I only had him for a year and 11 months but the loss of my sweet boy Helix hurts as if I've had him my entire life. I see him napping in all of his favorite spots, on my bed, by the window watching the birds, on the chair by the computer. I hear him shuffling along the floor chasing a toy, I hear the soft jingling of him eating the food out of his glass bowl. As I open the front door, I see him run up to greet me and hear him purr as I scratch under his chin.
But of course this is all in my mind.
Helix was suddenly taken from me and I don't know why. I feel as though I am being punished for something. We were happy, he was fine, and then he was snatched out of my hands and out of my life.
I blame myself for getting so attached to him. For preferring his company over the majority of humans in my life. I relied on him too much for my own happiness. I think that's what makes this so hard.
I blame myself for not being able to pay for his medical expenses. Although the blood transfusion was more than unlikely to save his life, I feel so guilty for not being able to afford to try. Did I fail him? I don't know.
I kept him as comfortable as I could in the end. He couldn't move but he found a way to curl up next to my chest for the last time, only for a few seconds, and let me hear him purr.
I tried to move him to my room so we could be together for his last hours but my presence seemed to cause him more distress. I went to sleep. I woke up. And he was gone.
I knew it was coming. I had told him how much I loved him and begged him not to fight anymore. I begged him to let go and promised him I would be okay. I begged him not to leave me on the inside.
I kissed his face and thanked him for bringing me so much joy.
I drove his body to my parents house and buried him under the bird feeder. My mom promises that she will check on him everyday and say hello for me.
I ask myself, is all of this heartache worth it? Worth the time I had with him. It hurts so much I want to say no. But it was. The time I had with him is worth every tear.
Full Version: The Silence In The Room
Hi, Heather, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. From first hand experience I can so understand how you're feeling in this painful grief adjustment journey. Indeed, the sound of silence in our homes when our beloved companions are no longer physically with us is deafening. When we embrace a companion into our hearts and home we surrender ourselves to our companions without reservation and receive in return their undivided attention, loyalty, and unconditional love. When they precede us to the angels we find ourselves having to reinvent our lives without their physical presence - - establish new routines and "new normals" which particularly during the deep grief are only constant reminders that your beloved Helix is no longer physically with you, and your heart breaks anew.
I promise you Heather it will not always be this way. And I do hope in time you will be able to find a peace in your heart that you did everything in your human and humane power to give your beloved Helix a happy and healthy earthly journey. None of know when our "time" will come to transition from this earthly realm - - for some it is sooner, for some it is a longer wait. We do not have the gift of knowing what will happen beforehand, and this is a good thing because if we did have this foreknowledge it might prevent us from embracing the gift of unconditional love of a precious soul whose only desire is to live for us - - no matter how long, or short, their earthly journey may be. Indeed, every tear you cry now is worth the eternal love bond you and your beloved Helix share - - for you to enjoy the privilege of being his sole, and soul, heir to his eternal love. Someday - - when you least expect it, you will be able to think of your beloved Helix and smile - - truly smile - - and your heart will fill with the warmth of all of your treasured memories. But until this time comes for you, Heather, please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.
I hope today is treating you kindly, Heather, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Helix's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
I promise you Heather it will not always be this way. And I do hope in time you will be able to find a peace in your heart that you did everything in your human and humane power to give your beloved Helix a happy and healthy earthly journey. None of know when our "time" will come to transition from this earthly realm - - for some it is sooner, for some it is a longer wait. We do not have the gift of knowing what will happen beforehand, and this is a good thing because if we did have this foreknowledge it might prevent us from embracing the gift of unconditional love of a precious soul whose only desire is to live for us - - no matter how long, or short, their earthly journey may be. Indeed, every tear you cry now is worth the eternal love bond you and your beloved Helix share - - for you to enjoy the privilege of being his sole, and soul, heir to his eternal love. Someday - - when you least expect it, you will be able to think of your beloved Helix and smile - - truly smile - - and your heart will fill with the warmth of all of your treasured memories. But until this time comes for you, Heather, please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.
I hope today is treating you kindly, Heather, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Helix's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Heather,
How are you doing?? I hadn't seen your story until now. I related so strongly to the pain, the emptiness, and it reminds me so much of when I lost my sweet Dolly in 2012. It happened so fast. Helix is still with you, and he is experiencing only bliss in the realm he's in. There are no time/space limitations. When it is your time you'll be fully reunited.
He wants you to be okay.
Do you have other pets?
Please let us know how you are doing. I'm sending prayers of comfort your way,
Kathy
How are you doing?? I hadn't seen your story until now. I related so strongly to the pain, the emptiness, and it reminds me so much of when I lost my sweet Dolly in 2012. It happened so fast. Helix is still with you, and he is experiencing only bliss in the realm he's in. There are no time/space limitations. When it is your time you'll be fully reunited.
He wants you to be okay.
Do you have other pets?
Please let us know how you are doing. I'm sending prayers of comfort your way,
Kathy
QUOTE (HeatherE @ Jul 13 2017, 12:23 PM) 
I only had him for a year and 11 months but the loss of my sweet boy Helix hurts as if I've had him my entire life. I see him napping in all of his favorite spots, on my bed, by the window watching the birds, on the chair by the computer. I hear him shuffling along the floor chasing a toy, I hear the soft jingling of him eating the food out of his glass bowl. As I open the front door, I see him run up to greet me and hear him purr as I scratch under his chin.
But of course this is all in my mind.
Helix was suddenly taken from me and I don't know why. I feel as though I am being punished for something. We were happy, he was fine, and then he was snatched out of my hands and out of my life.
I blame myself for getting so attached to him. For preferring his company over the majority of humans in my life. I relied on him too much for my own happiness. I think that's what makes this so hard.
I blame myself for not being able to pay for his medical expenses. Although the blood transfusion was more than unlikely to save his life, I feel so guilty for not being able to afford to try. Did I fail him? I don't know.
I kept him as comfortable as I could in the end. He couldn't move but he found a way to curl up next to my chest for the last time, only for a few seconds, and let me hear him purr.
I tried to move him to my room so we could be together for his last hours but my presence seemed to cause him more distress. I went to sleep. I woke up. And he was gone.
I knew it was coming. I had told him how much I loved him and begged him not to fight anymore. I begged him to let go and promised him I would be okay. I begged him not to leave me on the inside.
I kissed his face and thanked him for bringing me so much joy.
I drove his body to my parents house and buried him under the bird feeder. My mom promises that she will check on him everyday and say hello for me.
I ask myself, is all of this heartache worth it? Worth the time I had with him. It hurts so much I want to say no. But it was. The time I had with him is worth every tear.
But of course this is all in my mind.
Helix was suddenly taken from me and I don't know why. I feel as though I am being punished for something. We were happy, he was fine, and then he was snatched out of my hands and out of my life.
I blame myself for getting so attached to him. For preferring his company over the majority of humans in my life. I relied on him too much for my own happiness. I think that's what makes this so hard.
I blame myself for not being able to pay for his medical expenses. Although the blood transfusion was more than unlikely to save his life, I feel so guilty for not being able to afford to try. Did I fail him? I don't know.
I kept him as comfortable as I could in the end. He couldn't move but he found a way to curl up next to my chest for the last time, only for a few seconds, and let me hear him purr.
I tried to move him to my room so we could be together for his last hours but my presence seemed to cause him more distress. I went to sleep. I woke up. And he was gone.
I knew it was coming. I had told him how much I loved him and begged him not to fight anymore. I begged him to let go and promised him I would be okay. I begged him not to leave me on the inside.
I kissed his face and thanked him for bringing me so much joy.
I drove his body to my parents house and buried him under the bird feeder. My mom promises that she will check on him everyday and say hello for me.
I ask myself, is all of this heartache worth it? Worth the time I had with him. It hurts so much I want to say no. But it was. The time I had with him is worth every tear.
QUOTE (HeatherE @ Jul 13 2017, 08:23 AM)
I only had him for a year and 11 months but the loss of my sweet boy Helix hurts as if I've had him my entire life. I see him napping in all of his favorite spots, on my bed, by the window watching the birds, on the chair by the computer. I hear him shuffling along the floor chasing a toy, I hear the soft jingling of him eating the food out of his glass bowl. As I open the front door, I see him run up to greet me and hear him purr as I scratch under his chin.
But of course this is all in my mind.
Helix was suddenly taken from me and I don't know why. I feel as though I am being punished for something. We were happy, he was fine, and then he was snatched out of my hands and out of my life.
I blame myself for getting so attached to him. For preferring his company over the majority of humans in my life. I relied on him too much for my own happiness. I think that's what makes this so hard.
I blame myself for not being able to pay for his medical expenses. Although the blood transfusion was more than unlikely to save his life, I feel so guilty for not being able to afford to try. Did I fail him? I don't know.
I kept him as comfortable as I could in the end. He couldn't move but he found a way to curl up next to my chest for the last time, only for a few seconds, and let me hear him purr.
I tried to move him to my room so we could be together for his last hours but my presence seemed to cause him more distress. I went to sleep. I woke up. And he was gone.
I knew it was coming. I had told him how much I loved him and begged him not to fight anymore. I begged him to let go and promised him I would be okay. I begged him not to leave me on the inside.
I kissed his face and thanked him for bringing me so much joy.
I drove his body to my parents house and buried him under the bird feeder. My mom promises that she will check on him everyday and say hello for me.
I ask myself, is all of this heartache worth it? Worth the time I had with him. It hurts so much I want to say no. But it was. The time I had with him is worth every tear.
But of course this is all in my mind.
Helix was suddenly taken from me and I don't know why. I feel as though I am being punished for something. We were happy, he was fine, and then he was snatched out of my hands and out of my life.
I blame myself for getting so attached to him. For preferring his company over the majority of humans in my life. I relied on him too much for my own happiness. I think that's what makes this so hard.
I blame myself for not being able to pay for his medical expenses. Although the blood transfusion was more than unlikely to save his life, I feel so guilty for not being able to afford to try. Did I fail him? I don't know.
I kept him as comfortable as I could in the end. He couldn't move but he found a way to curl up next to my chest for the last time, only for a few seconds, and let me hear him purr.
I tried to move him to my room so we could be together for his last hours but my presence seemed to cause him more distress. I went to sleep. I woke up. And he was gone.
I knew it was coming. I had told him how much I loved him and begged him not to fight anymore. I begged him to let go and promised him I would be okay. I begged him not to leave me on the inside.
I kissed his face and thanked him for bringing me so much joy.
I drove his body to my parents house and buried him under the bird feeder. My mom promises that she will check on him everyday and say hello for me.
I ask myself, is all of this heartache worth it? Worth the time I had with him. It hurts so much I want to say no. But it was. The time I had with him is worth every tear.
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.