Hi everybody,

Yesterday was the one week milestone. Our beautiful cat Tank was hit by a car on Sunday night and died soon after at the vets. I thought I might feel slightly better today, having reached that marker and survived, but I woke feeling as sick as ever, can't see for tears and can't do anything other than stumble through the motions of being a human.
I am a foster carer for two challenging children, who have no understanding of my grief and showed no emotion about losing Tank, even though they had shared his life for the last five years. I know it's not their fault but it makes it harder for me to be 'me' around them. Tank might as well never have existed for them. My son appears to be masking his emotions, though I know he is devastated. My husband is an expert at hiding his feelings too, but I know they are there.
I need there to be a light at the end of the tunnel or I can't see where I will be in another week's time. All I want to do is go back to bed and stay there. I know that's not a good idea and I can't do it anyway, but that's all I want. To give up, not feel this any more.
Why is it getting worse? Don't think my head can handle it if I sink any lower.

Dear MylorMum:

Its VERY HARD in the beginning. Henry died on a Sunday too, and I still hate the weekend.
Just keep going knowing it gets slightly less devastating as you go. For me, I still feel very sad, but not like I've been hit by a truck anymore.
I kept (and keep) thinking of the Winston Churchill quote "If you are going through hell, keep going."

I'm so sorry that it happened and that it hurts so much.

Thinking of you and your son.

- Christine

Hi, Jane, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I know all too well from first hand experience how painful this grief adjustment journey is - - particularly during the deep grief. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal deep grief. Unfortunately the only way to navigate this grief journey is one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time with the reassurance that we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you, your son, and your precious Austin kindly, Jane, and that each of you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Tank's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you, your son, and your precious Austin are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how each of you are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Mylormum,

Don't be to hard to yourself your loss is still so recent that you are still in a total shockness, hurt,an all those feelings we have when our babies are still so gone so recent. Give yourself some time to feel better right now is just very hard to do so because you just lost your baby tank this past Sunday. I was the exact same way as you are now when I lost my baby girl princess. She was also hit by a car an the way she was hit was just so terrified for me that I was in a total shockness, hurt, sad, angry, unable to accept that she was really gone so because of this reason I was unable to say Good-bye to my girl. I never knew how much it could hurt to lose our babies this way, but unfortunately theirs a lot of kittens getting kill this way. An it really hurts me to hear that another kitty has died this way because it brings memories of my baby girl an I immediately start crying again so sad right now just by writing this Im not sure what is going on why are cats, an kittys being kill in this horrible way sometimes I just feel the dumb drivers are doing this on purpose an hit cats an kitties just for fun of it. Usually people cant stand animals an do this, but they dont know how hurt they can leave the owners.I also have children of my own who at first were devastated for the loss if princess an all of the sudden it seems like they have forgotten about her. They never mention her anymore eventhough they say that it does hurt them to me
it seems like it doesn't because they don't show their emotions anymore. Im even embarrass to show my emotions infront of my children because I feel their going to say that Im over reacting. So I completely understand what you are going through right now Im all alone in my own grief without no support of anyone including these inside here I don't know what else to do to help me with my healing process. Hope you start to feel better soon an I will definitely have you in my thoughts an prayers take care of yourself.

~ Mayra

Thanks everybody for your kind words. Had a horrible morning yesterday, really beside myself with it all.
My husband said we definitely can't get any more pets ever because he can't stand to see me this way, he finds it too upsetting. I stayed quiet - he said the same thing last time we lost one of our dogs, and he didn't stick to it.
I find the mornings are the worst - Tank would always come in and see me first thing, and his absence is like a kick in the teeth. And this feeling of sickness, it's overwhelming……

Just hoping today is better, even just slightly.