I lost my beautiful Boston terrier Sophie that I had the honor of knowing and enriching my life for just seven years. I had no choice to put her to rest yesterday on the 21st. She developed a mass cell tumor on her left leg two years ago, which we had removed, but to my horror it came back with a vengeance and spread everywhere. Sophie was my baby and even though I have her " husband" and two babies with me it doesn't help. The house is so quiet I can't bear it and everything reminds me of her or something we enjoyed. I went to Walmart today, and broke down completely in the pet dept when buying puppeoni for the others because that was one of her favs. I placed a treat on the couch beside me and pretended she is right there with me which did help. Everybody keeps telling me you still have the other three, but it isn't the same and never will be again. I know I done the right thing putting her at rest because she got to where she wouldn't eat or drink willingly. I managed to get some water down her using a turkey baster of all things but it worked. The tumor started to crack open and was bleeding all the time. I tried keeping it bandaged with neosporine on it, but she wouldn't leave it alone or the others. Sophie was right there for me when I had three miscarriages, but I couldn't be with her when she was put to rest because I was so upset the night before I literally developed flu like symptoms and running a fever from my nerves coming apart, so I held her that morning and told her that I love her to much to keep her here in pain and that we will someday, hopefully soon be together for eternity. I keep getting different answers from preachers, friends, family and Internet concerning wether or not pets go to heaven. This is a touchy spot for me because it is all that really keeps me going right now. I have lost so much just in this year I can't stand the thought of never seeing Sophie again. My husband tries to comfort me, but he has never had that closeness and bond with a pet so he is clueless to what I'm saying and expressing. The way I feel right now, I don't care about living anymore. I'm not suicidal I just don't care about anything at all or doing anything. Does this sound crazy? Please somebody help me because I'm coming totally apart. Thanks for caring enough to read all of this, Sandy

REALLY needing help right now. Somebody please help me.

Sandy, I just saw your post!
Going to write more - but if you're online now, please private-message me and we can talk!
Kathy

Hi Sandy,

I am empathizing with your pain. There is NOTHING like losing a precious pet like Sophie. She is still right with you--in her spiritual form (although I realize how very hard it is not to have her physical presence with you). You'll be fully reunited again when it is your time to pass, but until then Sophie is fine and wants YOU to be okay. As hard as it may be to accept, you still have a mission here while you are still in your physical form. You are an awesome Mommy (to sweet, sweet Sophie and to the other sweet 3). The turkey baster idea was brilliant! Sophie absolutely knows your love for her. You have nothing to feel guilty about regarding her passing--that you were sick and couldn't be there physically with her. It's okay. You made the ultimate, humane decision to make sure that SHE did not experience pain!

If the roles were reversed and it had been you who had passed first, you wouldn't want sweet Sophie feeling any unnecessary pain or guilt. That is how SHE is feeling for YOU. It's very true that guilt comes with the territory of grief. But for Sophie's sake, please try and let yourself off the hook for any imagined guilt. Would it help to write her a letter? That helped me after I lost my cat Mariah many years ago. I poured out my heart to her and said everything I wanted her to know. Then I felt more free to "hear" what she was saying back to me. What I "heard" was forgiveness--and yet there really was nothing to forgive. All that mattered was LOVE.

Please keep in touch. We are here for you! I will watch for your posts.

Hugs and prayers being sent your way!

Kathy

Hi, Sandy, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Sophie. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Please let me try to add my reassurances that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. This grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time which is why it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time sometimes one moment at a time for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year to endure.

Even though we may have other precious companions continuing to share our earthly journey, they do not replace the physical absence of a beloved companion who is no longer physically with us. Each companion has his / her very own special place in our hearts and lives - - none of them can "replace" each other. So please know that what you are feeling is very normal when you share with us: "The house is so quiet I can't bear it and everything reminds me of her or something we enjoyed. I went to Walmart today, and broke down completely in the pet dept when buying puppeoni for the others because that was one of her favs. I placed a treat on the couch beside me and pretended she is right there with me which did help. Everybody keeps telling me you still have the other three, but it isn't the same and never will be again." Indeed, when our companions come into our hearts our lives are changed for the better. When they precede us to the angels, our lives are changed again - - and will never the same - - and this is perfectly natural - - because - - our lives are forever blessed with the eternal love we share with each of our beloved companions.

We live in a physically oriented world governed by the five senses of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Scientific studies prove that every time our companions touch / rub us, lick / kiss us they are chemically imprinting themselves onto us so that they can identify us from the millions of other people on this planet. When they are no longer physically with us, we literally experience a physical withdrawal from this chemical imprint, which is another reason why this grief adjustment journey is so very painful both emotionally and physically - - and why our lives are never the same when a beloved companion is no longer physically with us.

The good news is that the love bond you and your beloved Sophie share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Sophie's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will for she is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you. And I promise you, Sandy, that you and your beloved Sophie will be reunited in eternal joy when it is your appropriate time.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Sophie with us, Sandy, Perhaps sometime you would like to share a picture of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Sophiesmummy,

First, I just want to say I am so sorry for the loss of your little Sophie, it's quite unbelievably devastating and I completely understand. I lost my 14 year old Lab in 2010 and I was not prepared in any way for the complete devastation it was - I cried for days. It is unreal how much these little furry critters can worm their way into our hearts and stay there! It is really unreal how much we devote to them and in return, how we get twice as much back - hence the feeling of unbearable sadness.

My husband also didn't have the bond I had with my Stormy, he was my dog and followed me everywhere around the house (as does our dog Bailey now!) - I was his mummy, just as Sophie was your little one. Many people, I don't think, get how much our animals mean to us, and they never will - their loss I say!

I hope you are doing okay today, one day at a time is how I got through all the crying and grief of losing my Stormy, and most recently, my 19 year old Cloudy (cat, btw), that was very difficult too, we'd had her since we bought our first house so long ago.

Hugs to you today, it's so sad to go home and not have your little friend their barking and looking for a smile or a scratch on their little furry heads.

Moira

Hello everybody, today has been somewhat bearable. Last night I was checking on my babies telling them goodnight as I always do and I also told Sophie goodnight as well-- this really helped me. Including her in everyday things just the same has been what my heart and soul needs. My husband keeps telling me that animals doesn't have a soul and their spirit isn't with me it went back to the earth. I told him that it says in theBible that we entertain Angels on earth, so what better would the Lord want to use than something that is totally innocent and loves unconditionally. I feel like I don't really have any support at home but, I can already tell you guys know where I'm coming from and how it's going to take more than a day to find all the pieces of my heart. There will ALWAYS be a huge piece that will forever be gone. I'm scared to say this to anyone else but you all because of how I will be judged. Losing Sophie hurt a thousand times more than my three miscarriages. I never got to see any image of them on the ultrasound, never heard anything. However with Sophie I would see to her first thing in the morning and last at night, make sure she had plenty to eat and fresh water, her favorite treats even if I went without what I needed at the store that was fine with me. I felt the weight of her in my arms, felt her heart beating and her warmth as she laid as close to me as possible. She was my baby and always will be. I saw her little nose smudges on the inside of the car window and started crying uncontrollably. That was the last trip when she was took to the vets office. I found myself smelling the couch last night for her scent. Sometimes I really think I'm going to lose my mind before this gets any easier. I wanted to contact a medium, but my husband won't hear of it. He said that it goes against the Bible and that trying to communicate with the dead is sinful. I just want to know if she is happy, healthy and playing in the warm sunshine. I appreciate everybody talking and helping me through this. You are truly helping me and I thank you from whatever I have left of a heart. A favorite saying of mine is "what if you woke up today with only the things you thanked God for yesterday". Take care everybody and keep in touch. Love to everyone. Sandy

Hi, Sandy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Indeed, the physical loss of a beloved companion is very much like losing a human family member or friend - - often compared to the physical loss of a child. Please know that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal deep grief. Because we often find ourselves feeling alienated from those who are geographically close to us when we are grieving, this is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum is here as a safe place where we can come to share what is in our hearts and on our minds with those who truly do understand what we are going through without fear of rejection or recrimination. Please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Sandy, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sophie's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Sandy, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Sandy,

I am SO sorry for the loss of your dear Sophie. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Reading your post brought tears to my eyes. I am truly sorry for your loss. I understand how you are feeling now. I believe all of us here have experienced the gut-wrenching pain of losing a furry loved one.

I was completely DEVASTATED when my bunny Hermione passed away in 2011 and again when my bunny Albus passed away a month ago. I'm sorry some of your loved ones don't share your pain and are not being very supportive. My family and friends try to be supportive, but I can tell that they have never shared the close human-animal bond that all of us here have known. My friends also say, "Well, you still have Harry and Ron to take care of." But it's just not the same.

I'm not sure if this will help you, but after Hermione passed away, I started writing a letter to her every day for almost 2 years. Now I am writing to Albus every day. I tell him how I am feeling, how much I miss him, how much I love him (sobbing and crying as a write). I also light a candle every Monday night for Hermy and Albus (Monday Candle Ceremony) and sit and reflect on how much I miss them. Of course, I also scoured the internet for anything and everything on pet loss. Being here with others on this website's forum has been tremendously helpful, definitely a lifesaver.

Finally, one of the most helpful things for me is the belief that one day I will be with my little Hermy and Albus again.

I hope you have a peaceful, restful evening tonight. I'm thinking of you and your Sophie.

Warm hugs,
Hermy and Albus's Mommy (Lisa)

Hi Sandy.

So sorry for your loss. This is a great place.

My story (or one of them) is exactly like yours. I lost my Hunny to cancer also. It started as a huge mass on her foot, which eventually led to her losing two toes. And we thought all was going well, till it started growing again, but this time it had spread and I know she had a huge mass on her chest. There were other lumps popping up too. My husband found one on the back of her neck so we knew it was only a matter of time before it found her brain. I knew it had already hit her lungs because she was coughing all the time. And constantly licking her foot. We had to make that awful decision to let her go. That was definitely one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do. The only thing that helped was knowing that she would be joining her sister Lily, whom we had lost just a week before she was diagnosed. Lily died unexpectedly. I can honestly say that that year was the most difficult of my life. I also didn't have anyone I felt comfortable with to talk to about this, thank goodness I found this site. It truly did help me. Looking back I know now that I slipped into a depression. Lily died seven years ago this June and Hunny, six years this month. We just lost George a year and a half ago too.

I too have suffered two ectopic pregnancies and like you losing these guys was way harder. Probably because I never got to hold them or see them. My pups died young too. George was 5 1/2, Hunny and Lily were both 8. I still miss them so much.

I don't know I may be crazy, but I have been talking to my angels for over 34 years. I lost my very first dog in 1984 when we were both 13. I don't believe I have missed a night since. I just talk about my day and what stuff is going on. Nobody knows this but people who have read my posts. I know I would get all kinds of unpleasant comments if I admitted this to people I know.

I know that there is absolutely nothing anyone can say that will take away your pain. The only thing that helps is for them to just listen. I found their comments mostly hurtful - it didn't matter how nice they were trying to be. They always manage to say something hurtful and insensitive. That's why I like this site so much. Everyone knows what it's like.

Time is the only thing that works (for me anyway). I still break down from time to time - just not every day. My sister-in-law lost her 6 year-old dog last week. We don't exactly have a good relationship, but hearing that poor Willy had passed just broke my heart. I can totally relate to what she is going through, plus it opens up old wounds.

I'm not a religious person, but I too cling to the hope that we will be together again. I wrote a letter the day we let Hunny go. I sent her to heaven (or wherever it is they go) with a toy angel I had bought for her. I also bought one for Lily too. I told them how much I love them and that I always will. That I will miss them. And that one day we will be together again.

Anyway, I should stop rambling on and on. It takes time. A lot of time. One day at a time.

Please be easy on yourself. Take if from someone who knows - guilt is evil. I still have guilt, lots of it, but it just makes us suffer more. Cling to the good memories. We will be together again - I know we will.

Take care.

Lynette.

Hi everybody, I want to thank all of you that have cared so much to listen to me and give nothing but support and love. It truly is appreciated. I'm having a bit of another problem to have to deal with now. My neighbor has 2 huge dogs that come into my yard every time the neighbors drive by our yard. If I hadn't been outside they would've killed my little Otis who only weighs around eighteen lbs. they actually attacked him back last August when he was in his own yard and on his dog run playing. I had just has a miscarriage and had nineteen staples in my stomach and had to go beat these things off of him or they would've shred him to bits. I will never forget the look of terror in Otis eyes. I called the state police and everybody else I could think that might help. All I was told is there isn't a leash law in Virginia and they don't have to keep their dogs pinned up AND there is what's considered a one bite rule where the dog can bite you or your dog once and all happens is they get put on some type of list considering them dangerous. My husband and I don't have the money right now to fence in a part of the back yard, but we have installed cameras. I literally dread this summer because it is starting up again. I have to stay on the porch with a big stick just in case they come into my yard and sit and watch my babies on their dog runs. It doesn't do any good talking with the neighbors either they got mad because I called the law and ordered me off their property. We are planning to move to Georgia sometime in the Fall this year so my husband can get a better job, he is a pharmacist. Just wish we had more money to care for my babies better. We are swamped with student loans right now. If anybody knows how to help with this problem I appreciate it. Thanks, Sandy

Hi, Sandy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I also live in Virginia - - in the south central Blue Ridge / Piedmont Mountain area. If I may make a suggestion: I would go online to check the Codes in your specific area about the leash laws. Also, there are specific Virginia laws about dangerous animals. I had a similar situation with a neighbor letting his dogs run loose, even though they had a fence installed on a part of their property to keep the dogs safe from the traffic on the road. Whenever the dogs would see me outside they would run toward me and run around me and through my legs making it dangerous for me to navigate - - which is already challenging because I need a cane when I go out to get my mail and sometimes my walker. I would scream for the dogs to go away, but the neighbor would do nothing to call his dogs back to their property. I wrote the neighbor a letter and sent it certified, return receipt, with copies of the State Statutes and local codes. Although there is no leash law here in the County, there are laws regarding roaming and dangerous dogs - - which these were becoming dangerous for me. The neighbor took no notice of the letter. So, one day on my way home from work I stopped into the Sheriff's office for advice, which I followed. I think someone from the Sheriff's office stopped by the neighbor's house to talk to them about the situation because I heard the man's wife talking to him when they were outside letting him know that "it would never have happened if he had listened". Don't know if she was talking to him about the dogs, but since then I have been spared of having to avoid his dogs when I'm outside on my own property.

Someone at work asked me if I had gone to the neighbor to talk to them personally about the problem before going to the Sheriff's office. I told them - - if I'm not safe on my own property from the neighbor's dogs, how safe do you think I would be going onto THEIR property to tell the people to keep their dogs away from me? So I perfectly understand it is not safe for you to have any personal contact with your neighbors.

I hope this helps, Sandy. It's difficult enough to cope with the physical loss of a beloved companion without having to fear for the lives of the precious companions who continue to share your earthly journey. Please let us know how things go.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Sandy, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sophie's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Sandy, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi moon beam, hope your day went well. I have passed through the Blue Ridge Mtns and it was so beautiful I just might have to do it again. I changed the sheets on my bed today and found some little Sophie Jair's on the mattress. Surprisingly I didn't break down but smiled and left them right there. Before I thought this made my bed seem dirty and now my mattress is priceless 😊. I swear I believe my husband thought I had completely lost my mind when I refused to take the vacuum cleaner to it. I've felt much better since I read that verse you sent me. I keep talking to Sophie just the same and I don't care who is overhearing! Yeah, I agree talking to neighbors is pointless. I so hope that when we move to Georgia that I have no neighbors for miles. I talked with the Sherrifs office again and they told me the same thing that if the dogs came back in my yard and hurt Otis that I had legal right to shoot their dog or contain it and call them. You know they have to be aware of this law theirselves and if they cared anything about their dog they would keep it in their yard no matter what they had to do. I hate to hear that your neighbor is a pain as well, some people should be shipped to a deserted island away from decent people. I could go on all night with stories about the people beside my house. I was looking at the picture of your bunnies and they are gorgeouse. They look like a figurine I had out on my porch this Easter. Well, I hope you have a good night and write me anytime I enjoy the conversation. Gotta go put some towels in the dryer. Take care of yourself. Sandy

Hi, Sandy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. You are in very good company with many people here, including me, when you share with us: "I changed the sheets on my bed today and found some little Sophie Jair's on the mattress. Surprisingly I didn't break down but smiled and left them right there. Before I thought this made my bed seem dirty and now my mattress is priceless. I swear I believe my husband thought I had completely lost my mind when I refused to take the vacuum cleaner to it."

Through the years whenever I brushed my companions I saved their fur in a plastic baggie. Likewise, when I found their whiskers that they shed, I put them in a small box I call their "whisker box." So, please know you are among friends here who understand your leaving your beloved Sophie's fur on your mattress.

I'm glad you spoke with the police in your area again and that they offered you appropriate advice. I hope you will be spared any further incidents both now in your current home and when you move to Georgia - - but - - if you should encounter another incident do not hesitate to call for emergency help. Getting in the middle of a dog attack can result in you receiving serious injuries as well. If your water pressure is good, you may want to keep a garden hose attached to your outside faucet so that it can be ready to use as a deterrent against the neighbor's dogs should they come onto your property again to attack your companions - - or you - - in addition to calling for emergency help.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Sandy, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sophie's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Sandy, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam