At 10:15 PM EST, will mark exactly one week ago tonight that my beloved 8 year old, Min pin, chihauhau mix, Dylan dropped dead unexpectedly. I am dreading the arrival of that time and I sit her with my stomach in knots and a lump in my throat. I have cried so much over the past week that it seems I have nothing left, until it slowly builds and wells up to burst forth in what I have deemed "grief attacks". I loved Dylan more than any living being on this earth and I am still in shock over her loss. I am unsure what to do tonight. I will most likely light a candle and I have her stuffed animal placed nearby as it smells like her. I hate that a site such as this is necessary. I resent that we should have to endure such pain. I have come to feel that my grief is proportionate to my love for Dylan. Please hold a good thought for me and Dylan tonight at 10:15 if you happen to be on the board. I know we appreciate it. Peace and contentment to all of us.

Hi, Miki, thank you so much for sharing with us your and your beloved Dylan's one week angel-versary. Indeed, during the deep grief every minute of every hour of every day feels like a continual reminder of the painful reality that our beloved companion is no longer physically with us. When our companions come into our lives, our lives are changed for the better. They are dependent upon us for their every need and they become the center of our universe. Our daily routines revolve around them. When they are no longer physically with us, our lives are changed again, and we are faced with the enormous painful task of "re-inventing" our lives that no longer includes the need for their physical care. We find ourselves going for that special treat only to be reminded that our beloved companion is no longer physically there to enjoy it. We go shopping and the pet supply aisle is a knife in the heart that we no longer need to get their supplies. We find a toy that has been "hidden" away in safe keeping and our hearts break anew.

I promise you, Miki, that it will not always be this way. I promise you that one day, very likely when you least expect it, you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Dylan and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and your heart will fill with the warmth of the many treasured memories you and your beloved Dylan share. And you will come to truly understand that even though she is no longer physically with you that her sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey - - for the love bond you and your beloved Dylan share is eternal - - she is always a heartbeat close to you.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing these wonderful pictures of you and your beloved Dylan. It is obvious she loves you, and is eternally thankful you are Forever Mom. I hope today is treating you kindly, Miki, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Dylan's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Miki,

I hope you made it through last night, your little Dylan is so incredibly adorable. I lost my dog in 2010, he was 14 and was amazing, so I totally understand the utter devastation you feel, it took me quite a while to not cry every day. Everywhere reminded me of him - the car, certain areas of the city where we would go together, the backyard, where he slept and on and on.

I really am sad for you, Dylan looks like he loved you so much too, your pictures are lovely, and as I said, he is so very cute.

Hugs to you, hope you are doing okay today.

Moira

Moonbeam and stormycloud, thanks so much for your words of encouragement. It means a lot to know that people care. I ended up lighting a candle for Dylan and then I just went outside and spent some time in the yard where she died. It is truly one day, one moment at a time. I have one more significant obstacle to overcome as I have to pick her ashes up on Monday. I both dread this and at the same time I am eager to get her home where she belongs. I paid extra to have her paw print imprinted on her urn. It's strange, I can do ok for awhile when I am home alone but when I have to speak of Dylan or I am around people, that's when I struggle to keep it together. Anyways, thanks again for the encouragement. All the best to you.

Blessings to you tonight, Miki. My prayers are with you tonight and will be with you tomorrow. I hope you get a chance to share here how you are doing when you pick up Dylan's ashes.

The love between you and Dylan is so obvious. You are indeed her Forever Mom.

Kathy

Thank you Kathy. Your kind words are also very much appreciated.

Hi Miki,

Good luck tomorrow, I will also be picking up my cat Cloudy's ashes too. She died last Tuesday after kidney failure - she was 19 though, and although she had been very healthy until the week before, it was still awful.

Keeping you in my thoughts!

Hi Miki and Stormy Cloud,

Lilly's ashes were brought home to me last week and it was a very emotional moment. However it was comforting knowing that she was finally back home. I will always keep them with me as her favourite place was cuddling up with me. I'm planning a ceremony for her with my sons where we will go to her favourite park. I'm so heartbroken and still in tears, but want to do this for her as I the thought of her seeing me unhappy is too much to bear. She never liked to see me cry so I am planning to tell her how much she meant to me, that I will hold her in my heart forever and that I want her to run and play and we will meet again. My thoughts are with you both as you collect your beloved pets ashes and bring them home.

Hi, Miki, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Indeed, getting our beloved companion's ashes back can be a two sided coin - - the one side it can be very comforting having them back home with us where they belong, yet the other side of the coin it is yet another "reality check" that they are no longer with us in the physical form our hearts and arms long for them to be.

I know so well from first hand experience how difficult it is to put on the "public face" when our hearts are breaking with the deepest sorrow we will know on this side of eternity. I remember being so thankful for the privacy of the restroom while I was working so that I could make a fast retreat to regain my composure so that I could go back to my desk and continue my work. And then getting into the car for the drive home and having the dam burst of gut-wrenching sobbing all the way home. I remember when my beloved canine companion Oslo joined the angels. I needed to return unopened packages of his food that I had gotten from the local pet store. I was fine during the drive into the city and walking into the store. I calmly asked to speak with the manager, and the staff kindly got him for me. Just as I started to explain to him my need to return the food, I broke down crying. It took me a few moments to regain my composure so that I could explain, and the manager was very kind and supportive. This happened 2 months after my beloved Oslo joined the angels. So, I can perfectly understand how difficult it is for you right now, and may continue to be for awhile yet. Please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Miki, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Dylan's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I picked up Dylan's ashes and yes it was hard to hold it together as I approached the counter to tell them why I was there. The Vet waiting room was of course full, but I managed to quickly and sternly get my words out. The receptionist quickly handed me a green gift bag and I simply walked out. As I walked across the parking lot I had to clench my jaw as I could still be seen through various windows. Once I the car, I could let go. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be and I do feel better knowing Dylan is now home with me where she belongs. I have have discovered Pet memorial websites where charms/pendants can be ordered that you can put some of your pet's ashes into and therefore carry them with you wherever you go. I am opting for a dog tag style that you can have a photo etched onto the front with inscription on the back. I can't wait to receive this and be able to keep Dylan with me at all times.

Miki, that sounds like a lovely idea and I'm going to do something similar with my Lilly. Right now I'm wearing her purple collar on my arm as it makes me feel she is with me. Your Dylan looks beautiful and she clearly loves you. I'm going to try to post a photo of my beloved Lilly here today, but each time I look at a photo of her I break down.

Hi, Miki, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I'm so glad to share your news that your beloved Dylan is back home with you where she belongs. This is another step among many in the grief adjustment journey. The pendant sounds lovely, and I know wearing this will bring great comfort to you. It is important during this grief journey to do what we need to do to bring comfort in the midst of our deepest sorrow.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Miki, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Dylan's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, Miki

You are not alone in how you are feeling after losing your beloved Dylan. Lump in your throat, big hole in your heart, uncontrollable sob, guilt, grief, longing to hold your pet just one more time - it feels that we can never come out of this gloom.

I picked up my sweet Tama's ashes last night from the vet. She was always there when I was feeling down, and she had a sweet disposition. I can't think about going through my day without her. Opening my front door and realizing that she will not greet me there really hurts me.

Please hang in there - please take a comfort in that many of us here in this site have experienced this gut-wrenching loss of a beloved companion (or companions), and in this forum, we hope to find some solace - we are all here for you.

Much love,

Hisae Y.