I apologize for my lengthy post. I am all over the place and rambling.

I am devastated, again. I lost my sweet bunny Albus suddenly on Tuesday, March 24, 2015. He was the most precious little white and gray, mixed Netherland Dwarf and English Spot rabbit. I adopted him (along with his sister Hermione) on June 27, 2008 from a rescue organization when he was 6 weeks old. He was my best friend. I lost his sister, Hermione (Hermy), on November 18, 2011, and it destroyed me.

I shouldn’t have taken Albus to the vet last Friday, March 20, 2015. It was a mistake. I will regret it forever.

Albus was diagnosed with sludgy bladder syndrome on November 19, 2013 and received daily bladder expression and medications until his major bladder surgery on December 11, 2013 for bladder stones. He survived surgery and even thrived over the next 15 months. He tolerated his bi-weekly and monthly follow-up visits well, including x-rays, ultrasounds, and bladder expression. His visit on December 16, 2014 was uneventful, except for a new heart murmur that the vet said was so minor he could live years and years with it. The vet recommended follow-up in 3 months for bladder catheterization under anesthesia.

He was doing so well until the vet saw him on Friday, March 20. He was healthy and active, eating, pooping, peeing, playing, sleeping, running, jumping, taking his medications without complaint, doing everything he loved, eating his lettuce, carrots, banana and watermelon (his favorite!). He was urinating freely and comfortably. He was living life and spending his days as the perfect little bun.

I should have done everything differently. I should have picked up his medications, cancelled the appointment, and gone home with him, still alive and well. The vet examined his entire body and said he was doing well. Then he focused on the bladder, squeezing hard to try to express some urine. Immediately, he reacted with pain. He struggled to escape the vet’s hold on him. He was flailing around in his hands, air-pedaling his legs. The vet pressed harder on his bladder. He tried squeezing as Albus was standing on all fours on the exam table. Nothing came out. He squeezed harder. Albus continued to react with pain. One drop of urine came out.

Albus was left in tremendous pain. He immediately bent over and started to lick his penis, then straightened himself and extended posteriorly to strain to urinate, squeaking very loudly in pain. I asked the vet, “Did you hear that? That was him.” He said he didn’t hear anything. Albus bent over again and again to lick his penis. He strained to urinate over and over again, squeaking quietly while standing on a towel on the exam table. I asked the vet, “Why is he doing this? He has never done this before.” Finally, the vet picked him up and flipped him over. He looked at his penis and said, “He’s fine, but he’ll be sore for a day or two.” He asked his technician when the last ultrasound was done. It was in October. The vet said, “Oh, not that long ago.” Even though Albus was still licking and straining on the exam table, the vet didn’t order an x-ray or ultrasound.

The vet instructed me to schedule bladder catheterization under anesthesia for June and told me to put Albus back into his carrier and leave. Albus was miserable on the ride home, not moving around as usual and shedding tears from one of his eyes. The fur under his left eye was wet.

That night and all day Saturday, Albus didn’t eat or poop. He spent Saturday and Sunday drinking water and straining to urinate, squeaking in pain. I gave him some pain medication Saturday and Sunday. He ate a few small pieces of lettuce Sunday night.

Monday morning, I called the vet’s office at 7:59 a.m. and left a detailed message. He called back around 10:15 a.m. and said, “I heard I messed him up.” I told him Albus was in pain since Friday’s visit and had not eaten or pooped, only drinking water and urinating a little bit. He said, “Sounds like you got him through the weekend.” He recommended surgery for the following day, Tuesday, March 24, at 12:00 noon, telling me to drop Albus off by noon Tuesday. He said even if I dropped him off that day, Albus would just sit in a cage overnight until his surgery at noon. He did not tell me to bring you in for evaluation right away that same day. I should have taken him in anyway. Monday night, Albus ate 3 pieces of lettuce and started to urinate more, although with great pain.

I woke up Tuesday morning around 6:30 a.m. to find Albus hiding under the dining table. He was lying flat against the carpet. He was dying. When I scooped his limp body up into my arms, his head started to lean back slowly and he started to close his eyes. I immediately got into the car and drove him to the vet’s office by 7 a.m.

The technicians started Albus on oxygen and gave him injections of pain medication and muscle relaxant, placing him on a towel and warming pad. They said his rapid breathing and fast heart rate were good signs that he was not slowing down. Albus and I then waited for the vet to arrive at 8 a.m. A different vet came in and immediately discussed euthanasia. I told the vet I want him to try to save Albus. He took Albus to the back of the clinic. After about 15 minutes, the vet came to speak to me but wouldn’t let me see him. He said under anesthesia he drained 15 mL of urine with a needle and then catheterized the bladder but had to stop because he had to intubate him. He couldn’t get an IV in. He again told me to think about euthanasia. At that moment, his technician came running to get him. They ran into the back again. A few minutes later the vet came out and said, ““I’m sorry, the little guy didn’t make it. He went into cardiac arrest.” I wasn’t with my little Albus when he died! I asked to see Albus, but they told me to wait in another room. They brought his body to me wrapped in a towel and let me hold him for a while. Then they took his body, packaged him in a small white cardboard box, sealed with packaging tape, and handed the box to me.

One moment Albus is alive and well. The next moment the vet examines him and dooms him to 4 days of excruciating pain before he dooms him to death. I should not have taken Albus on Friday. I should not have let the vet squeeze his bladder. I should not have gone along with his deferring surgery to June. I should have asked again why Albus was suddenly in pain.

The vet left a voicemail message two days ago, acknowledging and “apologizing” for “instigating the events” that led to Albus’s death. He also said that maybe he should have been more aggressive with managing his condition earlier.

I am devastated, completely heartbroken. I feel so guilty about everything. I should have spent more time with him, given him his favorite treats more often. I cannot stop crying and thinking about him. I know he is gone, but I keep looking for him to be here. He was so full of life, so happy and carefree. How could he be gone now?

Thank you for allowing me to share Albus’s story. I love and miss my little bunny so much.

Hermy and Albus's Mommy

Oh my goodness Hermy's mummy, that is one very, very sad story. Your little Albus was simply adorable. My heart aches for you and the pain you are feeling, I completely understand. Please try not to feel too bad, you cannot undo what has happened, and please don't feel guilty, you don't have the ability to see the future. It still doesn't help with your grief though. I would be very upset with my vet though, but that is another story altogether.

Please know you are not alone in your pain, that is what this board is so great for - I lost my 19 year old cat Cloudy on St. Patrick's Day, it was so sudden and so fast. I still miss her upstairs in our bathroom and bedroom, her favourite places in the house.

Hugs to you - as I said, your little Albus was so very, very cute and I am so sad for you.

I am so sorry for your loss. That picture is absolutely adorable.

I just lost my best friend on Thursday morning. After she passed, my wife and I, daily, go over all the things we feel guilty over. When our best friend leaves us, we always wonder what we could have done different. I don't know if this will be of any comfort to you, but you should not hold any guilt over your rabbit's passing. I always tell my wife, what really matters is the motivation behind our actions. You did not take your best friend to the vet to be hurt, or anything else bad. You took him there, gave him excellent care, because you loved him.

Its of very little comfort to say "we did our best". But you went above and beyond to ensure that your precious Albus was well taken care of, comfortable, and loving life. You're an excellent person with a huge heart, and that always comes with a price. Rest easy knowing that you did everything to ensure that your best friend continued to live a fulfilling life. His trust was well placed with you and he knew that. Your love for him did not go unnoticed by him or by those who saw you care for him.

Take care of yourself and allow yourself to work through these issues in your time and in your way.

Dear Hermy and Albus's Mommy,

I can't begin to express how sorry I am about what happened!!! I cried for you as I read your story, and I am typing this through tears of empathy.

First let me say that YOU are not to blame---not one bit. We as pet parents entrust our babies into the hands of medical professionals, because we ourselves don't have the expertise. You were so on top of Albus's medical health---along with every other aspect of his comfort.

You are every bit as much a victim in this tragedy as Albus is. This reminds me of an incident I had with a vet on July 10, 1998, and I did not know how to even begin to move through the pain. I feel so very much for what you are going through. I don't want you to suffer. Your sweet Albus does NOT want you to feel guilty AT ALL. He and Hermy are together. And in the wonderful realm they are in, there are no time/space limitations--so they are with you as well, just not in their familiar physical forms.

Had the roles been reversed and it had been you who had passed from your physical form, you would not want either of them to feel any guilt over what THEY might have done differently. This sure is not your fault IN THE SLIGHTEST.

Do you have other pets? Close friends/family who understand this kind of unbelievable heartbreak? You deserve as much comfort and support as possible.

I have many other thoughts and feelings that I want to share. I will be back in touch today, shortly.

I am just so very sorry you are going through this and I wanted to get some sort of a note out to you.

Sending you prayers for the beginnings of peace,

Kathy

Hi, Hermy's Mommy, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Albus. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion so tragically intensifies the grief.

From first hand experience I can so relate to the deep sorrow and anger you are feeling. You entrusted the care of your beloved Albus with someone who was supposed to provide qualified professional care for him only to have that person betray your trust leaving you and your beloved Albus to deal with the consequences. Please let me add my support in saying that you are NOT at fault in any way, shape, or form for what happened to your beloved companion. Our forum friend Kathy said it very well: "You are every bit as much a victim in this tragedy as Albus is."

I know there is NOTHING that can ever take away the anguish in your heart of the events that happened to your beloved Albus. But even though your beloved Albus is no longer physically with you, the love bond you and your beloved Albus share is eternal - - your beloved Albus' sweet Living Spirit is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know so very well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope in your grief journey.

Thank you so very much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Albus with us, Hermy's Mommy. He is sooo adorable, and you are forever blessed to be his Forever Mom. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Hermy's Mommy, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hermy and Albus's Mommy,

I don't think you've been on the site today. I will check back in the morning, or in the night.

Kathy

Dear Hermy's Mommy, I also cried when I read about your beautiful little Albus and I'm so sorry for your loss. I can relate to all of your pain and the guilt as I made the decision to have my beloved little dog, Lilly, put to sleep on 12 March. I still feel very, very guilty and sometimes wished I never took her to the vet that morning. She had been ill, but then deteriorated so I took her back not expecting that she wouldn't be coming home with me. I think guilt is very much part of the grieving process, but Albus wouldn't want you to feel this way. You loved him and he loved you right back. I am sending you a big hug and blessings to little Albus who is now with your beloved Hermy. I understand how very painful this all is.

Dear Stormycloud,

Thank you so much for your kind words and for reading about my little Albus. I'm so sorry for your loss as well. It's so hard to walk past our fur baby's favorite places in the house, isn't it? My thoughts and prayers are with you and Cloudy tonight.

Thanks again!

Warm hugs,
Hermy and Albus's Mommy

Dear Barronk,

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and understanding. Very much needed and appreciated at a time like this. Thank you, thank you. I'm so sorry for the passing of your Abby. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife.

My hope for all of us here is that each day we feel a little bit less guilty and a little bit less pain and therefore allow ourselves to remember all the happy memories and feel all the love we shared with our little loved ones.

Thanks again and take care.

Hermy and Albus's Mommy

Dear LittleGirl's Mommy (Kathy),

Thank you so very much for your words of healing. I just spent an hour or so crying my eyes out while trying to finish up work. Knowing that you and everyone on this forum are so understanding and so supportive really helps me make it through the day (and night). One day at a time, I tell myself.

You are right about the feelings of guilt and regret. It seems to be a universal feeling or experience that all of us here have been through. I suppose it is because we loved our little ones so much.

I keep looking for Albus everywhere in the living room. He and his bunny friend Harry shared the living room. Now Harry misses him and seems to be looking for Albus as well. I had adopted Hermy, Albus, and Harry at the same time in June 2008. Hermy and Albus were just 6 weeks old then. I miss them both so much.

I'll write more later. I seem to be rambling again. I think crying and sobbing must have deprived my brain of oxygen.

Thanks again for your prayers.

Hermy and Albus's Mommy (Lisa)

Dear SoSad,

I am so sorry for the loss of your Lilly. My thoughts and prayers are with you this evening. I understand what you mean and how you feel when you said that you took Lilly to the vet but did not expect she would not be going back home with you. I thought the exact same thing. I think that's why I'm still in shock today. It will be a week tomorrow morning, but my mind still cannot accept that Albus is really gone.

I'm so sorry you are feeling guilty. I feel that way too, but I'm sure your Lilly knows you love her and want the best for her. I believe your Lilly, my Hermy and Albus, and all of our other beautiful furry loved ones are together, waiting to be with us again. At least I hope so.

I'm sending you hugs and prayers!

Hermy and Albus's Mommy

Dear moon_beam,

Thank you so much for your kind words and tireless support over the years. I still re-read your posts on Hermy's thread and draw strength from reading your posts on others' as well.

I am so grateful to you and Kathy and all of the other kind, compassionate, and loving people here. You all make it possible for me to see each day and each night through, seeking and finding solace here among friends.

I'm taking it one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. Often it seems like I take two steps backward for every step forward.

I'm praying tonight that all of us here will find some peace in our hearts and minds.

Hugs,
Hermy and Albus's Mommy

Yes, Lisa, one day at a time. And remembering that Albus and Hermy are together--and with you too--and fine and want only good things for you.

I'll continue to pray for you every day.

Will look forward to more updates on how you are doing--but only when you feel up for writing.

Kathy
P.S. I am so very glad to hear that Harry is there. You sure need each other right now.

Hi, Hermy's and Albus' Mommy, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. Indeed, this grief journey is filled with many ups and downs, twists and turns, and turnarounds that can make us feel like we are teetering with one step forward and many steps backward all at the same time. This is one of many reasons why it is important for you to remember we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

From first hand experience I can so relate to how deeply sad it is for you and your precious Harry to experience the physical loss of your beloved companions and housemates. My precious Noah is my surviving companion in a household that used to have four precious companions - - including my precious Noah. Because of my age and physical challenges my precious Noah will be my last companion during my earthly journey - - he will be 12 years old in May, so our time together on this side of eternity is becoming more limited which is why I am so very grateful that I am retired from employment now and can spend the majority of our days and evenings together.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Harry kindly, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Hermy's and Albus' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Harry are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear moon_beam and LittleGirl'sMommy,

Thank you both so much for your words of support. Yesterday marked one week since Albus passed, and I was having a hard time doing anything at all. I dragged myself into work yesterday, somehow made it through the day, went home and fed Harry and Ron (my two remaining bunnies), then sat in front of my computer looking through photos of Albus and crying. I couldn't sleep last night. Now I've dragged myself into work this morning and really don't want to face or interact with people at all.

I miss Albus so much! I looked forward to seeing him when I got up in the morning and when I got home from work. I miss scooping him up and showering him with kisses. Nothing is the same. Life will never be the same without him.

Again, thank you so much for listening and responding with such empathy and encouragement. I appreciate it.

I'm praying I make it through the day!

Hugs,
Hermy and Albus's Mommy

Hi Hermy's Mummy,

Hoping you had a better day today - going to work is awful when you are feeling so incredibly sad! I do hope it went okay for you though.

Thinking of you and your sweet Albus, he really is soooooo cute.

Hug to you!

Moira

Hi Moira,

Thank you so much for the well wishes. I made it through work today, mostly because it was so busy that I didn't have time to think about my little guy.

Thanks for thinking of Albus and me. He is a cutie-pie! It's amazing how our little furry loved ones burrow into our hearts, fill them with such joy and love, and leave huge gaping holes when they depart. I'm trying to fill the gigantic hole in my heart with all the love I have for Albus and all the memories of our life together. I feel so blessed, so lucky to have had him in my life. I only wish it was for much, much longer.

I still have many regrets and tons of guilt about his last days here on earth. I wish things turned out differently. Maybe if I had done this or that...he would still be here.

Again, thank you for your comforting words!

Hugs,
Lisa (Hermy and Albus's Mommy)

Hermy and Albus's Mommy,

Thank you for checking in. I am so very sorry that the one-week anniversary was so so very difficult!

You said, "I still have many regrets and tons of guilt about his last days here on earth. I wish things turned out differently. Maybe if I had done this or that...he would still be here."

I have thoughts on that I want to share with you. (thoughts that I am positive that Hermie and Albus want you to know too)

I just got home a bit ago and need to sleep but I will plan on writing tomorrow evening if not sooner.

Prayers being sent your way !! You and Harry and Ron are making it--one day at a time.

Hugs,

Kathy

Hi, Lisa, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Indeed, during the deep grief it feels like every minute of every hour of every day is an "angel-versary" and are emphasized as the "one week, one month, etc." angel-versaries come. I can so relate to how you're feeling when you share with us: "I've dragged myself into work this morning and really don't want to face or interact with people at all." I remember so very well being so very thankful for the privacy of the restroom at work where I could retreat to to regain my composure so that I could go back to my desk to continue my work, and the feelings of just wanting the world to stop because I just didn't have the energy or enthusiasm to "keep up" with it.

I truly wish there was an easier way to navigate this grief adjustment journey, Lisa, but unfortunately the only way is to take it one day at a time, one moment at a time with the reassurance that you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through and who are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Harry and Ron kindly, and that each of you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Albus' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Lisa, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi again Lisa,

I wanted to share a poem that someone posted here (I think it was a few years ago. I wish I remembered who. It has meant a lot to me). I don't remember whose name was in the poem, but I substituted my kitty's name, Mariah (the precious soul I lost in July of '98). The details of the circumstances are different from yours, but I hope the poem brings you some comfort, as it did for me.

I'm sorry for the pain I caused you
All because I did not know
That you were sick and you were hurting
And that was why you walked so slow.

I'm sorry that I left you with them
On what would be your last night here.
Can you forgive me for that Mariah?
That's what my heart most wants to hear.

Oh Mommie in the end as always
Nothing that you did was wrong.
No matter where I was I felt it,
Your love for me was oh so strong.

Oh Mommie, Mommie please don't worry
For there is nothing to forgive.
A life of peace and joy and gladness
Is what I want for you to live.


Albus doesn't want you feeling guilty for anything. Guilt is such an unfortunate but universal feeling that comes with grief. We are not meant to be perfect and we humanly can't anticipate everything that might happen or think of everything we "should have done." Hermy, Albus, Harry, and Ron are all lucky to be able to call you their loving Mommy.

Kathy

Dear Kathy and moon_beam,

Thank you so much for your wonderful support through this difficult time.

moon_beam, you are right when you say that this is a grief journey. To me it feels like a very long and arduous journey from a very deep and dark place, not knowing if I will ever make it to the end.

Kathy, thank you for the poem. It is very moving. I feel I should have been with Albus at the very end. The vet wouldn't let me see him or be with him after his procedure. As the vet was telling me how the procedure went (badly), Albus died with the vet techs in the back of the clinic. He was all alone with strangers. I feel I should have been holding him in my arms when he took his last breath. I should have been with him so he wouldn't think that I abandoned him at his time of need. I feel terrible about his last moments on this earth, about his last few days of suffering here.

Today I just received Albus's medical records. My friend called the vet's office two days after Albus died to request his records. I could not and still cannot call the vet's office myself. Not only am I very sad, but I am also very angry. Angry at how Albus was treated and not treated the last few days of his life. Angry at myself for not having been more assertive in his care. Angry and outraged at the vet and myself for letting Albus down, for failing him.

One line in his record troubles me greatly: "Urogenital system: the penis is very red and inflamed." This note was from his exam on the morning he died. Poor Albus! He passed away the morning of March 24, Tuesday. On Monday, March 23, after I spoke to the vet around 10:30 a.m. and scheduled his procedure for noon the following day, I took Albus home after work. I had taken Albus to work that morning anticipating the vet to tell me to bring him in that day. Instead, poor Albus stayed with me at work all day, straining to urinate and refusing to eat or drink. Once we were home, I gave him his evening doses of medications and looked at his genital area, including his little penis. It did not look "red and inflamed." I did use a Kleenex tissue to gently wipe away some sludgy urine on his penis and surrounding fur. I also used a brand new, clean syringe to rinse his penis with warm water. A small amount of thick sludge came out, so I again rinsed his area clean and patted dry with a towel. That evening, he strained alot to urinate and actually was able to urinate some clear brown urine. He even ate 3 pieces of romaine lettuce. I thought he was hanging in there. Of course, by morning when I found him, he was dying.

Seeing his medical records, especially that one line, has made me question myself all over again. Did I hurt Albus's penis? Did I hasten his demise? Did I worsen his pain by rinsing his area? I'm asking myself, "What have I done?" over and over again.

I'm sorry I'm rambling, but I am beside myself with even more guilt tonight. Yesterday, I received a condolence card from Albus's vet (not the vet who saw Albus the morning of his death). I also received his pawprint in clay. All of these things make me so, so sad. What I wouldn't give to have Albus back in my life, alive and well!!!

Thank you for your continued support. I really appreciate it! Without all of you here, I don't think I could make it through the day.

I pray Albus forgives me. I pray Albus forgives his mommy.

Hugs,
Hermy and Albus's Mommy (Lisa)

OH Lisa! I just saw your post! I will be responding - either tonight or tomorrow. PLEASE be kind to yourself. You did nothing wrong!!! Please believe that.

To be continued very shortly,

Kathy

Hi, Hermy and Albus's Mommy

What a adorable photo of Albus! I feel your devastation and pain over your loss. My heart aches for you, but please hang in there - please take a comfort in that many of us here in this site have experienced this gut-wrenching loss of a beloved companion (or companions), and in this forum, we hope to find some solace - we are all here for you.

I picked up my sweet Tama's ashes last night from the vet. She was always there when I was feeling down, and she had a sweet disposition. I can't think about going through my day without her. Opening my front door and realizing that she will not greet me there really hurts me.

Much love,

Hisae Y.

Dear Lisa,

Albus did NOT feel you abandoned him. He absolutely felt your love enveloping him. And now that he is pure spirit, he continues to feel the amazing love of the best Mommy he ever could have known. His last few difficult days in his body were NOT your fault. You suffered with him and you entrusted his medical issues to a medical professional. Albus knows this and does not want you to feel guilty about ANYTHING!

When I read your other posts, I felt anger toward that vet (one of the parallels between your story and mine concerning my sweet Mariah). One of the things I eventually did--- because the visit to the vet was so nightmarish and I couldn't seem to shake it---was to write the vet a letter, which I'd be glad to share with you IF you felt it would help you at all. When I put the letter into the mailbox, I had the feeling of hoping he wouldn't respond---and he didn't. But the mailing of that letter lifted a lot of the guilt and horror feelings for me. I had gotten things off my chest and I felt that by doing so, I had somehow gotten more justice for Mariah.

Speaking of letters, I also wrote a few TO Mariah, expressing everything I felt---my sense of guilt, my horror at the vet's treatment, my undying love for her. (She has always known these things, but I somehow felt better writing it all down and addressing HER.)

Lisa, you did not hasten Albus's demise. What you showed him was love and care! You rinsed the area around his penis, which was a wonderfully caring thing to do! You did NOTHING WRONG. Albus wants you to know that. The day you brought him to work with you, you had only HIS best interests at heart. You still had to work to support yourself and your babies, but you wanted to be ready to go directly to the vet, had they told you that they could get him right in.

As the poem says... "Mommie, there is nothing to forgive." Nothing. Yours is one of the most caring stories I've ever read. The care and love you showed to Albus puts you in the top 1% of the best mommies in the world. It is understandable that you don't quite yet believe that. But it IS true, Lisa.

Please keep checking in here. We will help you through this.

Kathy (LittleGirl'sMommy)
P.S. Just had to share - The morning of March 24th was the 11th anniversary of the physical passing of my Little Girl.

Hi, Lisa, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to offer you some comfort in your deepest sorrow.

First, I would like to affirm what our forum friend Kathy has already so comfortingly said: you are NOT to blame for what happened to your beloved Albus. While I am not a vet or a vet tech, I firmly believe you did the absolute RIGHT THING in keeping his genital areas clean - - which is something he could not do for himself. If you had not done this for him, he would have had the risk of infection setting in, which sounds to me had begun to happen when he passed dark urine - - which could be the reason for the notation in his records "Urogenital system: the penis is very red and inflamed." Having had multiple urinary tract infections as a young child I remember so very well the discomfort, and can so relate to what your beloved Albus was going through - - urinary tract problems are not gender discriminatory.

Your anger about what happened to your beloved Albus is palpable, Lisa, and very understandable. If I may make a suggestion: You have his medical records. It is your right as a caregiver to have these records reviewed by the American Veterinary Association licensing board in Virginia. It is your right to let them know you are very distressed about the care your beloved Albus received at the hands of the veterinary professionals you entrusted to care for your beloved Albus. No, this won't bring your beloved Albus back. It won't change what happened to him. There may not be any "official" reprimand received from the licensing board, but you will have the knowledge that you spoke up on behalf of your beloved Albus. This isn't a decision you have to make right now. Whatever you decide will be the RIGHT THING for you to do.

I truly wish there was a way I could take away your deep sorrow, Lisa, but I do not have that power. I hope and pray that you will be able to find comfort and peace in your heart that your beloved Albus KNOWS you did everything in your human and humane power to take care of him at all times and in all circumstances. There are things that happen beyond our control, Lisa, and sadly, your beloved Albus, and you, are both victims of a broken trust with your veterinary care providers.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Lisa, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Albus' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Hisae Y,

Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Tama. It is indeed hard to come home and not see our beloved furry one. I made the mistake yesterday when I came home and said, "Hi Ron! Hi Albus! Hi Harry!" like I always did. Except Albus isn't here anymore. At first I felt stupid and then I felt tremendous sadness. How could Albus not be here? How can our fur babies be gone?

I hope you are hanging in there since getting your sweet Tama's ashes back from the vet. My prayers are with you and your dear Tama.

Hugs,
Hermy and Albus's Mommy

Dear Kathy and moon_beam,

Words cannot express how grateful I am to you both and everyone here. Here I feel safe and free to share my thoughts and feelings, even feelings of anger and disappointment toward the vet. Thank you for allowing me to vent my frustrations. More importantly, thank you both for the very constructive suggestions/recommendations to (1) write a letter to the vet; (2) write letters to Albus; and (3) share Albus's story and medical records with the licensing board here.

I don't know if others feel this way, but having something "to do," especially constructive, motivates me to get up from bed and "do" something for Albus. You're right: it will not bring Albus back. But if I can honor Albus's memory and share with the world (and with him) how much I love him and how much love he brought into my life, then I can drag myself out of bed in the morning and try to turn negative thoughts of guilt and "what if's" into positive ones of love and healing.

Kathy, if you wouldn't mind sharing privately the letter your wrote to the vet, I'd appreciate it. I'm not sure how to organize my thoughts in that regard, other than to spew off some choice words in outrage. Probably not the best idea though.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mariah. I'll go back and look for your thread on this forum. Your dear Little Girl and my little Albus share an Angel-Day. Hopefully Albus has kindly introduced himself to her, and I'm sure Hermy introduced herself right away to everyone 3 years ago (she's the social extrovert).

moon_beam, you and Kathy's words of comfort mean so much to me. Every day I look forward to checking in here and reading (and re-reading) your posts. You are right--it will take time for all of us to heal. I can only hope that Albus knows how much I love him and miss him.

Wishing everyone here a peaceful and restful Easter weekend.

Hugs,
Hermy and Albus's Mommy (Lisa)

Hi, Lisa, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Indeed, when our hearts are deeply grieving and trying to reconcile events involving the physical loss of our beloved companion, you are so right when you share with us: "I don't know if others feel this way, but having something "to do," especially constructive, motivates me to get up from bed and "do" something for Albus." Please know we are here for you, with you, and beside you, Lisa, to share the not so bad days, the not so good days, and the days when it feels like your heart is breaking under the burden of your deep sorrow.

Once again, I hope today is treating you kindly, Lisa, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Albus' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, Hermy and Albus's Mommy

I did the same thing - Saying "hi, Tama Cat" like I usually said to greet her, and immediatly realizing that she is not longer here. Of course, I went into a sobbing fit right after that...

My sister lost her 19-year old cat on February 22, and my daughter lost her dog (I think he was almost 11 years old) about a year ago, so I have been calling them almost every day when I have my grief attacks. Just having some sympathetic ears have been very comforting and helpful.

My thoughts are with you, Hermy and Albus's Mommy.

Hisae Y.

Dear Kathy, moon_beam, and Hisae Y.,

Thank you for your kind posts. Reading them brings me such comfort during this difficult time.

Hisae Y., your comment that you "went into a sobbing fit" right after you called Tama's name really hit home. I went into a sobbing fit today when I picked up my mail and found a bill from the vet's office. It will be two weeks tomorrow morning since my Albus died, and getting the vet's bill for that morning of hell broke me down.

I just can't understand it. Albus's follow-up visit, which was supposed to be routine, on Friday, March 20, precipitated his crisis. I gladly (and stupidly) paid over $300 for that visit and medications. Three days later, on Monday, March 23, when I call the vet's office in a panic because my bunny hasn't been eating, pooping, or peeing and is crouching in pain, the vet brushes me off and tells me to come in the following day. Albus was dying. By the next morning, he had given up on anyone helping him or saving him. Tuesday, March 24, Albus dies in the vet's office because of the vet's actions on March 20, and they send me another bill for over $300! For what? For killing Albus?

I'm sorry I'm ranting and raving. I'm so angry and upset and outraged over poor Albus's death. I blame myself for not taking Albus somewhere else for a second opinion. I blame myself for not questioning this vet. This vet was highly recommended by the rabbit rescue organization from which I adopted all my bunnies. This clinic has 3 vets and 1 intern, all for "exotic" animals. Yet they have no emergency services available--no one is on-call, there is no answering service after hours, there is no one available by phone or in person after hours at all. Their website refers emergencies to the local 24-hour animal emergency room and another practice, but neither place has a vet for rabbits. What's the point in being a specialist who is not available for emergencies? It is like telling a parent of a human child to go to the emergency room after hours but no one there knows how to treat children. What the h---???

I've been sobbing for the past hour or so, in sadness and in anger. At work today, someone told me, "It was his time." I just stared at this person. Albus didn't deserve to die like this, at this or any other time. No one, human or animal, deserves to die at the hands of someone he/she trusted. Poor Albus...

Sorry for the angry post tonight. My heart is full of grief and sadness, but it is also full of love for my dear Albus. I hope Albus can forgive me. I should have done things differently, then maybe he would still be here.

Wishing you all a peaceful evening and restful night.

Warm hugs,
Hermy and Albus's Mommy (Lisa)

Dear Albus' and Hermy's Mommy,

I was away this past weekend and I just read your last 2 posts. I will be writing--a lot--to you tomorrow.

Please believe us that you have NOTHING to feel guilty about.

Much more to follow...

Kathy

Hermy and Albus's Mommy,

I love what you wrote:

Your dear Little Girl and my little Albus share an Angel-Day. Hopefully Albus has kindly introduced himself to her, and I'm sure Hermy introduced herself right away to everyone 3 years ago (she's the social extrovert).

I bet that Albus and Little Girl know that you and I are in touch and that they share the same Angel-Day. And yes, Little Girl and Hermy probably already knew each other and they greeted Albus warmly. (And now I think they're all on a mission to make sure that you don't feel guilty for ANYTHING.

Regarding Mariah, I started pursuing making a complaint to the Vet Licensing Board and now I wish I'd followed through. But here's the letter I sent to the (excuse for a) vet: (Will write more to you later today.)


Gary,
I’m writing so that I can have some closure over an incident with you from years ago because I haven’t been able to get over the horror of July 10, 1998.

I had a 4:30 appointment with you for my cat, Mariah. I brought her to you with symptoms of poor appetite, swollen abdomen, and occasional vomiting. I felt I was treated rudely and that Mariah was treated like an object. You examined her abdomen and stated in a callous tone of voice, "This is a very sick animal." You then inserted a needle into or near the vicinity of her abdomen and stated that she had a tumor from which blood was leaking and added, with a distinctly uncaring tone, "she will be dead by tomorrow."

Bawling uncontrollably, and in horror--both at the condition of my pet and at the seemingly inhuman attitude you projected--I asked frantically whether any tests or other procedures could be conducted. You impatiently replied that you could "open her up" for an exploratory exam but that you had four other patients to see first.

We were going to wait in the car while her FeVL test was running, but before we headed out the door you said, "This cat will be dead by tomorrow

While waiting in the car, I decided in desperation to get to a pay phone to call another vet. The Norway Vet Hospital and they said they could see her immediately.

Mariah was diagnosed with pancreatitis... and hung on for 3 days while they tried to save her.

July 13th, the day she died, I received a note from you (it was postmarked Saturday, July 11th). It was a hand-written note demanding immediate payment for services rendered. The note was highlighted in yellow. This added an immeasurable amount of pain to the nightmare I was already living through.

I’ve often wondered over the years whether you’ve revisited the incident and whether you’ve felt remorse.

I needed to get this off my chest as part of my closure over something that has haunted me all these years.

Hi, Lisa, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. It is difficult enough to endure the grief adjustment journey when our beloved companions transition home to the angels with the blessing of good veterinary care. But I know so well from first hand experience how more difficult it is to cope with their physical loss in addition to anger and frustration with inappropriate medical care from people who are supposed to be professionals in their field. In the letter you send to the Virginia veterinary licensing board I would highly encourage you to include a copy of the bill and explain why you feel it is inappropriate for you to have to pay it (even if you have). You may also want to contact the Better Business Bureau to place a complaint against the practice and ask them to arbitrate the payment of that last invoice. This way if you choose not to pay the bill you will have a record of your complaint should the veterinary practice place a negative comment on your credit rating.

I would also like to affirm Kathy's comforting assurance that your beloved Albus has been welcomed by your beloved Hermy, Kathy's beloved Little Girl, and all of the residents of heaven's perfect garden. Your beloved Albus is now restored to his former youthfulness telling all the other residents of the loving care you gave to him during his earthly journey, and all the residents are listening intently to his every word nodding their heads in approval.

Sadly, Lisa, none of us has control over the time and circumstances surrounding our departure from this physical realm. But I do so understand how haunted your heart is about what happened with your beloved Albus. I hope as your deep grief eases you will be able to find a peace in your heart that you did everything in your human and humane power to give your beloved Albus a happy and healthy earthly journey, and excellent medical care.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Lisa, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Albus' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Kathy and moon_beam,

Thank you so much for your encouraging posts. Your words, guidance, and support are like the beacons of light in a terrible storm. Thank you!!!

Kathy, I very much appreciate your sharing the letter you sent to Mariah's first vet, and I am SO sorry for what you and your Little Girl went through with that horrible excuse for a vet. I share your outrage and pain over how your Little Girl was treated as the patient and how you were treated as a her parent and fellow human being.

Today, my mother and one of my friends have both suggested, as you have, that I write a letter to the vet. Albus loved to FaceTime with my mother. He would listen intently to her as she told him how her day went and to encourage him to take his medications. He would occasionally wink at her too.

moon_beam, your advice has been invaluable. Thank you. I plan to report to the Virginia veterinary licensing board. Great advice to include a copy of the bill. I had not thought of that. I will also contact the BBB to place a complaint. I do not want another innocent animal to suffer needlessly at their hands.

I love your vivid description of our departed loved ones in heaven's perfect garden, gathered around, sharing stories of their lives. It brings a smile to my face and in my heart. Thank you so much for that.

"I would also like to affirm Kathy's comforting assurance that your beloved Albus has been welcomed by your beloved Hermy, Kathy's beloved Little Girl, and all of the residents of heaven's perfect garden. Your beloved Albus is now restored to his former youthfulness telling all the other residents of the loving care you gave to him during his earthly journey, and all the residents are listening intently to his every word nodding their heads in approval."


I can see Albus gathered around with his sister Hermy, Kathy's dear Little Girl, Bobbie's Trevor, your 3 departed fur babies, and all the other wonderful little angels. Perhaps Albus is comparing notes with Mariah, going over what vets should and should not do in their practice of medicine. I can see Hermy being outraged for her brother Albus.

I can only hope that they are all happy, pain-free, carefree, and joyful. I think if I can keep believing that, I can make it one day at a time.

Today marks exactly two weeks since Albus departed this world, but it feels like an eternity since I held him in my arms.

Hugs to you all! I'll keep praying for all of us here and for our little loved ones.

Good night,
Hermy and Albus's Mommy

Lisa,

I can only hope that they are all happy, pain-free, carefree, and joyful. I think if I can keep believing that, I can make it one day at a time.

I honestly believe they are completely all the things you mentioned!!!

We'll help you every step of the way in this journey. I'm glad you are planning to write to the Vet Board, etc. You and Albus might save many precious lives as a result.

How are Harry and Ron doing?

Will look forward to hearing how you are feeling. Write soon.

Prayers your way (especially prayers to help you fully understand that NOTHING was your fault),

Kathy

Hi, Lisa, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I can so understand how you're feeling when you share with us: "Today marks exactly two weeks since Albus departed this world, but it feels like an eternity since I held him in my arms." This grief journey is both emotionally and physically painful because we are faced with the task of adjusting our lives to their physical absence. Especially during the deep grief our arms and hearts literally physically ache to hold them, to touch them, to see them, to hear them "just one more time." This is one of the many reasons why this grief journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, with the reassurance that you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through. And I am so very glad that your mother and your friends are offering you support, comfort, and encouragement, too.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Harry and Ron kindly, Lisa, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Albus' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Kathy and moon_beam,

Thank you for your posts yesterday. It was of great comfort to read them.

I feel even more guilty now than I did before. Last night, for some unknown reason, I had the urge to search online for another vet in my area that specializes in rabbits and to read more about Albus's condition (sludgy bladder syndrome). To my horror, I found a veterinary clinic in the exact same area that specializes in "exotic" pets with 24/7 emergency services, including 24/7 phone support and weekend office hours for rabbits! They have over 20 vets with 10 of them specializing in rabbits. How could I not have known this? How could I not have looked for this place when Albus was still alive? How could I not have taken my poor Albus there on Saturday or Sunday when he was injured by his vet on Friday? Why didn't I find this place on that Monday when I called his vet and his vet refused to see him until the following day, when it was too late? Why didn't his vet ever mentioned this other clinic for after-hours and emergency care? Why didn't the receptionist tell me on Monday, when the vet didn't have time to see Albus that day, to go to this other clinic? When I called his vet to tell him that Albus had not eaten, urinated or defecated in 3 days and was in extreme pain, why didn't anyone tell me to go to the other clinic?

I don't understand. I don't understand how this could have happened. When I read about Albus's condition last night, I found several articles written by vets that cautioned against massaging or expressing the bladder because of the risks of rupturing the bladder AND causing an acute urinary obstruction, with a painful death within 24 hours! And yet Albus's vet expressed his bladder at every visit, both before and after his major bladder surgery. I also read online that cystocentesis (drawing urine from the bladder with a needle and syringe to obtain a urine sample and/or drain the bladder) is commonly performed on a rabbit while awake without pain or discomfort. Why Albus's vet never did this I don't know! Why he only had it done as he was dying that morning by another vet in the practice I don't understand! And finally why did he have it done under anesthesia that morning when the vet told me that Albus would not survive anesthesia? Why didn't he relieve the pressure in his bladder without anesthesia first and then stabilze him for anesthesia later?

I just don't understand why Albus had to suffer at the hands of his vet without any recourse! No one from their clinic at any point told me about emergency services available for Albus. Friday, when the vet acutely obstructed him and then refused to address my immediate concern about his painful squeaking and straining behavior, he should have told me about this other place in case Albus needs help overnight or on Saturday or Sunday. When I finally talk to Albus's vet on Monday, he jokes, "I heard I messed him up." Why didn't he refer me to another clinic if his own clinic with 3 vets didn't have time to see an emergency? Why did he tell me, "even if you bring him in today, he will just sit in his cage in the back overnight until I do surgery on him at noon tomorrow"???

I'm sorry I'm repeating myself. I'm so upset. I feel so guilty. I feel so angry. My poor Albus would be alive today had it not been for his vet's negligence and direct injury/harm by the vet. Albus would be alive today had it not been for my own ignorance. Why didn't I look for another place immediately? I will never forgive myself.


I'll write more later. I'm at work now, absolutely miserable, and I have to put on a happy face.

Thank you for listening to my broken-record ranting and for being so supportive.

Very, very sad and guilty,
Hermy and Albus's Mommy

Hello Hermy's mummy,

Well, after reading your posts I am just so sad for you. I do agree that you should do something with regard to this veterinarian, please do a letter and include the invoice he sent you - how cheeky!!!

Please don't beat yourself up though, it will not do any good except keep your grief close at hand - I think taking action to see this doesn't happen again (and maybe educating that vet about rabbits)is a fantastic idea.

Thinking of you and little Albus, he was so incredibly cute - I love your facetime story with your mum!! Super cute. Hoping you have a good day today.

PS - don't listen to your co-worker either, some people will NEVER get it!!!

Moira

Hi, Lisa, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. It does seem that many times we "discover" information that would have been so beneficial for our beloved companions BEFORE circumstances spiral into an emergency situation that ultimately results in our having to adjust to their physical absence. Lisa, you had your hands full of nursing your beloved Albus trying to keep him as comfortable as possible until you could have him receive medical care. This situation is quite similar to human medicine when someone needs to see a doctor immediately in an ER setting only to have to "take a number" either because the ER is understaffed or there are multiple emergencies at one time. What do you do - - where do you go?

One of the many important things you need to remember is that your beloved Albus KNOWS you did everything in your human and humane power to give him a happy, healthy earthly journey and provide him competent and compassionate medical care. What happened with your beloved Albus is NOT YOUR FAULT!!! You cannot bear the burden of guilt for the reckless actions performed by medical veterinary practitioners. It is the VET who should be bearing the guilt of what happened to your beloved Albus - - NOT YOU.

I believe your beloved Albus helped you discover this other veterinary practice so that you can now transfer Harry's and Ron's medical care. You do NOT have to go back to the practice who treated your beloved Albus so recklessly. But your beloved Albus does NOT want you feeling guilty in any way, shape, or form, Lisa. He LOVES YOU with all his heart for all eternity - - YOU do not need his forgiveness for what happened to him. Rather, it is the veterinary practice that mistreated him that needs his forgiveness.

Lisa, I do hope in time that you will be able to find a peace in your heart that your beloved Albus KNOWS exactly what happened, and that he KNOWS you are NOT to blame for any of it - - he does not want YOU feeling guilty.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Harry and Ron kindly, Lisa, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Albus' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Moira,

Thank you so much for your kind words. It always makes me smile whenever someone says Albus is cute. He's my cutie-pie!

With the encouragement and kind thoughts of everyone here, I have decided to work on the letter and the formal complaint to the licensing board this weekend. It may not give me a sense of closure (I may never have closure), but I hope it will give me a chance to speak for my little Albus, since he can no longer do so, and for other innocent rabbits.

You're right--beating myself up just keeps me in the vicious cycle of guilt and "what ifs"--but taking action, at least letting someone know what happened, gives others a chance to avoid Albus's fate.

Hugs,
Hermy and Albus's Mommy (Lisa)

Hi moon_beam,

Thank you for your comforting words and positive thoughts. As soon as I finished work today, I read your post and Stormycloud's post. I felt such warmth and understanding flow through me as I read them. Thank you!!!

Thank you for saying, "your beloved Albus KNOWS you did everything in your human and humane power to give him a happy, healthy earthly journey and provide him competent and compassionate medical care . . . . He LOVES YOU with all his heart for all eternity - - YOU do not need his forgiveness for what happened to him." That means the world to me.

I plan to pay the vet's bill and request Harry and Ron's medical records. I am transferring all future care of Harry and Ron's medical needs to this other practice I found last night. Thank you again for your guidance and support during this difficult time.

Wishing all of us here a peaceful, restful night...many warm hugs to all!

Hermy and Albus's Mommy (Lisa)

Lisa!

I am so very sorry that you have had such a rough time reliving things!!!

I am going to write more in the morning--but I want you to know that when I read moon_beam's note to you, it completely resonated with me. EVERYTHING SHE SAID. It's true.

Albus is showering you with love and prayers for YOUR peace. HE is at peace and in bliss.

More tomorrow. You have NOTHING to feel guilty for ! A healing journey but no guilt. And Harry and Ron benefit--thanks to sweet, loving Albus.

Kathy

Lisa,

I hope you are able to take moon_beam's words to heart. She truly said it all.

We are here to support you every step of the way--whether it's reassurance during a dark day, or extra help with your Vet Board dealings...anything.

Wishing you as much peace as you possibly can feel. You sure deserve it.

Hugs and prayers,

Kathy

Hi, Lisa, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Working on the letter to the vet who improperly cared for your beloved Albus and the veterinary licensing board will hopefully provide you some comfort and affirmation that you did everything you could for your beloved Albus. When you begin writing let yourself go emotionally expressing your anger and frustration over the events that led to the physical loss of your beloved Albus. You may then want to put the letters aside for a day or so to give yourself an opportunity to think about what you have written. Then go back to the letters and edit them as you see appropriate. When you are satisfied with how the letters read, they are ready to be mailed. You may want to consider mailing them "priority mail" with a tracking number so that you will have confirmation that they were delivered. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Lisa, and please let us know what happens.

"Closure" is a word that evolved during the 1970's / 1980's when hospice services began here in counseling family members, friends, and caregivers of terminally ill clients. The reality is this word offers little comfort because there is no "closure" to the sadness of adjusting to the physical absence of a loved one - - whoever the life form. As our deep grief eases we "adjust" to the physical absence of our beloved companion, and this is healthy. But we continue to carry them in our hearts and memories, and there will always be a part of our hearts that will feel sadness in our physical separation from them. When we lose a loved one - - whoever the life form - - under tragic circumstances the sorrow in our hearts is even deeper and the adjustment to their physical absence is more difficult. This is another reason, among many, why it is important for you to remember we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, Lisa. There are no "expiration dates" here for sharing with us what is in your heart - - whatever you feel comfortable sharing with us.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Harry and Ron kindly, Lisa, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Albus' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, Lisa

I just wanted to add a quick note that I am thinking of you. It's 11 days since Tama's passing and I am still thinking about "I should have..." and "what if ...". I try not to, because thinking like that makes me very sad.

Please give a big hug to Harry and Ron. I have never had bunnies as pets, but I have heard they are very sweet companions.

Hisae

Dear Kathy, moon_beam, Stormycloud, and Hisae Y,

Thank you all for your comforting thoughts and prayers. Reading your posts is like soaking up emotional sustenance for me during this time. Every day is still so difficult to get through, but your words remind me of the love between Albus and me and that the love will always be there. My feelings of guilt and grief obscure everything. Reminders of that pure wholesome love between our fur babies and us are truly life-sustaining and even life-saving. So thank you!

I spent most of yesterday afternoon, evening, and night working on a timeline of events for the formal complaint to the licensing board. I'm almost finished with the draft but need to add a few paragraphs about the voicemail message and the bill I received after Albus's passing.

moon_beam, thank you for the suggestion to let it sit for a day before revisiting and editing it. That's my plan for today. I'm going to try to focus on organizing my photos of Albus. I have the photos on the computer, but I think I'd like to order some prints to display around the house. My place seems so empty without him here. I keep looking for him in his favorite hiding places.

Kathy, I'm so grateful for your kind support and advice. I'm wondering what you and moon_beam think I should do in terms of reporting anonymously versus reporting with my name and Albus's name to the board. Their website states, "NOTE: The Department of Health Professions cannot guarantee anonymity. Information regarding your report, including information provided by you, may be shared with the subject of the report (practitioner or licensee). If you wish to submit an anonymous report, do not include any information on the complaint form, envelope, email or supplemental documents that reveal your identity." My mind is all muddled with grief. I can't seem to sort out the pros and cons of reporting with or without my name. I'm fairly certain the vet and his clinic will know even without my name on it. At the very least, I hope the board investigates Albus's case.

Yesterday, one of my co-workers said that it's a good thing to report this to the proper authorities. She's been very supportive too. She calls this the "Justice for Albus" campaign.

I miss Albus so very much! I hope he knows how much I love him and how sorry I am for not saving his life. Maybe in some small way I can find "justice for Albus" and others too.

Sending warm thoughts and prayers and hugs to all!

Hermy and Albus's Mommy

Hi, Lisa, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. In regards to your question about the letter to the licensing board: "I'm wondering what you and moon_beam think I should do in terms of reporting anonymously versus reporting with my name and Albus's name to the board." I can only answer you in terms of if I were in your situation. Based on that premise, if it were me I would have NO problem identifying myself and my beloved companion who were the victims of reckless veterinary care to the licensing board. There can be no "investigation" into what specifically happened with your beloved Albus unless you specifically identify you and your beloved Albus in your letter. If I may make a suggestion: before you send your letter to the licensing board, you may want to contact the alternate veterinary practice for a "meet and greet" appointment for your precious Harry and Ron to have their records transferred to that practice. This way your "business" with the veterinary practice who was reckless in your beloved Albus' care will be finished. And since you are paying the final invoice no one at that practice can place a complaint against you on your credit rating. This is just my point of view, Lisa - - whatever YOU decide will be the RIGHT DECISION for you. Please let us know how things go.

I like your co-workers slogan "Justice for Albus." Indeed, what happened to you and your beloved Albus at the hands of the veterinary practice should NOT have happened, and for different reasons I fully understand your need to do what you can to achieve it.

As always, I hope today is treating you and your precious Harry and Ron kindly, Lisa, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Albus' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

"Justice for Albus" - what a beautiful suggestion.

I agree with moon_beam on perhaps identifying yourself but that HOWEVER you decide to proceed is exactly right for you!!!

Keep us posted !!

Kathy

Dear moon_beam and Kathy,

Thank you so much for your kind words and wonderful suggestions. My plan is to pay the vet's bill over the phone tomorrow and request a receipt. I also plan to request Harry's records and Ron's records so that I can transfer their care to the other clinic.

I discovered something disturbing this morning. I finally got around to reading Albus's medical record for March 24, 2015, the day he died. It states, "Patient arrested during procedure and CPR was unsuccessful."

I'm shocked. I don't mean to repeat myself, but this is what happened:

Albus and I arrived at their clinic around 7:10 a.m. A technician immediately started to assist him, giving him oxygen, placing a warming mat and towel under him, and palpating his abdomen. She said his bladder was huge and rock hard. Another technician administered intramuscular pain medication and intramuscular muscle relaxant. He started to breathe more comfortably and steadily, although they said his heart rate and respiratory rate were rapid. Every few seconds, he tensed his abdominal muscles and strained to urinate, even while lying on his side. I stayed with him, holding the oxygen mask over his nose and mouth, and waited for the veterinarian.

Around 8:00 a.m., the vet had arrived and immediately discussed euthanasia. He said he could try catheterization under anesthesia but Albus might not make it through anesthesia. I said I wanted him to try anything and everything to save his life and that I was not ready to choose euthanasia. I told him Albus was fine until the other vet expressed his bladder on Friday, causing an acute urinary obstruction.

He handed me a clipboard with two forms: a consent form for surgery and hospitalization and a euthanasia form. He then took Albus to the back of the clinic. Less than 20 minutes later, the vet came out to talk to me. Immediately, I asked to see Albus, but he led me into an empty exam room and closed the door. He said he removed 15 mL of urine by needle aspiration. He said he was not able to get an IV in because he could not find a vein. He said he catheterized the urethra and bladder, injected 20 mL of saline, and tried to withdraw urine, but nothing would come out. He said, while under anesthesia, Albus almost died. They intubated him and stopped the procedure. I asked if he was awake and if I could see him. He didn’t answer me. He said Albus was not going to make it. He said he could not relieve the obstruction and Albus would not survive bladder surgery. He again said I needed to choose euthanasia. I asked if he could stabilize him so he could try to relieve the obstruction later. He said he did not think he would make it. At this time, his technician knocked on the door and he ran into the back of the clinic.

Less than five minutes later, around 8:30 a.m., the vet came back out into the waiting room. He said, “I’m sorry, the little guy didn’t make it. He went into cardiac arrest.” Again, I asked to see Albus, but again I was denied access to him. I said, “Oh, no! No! No! No! I want to see him. I wasn’t with him when he died!!!” He said he would bring his body to me in an empty exam room.

Why didn’t the vet tell me when he first came out that Albus had already passed away DURING the procedure, as it says in the medical record? Instead, he came out to talk to me AFTER the procedure, would not let me see Albus when I asked, and recommended that I choose euthanasia again, when my poor Albus was already dead.

This dishonest presentation of facts, when I was not told truthfully that Albus had already expired during the procedure, stuns me. Instead, post-operatively, I was presented with euthanasia as the only viable option when Albus was already dead. Repeatedly, I was not permitted to see Albus when requested. Was this due to the fact that Albus had already expired and the veterinarian wanted me to choose euthanasia to avoid liability?

I don't understand what happened. I don't understand the deception and the lies. I don't understand their recklessness and their negligence. Now add to all of that, their deliberate misrepresentation of events.

I don't understand why. I always, always paid them in full AT the time of service. No matter what. No matter how high they charged (overcharged) because I believed in doing whatever was best for Albus. I even offered to pay the bill that day he died. I stopped at the check-out desk, spoke with the receptionist, and offered to pay for their services with my credit card before leaving. The vet said, “Don’t worry about it. We know where you live.”

My poor, poor Albus! I am outraged and hurt. Albus and I trusted these vets and technicians. I placed my trust and Albus's life in their hands. At Albus's most critical time of need, they lied to me!

I'm devastated over losing Albus, and now I discover this. It's horrifying.

Thanks for listening as always.

Hugs (and sobs),
Hermy and Albus's Mommy

Hi, Lisa, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I truly wish there was a way I could take this horrible pain from you heart, but unfortunately I do not have this power. The events leading to your beloved Albus' departure from this earthly realm are tragic, and I can feel the deep sorrow in your heart as you learn more of what happened to him. This is all the more reason why a review of his medical records by the veterinary licensing board may help in obtaining some "Justice for Albus" - - and you. Please know we are here for you, with you, and beside you, Lisa, to try to offer you comfort, support, encouragement, and hope in this time of deepest sorrow for you.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Harry and Ron kindly, Lisa, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Albus' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam