Ollie died in my arms May 5th. For crying out loud, when is this going to get easier? I can't shake the depression or the sadness. I miss him so much I'm still crying every day. I don't have any family left and I'm driving myself crazy looking for signs from him. I have never felt so much pain before and I'm sick with grief. He is the best part of me. He slept curled up next to me every night for 17 years. He loved me. God, please help me.

Hi, OllieBaby, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are going through is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. Unfortunately there is no easy way to navigate this grief adjustment journey - - there are no fast forward or delete buttons we can press to speed up the process or make it automatically disappear. But I assure you, OllieBaby, that you will endure through this time of great sorrow.

Many people do not experience a "visit" from their beloved companion. It isn't that their companion's sweet Living Spirit isn't with them - - it's just that - - for whatever reason - - they cannot feel their companion close to them. So please do not be dismayed about not having a "sign" from your beloved Ollie that he is still with you. The reality is that he is ALWAYS with you - - for he is always a part of your heart and memories, OllieBaby - - he is always and forever a hearbeat close to you - - whether or not you can "feel" him.

It is important that you allow yourself as much time as you need to openly grieve for your beloved Ollie - - even if you must find a private place to do so away from other people. I promise you this time of deep grief will eventually ease, and one day you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Ollie and smiling - - truly smiling -- and you will find your heart warm once again with the joy of your and your beloved Ollie's eternal love. But until this time comes for you, please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you kindly, OllieBaby, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ollie's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Ollie- I read your posts and completely know how you feel. My Henry died in my arms June 1. We had an amazing bond and I'm struggling like you to cope with the loss. I cry every day too. I feel like Henry's love and companionship was like a pole in my tent, and now the tent flap just flops around in the wind hitting me in the face and letting the weather in. I miss him so much.. It's hard. I'm sorry I have no words that help (if I did I'd have used them on myself). I just wanted you to know I understand the depth of your pain, would not wish it on anyone, and hope we both feel a little better soon.

Thanks to the both of you for your compassion and understanding. Ollie and I spend so much time together, every day. I wrapped my days around being with him, hours at a time. Just have never known pain like this. This, feeling of being lost and confused and maybe even still in shock. I mean, I knew he was getting older and that he had some health issues. So I don’t know why the shocky feeling is here. Guess I just never thought about life without him, he’s always been here and it sucks wide and loud to be without him. But I believe this wasn't our first lifetime together.

There’s a great song by Melissa Etheridge that really fits. Could only find it on youtube with a Xena and Gabrielle thing though:
http://youtu.be/ha824Z6NSpI



MELISSA ETHERIDGE
"I've Loved You Before"
When I think of how you know me
No doubts, no thinkin' twice
When your smile can be so soothing
A familiar paradise
When there's no one else that makes me whole
I am never needing more
I get this feeling
That I have loved you before


Were we lovers in an army
Marching off for Rome
Side by side in battle
Did we bravely leave our home
Did I hold you in my arms
As you were taking your last breath
Did I shout to all the gods
That I would love you beyond death
Or more
I swear I've loved you before


Did we hide in the Dark Ages
From a vengeful God above
Were our names too unfamiliar
To ever speak of love
Did I cling to every moment with you
Every parting glance
An accidental touch
Did we ever take the chance
For more
I know I've loved you before


Have I wandered through the desert
Have I looked to the North Star
Have I rode the days and nights on rails
Just To get back where you are
And every time I found you
It's your eyes I know for sure


When I think of how you know me
No doubts, no thinkin' twice
When your smile can be so soothing
A familiar paradise
When there's no one else that makes me whole
I am never wanting more
I get this feeling
I know I've loved you before
I know I've loved you before
I've loved you before