand where you are coming from in being afraid to let Hathor inside. Someday though I hope you will be able to do this. There is such reward in loving animals and the love they give in return that it will be sad if you can never feel that again. Saki and Freya love you ... even though they aren't with you physically they are in your heart and are a part of you. They would not want you to be sad ... and someday I know you will be with them again (as I will be with my Snoops).

I vote that you get another pet. This will help with the empty house syndrome, especially if Cleo was your only pet.
As far as being too soon or disgracing Cleo, I am no authority on that, but maybe getting one soon would help you
to heal, to move on, and that I feel is honoring Cleo. You're not forgeting her, but are trying to help yourself become happy again.
I'm sure Cleo would not want you to be unhappy, but she understands that your tears and hesitation are proof of your
love for her.
I am certain you will make the best decision. And if you feel guilty about it later -it's okay. Come talk to us
about it. We've all been there, far too many times.

Good luck, hon.
A Jonsdotter

Hathor lost a tooth today. And miracle of miracles, I managed to salvage it before she swallowed it (which apprently is the norm for puppies as they lose their teeth).

I am going to save it and put it in a special box.... In some ways, I am still preparing for her eventual death and I HATE THAT.

Tim got a digital camera for his birthday and he is taking 100s of pictures of her. We both feel so badly that we didn't have more of Saki and Frey. We thought we took a lot, but after they passed, there seemed so few -- "whatdya mean we only have 50 pictures in 11-14 years?????"

But she is growing on me. As much as I want to protect myself-- she's growing on me....

i know im checking in late on this post, but it caught my eye...

i have not taken in a new pet since tribble died in '96. my wife (ex) had plenty running around,
but i never bonded with any of them. the events leading up to his death were so traumatic,
i still really dont want to deal with those feelings/events ever again. i did go through my younger
sisters death a couple of years ago though, so those feelings came back regardless.

perhaps one day.

The past few days I've been thinking about getting a new dog. Not to replace Winnie, but to provide company for my other dog Woshdee and because I know there are so many dogs out there who need love. Winnie would like it if I took another dog in just like I did her so many years ago. I've decided against it however. Woshdee is 11 now, soon to be 12 and I think he might like being the only dog in the household, my attentions to him would be undivided. Plus, I think I need a break from the extra responsibility. I was laid off from work a week before I found out Winnie had cancer. It would be rash of me to take on another dog, especially since Winnie's treatments were so expensive. I think I'll wait at least until I have another job What has been your all's experience with remaing pets and the loss of their buddies? Do they adapt well to being alone? Woshdee seems okay, a little insecure on dog walks when we meet other dogs (Winnie was his backup) and in need of a bit more attention, but otherwise okay. He hasn't been destructive or barking excessively. Can I expect that to continue or do you think he'll start to act out when he finally realizes Winnie isn't coming back?

I didn't notice much change in Electra (cat) after Freyja the dog died. I guess she was a bit more needy, but not much of a change. Saki (cat) was the same -- perhaps a bit more needy. But it turns out that Saki was already sick, so it is hard to say. When she died, only three weeks after Frey, Electra didn't handle it very well. She became extremely needy-- and was always in my lap (before that she'd go to Tim before me). The worst was the way she'd cry. She'd run all through the house looking for them, searching for them, and making these pathetic sad mournful calls to them....
Saki died at home with me, and after, I took her to the vet to be sent for cremation. A day or two later, when Electra began making those sad cries, I realized I should've let her see Saki after Saki passed. I think the "expert" opinion is that animals don't know and that to let Lec see Saki's body would've helped me, but made no difference to Lec... but there is some anecdotal evidence that it can help the pet.

Anyway, now we have puppy Hathor. And Electra hates puppy Hathor. But the funny thing is, Lec really seems to LOVE hating Hathor .Tim always jokes "Yeah, its hard to be a crabby old cat when there is no one around to be crabby with..."

Jude and Sadie it seemed to me to actually say goodbye to each other so Jude new she was about to be on her own.

They walked around the garden for an hour in the rain in December at 3 am in the morning, something they hadn’t done in years if ever, and Jude actually came and slept with Sadie, something again that had not happened since they were puppies.

Sadie died at 9am, six hours later.

I bought Jude in to see Sadie before she was taken away but she seemed totally uninterested and showed no signs of distress at all, in fact she showed no sign that Sadie was in the room. Only on one occasion she went to Sadies bed and lay on it for a couple of minutes.

Jude lived another 3 months and had no problems that I noticed, I had more problems than her, worrying about her being home alone which she had never been before.

Good luck with getting a new job, I know its hard at the moment but try to be positive it really helps.

Love Sue