I rescued a Pug named Valentino on May 2013. He had a spinal cord injury and had not walked in 5 years, he was used for breeding even in his condition. I took him to 4 different kinds of therapy and got him a wheelchair, within 6 months Tino was walking.

He quickly became the center of my Universe, he was the light of my life and my constant shadow, I have other dogs but he did not care about them, I was his Universe and he was mine. I work out of the house so he was always with me and when I went out he came too. My days started with a cup of coffee and a walk with him.

On Tuesday my husband came home and unknown to me Valentino went to meet him, my husband did not see him and ran over him with the car killing him almost instantly. One second he was sunning himself and the other my husband was screaming bringing him in his arms. I felt to the floor screaming begging my husband to tell me it wasn't true. We buried him a few hours later with his beds and all his toys.

Since then I am haunted day and night by his cries before he died, my husband's screams and the image of Valentino dead in his arms. My rational mind tells me it was an accident but try telling that to my heart. My baby counted on me to protect him and I failed him. I have taken myself to that moment thousands of times since it happened thinking of how I could have saved him. I am paralyzed and don't know how to do anything without him. I look for him in the sky, in the air I breathe, in the trees, the leaves, the stars , the sun and the moon.

I am here hoping to learn how other people in this situation have coped with the guilt and grief. Thank you

Hi,
First I'm very sorry for your loss. Right now it feels like you will never stop feeling like it is your fault, but I promise you it was nobodies fault, not yours, not your husbands. It was an accident. No matter how our loved pet dies I think we all feel like we could've done something to stop it. In time you will feel better. When my previous dog pepper died, she collapsed and I rushed her to the vet. We did every test possible at the vet, ultersound, X-ray, blood work and they determined she had a heart carcicoma, she collapsed and died on our way out of the vet, and I blamed myself in any number of ways, if only I had noticed sooner, Maybe I fed her the wrong food and I could go on. What I'm trying to say is there is a grieving process and it will take time. Please remember you gave Valentino an amazing life and did more for Valentino than many others would. He loved you and cherished your time together and will always be in your heart. I promise you it was not your fault. Sadly accidents happen in life and you cannot blame yourself. It took me a lot of crying and for days I slept with one of Pepper's stuffed toys to feel close to her. There are many sites that talk about grieving and it helps to talk to friends and family especially those with pets as I find they are generally more understanding to our grief. Please take care of yourself and allow yourself some time to grieve, time will help. It was not your fault.

I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I know how badly you are hurting right now. I truly wish there was something I could say that could take away your pain. But, I've been where you are many times and I know there really is nothing anyone can say that will help at this moment.

All I can offer, is that this is a really great site to be. Moon_Beam will be along soon I'm sure. She is the greatest there is. She has the most kindest words. She's helped me through all of my pain.

Just coming here to write about my pain was a great help. Especially when there is no one to talk to. Some people will listen for a while, but then think that you should be over it.

Guilt? It wasn't your fault. I know you feel guilty (been there, done that as they say). But it wasn't. He loved your husband too and he simply wanted to greet him.

Please don't be too hard on yourself.

Lynette.

Thank you so much for your words, although my rational mind tells me it was an accident, try telling that to my heart. I am hoping that by talking about it I will start to heal. It is so good to have found this group. I am sorry about what you went through with your Pepper.

Thank you Lynette, I am hoping that writing about this will also,help ease my pain. I am even thinking of writing a short book talking about how I rescued and rehabilitated him and ow happy he was for the first time in his life.

Hi, Anyr, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Valentino. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion so tragically intensifies the grief.

Anyr, please let me try to reassure you that your beloved Valentino knows that you love him and would move heaven and earth to turn back the hands of time to that moment so that the both of you could have prevented the tragic event - - so that you could have saved your beloved Valentino. Unfortunately none of us has the gift of foreknowledge as to when and how our companion will precede us from this earthly realm. Guilt / remorse is a part of this grief adjustment journey and is one of the hardest of the emotions to reconcile. It comes from looking back and trying to make sense of all the whys, what ifs, and if onlys that haunt and torture our heart and soul and mind, and particularly during the deep grief we "replay" the event over and over trying to reconcile what happened. Hopefully in time as you travel your grief adjustment journey you will be able to find a peace in your heart and mind that you and your husband did everything in your human and humane power to give your beloved Valentino a happy and healthy earthly journey. What happened was a tragic accident - - there is no one to blame - - no guilt to carry.

This grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time which is why it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is a journey that cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year to endure.

I hope in the midst of your deep grief you can find comfort in knowing that the love bond you and your beloved Valentino share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Valentino's sweet Living Spirit is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Anyr, thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Valentino with us. Perhaps sometime you would like to share a picture of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Oh Anyr

My heart is bleeding and my eyes are crying for you. You have experienced the worst thing that can happen to a parent, be it a parent of a human child or an animal child. And as MoonBeam has said so much better than I can, you are now on the worst ride created by the universe: the horror roller coaster of grief. Right now NOTHING will touch your grief except the one thing that is more powerful than grief: love. Everyone here knows exactly what your title means "My Heart Dog.' The speaks of not just the ordinary love that we feel for such wonderful animals, but of that between two beings who share a single soul. You and Valentino have shared a soul since time began and will share that soul until the end of time. Souls are eternal. They do not die. Bodies, which we love so much, do die and they do feel pain. But only for an instant.

You will not be able to feel this right now and maybe not for a long time, but Valentino is with you today just as he was every day he lived and loved with you in physical form, and just like he lived and loved you while he was is spirit form, waiting to join you on earth. You had some beautiful, exceptional, untellable times on earth. Valentino, like all heart-dogs, is also a wonder-dog. He waited millions of years for you to appear on earth, then he searched the whole world over - billions and billions of people - to find the other part of his soul: YOU.

Now Valentino is back in spirit form. People know incompletely - we say if we can't see something, or hear it, or touch it, or even smell it, it doesn't exist. Nothing could be farther from the truth. The truth is that Valentino is very much alive - in spirit form. His home is a place I call the Perfect World. (People call it Heaven, when they're talking about where people go.) Complete happiness. Every day sunshine. Fields of green grass to romp in. Delicious food. Millions of friends. AND ... most important .... the ability to move, as a spirit, between the Perfect World and our world, your world. And even better, spirits can be in two places at once! Valentino is right beside you, right now. He's watching over you just like he always did. Some people even see glimpses of their spirit (heart) animals.

I have seen a glimpse of my first heart dog, Gretta, the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived, but it was only a fleeting glimpse and in the vision she was a Golden Retriever. Rufus, my second heart dog, was a half-black lab/half Newfie. We only lived together for 21 months. I was in a faraway city taking care of my "heart" sister, who had terminal cancer and Rufus's foster mother, who loves him as much as I do, was taking care of Rufus. He got sick one day and by the next day he was in end-stage spleen cancer (which is inoperable). My wonderful vet took him to the Vet School at the local University but they couldn't help him so that night they called me to ask permission to send him over. I have never seen Rufus, although I have felt him near me many times. I think that is because he died alone.

Please believe me, dear Anyr. Your beloved Valentino lives, loves you, and is waiting for you on the other side of what many people call The Rainbow Bridge. He loves you and someday he wants to see you smile - not for yourself but for him, so he can see that love and brilliance again. Isn't that right, Valentino?

A single soul cannot be split into parts!

Love,

Gretta and Rufus's mom

OMG, many people have spoken to me in the last two weeks but no one had been able to paint such a perfect picture of what our love is like. When Valentino and I looked at each other there was an understanding there that went beyond a typical relationship. I have other dogs and I love them but I don't have THAT. For you to tell me that he searched and searched until he found me, the other half of his heart fills my heart with joy, thinking of him in a happy place, comforts me greatly. Thank you so much for your words. Today marks the two week anniversary of his passing and I needed to read your words.

Happy Thanksgiving, Valentino!

Gretta and Rufus's Mom

Your not alone. I chased after my two huskies one day until I found him in the middle of the road dead. Only 2 years old. I blame myself & not keeping him safe... It has been the hardest year of mylife. I will miss him forever. Prayers to you & your family!