I don't understand why I seem to be fine one day or even a week and then it hits me again. I can't believe he's been gone this long and knowing I can't hold him again is killing me.
I miss him so much. My heart is still breaking.
I have plans to go see his plaque in the memorial garden but I'm so afraid I will break down. I noticed that when I'm having a hard time I seem to have nightmares. Buck isn't in my dream but I wake up trying to scream. I really miss him so much.

Hi, Judy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal deep grief when you share with us "I don't understand why I seem to be fine one day or even a week and then it hits me again. I can't believe he's been gone this long and knowing I can't hold him again is killing me. I miss him so much. My heart is still breaking." This grief journey is filled with many ups and downs, twists and turns, and turnarounds. Just when we think we have come through the worst part "something" happens that makes us feel like it is the first moment in time when our beloved companion is no longer physically with us, and our hearts break anew. This grief journey cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month - - it is a long process of many "first withouts" to experience with each one being yet another reminder that our beloved companion is now with the angels.

Scientific studies prove that our dreams can be a way that our minds, and hearts, try to reconcile events that happen in our lives, and certainly your bad dreams can be a way that you are trying to cope with your deep sorrow. I'm no expert by any stretch of the imagination, but I want to reassure you from my own personal experiences that you are not alone in your dream experiences. Hopefully in time as your deep grief eases your dreams will be more peaceful.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Judy, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Buck's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Oh Judy, I am so sorry.

I very much agree with what moon_beam wrote: "Just when we think we have come through the worst part "something" happens that makes us feel like it is the first moment in time when our beloved companion is no longer physically with us, and our hearts break anew."

It's an excruciating pain---the worst kind of pain I have ever felt. Buck is in bliss, and still with you, but I know that doesn't help the fact that he is not physically there with you to hug!

Sending prayers your way!

Kathy