I joined this forum in 2003. I lost my whole furry family that year. ...

Today, my cat Mai died. I had had her for 7 or 8 years. I got her from the shelter. Every night she snuggled in my lap. She was a tiny thing, but she kept me warm.

I feel like this is my fault. I feel like a really bad pet parent. I didn't realize she was sick and I should have realized she was sick. Last night she did not snuggle me, would not come when I called her. She was curled up next to a space heater in a bathroom. It was bitterly cold here yesterday, and I just thought...

When I picked her up this morning, I knew something was terribly, dreadfully wrong. She just felt so limp and small. She likes being held, but this was not a relaxed feeling, it was weak. And so I called the vet and they said they could see her this afternoon. So I went to work. WHen I came home to take her to vet, I couldn't find her, she didn't come. And then I found her dead under the bed....

I hate that she died alone.

I hate that I didn't know....

[quote name='Saki & Freyja's Mom' date='Jan 13 2015, 06:59 PM' post='83604']
I joined this forum in 2003. I lost my whole furry family that year. ...



Oh I am SO SO very sorry about the physical loss of your sweet Mai !!

Let me assure you that you are NOT a bad pet parent. I have heard many, many stories of pet parents thinking they somehow are bad because they made a few "mistakes" (myself included. I beat myself up until just recently for the loss of my Mariah in 1998. I thought I should have taken her to the vet sooner, etc. !).

I'm sure I would have thought the exact same thing you did, about the reason Mai was curled up next to a space heater! Cats love extra warmth especially when it is so cold. I would not have thought there was anything wrong. Also - when cats are ill, I have heard that they often prefer to be alone. My Mom's cat Thomas died under the bed even though my Mom was home at the time! As wonderful of a relationship as they had, Thomas wanted to be alone at that time. It doesn't make sense to us humans.

Mai knew, and knows, how much you love her. She really does. And in the realm she is in now (she's still with you but as a Spirit; she's with those you lost in '03, and she's everywhere there is love), she's experiencing only bliss. No regret, no pain, nothing bad at all. Since there's no sense of "time" for her now, it will seem like a split second to her before you fully join her in that realm (a long time from now, when it is your time to pass). So there is no need to worry about how she is doing.

If you can, try and imagine that the roles were reversed and it was you who had passed on. You would not want Mai to be in any emotional pain. Grieving is normal, and "guilt" etc. is part of that process so in that sense it's "normal" but only because we're still in these physical forms where we don't fully understand that there's no need to feel any guilt or regret, and that our loved ones don't want us to !

Let us know how you are doing! I will check back here later today.

Sending you prayers of peace,

Kathy

Hi, Mai's Mom, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Mai. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion so unexpectedly intensifies the grief.

Mai's Mom, as you know this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences we will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions which can overwhelm us all at one time, including all the "whys" "what ifs" and "if onlys" that torture our heart and mind at a time when we are so emotionally vulnerable.

Please permit me to add to Kathy's most comforting reassurance that you ALWAYS did the very best for your beloved Mai. Unfortunately we are mere mortals - - we do not possess the wisdom of foreknowledge as to the circumstances our beloved companions will precede us to the angels. I hope eventually you will find peace in your heart that your beloved Mai transitioned home to the angels in the place she loves the most - - her home surrounded by the sights, sounds, and smells that brought her great comfort and joy during her earthly journey - - and which continue to bring her great joy in her heavenly home.

As painful as this grief journey is adjusting to the physical absence of your beloved Mai, there is one thing that will never change - - the love bond you and your beloved Mai share. Love is eternal, Mai's Mom - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Mai's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will, for she is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know so well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so very much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Mai with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Mai's Mom, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam