Hi everyone,
So it has been five days since our beautiful boy Tank was hit by a car. Everyone else thinks I should be well and truly 'over' it. I am waking up sick to the stomach, having terrible dreams, can't eat or think straight. I know it's normal for me, but nobody else around me feels it's normal or acceptable.
I am putting on my normal face for the world and holding everything in until I am alone again and able to cry.
To everyone out there who feels the same - we know in our hearts we are the lucky ones. We are the ones emotionally open enough to bond so deeply with these friends that when they go, they take a huge piece of us with them.
Just wish it didn't hurt quite so much.
Sending my thoughts out to you all, we have such a strength in each other, it's what is keeping me going, that and my love for my other family members.
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Full Version: Feeling Sick, Tired And Judged
Hi, Jane, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Unfortunately our society in general, and sadly some of the people who are closest to us emotionally and geographically, do not recognize that the grief journey for a beloved companion is the same as for a human family member or friend. The non-human inhabitants on this planet are considered to be "expendable". Thank goodness this wonderful forum is here for each of us who know better so that we can come to share what is in our hearts without fear of judgment with those who truly understand what we are feeling.
Indeed, when our beloved companions transition home to the angels they do take a part of us with them to hold and cherish until it is our appropriate time to join them in eternal joy. Likewise, we are blessed to be their heirs to their eternal love and to cherish the many treasured memories in our hearts as we continue our earthly journey.
I hope today is treating you and your son, and your precious Austin kindly, and that you and your son will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Tank's sweet Living Spirit to comfort both of you. Please know you and your son and Austin are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how each of you are doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Indeed, when our beloved companions transition home to the angels they do take a part of us with them to hold and cherish until it is our appropriate time to join them in eternal joy. Likewise, we are blessed to be their heirs to their eternal love and to cherish the many treasured memories in our hearts as we continue our earthly journey.
I hope today is treating you and your son, and your precious Austin kindly, and that you and your son will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Tank's sweet Living Spirit to comfort both of you. Please know you and your son and Austin are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how each of you are doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Those people are nuts. Five days is nothing, especially since it was so sudden. I decided not to care what other people think -- I try to not be sad in fornt of those people just to avoid the hassle of dealing with their comments, but not because I care what they think.
Love is love, even between species. Mourning the loss of a fellow creature you love,cat or person, takes as long as it takes.
I don't know if it will make you feel better or worse, but for me 3 months later I still cry every day. Sometimes just a few tears, sometimes a lot. (On Wednesday, for some reason, I cried for hours-- I think the longest that I have in the three months.).
Just go at your own pace and ignoRe the rest. It's not important.
Love is love, even between species. Mourning the loss of a fellow creature you love,cat or person, takes as long as it takes.
I don't know if it will make you feel better or worse, but for me 3 months later I still cry every day. Sometimes just a few tears, sometimes a lot. (On Wednesday, for some reason, I cried for hours-- I think the longest that I have in the three months.).
Just go at your own pace and ignoRe the rest. It's not important.
Oh Tank's mom
My heart and soul are with you in the tragic loss of your precious Tank. It id compounded by being so sudden and so unexpected AND in such a painful and gruesome way.
Please pay no attention to an try to avoid as much as you can the people who are so ignorant as to say you should be "over it" in just three days! I lost my Gretta, the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived,
almost 4 years ago (can it have been THAT long?) and I still cry for her almost every day. Tears are falling now as I am writing this to you.
People who say things like this are to be pitied. They have never had the exquisite experience of the great love between two beings who are soulmates.
Not every pair of beings who live together are soulmates. In our branch of Native American tradition, we believe that soulmate is a literal term. The two beings
share a single soul. These amazing animals search the whole universe to find the person who shares their soul. When they find him or her, the parts of the single soul
unite and there is a great rush of instant recognition (sometimes, if one of the beings has he or she has been damaged in some way by abuse, the love grows more slowly
but it always does). When the two soulmates are living in the same form (both as physical beings or both as spirits) they can share their love directly and it can be seen by both of them.
This love is not an ordinary love - like "oh isn't that puppy cute, I just LOVE him". It's an every-cell-in-your-body love. And just from the short posting you wrote
I can tell that you and Tank were definitely soulmates.
The Creator made one of the soulmates' physical lives shorter than the other mate. The being with the shorter physical life returns to the Perfect World above from which he or she came.
The other is "left behind" and unless he or she has been taught about soulmates and their abilities in these two different worlds, suffers unbearable pain because he or she
fears that the beloved soulmate has been lost forever. But this is NOT true. The love of soulmates perseveres forever. When on leaves the other for another realm, the leaver
;eaves behind a piece of the single soul for the one left behind to have, to hold, to love, to take care of, to rely on, to talk to .... exactly as they did when they lived on the same plane.
and the leaver leaves a piece of the joint soul for the left-behind to do the same. This means that Tank is right beside you, just like he always was since you two met. The only thing
that has changed is that now he is ONLYr in spirit form. You can't see him, or hear him, or touch him, or smell his scent BUT he can sense and relate to you exactly as before.
Most humans believe that if something cannot be sensed, it doesn't exist but this is absolutely NOT true.
The excruciating pain that you feel is from the empty part of your soul, empty because Tank took that part with him. There will always be an ache there until you and Tank are reunited
in the Perfect World. But to Tank, who is a spirit, nothing has changed: he's still right there by your side, living with you, watching over you, guiding your steps and protecting you from harm.
Some people get glimpses oother signals from their soulmate. I saw a dog in a dream about three days after Gretta died - it was a waking dream where I saw an Irish Setter leaping toward her food and water
bowl. It lasted way less than one second but somehow I knew that it was Gretta telling me she was OK and in the Perfect World. My second adopted dog, Rufus, a half black lab=half Newfoundland
who passed when I was half a continent away trying to help care for my sister who had terminal cancer has never sent me a signal but I know he is well and happy in the Perfect World.
Since then both my beloved younger sister and my noble father have also departed into the Perfect World. I know they are all together there, happy, healthy and watching and
waiting for the time when I join them there.
I hope you don't think I'm some kind of crank or New-Ager. I think our traditions are very comforting, that's why I shared them with you.
Take comfort in the fact that Tank lives and that you are soulmates who will one day rejoin each other on the same plane.
The people who criticize you and tell you to "get over it" have never and WILL never experience the kind of love you have with Tank. Their souls
are not ready for it and may never be. They are truly to be pitied for missing out on one of life's greatest joys.
Please be very gentle to yourself and try if you can to surround yourself with people who know the truth. And that is ALL of us on Lightning Strike - a family of brothers and sisters
who have all known the love of their soulmate(s), understand what you're going through, and will never tell you to "get over it."
Sleep well. Tank is on his job.
Gretta and Rufus's mom
My heart and soul are with you in the tragic loss of your precious Tank. It id compounded by being so sudden and so unexpected AND in such a painful and gruesome way.
Please pay no attention to an try to avoid as much as you can the people who are so ignorant as to say you should be "over it" in just three days! I lost my Gretta, the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived,
almost 4 years ago (can it have been THAT long?) and I still cry for her almost every day. Tears are falling now as I am writing this to you.
People who say things like this are to be pitied. They have never had the exquisite experience of the great love between two beings who are soulmates.
Not every pair of beings who live together are soulmates. In our branch of Native American tradition, we believe that soulmate is a literal term. The two beings
share a single soul. These amazing animals search the whole universe to find the person who shares their soul. When they find him or her, the parts of the single soul
unite and there is a great rush of instant recognition (sometimes, if one of the beings has he or she has been damaged in some way by abuse, the love grows more slowly
but it always does). When the two soulmates are living in the same form (both as physical beings or both as spirits) they can share their love directly and it can be seen by both of them.
This love is not an ordinary love - like "oh isn't that puppy cute, I just LOVE him". It's an every-cell-in-your-body love. And just from the short posting you wrote
I can tell that you and Tank were definitely soulmates.
The Creator made one of the soulmates' physical lives shorter than the other mate. The being with the shorter physical life returns to the Perfect World above from which he or she came.
The other is "left behind" and unless he or she has been taught about soulmates and their abilities in these two different worlds, suffers unbearable pain because he or she
fears that the beloved soulmate has been lost forever. But this is NOT true. The love of soulmates perseveres forever. When on leaves the other for another realm, the leaver
;eaves behind a piece of the single soul for the one left behind to have, to hold, to love, to take care of, to rely on, to talk to .... exactly as they did when they lived on the same plane.
and the leaver leaves a piece of the joint soul for the left-behind to do the same. This means that Tank is right beside you, just like he always was since you two met. The only thing
that has changed is that now he is ONLYr in spirit form. You can't see him, or hear him, or touch him, or smell his scent BUT he can sense and relate to you exactly as before.
Most humans believe that if something cannot be sensed, it doesn't exist but this is absolutely NOT true.
The excruciating pain that you feel is from the empty part of your soul, empty because Tank took that part with him. There will always be an ache there until you and Tank are reunited
in the Perfect World. But to Tank, who is a spirit, nothing has changed: he's still right there by your side, living with you, watching over you, guiding your steps and protecting you from harm.
Some people get glimpses oother signals from their soulmate. I saw a dog in a dream about three days after Gretta died - it was a waking dream where I saw an Irish Setter leaping toward her food and water
bowl. It lasted way less than one second but somehow I knew that it was Gretta telling me she was OK and in the Perfect World. My second adopted dog, Rufus, a half black lab=half Newfoundland
who passed when I was half a continent away trying to help care for my sister who had terminal cancer has never sent me a signal but I know he is well and happy in the Perfect World.
Since then both my beloved younger sister and my noble father have also departed into the Perfect World. I know they are all together there, happy, healthy and watching and
waiting for the time when I join them there.
I hope you don't think I'm some kind of crank or New-Ager. I think our traditions are very comforting, that's why I shared them with you.
Take comfort in the fact that Tank lives and that you are soulmates who will one day rejoin each other on the same plane.
The people who criticize you and tell you to "get over it" have never and WILL never experience the kind of love you have with Tank. Their souls
are not ready for it and may never be. They are truly to be pitied for missing out on one of life's greatest joys.
Please be very gentle to yourself and try if you can to surround yourself with people who know the truth. And that is ALL of us on Lightning Strike - a family of brothers and sisters
who have all known the love of their soulmate(s), understand what you're going through, and will never tell you to "get over it."
Sleep well. Tank is on his job.
Gretta and Rufus's mom
Thank you everyone, what beautiful words.
Moonbeam, I appreciate your support. We are all giving Austin so much love, I hope he is coping in his own quiet way.
BabyHenry - wise words, I know I should just not talk about it to people who don't understand. And most of them don't.
Gretta and Rufus' Mum - I found what you wrote very comforting and thoughtful. I love to think that Tank is beside me still in some way. When friends have died before, I have had dreams, very clear dreams about some of them. My beloved dog Maisie died three years ago, and I was in agony. About two months after she had gone, I had an amazing dream where I was sitting in what was clearly a waiting room - plastic chairs, bright lights. I sat for a while on my own, then Maisie appeared beside me. She asked me why I was so sad and then explained that I would always be able to find her in that room if I needed her. We cuddled for ages. It was an incredibly vivid dream.
Today I just want that one last cuddle with him. I want to sink my face into his belly fur, which was the colour of apricots. I want to hear his greeting call and chirp - he was a Main Coon, so very chatty. I can't accept it yet.
Is this horrible numbness normal? I don't remember it. I remember the tears, the sickness, the anger, the tooth grinding and lack of sleep.
Thank you again everyone, your support means so much.
Moonbeam, I appreciate your support. We are all giving Austin so much love, I hope he is coping in his own quiet way.
BabyHenry - wise words, I know I should just not talk about it to people who don't understand. And most of them don't.
Gretta and Rufus' Mum - I found what you wrote very comforting and thoughtful. I love to think that Tank is beside me still in some way. When friends have died before, I have had dreams, very clear dreams about some of them. My beloved dog Maisie died three years ago, and I was in agony. About two months after she had gone, I had an amazing dream where I was sitting in what was clearly a waiting room - plastic chairs, bright lights. I sat for a while on my own, then Maisie appeared beside me. She asked me why I was so sad and then explained that I would always be able to find her in that room if I needed her. We cuddled for ages. It was an incredibly vivid dream.
Today I just want that one last cuddle with him. I want to sink my face into his belly fur, which was the colour of apricots. I want to hear his greeting call and chirp - he was a Main Coon, so very chatty. I can't accept it yet.
Is this horrible numbness normal? I don't remember it. I remember the tears, the sickness, the anger, the tooth grinding and lack of sleep.
Thank you again everyone, your support means so much.
Hi, Jane, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please permit me to try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal deep grief when you share with us: "Today I just want that one last cuddle with him. I want to sink my face into his belly fur, which was the colour of apricots. I want to hear his greeting call and chirp - he was a Main Coon, so very chatty. I can't accept it yet."
Jane, this grief journey is not a straight line from "A" to "Z" but rather is one of many twists and turns, ups and downs, and turn-arounds. It is a journey of "adjustment" to the physical absence of your beloved Tank rather than one of "acceptance" - - for "acceptance" implies "getting over" and "moving on" and "putting behind" - - and I assure you, Jane, this doesn't happen. Even 20 years down the road you may be remembering a fond memory of your beloved Tank and you will feel a mist come to your eyes and a sadness flow into your heart and an ache come to your arms to want to hold him "just one more time". This is what eternal love is, Jane - - even when we "know" our loved ones - - whoever the life form - - are at peace in eternal joy. The good news is that the sadness and ache are not as piercing or lingering.
Regarding your question " Is this horrible numbness normal?" - - the answer is "yes" - - for now. When our hearts are in deep grief NOTHING seems normal - - because nothing is "the way it used to be". The numbness is a natural survival mechanism to protect us from the overwhelming trauma event and sorrow - - and clinical professionals recognize that the physical loss of a beloved companion qualifies as a traumatic event regardless of the circumstances. For awhile you may feel like you are functioning on what I call "automatic pilot" - - errands get done, meals prepared, jobs done, laundry washed, etc., but you may feel like you are not an active participant but rather just going through the motions. I promise you it will not always be this way, Jane, but for now this is a part of the grief adjustment journey that we ALL experience.
I truly wish there were an easier way to navigate this grief adjustment journey but unfortunately there are no fast forward or delete buttons we can press to speed up the process or make it automatically disappear. This is one of the many reasons why it is important for you to know you are not alone in your grief journey, Jane - - each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. There are no "time restrictions" or "expiration dates" here to share what is in your heart.
I hope today is treating you and your son, and your precious Austin kindly, and that you and your son will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Tank's sweet Living Spirit to comfort both of you. Please know you and your son and Austin are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how each of you are doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Jane, this grief journey is not a straight line from "A" to "Z" but rather is one of many twists and turns, ups and downs, and turn-arounds. It is a journey of "adjustment" to the physical absence of your beloved Tank rather than one of "acceptance" - - for "acceptance" implies "getting over" and "moving on" and "putting behind" - - and I assure you, Jane, this doesn't happen. Even 20 years down the road you may be remembering a fond memory of your beloved Tank and you will feel a mist come to your eyes and a sadness flow into your heart and an ache come to your arms to want to hold him "just one more time". This is what eternal love is, Jane - - even when we "know" our loved ones - - whoever the life form - - are at peace in eternal joy. The good news is that the sadness and ache are not as piercing or lingering.
Regarding your question " Is this horrible numbness normal?" - - the answer is "yes" - - for now. When our hearts are in deep grief NOTHING seems normal - - because nothing is "the way it used to be". The numbness is a natural survival mechanism to protect us from the overwhelming trauma event and sorrow - - and clinical professionals recognize that the physical loss of a beloved companion qualifies as a traumatic event regardless of the circumstances. For awhile you may feel like you are functioning on what I call "automatic pilot" - - errands get done, meals prepared, jobs done, laundry washed, etc., but you may feel like you are not an active participant but rather just going through the motions. I promise you it will not always be this way, Jane, but for now this is a part of the grief adjustment journey that we ALL experience.
I truly wish there were an easier way to navigate this grief adjustment journey but unfortunately there are no fast forward or delete buttons we can press to speed up the process or make it automatically disappear. This is one of the many reasons why it is important for you to know you are not alone in your grief journey, Jane - - each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. There are no "time restrictions" or "expiration dates" here to share what is in your heart.
I hope today is treating you and your son, and your precious Austin kindly, and that you and your son will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Tank's sweet Living Spirit to comfort both of you. Please know you and your son and Austin are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how each of you are doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
QUOTE (MylorMum @ Sep 12 2014, 12:45 AM) 
Hi everyone,
So it has been five days since our beautiful boy Tank was hit by a car. Everyone else thinks I should be well and truly 'over' it. I am waking up sick to the stomach, having terrible dreams, can't eat or think straight. I know it's normal for me, but nobody else around me feels it's normal or acceptable.
I am putting on my normal face for the world and holding everything in until I am alone again and able to cry.
To everyone out there who feels the same - we know in our hearts we are the lucky ones. We are the ones emotionally open enough to bond so deeply with these friends that when they go, they take a huge piece of us with them.
Just wish it didn't hurt quite so much.
Sending my thoughts out to you all, we have such a strength in each other, it's what is keeping me going, that and my love for my other family members.
Click to view attachment
So it has been five days since our beautiful boy Tank was hit by a car. Everyone else thinks I should be well and truly 'over' it. I am waking up sick to the stomach, having terrible dreams, can't eat or think straight. I know it's normal for me, but nobody else around me feels it's normal or acceptable.
I am putting on my normal face for the world and holding everything in until I am alone again and able to cry.
To everyone out there who feels the same - we know in our hearts we are the lucky ones. We are the ones emotionally open enough to bond so deeply with these friends that when they go, they take a huge piece of us with them.
Just wish it didn't hurt quite so much.
Sending my thoughts out to you all, we have such a strength in each other, it's what is keeping me going, that and my love for my other family members.
Click to view attachment
Hello MylorMum,
That kind of thing angers me. You should never have to get over something tragic like that so quickly if you can't. Some people just do not understand what us pet lovers understand. I am sorry for your loss and for the people that say get over it. My dog passed away two weeks ago as of today. It is not easy and I still cry every day. I went to a pet loss support group the other day and it helped me. The days get easier but my tears are still there. I know the pain that you are feeling. I went through the same thing and still do at times. I hope each day will get better for you. I just have to deal with his passing in my own time and when I am ready to dal with it. I just am not ready right now or I do not accept it. I know he is in a better place but I still hurt every minute of every day. Please feel free to talk with me if you ever need a friend. I just hope we both can get through our loss eventually. Your pet will always be with you as I know Bruno will always be with me.
QUOTE (MylorMum @ Sep 12 2014, 03:45 AM)
Hi everyone,
So it has been five days since our beautiful boy Tank was hit by a car. Everyone else thinks I should be well and truly 'over' it. I am waking up sick to the stomach, having terrible dreams, can't eat or think straight. I know it's normal for me, but nobody else around me feels it's normal or acceptable.
I am putting on my normal face for the world and holding everything in until I am alone again and able to cry.
To everyone out there who feels the same - we know in our hearts we are the lucky ones. We are the ones emotionally open enough to bond so deeply with these friends that when they go, they take a huge piece of us with them.
Just wish it didn't hurt quite so much.
Sending my thoughts out to you all, we have such a strength in each other, it's what is keeping me going, that and my love for my other family members.
Click to view attachment
So it has been five days since our beautiful boy Tank was hit by a car. Everyone else thinks I should be well and truly 'over' it. I am waking up sick to the stomach, having terrible dreams, can't eat or think straight. I know it's normal for me, but nobody else around me feels it's normal or acceptable.
I am putting on my normal face for the world and holding everything in until I am alone again and able to cry.
To everyone out there who feels the same - we know in our hearts we are the lucky ones. We are the ones emotionally open enough to bond so deeply with these friends that when they go, they take a huge piece of us with them.
Just wish it didn't hurt quite so much.
Sending my thoughts out to you all, we have such a strength in each other, it's what is keeping me going, that and my love for my other family members.
Click to view attachment
Hi MylorMum,
Please know that you are not wrong for feeling this way. All of us here are pet owners and animal lovers and just because others aren't doesn't mean that we are wrong for expressing emotions and feeling sad, angry and hurt.
My own dog passed away just about 2 weeks ago now and not many people I see on a daily basis understand why I don't just get another dog. I know they don't mean to be unsympathetic, but if they don't understand
the bond between people and their pets, they don't realize that it's not like replacing an object. There's a much deeper attachment there. I am so glad to have a place like this to express my emotions and cry and have others
totally understand. I think it's especially hard when it's so sudden and unexpected. I would use the car ride to and from work to cry, sometimes it's hard holding it together at work. Sharing our stories and knowing other people feel the same has been very helpful to me, and I hope it will be for you too.
It will get easier, and hopefully it will be more infrequently , but when you need to let it out- have a good cry. It's OK.
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