Unfortunately my baby pug Lily passed away yesterday. I'm still in shock and can't really believe she's gone. I keep thinking I'm going to go home from work tonight and see her little wagging tail greeting me at the door. She was just shy of 5 months old (she would have been 5 months tomorrow), and I barely had her for 3 months. Honestly it's hard to believe that a little animal could touch my heart and change my life so much in those 2 1/2 months, but she did. She had a crazy huge personality, and a stubbornness that could almost match mine. She was my little princess.

While I was at work yesterday my mom had her and my other dog playing outside, all of a sudden she started favouring her paw, so my mom brought her inside. By the time they came inside she was limp. My mom called my vets office as my baby vomited her breakfast. They told her to bring her in, and she was still limp when they got there. Apparently she still managed a little tail wag when she saw her vet however (whom she loved dearly). They found a stinger in her foot, and from there began treating her for anaphylactic shock. At this point my mother had gotten a hold of me, but I couldn't leave work until my lunch, which was 20 minutes away, so I told her to keep me posted. The vets office had her on an IV and steroids, but nothing was helping, so my vet told my mom to take her to the animal emergency clinic where they might have more to help her. At this point I could finally leave work so I told my mom I would meet her at emerg. By the time I got there they already had her in and were doing CPR on her as she had gone into cardiac arrest. After what seemed like hours, the doctor came in and told us she didn't make it.

I was in a numb state of shock for the entire 30 minute car ride home. I held her little limp body the whole way home, and couldn't stop the tears from streaming down my face. When we got home I just sat down on the kitchen floor with her. I knew my other dog needed to sniff her to know she was gone, but I couldn't let her go. I held her for as long as I could, but she when she got too stiff and cold I had to put her down, I didn't want my last memory to be of a cold little puppy.

Today I'm back at work, and it's taking all I can to not break down crying. I'm definitely experiencing all the typical guilt emotions, sadness, loss, guilt. I just wish I had left work earlier and got to see her alive one last time, that will be my biggest guilt, and it this point, it feels like a guilt that will haunt me forever. I've never grieved well, and it definitely does not help that I wasn't there when she passed, and that this was my first dog (like I bought her and she was mine as opposed to a family dog). I just want to grieve properly so I can reach I point where I look back with a happiness and cherish the time we spent together, because honestly she changed my life so much in those 2 1/2 months.

I guess what I'm looking for on this site is just knowing that a) I'm not alone, and this will pass, there will come a day where my heart doesn't feel completely shattered. Also if anyone has any tips on grieving methods that work for them that would be great. I know everyone grieves differently, but I don't know how I grieve and I'd like to try anything.

Hi, lilysmommy, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Lily. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion unexpectedly and at a young and tender age of 5 months intensifies the grief.

Lilysmommy, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey filled with many different emotions that can literally overwhelm us all at one time which makes it consistently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride because right now during the deep grief you will have little control over your emotions. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time for you are now on a journey of first withouts and the memories that can be too painful right now.

Throughout my life I have traveled this grief adjustment journey many times, and each time has been unique because the relationships I have shared with each of my beloved companions have been uniquely individual. I promise you there will come a time -- in your own way and in your own time - - that you will be able to remember your beloved Lily and your heart will once again feel the warmth of the many treasured memories you and your beloved Lily share, and you will be able to smile again - - truly smile. But until this time comes for you, please let me try to reassure you that you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I remember all too well how difficult it is to put on the "public face" to get through work, meetings, gatherings with family and friends, etc., when your heart is shattered and grieving. I remember being ever so thankful for the privacy of the restroom at work where I could retreat to try to compose myself so that I could go back to my desk to continue my job. And I remember getting into my car preparing for the drive home and the floodgates of tears - - uncontrollable gut-wrenching sobbing - - bursting like a balloon filled with water. So I do so well understand what you are enduring when you share with us: "Today I'm back at work, and it's taking all I can to not break down crying."

Even though clinical professionals recognize that the grief journey for the physical loss of a beloved companion is the same as for a human family member or friend, sadly our society in general, and sometimes the people who are closest to us emotionally and geographically, do not. Therefore, if I may offer some advice - - depending on your relationships at work,
if you are asked why you are sad, or crying, all you need to reply is that a very dear friend suddenly passed away and that you really cannot talk about it. You need not offer any further information - - unless you feel comfortable doing so.

Even though your and your beloved Lily's earthly journey was limited, the love bond you and your beloved Lily share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Lily's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will, for she is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, lilysmommy - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you. No matter how much time continues with your earthly journey I promise you she is always with you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language than can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Lily with us, and these wonderful pictures of your sweet little girl. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, lilysmommy, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost my dog Bruno on Sunday. He was 5 years old. I had him since he was a puppy. I feel the same pain you do. I cry 50 times a day. I even sleep with his last blanket he was on. I understand the pain you are going through. I talk to him also. Your baby was to small to pass. That must of been traumatizing for you. If you ever need to talk I am also here for me. I find talking about it helps but the pain will never go away.