Lightning-Strike Pet Loss Support Forum

anln

Nov 19 2004, 07:06 PM

Dear Jordan,
It has been six months and one day since your last breath brushed against my cheek. I still think about you every single day and miss you every single day. What I wouldn't give to kiss my spot in between your beautiful brown eyes, to hear your toenails clicking on the wood floor, to have your snoring wake me up at night, to run my hands over your velveteen ears... I miss walking through the door and seeing your "full-body wag." Sometimes at night when I feel the weight of one of the cats next to me, I pray so hard that it is you, thinking maybe that the past six months have just been a bad dream and that you're really still here. I loved so much when you would snuggle up next to me and rest your head on my pillow.
I don't dwell on your last few weeks anymore. That was all I could think about for such a long time. I know you don't want me to remember all of the pain but it was so traumatic that I think I needed to try to process it before I could remember healthier times.
I am so grateful that your daddy and I were in the room with you up until the end. I know with 100% certainty that it was the right time for you to go. I never felt guilt, only pain at losing you. Remember what I whispered over and over as the vet was helping you? I told you how lucky we were for having you in our lives, how much love you gave to us, how protected we felt because of you, how you NEVER let me feel alone or lonely, how you were my best friend, how much I was going to miss you, how you would always be my boy? Do you remember that? I wish I could say it all again to you in person. I guess this letter will have to do.
We spread your ashes by the waterfall and swimming hole that you loved to jump off of and swim in. We also spread some of you at our old house where you grew up. I saved some just in case we ever move. You'll be with me always.
Ten years wasn't nearly enough. But then again, twenty or thirty or forty also wouldn't be enough.
You saw all of the big and little moments of my adult life.
I am so happy that you are not hurting or in pain any longer. That is my greatest comfort. Please know that you are still the most loved boy in the whole world.
I love you,
Your Momma

Ann H

Nov 19 2004, 08:03 PM

What a wonderful heartbreaking letter filled with so much love. What a beautiful boy and I'm sure the joy of your life. I am in tears even as I write. I am so sorry you had to lose Jordan I feel both your pain and your love for him.
Ann

Toni

Nov 21 2004, 05:42 PM

QUOTE (anln @ Nov 19 2004, 07:06 PM)

Dear Jordan,
It has been six months and one day since your last breath brushed against my cheek. I still think about you every single day and miss you every single day. What I wouldn't give to kiss my spot in between your beautiful brown eyes, to hear your toenails clicking on the wood floor, to have your snoring wake me up at night, to run my hands over your velveteen ears... I miss walking through the door and seeing your "full-body wag." Sometimes at night when I feel the weight of one of the cats next to me, I pray so hard that it is you, thinking maybe that the past six months have just been a bad dream and that you're really still here. I loved so much when you would snuggle up next to me and rest your head on my pillow.
I don't dwell on your last few weeks anymore. That was all I could think about for such a long time. I know you don't want me to remember all of the pain but it was so traumatic that I think I needed to try to process it before I could remember healthier times.
I am so grateful that your daddy and I were in the room with you up until the end. I know with 100% certainty that it was the right time for you to go. I never felt guilt, only pain at losing you. Remember what I whispered over and over as the vet was helping you? I told you how lucky we were for having you in our lives, how much love you gave to us, how protected we felt because of you, how you NEVER let me feel alone or lonely, how you were my best friend, how much I was going to miss you, how you would always be my boy? Do you remember that? I wish I could say it all again to you in person. I guess this letter will have to do.
We spread your ashes by the waterfall and swimming hole that you loved to jump off of and swim in. We also spread some of you at our old house where you grew up. I saved some just in case we ever move. You'll be with me always.
Ten years wasn't nearly enough. But then again, twenty or thirty or forty also wouldn't be enough.
You saw all of the big and little moments of my adult life.
I am so happy that you are not hurting or in pain any longer. That is my greatest comfort. Please know that you are still the most loved boy in the whole world.
I love you,
Your Momma

Jordan could not be more beautiful!!! What a gorgeous puppy-baby!!! I just found this site last night as I sat up yet again posting all over the place, sometimes repeating myself and answering my own postings, and I know your pain. Angel has only been gone 4 days, but my life feels like its over. How do we go on? Your baby is gorgeous, I will miss Jordan for you too. My heart has been ripped out - my soul sucked out of me - I feel like i am operating a vacuum; I went to the store this morning - how dare everyone act like life goes on??? Don't they all know - MY CAT DIED? And they were buying groceries....I ran out of the store in a blind panic to my car where I sat for an hour, wondering how could this have happened........
Toni and Miss Princess Angel