Hello Everyone I'm new to this website and I recently lost my baby girl kitten princess on (June 16, 2014) due to a car hitting her. I still remember like it was yesterday that she was brought into my life princess was a street kitten I actually saved her from my neighbors dog when he was trying to attack her. This dog was attacking her bad so my heart was hurting that I decided to get her out. Well that very instant that princess was in my arms she brought a lot of joy into my whole life. I still remember that it was in winter time and since I live with my mother I didn't know if she wanted me to keep her in the house or not. So We had to leave the poor thing outside in the cold in order to ask permission. I did made sure that she was warm in a blanket before I left her outside. Then in the very morning without me telling my mother her heart completely melted as soon as she saw my baby princess out in the back porch. She immediately carry her into her arms and brought her inside an thats when the whole story started with my baby princess. We began to care for her because she was seriously hurt because of that dog biting her. Every day we feed her bath her and gave her all the love anyone could give a beautiful baby calico kitten like she was. before princess arrive into my life I never knew I was a pet lover an how much love a pet could bring to someone's life. Day by day my love began to grow for my princess and I was practically her mommy, her legal guardian because she was always by my side. She was a very cuddling kitty that also loved to play with all my kids. she was never a cruel animal like most of them are. She was always whiling to give all from her to my whole family. Until that horrible accident happen on June 16, 2014. That day I was not home an this happen at night when I return home I couldn't believe my eyes I still remember I didn't park my car right and immediately rush out of my car running because I saw a cat in the middle of the road not wanting to believe it was my princess. As soon as I approach her I immediately let out a huge scream it was my baby princess the one lying there with one of her eyes pop out sad.gif I immediately broke down into tears pick her up hold her in my arms wishing that she was not dead and still alive. I began to scream please princess please come back to me baby girl Please tell me that this is all a dream that you are still with me. But She was not moving or doing anything at that very moment I didn't want to leave her sight or have anyone take her from me.

But apparently my husband took her from me and I was screaming and saying noooo!!! you cannot be gone princess at that very moment I didn't know how to react I was in a complete shock just by looking at my baby girl with one of her eyes pop out. It was one of the most horrible things I could ever experience in my whole life not even a human being hurt me as much as my princess did. Now I blame myself how can I didn't do anything to save my girl by taking her to a vet to have her check. Maybe if I took her She would of still be alive by now, but at that very instant I didn't know what to do but break down into tears and until this day even though it been 3 months since I lost her. I can't find peace or comfort that she is no longer with me. My family doesn't care of what I'm feeling now not even my husband. I'm completely alone in my grief process I feel so lonely that ever since that happen to my girl I been trying to reach out for help but unfortunately I been unsuccessful. I don't know what to do or who to turn to in order to help me with this healing process this whole experience I'm facing right now is causing me a lot of stress in my personal life. I have no friends to even talk to or just to say hey how you are doing today. I'm just so depress I wish my family was able to understand how much I'm hurting right now. All they say is hurtful things and tell me you are over reacting she was just a cat sooner or later you will buy another one. How can they say that she was not just an animal she was my baby my best friend my everything and I can't seem to live without her. I'm going crazy right now I'm even seeing my girl everywhere I go her scratches in the door, meows, her little face in my room, I even feel a presence trying to get in top of my bed in the middle of the night. I'm so miserable right now that nothing seems the same I'm even losing desire of the things I just to enjoy before help!!! The reason I decided to join this website is because I saw the word pet loss and I immediately thought that maybe in this place I was able to receive some kind of guidance or support in helping me with this loss I'm going through right now. I'm not sure if others are experiencing the same loss like me, but if you guys are I'm so sorry my heart goes out to each and everyone of us who are going through a loss or had one before. I'm not sure if this is the correct place to post my story if not let me know where I'm able to post it so that people are able to read it and provide me with at least some feedback. I can't take this pressure pain anymore I need some help from anyone in here in how to feel better an what to do when this type of things happen. thanks for reading sad

I will like to share a picture of my princess so that everyone is able to meet her I hope I uploaded right and everyone is able to see it. if not let me know thanks everyone.

Sincerely,

Mayra

Oh My Goodness, my heart goes out to you and your precious little angel. I'm so very, very sorry for your loss. Know that on this site you will never be alone. We all have lost furred and/or feathered children, and they meant the world to us. I understand your pain. I hope that being on this forum will offer you the love and support you so desperately need right now to help you through your grief.

(((((((((Hugs)))))))))

Hi, Mayra, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Princess. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion so tragically intensifies the grief.

Mayra, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way in your own time because you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year to endure. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride.

Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. We live in a physically oriented world governed by the five senses of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Every time our companions touch / rub against us, kiss / lick us they are literally chemically imprinting themselves onto us so that they can identify us from the many other people on this planet. When our companions precede us to the angels we literally go through a chemical withdrawal from this imprinting, which is one of the many reasons why this grief adjustment journey is so very painful both emotionally and physically.

Although clinical professionals recognize that the grief journey for the physical loss of a beloved companion is the same as for a human family member or friend, unfortunately our society in general, and sadly sometimes the people who are closest to us emotionally and geographically, do not. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum is here for each of us to come to share what is in our hearts with people who truly do understand. Please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, Mayra.

In the depth of your sorrow as you travel your grief adjustment journey to the physical absence of your beloved Princess there is one thing that will never change: the love bond you and your beloved Princess share. Love is eternal, Mayra, it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Princess' sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will - - for she is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, Mayra - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you. And one of the ways our beloved companions let us know they are still with us is through the many experiences you already have had as you share with us: "I'm even seeing my girl everywhere I go her scratches in the door, meows, her little face in my room, I even feel a presence trying to get in top of my bed in the middle of the night." Please let me try to reassure you that you are NOT losing your mind. Many of us here, including me, experience the same thing with our beloved companions as they reach across the Rainbow Bridge to let us know they are still forever with us even though we can no longer physically see or touch them.

Unfortunately there is no easy way to navigate this grief adjustment journey. It is not a "straight line" journey from "A" to "Z" but rather a journey that has many ups and downs, twists and turns, and turnarounds - - particularly during the deep grief. But I assure you, Mayra, that it will not always be this way. One day when you least expect it you will be thinking of your beloved Princess and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and your heart will feel the warmth of your and your beloved Princess' eternal love once again. But until this time comes for you, please know we are here for you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Princess with us, Mayra, and this wonderful picture of your sweet little girl. She is so adorable. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Mayra, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

When I visited this site today, as I do several times a day due my own losses, I saw your post and also that moon_beam was already reading your post. I just read her response to you. As always, loving, understanding, and full of words of wisdom. She will always be there for you, as she is for so, so many members daily. All of us are struggling with the loss of a beloved companion peep. I'm farely new; some members have been here for years and continue to return.

I recommend you read this blog post. The comments are comforting, too, as they will give you a sense of connection and that you are not alone, just as you are not alone here: http://christinekane.com/on-losing-a-beloved-pet/. It will help you through your journey.

Much love and light

What a beautiful baby she was.

My heart goes out to you. Many years ago my dog accidentally popped her eye and though it was resolved with a quick operation I remember how horrified and shocked I felt on seeing that.

I don't need to repeat what others have said. What I feel from reading your post is that your grief has been made so much harder by the lack of understanding and support from those around you.

I haven't posted my grief story yet but I felt compelled to comment to offer my support, understanding and hugs. I've been reading posts here for the last week and I believe you have found the right place to help and support you through your loss.

Thank you Monique. I really appreciate your kind words apparently that is the main reason I decided to research some type of support group because I couldn't take it anymore. I had to let it out or I was going to go crazy you can't imagine how I'm feeling now I don't know how to handle this grief princess was my first kitten and it feels horrible losing. I really don't want to go through another lost again may I ask what kind of pet did you loss and when did you lose yours?

Thank you Vanaja. I know its such horrible thing to even look at our pets in that type of condition, I'm so sorry to hear that your dog had that same experience as my little princess did. is your dog still alive? where they able to save one of hes eyes that was out? yes apparently my grief is hard because all I get from my family or even friends is negative comments about my baby girl. believe it hurts to know that even your own family members don't understand what you are going through and all they do is offend you. I'm not sure if you are whiling to share with me what happen or not but if you are you can always email me anytime that way I'm able to meet new people on here. I just register to this site last night and I'm still kind of lost in what we suppose to do here.

Thanks for the website that you offered me Monique. I did visit it and I thought that it was of a lot of help to me, because apparently everything that they are mention here is occurring to me now. I have a lot of anger, blame not only at me but also at my husband, my mom and kids because I thought that maybe if everyone could of care for her that night. nothing like this would of happen and she would of still be with me today. Tomorrow is going to be 3 months since I lost her I know that its already been months but ever since she passed away I haven't been feeling well and didn't have the desire of researching support like I did last night. Right now I still have anger and blame at my whole family including the driver that did this to my little girl. I'm not sure if I will ever be feeling well I just wish the worst to that driver that didn't think of causing me this pain. He/or she left me with a empty heart that it hurts more that a own human being. I'm just so sad right now I'm even thinking of taking my own life away just to be with my girl

Awww thank you so much for those kind words Moon beam I really appreciated your words gave me so much peace and comfort and I never thought that someone will care and say those wonderful words to me. I never thought that a pet could hurt so much that only a human being was able to hurt us but not a companion such as our pets. unfortunately yes I cant believe our closest family is able to hurt us the most instead of them being their for us in any sense of the word. But now I feel that how can someone understand what you are going through if they never own a pet before? only people that own pets are able to understand how it feels like to loss a best friend. My princess was my first kitten and what hurts me more is having her for such a short time. She was only with my 6 months I wish I was able to share more wonderful moments with her. But apparently one dumb driver took her from me, I'm just so upset and hurt right now that I wish the worst to that driver that cause me this horrible pain. I just don't get it how can someone have a bad heart and kill a small in defensive pet and just leave them in the middle of the road without helping her/him. My princess was just a baby that still needed her mommy to protect her but I feel awful because I was not able to protect her that night and now she is gone. I feel like I betrayed her in all the sense of the word. I feel so shame of myself I'm not sure if I will ever feel better of this loss I'm experiencing right now I cry day and night going back to were my princess grave is and just taking her out I really miss her

Thank you so much Monique, moon beam, and vanaja11. I'm so sorry about my unorganized replies to all of you as you can all of you see I'm berly new here and are still getting familiar with the features on here. But I thank each and everyone of you for your kind words and for taking the time to reply to my posting it means a lot to me knowing that people in here do care of how we are feeling. Hugs an God bless each of you

Mayra

That happened about 18 years ago. The dog (Mary) was in the garden and the vet was not sure how she could have popped her eye out. It was put back in place with a simple operation. Mary went on to die of old age/kidney disease 4 years after this incident.
I had adopted a semi feral barn kitten (Tommi) the same year as Mary's eye incident. Tommi was the runt of the litter and needed nursing back to health. Two years later she was deliberately run over and died at the vets the following day. I went through a severe reactive depression after that, which wasn't helped by the fact I was married to a very callous man.

I adopted another cat (Jerry) soon after, then a second (Angus) a few months later just after I moved away from my old home and husband (I took Mary with me through she was originally his). I believe I pushed down the horror of Tommi's death until Jerry died a couple of years ago of a sudden heart attack. I was with Jerry when she passed and handled her death quite well, but it brought back the loss of Tommi and 16 years after her death was the first time the word 'murder' came into my mind.

I haven't joined the forum due to the loss of any of these companions. I'll tell Horace's story when I'm ready.

I'm so glad that you are spending time here, among people who truly understand and feel your pain. Writing down my thoughts has always helped me and I'm glad to see you are also writing and trying your best to stay in touch and reach out. Regarding your question as to who I lost and when, if you click on my name, you can get to my profile and see all my posts. It may help you to spend some time reading there. I lost my MacKenzie, cat of almost 12 years, on 11 July, followed by my bunny, Tabitha, on 4 August. Losing MacKenzie was/is one of the most difficult experiences of my life. I searched for help, advice, anything to hold on to,... and found this forum.

I'm not creating a post for every loss. I have a large, complicated household of many species "left over" from my active rescue days. I have many more losses on my horizon. I lost heavily prior to MacKenzie as well. All different scenarios. One exactly like yours many years ago. It was heart-wrenching. With MacKenzie I had thoughts of not wanting to go on. I can't categorize these thoughts as truly suicidal, but I seriously did not want to go on. I had no idea how to take my next breath. My entire world was cloaked in darkness. I cannot recall what happened in the days after her death other than that I managed to get out of bed to care for the many I still have. With losing MacKenzie, I experienced some what I call emotionally violent feelings, like anger. Anger towards the vet for not guiding correctly. Mainly anger towards my so-called friends who have simply not been there for me. A wide range of responses, from no response, to "it's just a cat," to totally apathy, uncaring, and irritation. I have read the writing by Christine Kane many times since losing MacKenzie. The parts about judgment, anger, guilt. I understand explicitly what you are feeling. My best advice is to shut doors to these people. For me, for some, I have stopped all contact. For others, I just put up a virtual hand, put on a fake happy face and pretend everything is well. I have sought out and found people and places (like this forum) that offer understanding and comfort and no judgment. People who do not comfort or support you only add insult to your grief. You are in enough pain already and to then process these types of reactions is a virtually impossible undertaking.

It seems like such a trite and empty thing to say during this time when your pain is searing: You Will Be OK. I have come a long way since 11 July. Allow yourself to grieve and feel the pain. Ignoring it will not make it go away. Your grief is a way of celebrating this very precious little soul and how much she meant to you. You saved her life and filled her world with so much love for the short time she was on earth. I have lost peeps after having them for only a short time. In my grief, I eventually found comfort in knowing that God crossed our paths for me to provide while the little one was transitioning to His care, and to show that little soul that life on earth can be loving, caring, and free of pain. I lost a cat years ago I put outside. He had a building in my back yard that was all his own. A ladder to the window was his door to a room where he had food, water, litter box, play toys, warm bedding. He visited with me every day and lounged with my dogs. He loved his freedom. He would jump over the fence and explore the neighborhood every day. After he disappeared, neighbors who lived many streets over told me they would see him come by. One night, I heard a blood curdling scream. My heart stopped and I had chills from head to toe. In my gut, I knew that was Toby. I called out his name. I could not find where he was or really exactly in what direction the scream was coming from. I fell into instant denial, but I knew. I never saw Toby again. I put up posters, checked with animal control, talked to neighbors, searched, checked his living area for signs he had been there. For months. Nothing. I learned many years later he had been killed by a neighbor's dog. All the grief bubbled up again. Guilt, anger (esp. towards the neighbor who was too cowardly to come forward to tell me what happened- there were pictures of him everywhere!), sadness,... After much processing, I came to believe he lived all of his nine lives in the span of a few years. He had more fun and freedom running around the neighborhood and basking in the sun than he ever would have had inside my house, where he was seriously challenged with all the other felines and having me around, as he remained feral while in my house. Outside, he actually tamed towards me! He would even sit in my lap. His ending was horrible, but his short life was fabulous.

Hi, Mayra, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that everything you are feeling is very normal deep grief. I promise you the searing intense pain you are feeling now will eventually ease. Unitl this time comes for you, though, please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Grieving is both physical and emotional. The stress of grieving causes real physical symptoms such as loss of appetite, lack of concentration, feelings of despair, disinterest in everything - - especially things that used to make us smile, lack of control over our emotions, etc.. It is vitally important that you give yourself the opportunities you need to openly grieve for your beloved Princess even if you must find a private place to do so. Scientific studies prove that the tears we cry are literally healing tears for they literally cleanse our bodies from the toxins that build up from the stress of grieving. Some people think that if they suppress their grief it will make their sorrow less painful. Clinical studies prove that suppressed grief is very unhealthy and can cause medical challenges later on that may need emergency medical intervention. So it is very important that you find healthy ways to release your grief and sorrow.

I truly wish there were an easier way to navigate this grief journey but unfortunately the only way is one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time - - with the reassurance you are among friends here who truly understand what you are going through.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Mayra, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Princess' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Oh my goodness Vanaja 3 losses already how are you able to handle them? I'm so terribly sorry to hear that you have lost them the way you did if it would of been me I would of been going crazy already. Were these losses that you had were they close together or one part from the other? I hope I'm making you feel bad with these questions. I completely understand how you feel right now and that you don't want to talk about it. it does hurt and sometimes we have a hard time even expressing ourselves so don't worry when you have time to tell me about your other loss I will be here to listen. you will be in my thoughts and prayers take care.

I've had more than that over the years.

Dogs: my childhood pet Sheba died when I was 11. Then we had Raffles, who was adopted after being abandoned then killed by a car after we'd had him a couple of years. Next came Nikki from an animal shelter, then shortly after, Jess, who we literally picked up from the street (she was running down a dual carriageway; must have been thrown out of a car). They both died of old age long after I left home.
After I left home came Mary. After she died (and I had remarried) came Cole, who was from a friend's dog. The year after we got Cole when we were thinking of getting another dog, Leo followed Cole and I home from a nearby park.
Leo died in 2010 (don't know his age) and Cole followed in 2012 at age 11.

Cats: My cat story also started as a child. My parents used to feed the local strays and one (Carrots) became pregnant. My dad built her a shelter and she gave birth to three kittens. I can't remember what happened to Carrots. Of her kittens, one moved in with an elderly neighbour and the other two (Skittles and Scruff) came with us when we moved out. Scruff died in a road accident and Skittles died of old age after I left home. before I left home we had another, Sophie. She went out one night and never returned. Took me a long time to come to terms with that and my parents never have.
When I was living with my first ex husband, his ex wife's cat had kittens and one (Heather) went to my parents. She died a couple of years ago at age 16.

After leaving home there was Tommi who died in 1996, Jerry left me in 2012 of old age. Angus is still with me. Oni was a stray who lived in the garden from 2007-2010 as he is not a dog person. He packed his bags and moved in the same day we took Leo the vet to help him cross the bridge. Oni had a young cat friend. They got friendly enough to produce 3 kittens in late 2010. We brought them inside as it was about to snow. Mum Cleo stayed. I intended to adopt all the kittens out but Ellie decided she was staying too! Her brothers went to colleagues of mine and have marvellous lives.
My marriage broke down when Ellie was 7 months old. Cole moved with my husband. We both took him to the vet to cross the bridge.
Horace turned up in the back garden two years ago. I think he used to belong to an old man who lived behind me. He was unsure about moving in at first but allowed me to carry him inside during a heavy rainstorm. He just died suddenly from eating or drinking something toxic. I need to do a separate post about him.
Ed turned up in my kitchen last year as a very young kitten. I can only assume some 'kind person' threw him into my garden.
A neighbour's cat Bonnie moved in with me for a few months but ran off the day Horace died.

So now I am left with Angus, Oni, Cleo, Ellie, Ed and two strays I've been feeding for the last couple of years.

I cried for all of my angel pets last night.

Dear Mayra

My sincere sympathies to you and hugs and comfort for you in your grief. Your darling Princess is such a beautiful girl and she will always be that way.... the pain right now is unbearable, but given time you will be able to remember her and think of all the happy times you shared. She is forever a part of you, I do so believe that our darling pet companions never really leave us, physically yes, but not spiritually. Always watching over us and not wanting us to be sad.
This site has helped me so much over the last 5 years and I have made and kept many wonderful friends, who helped me through my grief. Please let us know how you are. Posting your pics and your lovely poems, are a wonderful tribute to sweet Princess.

Love and hugs

Jan and my Angels, Tasha, Noushka and now also my sweet Pixie (1 year at the rainbow Bridge) xx

Dear Mayra, your story is so much like mine and it broke my heart reading it, as I too lost my beautiful baby boy the same way as you lost your darling girl. Such a pretty little thing she was and such a lucky girl to have found someone kind to love her. I know all about the grief, the guilt, the if only's, the what if's, had them all.
The only thing that helped me was coming to this site, before that, I was on antidepressants and even they didn't take away the pain. it was like living in a fog day and night. If I hadn't found this site and all the wonderful people here who truly understood exactly how I felt, I don't think I would have coped. Everybody was telling me to get over it because it was only a cat, but to me he was my whole life, my soul mate.
People used to tell me it takes time and you know, it does, even though you don't see it at the time, because all you want to do is get over how you feel now without waiting, because it's so unbearable.
When you share your pain with people who truly understand, it is better than therapy, because all of us here have gone through this same devastating pain ourselves and we understand and don't judge.
It is five years since my loss and I only really started to heal after I adopted another cat after eleven months of unbearable grief. Now I love him so much, he is similar to my other boy, you know the right one for you when you see them, your souls click and you have an immediate bond.
Sending you my sincerest condolences Mayra and hugs xoxo

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Vanaja,

I'm so terribly sorry that you have experience all of those losses my heart hurts for you right now. Even-thought its been a while from your losses I bet it still hurts you and makes miss all of your babies. I wouldn't think I will be able to stand another loss the first one I'm going through now is hurting me so much that nobody is able to understand. Maybe the loss of my baby hurts me because she was not able to be with me for so long and this tragedy happen. I did save her once from that big dog and she was pretty much injured when I got her out of that yard. And now that this happen I was not able to saver her and she did die. I think I fail her as a mother because she was counting on me and I let her down. Maybe she was waiting for me to come and save her but this time I was not able to save her since I was not near her when she got hit. I Know it does take time before our grief gets better but day by day I'm feeling even worse that this happen to me. I don't understand how can anyone be able to stand such a loss I know that people are been saying that coming to this website is helpful but sometimes we just get support from one or two people not a whole lots of them care about our pain

Janika,

Thank you so much for your wonderful words. I don’t think my pain will ever get better my baby was the only one that was by my side when I was down or needed a comfort hug. I still remember she just to cuddle with me and I was the one that was always there when she needed something. It still breaks my heart to remember that same day before she passed away. How happy she was by moving her tail and was standing near me waiting for me to feed her. That day I gave her food a couple of hours before this happen she seem very happy. I also pick her up and told her I loved her and I cannot forget her eyes looking into mine. All my family right now blames me for letting her go outside because that moment she was with me I told her princess go outside. And I still remember she turn her whole body back inside because she didn’t want to go out. Maybe she had a feeling herself if she went outside she was never coming back. The reason I feel devastated now is because I was not able to share a lot of memories with my princess. I don’t even have pictures of her except one and that is the one I have share here.

It breaks my heart that she was only with me for 6 months or even less I still regret not wanting to take her in a car ride when my children told me mom princess is following us to the car she wants to go with us. An all I did was say no princess cannot go with us go back inside. Also that night she was hit I still remember she following me to the car wanting to go with us but I did that same thing reject her and send her back home. I also drove away that night and I did see her as I left that she was outside just looking at us as we drove away. If only I would return back and pick her up maybe she would of still been alive today. I’m so sorry but I just can’t help feeling this way. Nothing seems to comfort me right now I know that people from this website been trying to support me with their kind words but not even that is helping me. I know there’s a lot of member in here that are in pain in only like 1-3 of them respond to you and support you. Maybe in here just support those who they are know because us the new ones are just left alone without nobody caring

I'm so sorry to read about your last memories, and how overcome you are with guilt. It is an emotion we are all very familiar with. It does indeed lurk about and strike when you are most vulnerable.

Insofar as your last statement about only a few responding... I respond only to a few here and there. I have read many, many stories, and have found comfort in knowing I'm not alone. Mostly I don't write a response. The pain is too great depending on where I am in my grief journey. If you look at your post statistics, you will see that you have many visitors. You can also see how many people are on the site at any one time. People who come here read, they understand, they weep with you, they may well have had a very similar experience, they may find comfort knowing they are not alone with you here. For some, like me, I do best if I can get it out. Talk, write, talk, write some more. For others, silence works best for them. This is not an ordinary forum. People with extreme pain and discomfort are looking for help here. Many cannot talk about their pain, or need the right window or state of mind to reach out in words.

(((((((((((Hugs to you))))))))))))

Madi,

I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my posting. I normally don't get any responses from anyone I was actually register in a different site than this one and I decided to leave from that site because normally I didn't get any support from anyone. I only see that people reply to others that they do know because a lot of them get like 100 or even more replies so us news feel like we not heard so we just leave. But I hope that this site is different than the one I was before. ever since I been in here I been receiving replies from a person name moon beam. he's been giving me lots of wonderful words of comforting that is making me smile just a little bit. I'm so sorry to hear that you lost you lost your baby boy in the same way I did my princess. Its very heartbroken to loss our babies in this terrible way that we did. I just feel so sad because I was not able to say my last good-byes to her and when I found her in the middle of the road that night she was already gone. It broke my heart that night and it still does. What makes me even worse is not having that time with her because she was only with me for such short period time. I'm not sure how long your boy was with you, but I see that this babies become so much like family. I just miss my princess so much that I can't seem to find peace right now How can I find comfort if I'm surrounded by family and close friends that are not understandable at all that are always attacking me with hurtful words towards my kitten. In fact I don't think I will feel better because I haven't seen to find that right person that is able to help me feel better. I'm glad that a lot of you are finding wonderful friends in here but as for myself I don't think that will happen to me because normally people don't want to stay in contact with me. I don't know why I'm a very social person that enjoys to support others to but maybe I just think people are just looking for similar experiences so they stand in touch with only those people. When they don't seem to realize that everyone it doesn't matter what your situation was an how you lost your baby. But I think everyone in here is feeling the same pain no matter what type of baby they have lost we are all pet lovers and I feel we need to be support one another no matter what the situation was.

Monique,

I didn't mean to offend anyone with my words of what I said, but I couldn't help saying it because it's true. I completely agree with what you said of people in here still hurting and most of them just don't have words to say to others when their grief is still new like ours. And maybe you are right that is what is happening but I just see so many views in my postings that I always wonder are those people who are viewing my words even caring of what I'm saying? Or they just read just for fun and not caring any less of what that person is going through. I think I'm just the type of person that will love to have more support from people and seeing that one a few of you are caring makes me a bit sad. I'm just feeling this way because I'm going through a tremendous major depression that is making me so sensitive that even the most small thing I see is making me feel like I'm hopeless. But I didn't mind to offend anyone and I think is anyone is decision either to respond to whatever they want without being force to do so my apologies Monique I'm just trying to fit in right now because I feel completely alone at this time I'm also going through a lot of personal issues right now that even my health is not doing so well. The reason I came to this website is to see if I was able to receive some type of support and I do see that at least some of you are trying to make me feel better and I really appreciated. I thank you for all the wonderful words that you been giving me since the first day I been here I have seen base on your profile that you are still kind of new yourself but you have a few weeks more than me. I been reading your replies an I'm so sorry I haven't been able to reply sooner but I'm just feeling so down right that I hardly have desire for anything. Even writing in here hurts me and it makes me so depress that I'm not sure why. But What helps me a little bit are your words and the words from Moon beam who has been so nice of providing me with comfort words since the first day I been here. I'm also very sorry for your losses that you are experiencing right now I bet you are feeling almost the same as me, but most of us grief different than others. I'm so sorry that I'm unable to provide you with some comfort words at this time, but I'm not feeling well and I really wish I was able to support you in a way that you desire you are just a very helpful person as Moon beam has also been. God bless both of you for your kind hearts and wonderful words that you have been providing me since day 1

Hi,

I was not the least bit offended, just offering you an explanation as to the behaviors of others, esp. during times of extreme pain. I have dealt with severe losses for many years. Each time I find myself back on the research trail for information on how to deal with pet loss. It is still largely not accepted that animals are worthy of love and grief due to love that can and does even exceed love and grief we feel for our own kind. The love we get from a furred or feathered companion is truly of the purest kind. And the loss is therefore severe. So, through the loss of MacKenzie, I happened upon this site. What is different here from other forums, is that there are long-standing members. Many have formed friendships. All started as strangers with a common goal: to find relief and kinship for our loss or losses.

I did go to a counselor who was reputed to be versed in trauma and grief counseling. I derived little benefit. She was a wonderful and kind-hearted person, but perhaps I was not ready for this kind of grief channeling. One thing she did tell me that I hear in my head often. I was recounting my many losses and she said that we have to remember that a life on earth is comprised of millions upon millions of moments. When a beloved companion dies, that is one, only one, moment of that companion's life with us. The idea is to assign equal weight to these moments. So, out of the 6 months you had your beloved little friend, there were literally millions of little snapshots that defined her existence with you on earth. Right now, the last moment has a tremendously heavy weight, and a negative one at that, a moment that is taking through so, so many negative emotions, esp. the guilt, about what you felt like you should have done. And all the "if only's"... I cannot recount a loss where I did not travel through this guilt phase, and repeat it many times over. Depending on the circumstances, the guilt can be severe and persistent, or momentary. Regardless, I suffer through guilt each and every time. The heavy weight to this last moment is simple: we don't want to be without our beloved peep!

I wish you had like-minded people around you who would envelope you in kindness and hugs. It is truly their loss that they are oblivious to the purest of love there is, the unconditional love an animal gives. You, like the rest of us animal lovers, are really honored to experience this while here on earth. One of the reasons it hurts so much when a beloved companion animal leaves, is the void from their absence. Their physical absence. Love never dies. It is ready to walk through another door. You have to be ready to receive it. And therein lies the challenge. From my years and years of dealing with this, I can guarantee you that your little princess is with you. Her little spirit will always be with you. When you are ready to receive this unconditional love again, it will walk through this door.

Right now, you are processing the passing of your little angel, both in spiritual and physical form. The tears we shed are really a way to give honor to that life. That precious life mattered and deserves due attention in traveling to the next dimension.

I also see where your post has garnered quite a few visits. I guarantee that those reading care. People do not come to this site to joust and make fun. People spend time here because they need support and answers. And everyone is different in how they process.

I have been gravely disappointed in my so-called local friends. I have shut numerous doors. I will not foster these kinds of relationships. They are damaging to my soul and psyche. Sometimes all I have available is this site. Sometimes I just click on it and don't read anything. Just check the latest to be sure the posts I visit, like this one, are still active. To see that moon_beam has been here, as she is every day, gives me comfort. I read a lot of her responses to other posts. They are all helpful to me. There are no other forums I have found where there is a moderator like moon_beam. She is also a therapist. So wise and reassuring. You can count on her. One true supporter can be better that a slew of people. Moon_beam establishes herself as someone you can count on to come back time and again. Many others may leave a post and not return. The key, for me, in healing is consistency in support, not the lone or solo hit, if you will.

xo

Hello Moon Beam,

I really appreciate your kind words that just by reading them it brings a smile to my face base on your words it seems to me like you have a lot of professional experience on providing support to people. it seems to me like you always have something nice to say to people when they are feeling down because of the loss of their beloved love one. Monique here told me that you were a therapist no wonder you have always those nice words to say. I been reading all of your replies each one that you been posting to me and they give me a lot of comfort and peace. I know that right now nothing could make me feel better but hopefully within the time I'm able to feel a little less worse. But to be honest right now I can't my little princess was my first baby girl and I still remember how I saved her from my neighbors dog when she was being attack by him. I can't help but remembering over and over how I save her and how hurt she was I remember that when she was inside my neighbors yard all she wanted to do is get out and she was wanting for someone to help her. Because she showed it to me in that very instant she immediately gave me her little paw by sticking it out of the fence. and that moment I also gave her my hand an she lick my finger. It was a very special moment that I had with my girl that very moment it was the first time I was meeting her and maybe me an her bonded with each other right away. I was happy that I save her at time but I feel horrible now because that day I save her she trusted me and maybe she trusted me again on saving her that night and I was not able to do so. I feel so awful I know people are telling me not to blame myself because it was just an accident but I just can't help it. Seeing her that night the way I did I was in a complete shock an I'm still I'm all I want is be in that spot she got hit and stand they an cry. I also go back to where to were she is an all I want to do is take her out from that spot, I even get mad at my husband for not wanting to take her out all I want to see is her body for one last time and have her close to me. My husband doesn't go along with me on getting her out he did once do it just to make me happy but he saw how much it hurts me.

Now I want to do it again and he tells me that I'm crazy that princess is no longer there only her body and since it's been 3 months already maybe not even her body is there. I'm not sure if I'm crazy I just want you to tell me if what I'm doing is normal or not. Every night I just go out and just want to be either in the spot she was hit and I can even see the stain of her blood and it hurts me. At first I was receiving signs of my baby girl and that was making me afraid and all I wanted was for everything to stop. But now that everything is not going on anymore I just want more signs from my little girl and she is now gone. I think she totally forgot about me and that is the reason she stop visiting me. I'm not sure if even the spirit of our babies are able to come back or not but base on what other person told me they do come back just to tell us that they are ok and they don't want us to be sad for them. I just miss my baby so much that I wish her signs will come back their was this time I even saw her little face bloating in the middle of my room and now it's not there anymore. I'm feeling so depress and I can't seem to have appetite to even eat all I do is think about my kitten if she is doing ok or she cold or alone somewhere I don't even know. Please I need some help all this pressure is just driving me crazy I always try to reach out to close friends or my family but all they do is reject me and say hurtful things. Also my closes friends who I thought were going to be there for me offended my little girl when I told them how I was feeling. I even posted my grief on Facebook and not one close friend of mine said a simple I'm sorry for your loss or anything. I was not wanting anything special all I wanted was to know that they did care for me. I even happen to get into a fight with one of my close friends because they told me you are over reacting she was just a cat buy a new one don't make such a big deal for a simple cat. Plus he told me that kittens were nasty because they were always leaving hair all over the place including doing their business anywhere.

How hurtful is to know that the most people you care about are the ones that are not there for you. That instead you have the support of people that you haven't meet in your life. I think is true that in the most difficult times you learn to know who your true friends are and I'm learn who they are an who are not. I really appreciate all the replies I been receiving from each and everyone of you it makes me think that at least their still people that do care even if its someone stranger for them. Thanks everyone much love to each and everyone of you an my God bless you guys always.

My Tommi was an unusual cat, I think this was because she was born part feral. Sometimes she would crave cuddles and attention but she would turn in a second and want to get away.

She liked to go outside. At the time, I lived on a busy and not too pleasant estate. I liked to have her in at night time.

One day I arrived home with some shopping and she met me at the door. I was surprised that she didn't immediately run outside. Because I knew I wanted her inside for the night I put her outside and encouraged her to 'go out and play'.

I put the shopping away, sat down with the drink and then the phone rang. I was told my cat had been hit by a car but passers by had seen it and got her out of the road.

I went to get her and she was in a terrible state. I was told she had been crossing the road to head for home when two teenage boys saw her and sped up so they could run her over. I got her to the vet and had to leave her overnight. They told me they'd do what they could. I spent a sleepless night crying. The next morning, I already had an appointment at the vet with my parents' cat. My mother was at work and my father wasn't well so I had offered to take her.
While I was standing in my parents' kitchen waiting for my dad to put their cat in her basket I had the strangest sensation. I felt like Tommi was inside my head and I had this feeling of peace and reassurance. I knew then...

I got to the vet, booked the cat in and the receptionist recognised me. She said the vet had been trying to phone me at home. They sat me down and explained that they had kept Tommi sedated overnight as she had been struck in the head and they needed to wait for the brain to settle before deciding what to do. hat morning her brain started to swell so they were phoning me to get me to come in as they knew her death was imminent. She died at the same time I was stood in the kitchen. Tommi had never regained consciousness. I knew the feeling I had was her saying goodbye.

I tried to act normally and go to work but got sent home by a not entirely sympathetic boss as I kept bursting into tears. I couldn't understand why everything around me was carrying on as normal when my world had ended. My husband was cruel to me, kept going out and telling me he wasn't prepared to be around me when I was 'acting stupid over a ****ing cat'.
That is why the loss hit me so hard. Though I had Mary, she was my husband and stepchildrens' dog. I had been isolated in my marriage and that cat felt like my only friend in the world. In addition I beat myself up so much as I had made her go out when she didn't want to. I felt I had sent to to her death.

What helped me turn the corner was going to see my GP to ask for antidepressants. I told the GP I was going mad. He was so understanding that day. He told me that I wasn't going mad, that I was both grieving and traumatised and that my feelings and behaviour were absolutely normal. I was to take two weeks off work and go back to see him before returning. I was able to return to work after this time and gradually moved forward.

I eventually accepted that I had given her the best life I could and that everything I did was with her best interests in mind. She had been a scrawny, odd looking thing and I had taken a week off work after adopting her. I had had to take her off all solid food and feed her milk and clean her every couple of hours. Because of that I had bonded to her like a baby, I imagine you felt that way about Princess. I was heartbroken that she only had a couple of years but then realised that she would have starved to death at 4 weeks old had I not taken her.

I am so sorry that people around you are doing nothing to comfort you. I made a lot of changes in my life after losing Tommi and feel like her life and loss inspired me to do so. It still hurts that I had to lose her in order to do so.

Hi, Mayra, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. This grief journey is indeed a very painful process to endure. Please let me try to add some comfort to our wonderful forum correspondents.

First, I want to clarify that I am not a counselor. However, I have read several articles and books on grieving for my own personal needs, and what I share with you and everyone is what I have learned through my own personal experiences. I feel the need to clarify this because I don't want any misunderstanding.

With regard to wanting to exhume your beloved Princess' body at this time, it really isn't a good idea to do this. Instead, it would be more appropriate for you to hold something that belongs only to your beloved Princess - - a blanket, her collar, a toy. This is something that many of us do when the ache to hold our beloved companions is more than what our hearts can bear during the deep grief. This grief journey is both physical and emotional - - so your need to hold your beloved Princess is a very real need to help with the physical withdrawal from her physical presence. Holding a blanket or toy is not the same thing as holding her, but it will help to ease the physical pain of no longer being able to hold her physical body.

Because grieving is physical as well as emotional, the stress of grieving can cause chemical changes in the brain that can affect our behaviors and cause symptoms of clinical depression. Many years ago my life was permanently changed physically, emotionally, and spiritually through a very traumatic event. I was fortunate enough to find a compassionate professional counselor who helped me survive through a very deep depression and helped me find my way back to a point where I could begin rebuilding my life. It is not a weakness to need professional help but is very healthy to seek professional assistance when we are in circumstances that are beyond our normal abilities to cope. Only you, Mayra, can decide if it would be helpful to speak with your personal physician about your grief and to seek his / her advice as to what assistance may be helpful for you.

Also please let me try to reassure you that your beloved Princess is warm and safe and happy in heaven's perfect garden surrounded by the love of the angels and all of our beloved companions. I hope you will find comfort in your heart that your beloved Princess is just as she was prior to the traumatic event that ended her earthly journey.

Certainly being subjected to hurtful words during our grief journey only serves to intensify the deep searing pain of sorrow, and I am so very sorry you are not receiving comfort and support from your family and friends. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum is here as a safe place where each of us can come to share what is in our hearts with people who truly do understand what we are feeling. Please know each of us are here for you, Mayra, for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Mayra, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Princess' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moon beam,

Sorry I didn't mean to cause any misunderstand between us, but thanks for clarifying that for me. And involving having something like a blanket, toy, or anything she enjoyed being around with. I really don't have anything like that to hold on to. Maybe that is the reason I'm doing the things I'm doing because I have nothing that could remind of her. Except for only one picture and that is the one I shared with you guys in my first posting. Like I been saying princess was just with me for such a short period of time that I was not able to get anything for her such as blankets, toys, beds, or anything else. Now that I remember she did have a staff animal she enjoyed playing with but I think my kids throw it away so I have nothing left. I see a lot of you guys have a lot of pictures memories of your pets and share them but I have nothing to share except that one picture I'm telling you about. Thank you for the kind of words I also hope that you are doing well take care.

Oh Vanaja,

Your experience is very similar to mine. We both lost our babies due to a car hitting them losing them this way is the most horrible experience anyone could ever go through. it makes me mad to hear that 2 teenage boys speed up and on purpose hit your baby just to kill him. What kind of idiot people are in this world that don't care about a little animal and just have all the intentions to kill them without any consideration. Sorry but it just makes me mad hearing that these boys did this where is the law that don't do anything to these kind of drivers huh? So that means anyone could just go out any time at night or day and just hit a poor little animal intentionally that is just not fair. These kind of people don't even realize how hurt they can even leave their owners since they are not pet lovers they are not going to know how painful it is to loss our babies they are not just cats they become so much like our own family. I'm not sure how you reacted when you when to get your baby and saw her in the state that you saw her. but at least your baby was moved from the road but my little girl was not she was left in the middle of the road maybe other cars passing by also hit her causing her more damages that she already had. I was in a complete shock when I found her I was not whiling to accept that my baby was the one that was actually in the middle of the road. Until I got out of my car and rush immediately to were she was at and saw that it was her and it was devastating that I didn't want her to be gone and not even bury her.

I told my husband please don't bury her don't do that I don't accept that my little girl was gone my whole family was devastated that night my husband, my children my mother. My husband was so upset that tell kill princess that he even got in the middle of the road an crush a bottle he even didn't care if any car hit him or not all he wanted is to be near our girl. my kids were crush to and still are my two little girls were the ones that just to play with princess they even made a video of her that they were happy they had her and she was home. I don't know how to talk to my children about a loss of a pet everyone just seems to miss her so much, I also have family like you that when I lost princess they say my eyes so tired of crying that they immediately start to tell me that I was over reacting and she was just a cat. Even my mom told me you get that bad for just a cat I hope that when I die you are going to be the same way as you are for princess. How can people say that sometimes they can be so cruel. Just like it was to you how can your husband say those kind of words to you when you most needed him. He was not just a cat he was your baby your whole world. People just don't understand an all they do is say cruel things to those who are pet lovers I really hate people reacting this way if they are not going to say anything nice to comfort someone during their loss not to say anything at all. Sometimes people are better if they stay quiet and not say a word than those who due and hurt your feelings.

I'm so terrible sorry you had to go through that experience to it must of been hard for you to not having any support from anyone including your husband must of made you feel like you wanted to end your own life. I'm not sure how you are doing now but I sure hope you are feeling better I really appreciate you sharing your experience with me. I think since me and you have similar experiences that maybe we can help one another that's if you want to. I'm always whiling to meet new people and help them in whatever I can to. Like I said I'm miserable right now but maybe with your support or anyone else who decides to provide it to me I think it will become easier you never know. Just right now I'm even crying while I'm writing this missing my baby so much that I think I will never will recover again. How can anyone feel better after losing their babies how? Princess was my first baby girl and the way she came into my life is what makes her so special to me. I save her from not getting hurt an I think that she is always going to be grateful to me for that. But what I don't think she will forgive is me not being able to save her that night that she got hit so bad by that dumb driver. I wish I will know who is and see what happens to him/her I just wish that person the worst for taking my little girl from me it just makes me so mad she had to go this way If you want we can be each other support an you are welcome to email me anytime ok.

Hi, Mayra, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I truly am so very sorry you only have the one picture of your beloved Princess to cherish. Of course not having any toys or blankets to hold onto that belonged to your beloved Princess only adds to the sorrow and pain of adjusting to the physical absence of your beloved baby girl. You do have her picture, though, and you can hold onto that.

And I sincerely wish to reassure you that there is no misunderstanding between us, Mayra. I just wanted to try to let you know that I am merely a fellow traveler on this wonderful forum who possesses no special training - - only the "benefit" of a life time so far of personal experiences that I hope can somehow offer comfort, support, encouragement, and hope to you, and our other correspondents who are also enduring the painful journey of adjusting to the physical losses of their beloved companions.

Mayra, I truly wish there were an easier way to navigate this grief adjustment journey, but unfortunately there are no fast forward or delete buttons to press to speed up the process of make it automatically disappear. I truly hope today is treating you kindly, Mayra, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Princess' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moon Beam,

No thank you for taking the time reply to my post, and for those wonderful words you been providing me since the first day I have been here. I'm sorry I'm taking a bit to respond to you. At this time I'm still not feeling well right now I'm crying as I'm writing this post to you I'm thinking of my baby right now not sure if she's doing alright, if she's cold, if she's eating, is she resting somewhere. I been receiving words from people that they are telling me that our babies are in some place called a Rainbow Bridge not sure if you are familiar with that. They say that in this place our babies are playing together with other animals that have also passed away they are eating and happy they are not suffering anymore. I'm not sure it this is true or not because I only know that when they die they are not anywhere that their souls are resting but nobody knows where they are only God knows that. I'm also receiving comfort that someday in the future I will be able to get reunited with my baby girl again and this time forever and we are never going to separate from each other again. I just have so many hopes but not sure if they are going to become true or not today I'm feeling down and theirs nothing that could make me feel better. I know that people in here been trying to give me some kind words and I really appreciated, but sometimes we still feel lonely and sad. I wish all this never would of happen and even thought a new baby calico kitten name Blanca was brought into my life I still miss my baby because this new kitten I have she's been with me for almost 2 months I do love her, but its like something is still missing from my heart but don't know why. Blanca looks so much like my princess they were actually sisters and I'm happy that my baby girl princess brought her sister to me because she knew I was in a lot of pain. At first before I didn't have Blanca I was receiving a lot of signs all over including in the social media. It was an angel letting me know that they knew I was facing a terrible battle right now and that soon things were going to get better.

At first I didn't want to believe it but then again I was not sure of it. And after I receive those signs that's when I received Blanca my baby kitten that is with me now. She was just 1 week old when she was brought to me she's a beautiful calico kitten with black, orange, and white all over her body just like my princess was. At first my Blanca was very afraid to be with us but then as the days had gone by she got just to us. And now she is a very playful and lovely kitten that loves to play a lot and be near me all the time. But I just feel awful about myself because I feel like Blanca is feeling rejected because theirs times that I don't want to be near her an all I think is about my princess and just say you remind me so much of princess an I start hugging Blanca. I also don't have the desire to hug or cuddle with Blanca even if my kids tell me to. They say mom cuddle with Blanca she needs you, but all I say is not at this time I just need my time I'm not sure what is happening to me I do know I love Blanca but I'm not sure why I'm reacting this way. Sometimes I do hug an cuddle with my Blanca but others I just don't want to be near her at all, I even get confuse by calling her Princess because they look so much a like. I didn't really want to have another pet at first because I knew this was going to happen but I couldn't reject my Blanca either, because it was a generosity of my mom that she was the one that brought her to me, because she knew how much a was hurting and all she wanted was for me to be happy again. I'm happy that I have Blanca now but its just something inside me that is just broken and sad that I just reject her has anyone else had this happen to them with another pet before after losing one?

Hi, Mayra, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal deep grief, and I promise you it will not always be this way. Some day when you least expect it you will be thinking of your beloved Princess and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and you will feel your heart warm with the treasured memories you and your beloved Princess share. But until this time comes for you, please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Sadly, most people think that having another companion will "cure" the sadness of intense grief and will be a "replacement" for the companion who is no longer physically with us. This simply is not true - - even when there are already surviving companions remaining in the home. When our hearts are grieving, we are focused on the physical absence of the companion who is no longer with us -- even when we love the companions who continue to share our hearts and lives. There is no doubt that you love your precious Blanca and want her to have a happy and healthy life with you. But she is NOT a "replacement" for your beloved Princess. You and your precious Blanca are establishing a NEW relationship which will be different from the one you have with your beloved Princess. As with our human relationships, the relationship we have with our companions is uniquely individual because they each have uniquely individual personalities. So, just take one day at a time with your precious Blanca, and I know she will bring you both comfort and happiness in your earthly journey together.

As for calling your precious Blanca by your beloved Princess' name - - please know this, too, is very normal. When my beloved number one kitty son Eli joined the angels, there were several times when I called my precious Noah by his big adopted kitty brother's name. It isn't "absent-mindedness". Eli and Noah were tightly bonded with one another, and there were times during my deep grief that I would call to Noah using Eli's name. This is yet another part of the normal yet painful grief adjustment journey, Mayra.

What you are feeling is very normal when you share with us: " its just something inside me that is just broken and sad". Indeed, your heart and life is broken and it will take time for you to adjust to the "new normal" that no longer includes the physical presence of your beloved Princess.

There are different "names" people use to describe the place where our beloved companion's sweet Living Spirit goes to when they are no longer physically with us. Rainbow Bridge is a universal description which, for me, is another name for what I call "heaven." Please know that your beloved Princess is safe and happy in the company of the angels and all the beloved companions in heaven's Perfect Garden.

I truly am very sorry that your family is not offering you the support, comfort, and encouragement you need in this very sorrowful time. Still I hope you are finding comfort in the responses you receive here.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Mayra, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Princess' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Mayra, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moon beam yes definitely coming to this site is helping me out a bit especially the words you are expressing to me. Even-thought you are not a professional or anything else with all the wonderful words you say to people make us think that you have a lot of experience on this because you always have something good to say. Not everyone is able to know what to say to you. I even have a hard time expressing my sympathy to people when they are going through a grief process. Maybe you will be a great counselor have you though of becoming one by any chance? Because you sure will be one of the best ones due that you do know how to comfort and make some put a smile in their face. May I ask how many losses have you had in the past and how are you able to become such a great supporter in here?

Hi, Mayra, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for asking about my losses throughout my life. Even now as a senior citizen I can recall the first loss of a beloved companion as a very young child - - an experience that was void of any comfort to me by my parents and siblings. It was a time in our society when the loss of a beloved companion wasn't even thought of as being a significant event in an adult's life - - and less significant in a child's. It was not until later on in my life as a young adult that my mom realized how difficult that had been for me, and when I experienced the second loss of a beloved companion she grieved with me.

In 1985 my mother succumbed to injuries sustained in an automobile collision from a driver who crossed over the road into our lane of traffic and hit our car head on. I, too, was seriously injured and continue to compensate every day for the injuries I sustained. I not only grieved for the physical loss of my mom, but for the physical changes to my body. It was during this time that I had the blessing of a very compassionate and qualified professional counselor who helped me through a very prolonged and painful recovery and rehabilitation.

My next losses occured within a year of each other - - 1997 and 1998 - - when my beloved companions who also had been companions to my mom - - joined the angels. This was very difficult because I not only grieved for them, but it felt like I was grieving the loss of my mom again.

My home remained empty until the fall of 1998 when I embraced a new canine companion named Oslo who was a retired Service Partner from Guiding Eyes for the Blind in New York. In the summer of 2000 Oslo rescued a kitten hiding in the drainage pipe at the street end of the driveway. We took the kitten in and named him Eli. In 2003 two more kittens joined our household - - my beautiful beloved baby girl Abbygayle and her darling precious brother Noah. Eli joined the angels in December 2006 due to end stage Lymphoma at 6 years of age. Oslo joined the angels in November 2009 due to a sudden stroke at 15 years of age. My beautiful baby girl Abbygayle joined the angels in March 2010 due to end stage Fibrosarcoma at 6 years of age.

So it is now my precious Noah and me. Noah is 11 years old. In September 2012 he required emergency surgery for what turned out to be a twisted intestine, and last year, October 2013, he survived a serious life-threatening hypoglycemia event that required intensive hospitalization for two days to get his blood sugar levels regulated. He is doing well now on a glucose management diet for diabetic-prone cats. I know our time together is more precious, and because of my senior years and physical challenges my precious Noah will be my last companion during my earthly journey.

At one point in time I looked into taking counseling courses but did not have the money to pay for them, and would have had a hard time juggling taking courses in addition to working. To help me through the losses of my beloved companions I have read several books and articles on grieving, and it is what I learned through reading them - - in addition to the wonderful support I received from the counselor who helped me through the traumatic event of 1985 - - that I am honored and privileged to try to share with you, and each of our fellow forum correspndents.

So, what I share with you, and our other fellow correspondents, comes from a heart that knows the deep searing pain of sorrow. Also, surviving a tragic event that resulted in the physical loss of my mom enforced my desire to try to offer something "purposeful" to others - - and it is my earnest desire to try to be a source of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope to those whose hearts are enduring the most painful sorrow known on this side of eternity - - the physical loss of a beloved companion.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Mayra, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Princess' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Mayra, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I read your last entry with a nodding head. When I lose a beloved, I have a virtually instantaneous drive to find a “replacement,” because after all, it’s just not possible my peep is gone and the thought of living without the physical presence is simply unspeakable. When I lost my beloved senior Dachshund, Molly, this past Jan., I was inconsolable. This loss was like MacKenzie, so emotionally violent. She was not supposed to leave, my mind screamed! I found myself on Petfinder searching for miniature dachshunds who looked like her. I scoured the site for about a week. I actually found several. I even wrote emails of inquiry. It was an insane exercise. Luckily the animals I inquired about found homes, or I received no reply back. It wasn’t meant for any of them to come live with me. I was grieving and in nonstop denial. I wanted Molly back.

I put finding a replacement for Molly to rest. Within a few weeks, I received an email from a friend about a senior doxie in need, turned in to a shelter overrun with animals. (Molly passed 1/20; Sammy Jo entered my home 3/1.) In as hard as they try to find homes for everyone, there are simply no enough homes. I received pictures about Sammy Jo (as I later named her). In the pictures, she was literally the spitting image of Molly. I adopted her without reservation, as a little voice deep inside me said, “Now, Monique, she is not Molly…” I dismissed this little nag. I was getting Molly back… When I met her, I saw immediately that she really didn’t look at all like Molly up close. She was reserved, even a bit depressed. She looked like she had been well cared for and somehow lost her human mom or dad. Her original health profile surprised me; she received a clean bill of health and for a 13-yr old doxie, that was amazing. Turns out, she has some major health issues, but that is another long story. Over the last 6 months, I have come to love her for who she is. It was very difficult at first. She really didn’t want anything to do with me. She refused to accept her name. She studied everything in her regal, stoic manner, and wandered around the house in seemingly endless circles. One day I said to her as she once again feigned not knowing her name when I was calling her repeatedly, “Your name is Sammy Jo and I’m sorry if you don’t like it. I don’t know what happened to you and I’m sorry you lost your previous mommy. Without my help, your future was uncertain, bleak at best. I’m all you have…” From that point, I accepted her for who she is and our relationship has grown into a beautiful friendship. She even seeks me out now, wagging her tail. The other day she stood up on her hind legs and put her front feet on my legs. I love her with all my heart and all associations with Molly long since gone. I believe Sammy Jo was sent to me to help me heal from Molly, to bring me new love, not replace the love that was unique with Molly.

The same scenario of trying to find a replacement happened when MacKenzie died. I actually found one who not only looked exactly like MacKenzie but was even the same age! I knew in my gut, as I did with Molly, that I was trying to assuage my deep grief. I wanted all the pain and emotional noise to stop, to turn back the hands of time and relive that moment of passing with a different ending. For the cat I found who looked just like MacKenzie, I wrote a letter to the shelter, detailing things about MacKenzie and her passing, and offering my home to this sweet cat. I saved it to a folder I have on my computer for MacKenzie and never sent it. This provided some healing for me. I found out later that this sweet peep was adopted…

I remember when I lost my cat, Dominoe, in 2000, that I could barely look at my other animals. In my mind at the time, they were all simply not good enough, didn’t purr or talk like Dominoe, or have her endearing habits. My bond with her was so special and it felt like I all of the sudden had no bonds established at all with any of my other animals. I luckily didn't stay in this mode for very long. I literally started telling myself out loud that my other animals were not Dominoe and to love them for who they are. I will always have a special connection with Dominoe. I have special connections with all my animals, all unique. I also realized that to not love and honor all the other lives in my home was not fair to them and it was not fair to dwell on how they all differed from Dominoe. This would have caused even more regret and pain to process once they would pass to heaven.

All this to say what you are feeling is perfectly normal! I know only you know how much time you need to heal and transition through a grief phase. I hope you will find a way to open your heart to your new little peep, Blanca, soon. Every time you look at her, focus on little details about her, how the sun catches the beautiful iridescence in her eyes, how long her whiskers are, the little pads on her feet, the little tufts of fur in between her toes, listen to her special little mews… Remark to yourself how beautifully she was created. Even if you only do this for the briefest of moments, it will register and leave an impression on you. You will feed that memory and this little moment will grow into more and your love for her will become very specific, just for her.

I see Blanca's presence in your life as a sign, a little door opening for you, a little bundle of love you can hug and cuddle, who can give you the physical presence you miss. Not to replace your Princess. New love.

You will find a way to walk through that door to receive this new love.

Oh Moon beam.

your story touch me so much that it breaks my heart to even read all that had happen to you. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your mom I bet it might of been difficult for you at that time and it still is. Because nobody could ever recover from the loss of their mother a mother is the most precious and most wonderful thing that God could ever give us in life. Also I'm so very sorry to hear about the seriously injuries that you had hopefully you are fully recovering well and this doesn't affect you. Even-thought its been years about your losses I bet you still grief at some point in your life for them. it seems like you have been thorough so much that I truly admire you for not giving up and moving forward. I thank you for having the confidence in me and for sharing your story with me and the rest of us. Ever since you have been replying to my postings I been feeling a little bit better. Thank you so much for the wonderful words of expression and hopefully you keep them coming so that it will help me with my healing process I hope you are doing well and are having a wonderful day take care.

~ Mayra (Princess Mommy)

Hi, Mayra, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. One of the many things that is important to hold onto during our grief journeys is hope - - for when our hearts do not find hope for better times this causes us to feel hopeless, and if hope is not restored can lead to our feeling like life has no purpose - - and this is truly devastating.

I know your precious Princess is your first precious companion, and losing her so tragically as well as at such a young and tender age when you were looking forward to years with her can make you feel like you have been cheated from the blessing of her sweet physical life with you. I assure you it doesn't matter if it's our first experience of loss or our thousandth - - or how long we are blessed with the privilege of our beloved companion's company - - the grief journey is always a painful one to endure. You, Mayra, are blessed to be your beloved Princess' Forever Mom - - and to be her sole, and soul, heir to her eternal love. I know this may not be too comforting right now, but I hope that in time your heart will find comfort and peace in knowing this.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Mayra, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Princess' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Mayra, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Monique,

I thank very much for your replies they help me so much in understanding how you are feeling to. Im so sorry for all the experiences you had to go through to, I bet they must of been hard for you too. Im not sure if I read that you already experience many losses an one of them was almost the same as me an my Blanca. May I ask when did you lose your Mckenzie hope Im saying her name right if not let me know ok. What type of pets were the ones they you lost?

~ Mayra

Moon beam,

Thanks for all your wonderful support please keep them coming as I know they will help me feel better someday. Hope you have a fabolus day around the wonderful people that love an care for you.

Kindly regards,

Mayra

Dear Princessmommy,

Thank you for your lovely post to me in Mickey's thread. I wrote back to you there. As time goes by, I hope you will begin to feel better, although it doesn't seem like it now. Try to focus on the sweet memories that Princess gave you.

((((HUGS))))

LoveMyMickey

Thank you Love my mickey,

I did see your response an did reply back again. Thanks for taking the time to read my story about my baby girl princess I know but of us are still missing our babies no matter hoq many time is gone by. We are always going to love them an miss them. Take care an I hope your doing well.

~Mayra

Hey I sent you a personal message saying how sorry I am for your loss. Heartbreaking.

Hi Augustus,

Yes thank you I did see your email an did reply to it. I'm not sure if you are going to able to receive it or not because I see that this site is having problems with the private emails that we sent. I just reply back today so let me know if you did receive it or not. Again thank you for taking the time to read an offer just a few words to me that means a lot to me. hope your doing well an don't forget that I'm here if you need a friend to talk to.

hugs to you,

~ Mayra

Hi baby girl,

Here I'm again alone in my own grief without anyone caring of how I'm feeling. Today is been 4months in this exact same day I lost you due to that horrible accident that I will never forgive myself. How can I ever leave you outside that night an just take off without knowing where you were first. How terrible mother I'm if only that night I didn't take you outside I still remember when I told you on that last day princess baby go outside an I remember you didn't want to go so you turn around an left to my room how cute was that my little girl. I felt like you already knew you were going to be gone because you never dis this before until that day. I think its true that when people say pets are able to know when its going to their last day on earth. I'm also hurt because ever since that day happen I was not able to say good-bye to you mommy was in a complete shock an didn't kbow how to react an what to do so that's why I was not able to save you. I still remember how I found you that night I know its tramatic for me to even say it but I just can't help it I wish I was able to repair your little eye so that you were been able to be ok. Baby girl you don't know how much mommy misses you an needs you by her side. it seems like since everyone has seem to have forgotten that today is your Anniversary an the only one that remembers it is me. I wish I was able to so something special for you today but I'm just dying an hurting in my own grief that is srill so painful for me to react at this present time.

Baby girl I hope that one day you are able to forget mommy for all this you knew mommy didn't want this to happen to you. When I found you that night I couldn't help but to immediately start crying. I didn't care what they told me I was crush an all I wanted was not for you to leave because you were my first baby girl with you I learn what unconditional love is an I thank you for that sweety. I'm so sorry that I'm not writing to you daily like everyone else is doing for their babies, but you know that mommy is still very sensitive an hurt due to your loss. Eventhough I don't write to you that often you know that mommy will never forget you an you will always be in her heart 4ever an ever my little angel princess. I wish their was something to get to bring you back an never leave my site but I know that will never happen. Baby girl please forgive me for not being able to write beautiful words like you deserve but its just so hard at this time. I'm crying at this very moment I feel alone an confuse because I have no one to talk to no one that is able to understand how I'm feeling now I
feel that not even your daddy knows how hurt an devastated I'm each day. I try to come to this website to see if I have some supporters, but it feels likw everyone only replies to those who are similar to them. I don't understand why don't they think others deserve some support as well? all of us in here have lost a pet in our life's so I think everyone is sharing thesame pain an that's why we are here to try to receive that confort an support if not I don't understand why we arecin here in we are not able to understand others in pain its just so hard.

Baby girl I want you to continue to bless Moon beam, monique, Vanaja, Augustus, and love my mickey, Greeta's mom because eventhough I know they are also hurting to they were able to take s few minutes of their times to say some comfort words to me. God bless each of you for having that wonderful heart an allowing me to get to know you guys without even knowing who I was. Princess I just want to let you know that I hope that whereever you are right now you are always thinking mommy an sending her your blesdings because she really needs them right now. She is very devastated an hurt today since today its been 4 months since since I have lost you. Happy 4th anniversary baby princess an just remember that you will always have a special place in my heart. Till we meet again my little angel please keep watching over me an never forget that you have left a family behind that will never forget you. I love you (((((PRINCESS)))))

Take care my angel

love an always

~ Mayra your mommy 💞💞💞💞💞

Hi, Mayra, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and sharing your and your beloved Princess' 4 month angel-versary with us. Losing a companion tragically intensifies the grief, so please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. I hope someday you will be able to find a peace in your heart in that your beloved Princess loves you for everything you did for her during her earthly journey - - loving her and giving her a home to call her own, and she is patiently waiting for your appropriate time to join her in eternal joy. For her there is no need to forgive you for what happened was a tragic accident. She knows that if you had the power you would turn back time to that fateful night to change the events that would keep your beloved Princess happy and healthy, and she understands you do not have the power to do this. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES, Mayra, does your beloved Princess, nor any of us here, think of you as a "terrible mother".

I know from different circumstances what it is like to want to turn back time to change tragic events. Part of what you are experiencing is a form of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Hopefully in time the memory of the tragic events that caused your beloved Princess' to leave this earthly realm will ease so that you can begin to focus on the many treasured memories you and your beloved Princess share. No, the memory of that horrible night will never completely disappear, but hopefully in time the memory will not be as painful as it is now.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Mayra, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Princess' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I agree with Moon Beam about the PTSD part. It took me a while to be able to deal with Tommi's death all those years ago. Its hard enough to lose a beloved but to have it happen in such a horrible way and to be left with the image of it in your mind is so very very difficult.

I'm sorry those around you are not supporting you in the way that you need. Know that I understand and you are in my thoughts every day.

Hi Moon Beam,

Thank you very much all your support you been providing me since the first day. Your words are very comforting to me an makes me think a lot of things that bring a lot of peace into my heart. I know you told me in the beginning that you were not a professional of any kind and that you were just a simple person like anyone else that provides support and confort to people in here. But I really think you will make a very good professional because you are very good with supporting people and always have something good to say to someone in grief. if it weren't for you and your kind words I will still be lost and confuse about certain things I know that maybe right now I'm still going through some type of stress disorder or like you call it. But I'm just missing my baby so much right now because I'm actually moving right now to a new house and my heart is so broken because I'm feeling like I'm leaving my baby behind. I really don't want to leave my baby over in the other house and even thought her physical body is no longer their I still feel she was there in spirit with me and now that I left her over there I feel awful. All I want to do is go back to that house and unbury her and bring her ashes with me, but I didn't even get to cremate her all I did was grave her whole body in my back yard. I just feel so broken eventhought I know that is my mother's house, but I still knew my mom didn't like my princess because she always just to throw my baby outside. Has anyone experience this before that they had to leave and old house and is hurt to leave their baby behind because they had to leave to a new one? the reason I feel this way is because my mom is going to rent the property and I think that other people are going to invade my babies space and do other things were she is now resting its just so hard to deal with all this

Hi Vanaja,

I know it is I can't get out of mind the way my little girl died so sad imagine me its my first baby as and losing her in that horrible way its just very disturbing for me. I still remember you told me last time you posted that you also lost one of your babies the way I lost my princess is that right? how are you not able to remember in the horrible way that your baby passed away. I see a lot of people on here that don't need to come here anymore because they feel they don't need it because they either write things in journals for their babies or they only remember her without needing to come here. How can they be so strong when I always need to come here eventhough I feel like I only get support from a few of you at least its good to kbow that theirs still people that care. I really appreciate your words and dedication of your time to respond to my post I hope you have a bless day and don't forget to stay in touch take care.

~ Mayra

My sweet baby girl princess its been a while since I have express words to you but don't think that momma has forgotten about you because she has not. but you know that you will always be in my heart 4 ever eventhought I cannot visit this site as often as I just to you know that your heart will always be close to mine. I'm sorry that I still cannot express more words to you like I should baby girl, but you know that part of my heart went with you the day we lost you. I still cannot recover of the pain of lossing you and I don't think I ever will its just so hard, depressing of knowing that we had christmas and new years eve and you were not able to be with us. What breaks me even more is that you were not able to spend one holiday with us since we only had to be with you for a short period of time. I wish we were able to have spend one holiday together but I know that whereever your little soul is resting right now is no longer suffering like you did the last day you were here in this world. Every day that passes I feel much and much lonely without you eventhough you were only with me for a while me and you became so close and always enjoyed your silly things you did around the house. yOu were always by side wherever i went. WHen i came home you were always at the door waiting for me just to be by my side. my heart is hurting and i'm crying as i'm writing this. bUt baby girl i just had to at least write something to you on here or i think I would go crazy if I don't. I'm so sorry if this words are not as beautiful as other people's write to their babies but at least i'm trying. Please baby girl all i need from you is a sign if you could to know that you are still with me. Every day that passes it just hard for me and I can never forget your beautiful name princess just as the princess that you were. bAby girl i love you more than words can say and i hope that your heart will be close to my heart 4ever. remember that mommy and daddy are always going to remember you and no one is ever going to replace you till we meet again my sweet beautiful baby girl (PRINCESS) love you always <3 <3 <3

sincerely,

your mommy