Hi group,
I am new here. I have a 10.9 yr old German Shepherd dog named Kya. In Sept 2014 Kya was found to have an &%^ sac tumor. I took her to a soft tissue surgeon who did the surgery but couldnt get clean margins. We also put her on chemo(Melphalan) she did well the 1st month of treatment but had a severe GI blowout the 2nd month and needed hospitalization. She refused to eat for 4 days. Luckily,she bounced back from that and we took her home and discontinued the chemo. On 12/1,I saw a recurrence of the tumor at her rectum,it had returned w/a vengeance. This time,I found a surgical oncologist and he did a revision surgery on 12/5 and was able to get clean margins. Kya had been doing fine ever since. Strong,eats well and is playful and happy. However,lately Ive noticed her rectum area swelling and looking chaffed and inflamed. I took her back to the oncologist on 3/10/15 for exam and while we were there we did chest x-rays. The Dr noticed that the lymph node behind her right leg was swollen and so he biopsied that and a piece of the rectum. I got the news back that radiology reviewed her x-rays and her lungs were clear. The next day the bad news arrived, Kyas tumor was "mobilizing and trying to spread" and that pathology found evidence of "metastatic adenocarcinoma."......I took her back in on Saturday 3/14 for baseline blood work and we immediately put her on Palladia. The surgeon was frank with me and said this cancer will eventually kill her. I am devastated. I have had her since she was 8 weeks old. Its been basically just her and I for a very long time. She is my best friend,my heart and soul. I dont know how I will get beyond this. he also is my 1st dog as an adult. As well,the palladia cost one thousands dollars per month. Kya is a big girl,@ 115 lbs. I cannot afford to keep that up very long,who could? I am disabled.retired and on a fixed income. Ive spent nearly all my life savings so far. There isnt much left but what can I do? I have to buy her time,if I can. I am truly becoming despondent and Im beginning to think that if she goes,Ill go too. I know thats crazy but thats where my mind is now. I hope and pray the drug helps to keep this cancer at bay for a while. Although it has basically only been her and I,we have lived a good life. She is very much loved and knows it. But she also has shown me complete unconditional love thru the years and the many hard times and lonliness during those years. I dont know what Im going to without her. I cant type anymore,I cant see thru the tears,Ive been crying for days and I just cant seem to get a hold of myself. If anyone here has had similar experiences please reply. Thank You, Paul M

Hi Paul,

I am so very sorry about what you and Kya are going through!

You are a remarkable Dad, taking such excellent care of Kya through everything, including extensive and expensive tests and surgeries.

I think I understand thinking that if our furry child goes, we will go too. We can't imagine any worthwhile life after the physical departure of our baby. I feel that in my life's journey, my main mission is to help animals and I have, and continue to have, opportunities to do that. This world and its animals needs as many caring people like you as it can get. When Kya's time does come--to pass from her physical body--she will remain with you as her spiritual self and I believe she will guide you to another needy animal to watch over.

In the meantime, she feels your intense love even while she is still in her body. You 2 have an unbreakable bond.

Please keep us posted on how you and she are doing as you navigate this very difficult journey!

We are here for you.

Kathy

Hi, Paul, please permit me to add my sincerest condolences on the diagnosis of cancer and prognosis of your precious Kya. It is devastating when we receive confirmation that a precious companion's earthly journey is coming to an end. I know all too well from first hand experience with my beloved companions how unconsolable your heart is feeling at the prospects of being physically separated from your precious Kya. This is known as Anticipatory Grief which is a horror roller coaster ride all of its own because during the Anticipatory Grief our hearts are still hoping that somehow a miracle can happen that can restore our precious companion to a stable quality of health to keep them with us longer - - while struggling with the reality that their health is declining and there is nothing we can do to stop the inevitable moment in time when they will precede us to the angels.

Paul, from what you have shared with us it is obvious you have done everything in your human and humane power to give your precious Kya a happy, healthy earthly journey. You and your precious Kya must now focus on her "quality of life" which will enhance the time you have remaining together. Like human medicine, there is just so much that veterinary medicine can do for our precious companions, and as with human medicine procedures so the same applies to the medical care of our precious companions - - just because a procedure "can be done" does not necessarily mean that it is in the best interest of our companion for it "to be done." Only YOU, Paul, can determine what medical procedures are in the best interest of your precious Kya, - - and whatever you decide - - either yes or no - - will be the RIGHT decision.

I know all too well with each of my beloved companions that there is NEVER a "good time" to have to adjust to the physical absence of a beloved companion. It doesn't matter how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company nor does it matter if it's our first experience or our thousandth - - there is no easy way to navigate the grief journey. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone - - each of us here understands what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your precious Kya with us, Paul. Please know you and your precious Kya are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank You Both for the replies. Its just so awful and you're right,it IS a roller=coaster. It has been since it started. I use the pet cancer support group on Face-book too and many,many people there are following Kya's story. I have met some great folks at that site but you know,Ive watched over the months,one lose a dog,and another and another. I knew one day I would be next and faced with this awful thing. As you indicated,somewhere in my mind I thought to myself,"Perhaps I/ 'Kya will be the one that beats it. But, that's not meant to be. No one usually beats cancer,but it just seems so unfair.I don't think I said this in my original post but I have no children,I am 56 yrs old and alone,except for Kya. I really have lived the last 11 years to tend to her needs and take care of her. Everything has revolved around Kya. I don't know what I will do anymore. Aside from that,I just don't wanna be without her. I know we all die and death is part of life,but when it strikes you,it seems so hard. I haven't dealt with any death of any significance to me. This is significant! iI understand you saying that the bond of love cannot be broken even if she isnt here in her physical body,thats very true. No matter what,she will always be with me and in my mind and heart. The way I feel now about this is I wouldn't go thru this again for anything,so I would never get another animal. I know people say that,but it just hurts to badly. I do love all animals and would want to try to help others in some way but right now the pain of the anticipation is just to much to bear. I have some food that didn't agree with Kya and its a high quality canned food. I'm gunna take it to the local shelter and donate it. I am from NY but now in Florida, I dont know anybody here that can help me so Im reaching out on this forum. I sincerely thank you for the comments. Kya goes back to the specialty hospital on Thursday for ultrasounds,if its in her belly and liver,than I most likely will discontinue the Palladia. At the cost of it, I couldn't keep that up for long anyway. Please pray for her and again Thank You ! Pauil

Paul,

That is so kind of you to donate Kya's special food ! You will be helping someone else a lot !

I'm sorry there is not more support where you are. You have us here and we care and will be checking for updates from you.

Let us know how Thursday's appt. goes.

Warm hugs to both of you,

Kathy

I will let this forum know. Thanks...

Hi, Paul, thank you so much for sharing with us how your precious Kya and you are doing. Please know you both are in my thoughts and prayers during this very difficult time with your precious Kya's medical crisis.

I can so relate to what you are going through, Paul, on many levels. Several years ago I had the blessing and privilege of a canine companion who saw me through a very long and dark recovery and rehabilitation from severe injuries as a result of another driver losing control of his vehicle which resulted in him hitting my car head on. My beloved Samson saw me through multiple surgeries with each one putting me back to "ground zero" with my recovery and rehab. This traumatic event permanently changed my life physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It was a difficult and grievous day when I had to make the decision to release him from his frail, failing physical body at 15 years and 8 months due to multiple health challenges. He was not only my companion but he also became my "therapy partner" as he was able to detect what I needed and when I needed it before I was aware of what was happening. I am now a senior citizen who is the only human in my household blessed with the company of my precious feline companion Noah who is also a senior citizen now which means that our earthly time together is becoming more limited. Because of my age and the physical challenges from the injuries that are becoming more pronounced I know I will not be able to embrace a new companion into my life when my precious Noah is no longer physically with me. And I know that when this time comes it will be a very difficult adjustment to make indeed.

The important thing right now is for you and Kya to take one day at a time and make the most of it to the best of your abilities - - which I know you are already doing. Another important thing for you to know is that you are not alone, Paul. Even though none of us can be geographically with you, I hope you will feel our collective, and individual, comfort, support, and encouragement reaching out to you through the cyber miles.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Kya kindly, Paul, and that you both will have a peaceful, blissful, cozy evening. Once again, please know you and your precious Kya are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Kyadog,

Just wishing you good luck with your dog tomorrow, I hope everything is okay.

I will be thinking of you!

Hi,
Thank you both for those comments. Moon Bean ,I can relate as you know. After Kya's ultrasounds it was determined that her cancer was NOT yet in her liver,kidneys nor stomach, thankfully. We are continuing on the Palladia at this point in time.but due to its excessive cost,I don't know how long I will be able to continue with it. I will for as long as possible. Right now she is still happy ,eating and at times playful. I hope and pray the medication helps her stay this way. When I can no longer afford the medication I will feel very guilty,if its helping her but no one other than a very wealth person could afford this cost. Its really absurd. I hate whats happened to her and like I said will fight this God awful disease till its simply no longer possible. I thank you all for the thoughts and prayers for me and Kya.
Paul & Kya
PS, Ive tried a few times to post her photo,but for some reason it wont upload. I guess the pics r too large and im not sure how to reduce the size. I would like u all to see the Beautiful Kya....Please let me know if there is a way to post her,Id like u all to see her.
Thank You all

I too am so sorry for your loss. As I sit here I await the arrival of 10:15pm. That is the approx. time my best friend Dylan died unexpectedly one week ago tonight. She was only 8 years old. She was a min pin chihauhau mix and I loved her like no other being on this earth. I simply let her out and found her lying dead just off from my deck. I am still trying to come to grips with what has happened and I dread that same time frame tonight when she must have passed. I don't know what to do to honor the moment. I suppose I will light a candle. I have her stuffed animal sitting her next to me as I wait. I am scheduled to pick up her ashes on Monday. I regret and I resent that any of us have to lose our soul pets and that we have to endure this agony. Peace and contentment to us all. Please hold a good thought for Dylan tonight at 10:15. Thanks so much.

Hi, Paul, thank you so much for sharing with us how Kya's check up went on Thursday, 3/19. From you share with us it sounds like your precious Kya still has a good quality of life, and this is important. As with humans who have a chronic / terminal illness, our precious companions can continue to enjoy a good quality of life even with what is called "comfort measures" - - meaning that when there is nothing more than can be done medically, there are still things we can do to help make their remaining earthly journey comfortable and happy until it is time for them to transition home to the angels.

I know what it is like to have a precious companion diagnosed with cancer. The good days are celebrated while the not so good days are fraught with worry and a piercing pain in the heart. The most important thing for you and Kya to do is to take one day at a time and enjoy each moment to its fullest - - which I know you and Kya are already doing.

I am so sorry you are having difficulty uploading a picture of your beloved Kya into your thread. You can e-mail the Lightning Strike Administrator to ask him for his assistance. I know he will be very happy to help you with this. We will look forward to seeing a picture of your precious Kya.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Kya kindly, Paul, and that you both will have a peaceful, blissful, and cozy evening. Please know you and your precious Kya are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Click to view attachment

This is a picture of beautiful, PRECIOUS Kya !

Dear Paul,

My heart goes out to you and your beautiful Kya. I too struggled trying to pay the medical costs for my little girl Lilly who tragically, but peacefully was put to sleep 10 days ago. She passed away in my arms and it was the most heart wrenching moment of my life, but she wasn't doing well. It was a painful, painful decision. I did whatever I could to keep her with me and my bank account is now zero, but I could not have done anything else. I loved her so so much. If I had money to give I would help you because I understand. I wish you and Kya all the very best and bless you both.

Hi, Paul, thank you so much for sharing this wonderful picture of your precious Kya with us - - thanks to our forum friend Kathy for helping to upload it. I am not a "technology whiz" - - so I am very glad Kathy was able to help you.

Your precious Kya is gorgeous, and it is obvious from the expression in her eyes and on her face that she knows she is loved, and forever blessed to have you for her Forever Dad.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Kya kindly, Paul, and that you both will have a peaceful, blissful, and cozy evening. Please know you and your precious Kya are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, Paul

Please let us know how you and Kya are doing. My heart aches for you and your companion. She is a beauty!

Hisae Y