Today is one week since I lost you bunnie...they called me to come get your ashes and I just can't do it…...it will make it final then....and I cannot do that yet…..I am not sure I will be ever able to do it but there is no one to do it for me..….that is not the way I want to hold you in my arms once again....if I pick you up there is no way I will be able to be in denial anymore and I feel like fragile china that will just shatter into a billion pieces that will never be able to be put me back together into a function being again…even close to “normal.” ...keep thinking you will come back….I just need to be patience and yiu will be back and it will be like it was before…I keep seeing you everywhere and thinking constantly "oh Morning is going to love to have a piece of my bacon” or “oh I dropped that and hope I did not scare you too much and need to go to check and you” or “the house is a little cold so need to make sure you ae warm enough….You’re gone…..so very gone… I cannot feel you buttercup around me…it is breaking my heart so badly…your blanket is gone…I wonder if I should put it back as will that make it hurt less and give me more of a feeling that you will be back? and realize you not here anymore....I do not want to be here by myself buttercup...I need you so much...I keep thinking "oh I need to go spend some time with my Morn Glor” but you are not there; I actually go in the bedroom looking for you and am horrifyingly surprised when I do not see your blanket out on the bed that matched your eyes and you sitting on it ready to be loved. That empty space shocks me to the core…. It is a horribly deep painful scream and panic I feel that your blanket is GONE…. can't I just go back in time to be with you?? Please God can’t I just have a little more time with her? I have not been able to sleep without you and have not showered since the day you left…who cares? The house is a mess but who cares? I did manage to get enough life in me to go water the plants last night as they were desperate in need….at least they still need me once a week…I just want to run out of this house and never ever come back…I want the memories to be gone, me to be gone with you….I miss kissing your little head all the way down to your little pink nose and you purring in happiness and love….I want to do it so badly…I hate that the whole world is moving on as it is so disrespectful to you and my grief…people thought I was alone for the holidays as there were no people here; I was not alone I had you but do not now so truly am totally alone for this holiday for first time in my life; there was always a pet to share with before… all I have is memories of Christmas past; you, mom and dad when we were still a family…..bunnie I feel that I am loosing the picture of you in my head and not thinking of you as often as I should already and I has just been a week…what happens when it is a month? Two months?? How much will I have lost your memory, picture in my head by then?? I do not want to forget you and am so afraid I am…..I look at kitties and doggies that need homes but just cannot go there…..will I ever be able to again?? It just feels so empty without you…today at the store I was going to buy your favorite treat, pork rinds, for Christmas but you are not here…I feel so guilty for not picking you up yet; I feel like a bad mommie, that I am being selfish and you are cold and alone in some awful place at the vet just waiting for me to come bring you home and cannot understand why I have not yet come for you…I am just going to be in such horrible pain again when I pick you up light I was when I had to put you to sleep…my grief will start all over again and I will shatter to a million pieces all over again…...I miss you so and still cannot sleep without you…I finally feel asleep last night for a couple of hours as was so tired…..you know I have been sick for almost four month now and just was put on antibiotic on Friday and then realized how sick I have been because my fever spiked pretty high for two days….it was so lonely that you were not here to comfort me…I started feeling better but today the sore throat is back again and I feel sick again….Terri cat Emmet was so good to me like you said he would and he comforted and loved me all night long…it was so nice to have something warm, furry, and loving in my arms again…he so loved your treats just like you said he would and his eyes just lit up after he tasted them….baby thank you for telling him to take extra special care with me and love me….he knew I know because you told him….I could see it in his eye that he knew…loving him up I realized how very unwell you had always been and especially for the last year; you were just skin and bones no matter what I tried to tempt you with and here is big plump Emmet…I wished you could have had his health…he is 16 and you would never know it….Terri was kind and called today to ask me to home over for Christmas Eve so I would not be alone at least that day…I am so looking forward to loving Emmet up again all night long…but I am so very lonely without you bunnie.....

Hi, morning glory, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Morning Glory. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Please know that your beloved Morning Glory is now restored to her former youthfulness in the company of the angels - - happy and healthy, and always grateful to you for being her Forever Mom.

Morning Glory, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences both emotionally and physically you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time which is why it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year to endure.

Indeed, getting our beloved companion's ashes back is yet another painful reminder that our beloved companion is no longer with us in the physical form our hearts and arms desperately long for. Yet, getting them back can also be comforting having them home once again. Many people find it comforting to place a candle and picture next to their companion's ashes as a memorial to them. Some people bury their beloved companion's ashes and place a marker at the sight and plant a garden around it. Only you will know in time what will bring you comfort in having your beloved Morning Glory's ashes back.

Because this grief journey is physically painful as well as emotionally, some people find it comforting to hold a blanket, toy, collar - - something - - that belongs only to their beloved companion when the pain of not being able to hold their sweet physical body is more than they can bear. No, it isn't the same thing, but from first hand experience I know it does help to bridge the feelings of empty arms during the deep sorrow.

Although your beloved Morning Glory is no longer physically with you, there is one thing that will never change: the love bond you and your beloved Morning Glory share. Love is eternal, morning glory - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Morning Glory's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will - - for she is always and forever a part of your heart and memories -- she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Morning Glory with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, morning glory, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

{{{Morning Glory's Mommy}}} ,

Moon Beam said it all ! I just wanted to add my heartfelt condolences. And to assure you that you are NOT being selfish by not yet picking up Morning Glory's ashes. And Morning Glory is NOT cold and alone in some awful place at the vet. In the realm she is now, she completely understands everything and she feels your love.

By allowing Emmet to comfort you, you make Morning Glory smile.

I hope you can spend lots and lots of time with Emmet - and then, one day, in Morning Glory's honor, rescue another sweet animal - someone who will be very, very fortunate to you have you as a Mom.

When you get a chance, let us know how you are doing.

Hugs and comfort and peace,

Kathy

I am not sure how to do a reply and did not know I even had messages from anyone....that was a wonderful and very needed site today..thank you so much for taking rime to write me.......it is so nice to be with others who know and understand…..one “friend” told me on the day I put her to sleep “you would be grieving so much more if it had been a child” because he lost a child and I did not have children…he has no understanding of what having a pet is about; pets are to used to him, not a give and take...he is so unbelievably ignorant about so many things ….and get this he goes on vacation and calls me to tell me his mother died…I so wanted to be mean to him like he had been to me but couldn’t as my professional hospice nursing came out…so I waited until he got home to rip him a new one….. such an uncouth inconsiderate bastard that I do not want in my life anymore….it hurts so bad to be so alone all the time but there are so very many ignorant people like him here and I do not need friends like that…. I am disabled at 46 with a friend or two but no family here either...then there are all the holidays with just her and me.....I finally picked her up from vet as I could not bear for her to be there for new year’s…I managed to keep it together until I got in the car and then just bawled…...I bought several candles I could not afford and put then around her…the one is scented almost exactly like the one my mom had since I was a child…I searched long and hard for it for years and finally got close to it….it is so comforting to smell it…….what do you do when you hate your life, where you live, have tried so many many things to change your life and karma but it does not change anything and is just one sorry disappointment after another, and now have loss the one thing that kept you with some love and joy in the world that has beaten you so up?…my Morning Glory gave that to me How does one fix her life for happiness when you have no money to move, have chronic illnesses, and get yourself to the place you know will make you happy with activities that allow what is in your heart to live and be happy?? It was not just a loss of her…it was the loss of hope that God will make things better for me soon, maybe this time, what if I try that? And nothing changes? My counselor sees how hard I try and nothing…. I have tried so hard and so many things that did not work, feeling that I mattered to at least one thing in this world, something cared about me if I came home or not…she was my everything and just feel so much more sadness now that she gone…..God I miss her so much…..

Just a thought. I'm wondering whether it would be possible to foster a kitty? I think, though I am not sure, that when you foster, the vet/food/care fees are paid for? You have SUCH a good heart. I know somewhere a kitty is hoping to be lucky enough to be fostered/adopted by you, in honor of sweet Morning Glory.

Keep us posted on how you are doing!!

Sending prayers of peace for you right now,

Kathy
P.S. Have you checked out other support groups for those struggling (whether it's with depression, finances, etc.)? I know it can help so much to be with like-minded people! There are good people and things out there, even though right now it sure doesn't seem it. I'm so so sorry for what you are going through !!!

LiiileGirlsMommy,

am not sure that I am replying correctly or not but want to thank you and all the others for taking time to read and reply to me...it means a lot to me and really helps when I am as sad as I am right now...today and yesterday I got a lot of things done that I could not do when Morning Glory was here very easily as it was scare and upset her....got clothes put in space bags, cleaning out file cabinet of old stuff...today I did a lot but kept thinking about her all the while; the vacuum scared her so when was doing it was thinking I needed to check on her and reassure her everything was ok and would catch myself as I went into the bedroom as she is not here.......I mopped too and finally removed her litter pan, scoop, and mat...it is so hard... I am not sure what to do with these items now or where to put them...I packed up her food and medicine so I cam take it to a rescue to help them.....the house is finally starting to look neat, clean and perfect and I wonder why I ever cared so much as it is a meaningless thing; I would take you back and everything else in exchange for a neat, clean perfect house. Thank you so much for caring about the feelings of a stranger; it has been really nice.

Hi, morning glory, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I am so sorry your friend was so unsupportive of you, and I can perfectly understand how his insensitivity has upset you. Indeed, when we are going through a traumatic event - - and clinical professionals recognize that the physical loss of a beloved companion IS a traumatic event - - we need to surround ourselves with people who are supportive of what we are going through. Perhaps in time you will be able to renew your relationship with your friend - - but only YOU will be able to determine if this is possible and on what terms.

Morning Glory, please know you are not alone in your grief journey. I can so relate to what you are going through, as several years ago I experienced a traumatic event that literally changed my life physically, emotionally, and spiritually. My beloved canine companion at the time, Samson, became my Therapy Partner. He could sense when I was slipping into a pit of dark depression and would literally lay himself on me to comfort me. He saw me through years of recovery and rehabilitation. When it was his time to transition home to the angels I truly felt my heart go with him. What I had planned for in my life felt meaningless without him. But -- there is no mistake that when he entered the heavenly gates he told God that He could not leave me alone. And so my beloved Samson and God began the process of directing my path to the point in time when another canine companion named Oslo - - PERFECT FOR ME at that point in my life - - came to me as a generous gift from trusted friends. And slowly our household grew over time to increase in numbers with the blessing of three feline companions - - my number one kitty son Eli, and my precious Noah with his beautiful sibling baby sister Abbygayle. Eli joined the angels in December 2006 at 6 years of age due to end stage Lymphoma, Oslo joined the angels in November 2009 due to a sudden stroke at 15 years of age, and my beloved beautiful baby girl Abbygayle joined the angels at 6 years of age due to end stage Fibrosarcoma. My precious Noah is 11 years old and is my sole surviving precious companion. Due to my senior age and physical challenges and limited financial resources my precious Noah will be my last companion during my earthly journey, as I am the only human in my household and am solely dependent on myself for taking care of my precious Noah.

So I DO understand how alone you are feeling, morning glory. What helps me is knowing that each of my beloved companions is now with the angels restored to their former youthfulness, and I have the promise that I will see them again when it is my appropriate time to join them in eternal glory. Knowing they are happy and well again brings me great comfort and peace to my heart.

I hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey that you too will be able to find a peace in your heart that your beloved Morning Glory is always with you in your heart and memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I hope today is treating you kindly and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Morning Glory's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I do not know what is not set up right here as I never am told I have messages.......I just happened to come on here and saw your reply...what you told me was so comforting to know that there is someone else out there in the same physical, financial, and emotional place I am....I went to animal control yesterday as I think I need a service dog due to my hearing loss; morning always woke me up if she heard anything unusual and now I do not have that...I mostly read lips now and if I cannot see your face I cannot hear you. I thought maybe I should get a dog instead of another cat as they are more independent, at least in my experience, and it would force me to get out of house to take potty, walks and would be able to go where ever I do...I also have a neurological condition that made my feet completely numb and now my hands are going too....I am loosing fine motor coordination in them. Physician approved and gave me letter and I live in a no animals mobile home park but know my rights as I checked them and could get dog....I just do not see anything here other than pit bulls-they scare me frankly and I could never trust them-or a Chihuahua dog which I do not like. It was ok at shelter as looked at dogs but when decided to go see cats it was so hard...there are so many that have been given up at 14, 15, 16 years old! HOW could someone do that???? they are old and sick and scared and it just tore me up...there was this one named candy that was orange tabby like my cat as teen but was so old and not well you could tell....I just had to go into her cage and comfort her...I had to lean my upper body in cage while standing and she came over and curled up in my arms and just wanted to rub her head against my chin and cheek...she is so old and sick she could not even purr......I wondered if that was going to be me in the future as I have no one to take care of me...am I going to be abandoned and left too? I was upset as they do not even have quiet room where you can go meet the kitties...what is wrong with them?? Do they know so little that they do not realize how important this is for adoption, love, and care to be given?? They have an area for the dogs thoughts it is outside to meet. there was this giant old maincoon in there and I could tell something was wrong as he cried as he got up to go to his litter pan and while in it...I asked a nice woman there who volunteers and told her that I knew he had a uti and I was right it was on his card...it said they were treating him but he was in pain...I went to customer service and told them and that I was a nurse and knew he signs so they did not just think me so loony person...a woman who worked there then came into area where cats were and put him in cage and I asked her of je was going to be treated for his pain; she did not like me questioning her and said that yes he was getting treatment and I told her I knew that from card and that he ha uti but were they going to treat him for pain?? she would not really answer me and it pissed me off.....how dare she put her needs or issues before the animals she is to help?? I was the only person in the cat area for a while and people would come in so I would start introducing the to the various cat for adoption as I knew them all by then....everyone wants that cute little kitten that is so innocent and not been treated harshly by world yet as everyone went to him and he was already taken...they could not understand why the cats did not run up to the cage door when they wanted them to and I had to explain very nicely that how would they feel if that was them? And hundreds had gone by and left them when all they wanted was to be loved? That they were scared and some old but that did not mean they were not nice loving animals...it I those I told them that were really special as once you adopted them they were going to surprise you in wonderful ways once they were settled; they are often the most loving of all I told them...everyone listened to me and was open to what I had to say which really surprised me but I did not get anyone adopted...at least then anyway....they are having a new orientation tomorrow for volunteers and the other volunteer there was really nice and told me a great deal...she said that they had just started a program too where volunteers like me with medical background could assist in clinical area to help animals needing medical attention.....had to tell her I would love it but could no longer feel my hands so could not start iv's and she said I would not be doing that she did not think but could really help maybe.....I am just too tender hearted of a person and too caring for this world we live in....I cannot literally understand how so many people can be the way they are and live with themselves....just makes me cry when I see all the mean, cruel, horrible thing people do to each other and the animals of the world....I truly feel the physical pain in my heart which is really crazy I know but it is the truth....so much unnecessary suffering...

Hi, Morning Glory, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I know so well what you mean when you share with us that you share the pain of the suffering of others in your heart, as I do also. Although there are exceptions for specific circumstances for people, - - generally speaking - - people have the ability to fight for their rights. Animals, on the other hand, do not - - they only have their claws and teeth to protect them and protest the horrors that are committed against them - - and if they use their claws and teeth then they are murdered. This has always distressed me which is why I am primarily on the side of the animals rather than humanity.

As for a Service Dog, you will need to contact qualified Service Dog organizations for what you need, Morning Glory. You will need to do an internet search and hopefully you will find an organization that is geographically close to you. Most organizations provide Service Dogs at no cost to the individual, but you will need to clarify this when you do your contacts. It is important that you have a qualified trained Service Dog to do for you what you need for you. You may also want to include in your internet search prisons that train qualified Service Dogs as there are several prisons now that are officially recognized for their work in training Service Dogs.

I know your beloved Morning Glory is very proud of you for going to the shelter to visit with the many precious souls who are waiting for a loving Forever Home.

You mention that you don't receive e-mail notifications of replies: Be sure to check the "enable email notification of replies" box before you click on the "add reply" button. You may also want to click on the "options" button in the upper right hand corner of the topic and click on "track this topic". If you continue to have problems receiving notifications of replies you may want to e-mail the Lightning Strike Administrator for help.

I hope today is treating you kindly, morning glory, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Morning Glory's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I would be very interested in knowing how your search for a Service Dog goes.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you so much Kathy with your support and ideas...hard to see them when so heart broken....I am not ready for another animal..i did manage to get to county pound and loved up all the poor kitties who were given up to be killed who were 14, 15, 16 yrs old...just made me sick and angry at those people and I would have takem one but I cannot do another special needs cat as I am disabled and do not have enough money on disability to care for properly....fostering I just do not know about too soon for me yet. Limdsey