One day we were looking for something fun to do, so we decided to visit one of the only pet shops in the area that sell puppies. We wanted to spend some time petting puppies. We weren’t looking for a new dog because we already had two.

My wife has always dreamed of owning a Caviler King Charles, but the price for this breed was way out of our budget. We settled on a dog we could afford which was a Cavapoo who is a beloved family member.

As we drove to the pet store that day, we had no idea how our lives were about to change. When we arrived we saw a beautiful King Charles Spaniel, behind the glass all by himself. The price they were asking for him was 75% less than the price of a King Charles. We asked the owner what was wrong with this dog that he was selling him for such a low a price.

He told us that his owner purchased him when he was twelve weeks old. She developed a severe case of cancer and could not care for him any more. She returned him to the pet store. Since he wasn’t a puppy any more, no one wanted to buy him.

I’m a prostate cancer survivor. When we learned how cancer had disrupted his life and taken away his home, we knew we had to make him part of our family. We named him Toby. He was so shy I had to feed him by hand for two months just for him to learn to trust and approach me. Eventually he felt comfortable will all of us and became the most affectionate dog we’ve ever had the pleasure of owning.

Toby’s favorite place to visit was the beach. Last year we took him to an event called Cavalier King Charles Spaniel Day at the beach in Carmel. We had such a delightful time that on my 64th birthday my daughter’s present to me was a two day stay in Pacific Grove, so we could all go together as a family to this event for a second time. The gift by itself was so generous, but the fact she was willing to come with us and enjoy the day together was the greatest gift of all.

On the day we were leaving, I needed to pack the car, which involved opening the front door multiple times. Toby was an escape artist, so I put him in our backyard where I thought he'd be safe. Somehow he managed to shake the back gate open and he escaped. He was struck by car and instantly killed as he ventured into the street. We cancelled our trip and we’ve spent all the time we would have enjoyed in Carmel at home mourning the loss of our beloved dog. I’m not only feeling the loss personally, but I have additional pain knowing the trauma my wife experienced as she discovered Toby in the street and held him in her arms as he died. To see the grief my daughter’s face every morning adds additional pain. Of all the dogs we’ve had in our family over the decades, he was most beloved and our time with him was cut short by a tragic car accident.

My twenty-two year old daughter bonded with Toby in such a way that I didn't think it’s possible for a dog and a person to have as close a relationship as she had with Toby. He slept with her every night. To see her in bed sleeping with a stuffed animal instead of Toby, breaks my heart.

I don’t know how we will process all this pain and reach to the other side of grief.

Hi, Rick, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Toby. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion so tragically intensifies the grief.

Rick, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time which is why it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time sometimes one moment at a time for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year to endure.

Rick, although guilt / remorse is a part of this grief adjustment journey I hope you will find a peace in your heart that you did everything you could possibly do to protect your beloved Toby. There is no way you could have anticipated him being able to open the gate and escape. We do not possess the gift of "foresight" - - for if we did we may not make the decisions that bring us some of the greatest joys in our lives. If you had "known" the how and when your beloved Toby would precede you from this earthly realm then you and your family would have been faced with the decision of not embracing him into your hearts and lives - - which would have deprived him of being loved and depriving you of knowing his devotion. What happened with Toby is a tragic accident. I hope as your deep grief eases you will know your beloved Toby is eternally grateful to you and his family for everything you did for him during his earthly journey, and will be comforted in knowing that you are now his sole, and soul, heirs to his eternal love - - for love is eternal, Rick - - it is not dependent upon the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Toby's sweet Living Spirit is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I do so know from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you and your family some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journeys.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Toby with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, Rick, and please let us know how you and your family are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you so much for your kind words. Toby was not only our favorite dog, he's the only one I've ever had that was killed by a car. Every dog we've been blessed to own has been with us for more than a decade. If I were only dealing with my grief this would be manageable, but to see both my wife and daughter in such pain is miserable.
The attacks of if only doesn't help, things like
If only is put him in the side yard instead of the backyard or if only I put him in his crate. You can drive yourself crazy with if only.
We all had a terrific three years together and I'm grateful for that. A few people have said to me "That's why don't have dogs, we don't want to feel that pain." My answer will always be the same. I say "By protecting yourself from pain your miss out on the joy and love a dog brings into your life." The great pain is only present because we lost such a great source of joy. We will open our hearts and our home to another dog sometime in the near future.

Rick,

I'm so very sorry about the physical passing of your precious Toby!!

As moon_beam said, you couldn't have had any idea that he would be able to open that gate. There are so many things we can't know. I often think that if I anticipated everything that could or might happen, I'd spend so much energy trying to prevent the bad things that I wouldn't be able to be in the present at all.

Your family is so full of love---for each other as well as your dogs. Even though it does not seem possible, you will get through this with the help of each other. Are your other dogs a comfort at all at this point? I wonder how they are handling the absence of their "brother."

Something that struck me about your story was how you were meant to rescue Toby from his scary, probably nightmarish, "prison." There he was, behind glass again, feeling rejected and so very alone. You took him home and made him a treasured member of your family. You made all the difference in his life.

In the realm he's in now, he's still able to be right there with you -- and everywhere, since he's not restricted, as we are, by time and space. And he's wanting you, your wife, and daughter to be okay---just as you would want him to be if it had been you who had passed on before him. You will be fully reunited in time.

I like what you said: "'By protecting yourself from pain your miss out on the joy and love a dog brings into your life.' The great pain is only present because we lost such a great source of joy. We will open our hearts and our home to another dog sometime in the near future." It will be another very lucky dog, to be taken in by your family.

I hope you will let us know how you all are doing.

Sending prayers of peace your way !!!

Kathy

Hi, Rick, thank you so much for sharing with us how you, your wife, and your daughter are doing. It is written somewhere that if we live long enough we will experience just about everything at least once. My life's experiences have been that there are some things I could very well have done without. And in your life's journey losing your beloved Toby so tragically is certainly not an experience you would choose either. It is experiences like these that make us aware of just how little "control" we have over what happens -- not only with ourselves as individuals but also with those we love. Like our forum friend Kathy, I too am so very inspired by how you feel when you share with us "I say "By protecting yourself from pain your miss out on the joy and love a dog brings into your life." The great pain is only present because we lost such a great source of joy. We will open our hearts and our home to another dog sometime in the near future." Rest assured that your beloved Toby is already guiding your path to that moment in time when you will see another precious soul who is need of love that only YOU AND YOUR FAMILY can give him / her, and you will know at that moment that he / she is the RIGHT ONE for you.

Until this time comes, Rick, please let us know how you and your family are doing, and please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers that today is treating each of you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Toby's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

My little 2 year old copper husky was struck and killed by a car and died instantly... I know the feeling.. I went to my car for one split second to grab a bag out the back and he had nudged the door open and took off running down the busy road.. He went to cross the street and was struck.. I have never been so sad in my life. Im 23 and my bond with him was so strong unlike any other. I just want you to know that you and your family are not alone and we all experience loss in life.. it is not fair, but we cannot change things that happen.. Just learn from them. god bless, and i am sending prayers your way.