Can you feel a cat is like a father to you? Can you feel a cat is really like your daughter? This is exactly how I lived that past 20 years.
I lost my Siamese cat 3 years ago, Kwkw, he was my best friend ,my soul mate and above all, my father and my security, he passed away a couple of months before reaching 20 years old. That was the first time for me to see any soul dying either a cat or a human, and he died in a very bad way that I do not comprehend till today.

I lost a part of me with him…a part of my soul and my heart, Kwkw was the wise, the gentle, the calm and the tender, since he was one year old he seemed to be very wise and respectful, through the first 2 years of his life, we built this something…this relation that I have never experienced before, he was like my shadow, he understood my looks, when he was marking all over the house, even on bed sheets, he could be shouted at, but never by me, I always defended him, cleaned after him, he trusted me more than I could imagine a cat can trust a human.

He was everything to me, though he got married and we raised his kids and their kids too, he was always that special soul… When he passed away , I could not believe it…I prayed to God – and still do – that I would meet him one day, tell him once again how much I love him and how much I miss his eyes, his fur smell, his hand holding mine...I miss talking to him…I miss being confident that this is the true unconditional love in my life…

Who helped me then was his grand-daughter- Mella…she was my favorite too.., I always considered her my daughter, she treated me like her mum…I do not know how to explain this but this is how it happened, she was there for me when I needed comfort after he was no longer there, she slept beside me, walked with me everywhere, sat on the desk beside me while studying, and gave me the love I needed, and I believe I gave her affection and love back…she was unlike her grandpa, she was active, lively, bullying other cats , she was a fighter, though the smallest in size in the family…

Mella passed away last month on the 5th…I lost her too…

She was a victim of an untrustworthy vet who gave her some shots may be an overdose and I believe including something that lead to her death in just 2 hours…she died at age 14, all of a sudden, I was not expecting it at all…It was a shock, a shock that I could do nothing for her…for an hour and the vet is saying on phone…it is normal reaction to the anti-inflammatory drug. No worries…and it took me 45 minutes to carry her to the nearest animal hospital, but she could not make it…
I have to say I was filled with guilt that I – in the first place – went to this killer vet, (whom I dealt with once before in another cat’s case and the cat was okay, but with no shots just oral medicine)…I am the human, I chose the vet, I led her to this… some friends tell me that I could never know what was going to happen… what is killing me is that she died the same painful way her grandfather died. And I saw this happening again…is it fate to watch my 2 beloved creatures die painfully the same way? I kept thinking why this is happening to me…I have no answer till now...

I call their names everyday…when it is time to sleep, and when I wake up I tell them good morning…I look at their photos and talk to them…I miss you…I need you…am lonely without you…

When Kwkw passed away I was not aware of the visitations that humans might encounter from their beloved ones, even the idea of the rainbow bridge, I knew nothing about it…so I do not know if he tried to reach me though some strange things happened but in another room. However, this time I read about these happenings well...cos I believe I saw a shadow moving a few times, I even saw a tail moving out of the room while I was on bed and when I got up to see what this was , I found nothing…

I just want to tell kwkw that I miss him so much, I am sure that he knows that I love him so much, thank you for trying to stay beside me as long as you could and Mella, please forgive me…I could not find another vet but this one at this time…I never knew this was going to happen…I love you more than you can imagine…I cry every night because I miss you guys…a part in me died….now the world can collapse and I won’t even care…my heart is with you both not with me anymore…

Until the three of us unite again...I love you

Hi, Yaz, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical losses of your beloved KwKw and Mella. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing two companions in a short period of time intensifies the grief.

Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically yes - - still very normal. Our beloved companions give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them without hesitation or fear of rejection. They accept us for who we are rather than our social and financial status. When they precede us to the angels they do take a part of us with them - - the better part of us so that they will have a part of our hearts with them while they patiently wait for our appropriate time to join them in eternal joy. In the same way, we are blessed to always have their sweet Living Spirit with us to hold and to cherish in our hearts and memories as we continue our earthly journey.

This grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity, Yaz. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your own time - - for it is a journey that cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year to endure.

I am so sorry about the circumstances of your losses, Yaz. I know what it is like to realize that the person I entrust the medical care of my companions proves to be untrustworthy. One of the many emotions ALL of us experience during our grief journey is guilt / remorse, and this is one of the harder emotions to reconcile because it comes from looking back and trying to reconcile all the things that did not make sense at the time they were occurring, and being haunted by all the what ifs, if onlys, and whys that torture our hearts and minds when we are the most emotionally vulnerable.

From what you share with us there is no doubt you did everything in your power to give your beloved KwKw and Mella a long, happy, and healthy earthly journey. You did the best you could with the circumstances and resources available at the time. Please know that your beloved KwKw and Mella know that you love them and would move heaven and earth to keep them safe, happy, and healthy. I hope someday you will be able to find peace in your heart that your beloved KwKw and Mella know you love them and did everything in your power to protect them.

This grief journey is one of adjustment to the physical absence of your beloved companions. We live in a physically oriented world governed by the five senses of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Scientific studies prove that every time our companions touch / rub, lick / kiss us they are literally chemically imprinting themselves onto us so that they can identify us from all the millions of people on this planet. When they precede us to the angels, we literally experience a chemical withdrawal from this imprint, and this is one of the many reasons why this grief journey is a very painful experience both physically and emotionally.

Although this grief journey is one filled with many ups and downs, twists and turns and turnarounds, there is one thing that will never change: the eternal love you and your beloved KwKw and Mella share. Love is eternal, Yaz, it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved KwKw's and Mella's sweet Living Spirits continue to share your earthly journey as they always have and always will, for they are always and forever a part of your heart and memories, Yaz, -- they are always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all to well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved KwKw and Mella with us. Perhaps sometime you would like to share pictures of them with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Yaz, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you moon beam so much for your words, they really express what I am going through, yes the very " horror roller coaster ride" feeling is what precisely describes the feelings... and thank you for this place that we express our sorrow and know that we are not alone with these feelings and that no - we are not turning mad!

The loss of the safe hug, unconditional love and friendship is so hard and realizing that you have to live with this and accept this is even harder.

I wish from the bottom of my heart that they know I love them and will do forever, I wish they can hear me calling their names, I wish they are here around me, even if I cannot see them and I wish they still love me and will wait for me until I reach my day when we will unite again...

It is not only me who is grieving... Coost too, Kwkw's son & best friend (who is Mella's love and soul mate) is grieving too..As Mella supported me after losing Kwkw , she supported him too...now he is just like me...he knows now both are gone and I feel his sadness...

I just want to tell them that your mom needs you and loves you so much and forever...

Hi, Yaz, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please know that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief as you share with us: "The loss of the safe hug, unconditional love and friendship is so hard and realizing that you have to live with this and accept this is even harder." This grief journey is not one of "acceptance" but is one of "adjustment to" the physical loss of our beloved companions.

I also very much relate to how your precious Coost is feeling in grieving the loss of his housemates. My precious feline companion Noah is my sole survivor in a household that used to have 4 companions. Within a 3.5 year time period he witnessed his housemates precede him to the angels. Four months after his beautiful baby sister Abbygayle joined the angels I thought I would try to introduce a new fur child - - someone for my precious Noah to enjoy company with and a little being to mentor, as his beloved big adopted kitty brother Eli once mentored him. However, my precious Noah totally rejected the little kitten, and me for trying to bring another companion into the house, that I had to return the kitten to the vet. Thankfully the kitten found a Forever Home with another client of the veterinary clinic. My precious Noah's reaction let me know that his little heart had been so broken that he could not bear having another companion. My precious Noah let me know that he needs my undivided attention, and this is fine with me.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Coost kindly, Yaz, and that you both will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved KwKw's and Mella's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Coost are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks moon beam for sharing your experience too about getting the new kitten to ease things up for Noah...I try with Coost cuddling and playing but I even feel guilty for doing so realizing I am trying to play with another cat while Mell is not here...but I am trying to be stronger...still crying everyday...silent most of the time and I really do not wish to talk to anyone..just want to be left alone...

Kwkw and Mell...I miss you my babies so much...I wish you are here right now as I am writing this..I love you and will always do..

Until we meet...

For both of you:

I ONLY WANTED YOU

They say memories are golden
well maybe that is true.
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.

A million times I needed you,
a million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place
no one could ever fill.

If tears could build a stairway
and heartache make a lane,
I'd walk the path to heaven
and bring you back again.

Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.

–Vicky Holder

Hi, Yaz, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Coost are doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief when you share with us: "I try with Coost cuddling and playing but I even feel guilty for doing so realizing I am trying to play with another cat while Mell is not here. . ." I hope in time you will be able to find peace in your heart that your beloved KwKw and Mella want you and your precious Coost to comfort one another without hesitation or guilt / remorse. As you comfort your precious Coost likewise you will be comforted, and the bond you have with one another - - and with your beloved KwKw and Mella - - will grow stronger and deeper.

Thank you also for sharing these wonderful pictures with us, Yaz. I hope today is treating you and your precious Coost kindly, Yaz, and that you both will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved KwKw's and Mella's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Coost are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

My Mella, my baby...yesterday was the 60th day, 2 months since you crossed the bridge to the beautiful rainbow...I cannot tell you how much I miss you and need you, I am so lost without you the whole world means nothing now, I do not want to be around anyone, talk to anyone or do anything, I do cry everyday still my baby calling your name all day long, in the bedroom, in the bathroom in the kitchen hoping that you are there beside me even if I cannot see you.

Everyday I live on the hope that you will come and visit me, I hear things and hope that this is you, but I wish for more...

Are you having a good time with your grandpa & uncle, kwkw & raky, up there behind the rainbow bridge? are you okay? did you forget me? do you still love me? do you forgive me? will you visit me?

I keep asking those questions daily...I get no answer tho, but I know I love you so much so much, you are a piece of my heart and a piece of my soul.

Mella I miss you...please come to visit me, just tell me you are okay and still remembering me...am waiting.

Hi, Yaz, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. This grief journey is very painful, and unfortunately there is no easy way to navigate it. But please let me try to reassure you that your beloved Mella has not forgotten you. Sometimes when we are in the process of deep grief we cannot "feel" our beloved companions close to us until the deep grief eases. But whether or not you "feel" her sweet Living Spirit close to you, your beloved Mella is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Coost kindly, Yaz, and that you both will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved KwKw's and Mella's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Coost are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam