Hi everyone

I lost my special friend Sheba on Wednesday. She was 11 years old and given to me as a kitten. She has been with me through university, my first job, boyfriends, breakups, my marriage, my first born child. She was there for all those big milestones and I am devastated that she is gone.

A few weeks ago she started getting diarrhoea and slowly started going off her food. We took her to the vet and were told she had liver inflammation and she was admitted for a few days and came home. My husband and I were nursing her at home and she seemed better for the first few days then started getting very weak and could barely walk. We took her to the vet again where they found an abdominal mass and we consented for her to have a laparotomy to see if it was an operable mass.

She had the operation on Wednesday and I got the dreaded call while I was at work. They found a large tumour coming from her intestine which was blocking her gall bladder and were unfortunately unable to do anything. She was put to sleep on the table

We buried her yesterday in my in laws garden in her favourite blanket and planted some geraniums on her grave. I am crippled with grief and am very tearful. I threw her littler box away this morning and was bawling like a baby.

I just miss her so much

Hi, MissMySheba, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Sheba. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

MissMySheba, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time - - with the reassurance that you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through and who are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

It is obvious from what you share with us that you and your husband did everything in your power to give your beloved Sheba a long and happy and healthy earthly journey. Cancer is a very insidious illness, and unfortunately our companions are very adept at disguising how they are feeling until the hidden illness has progressed. This is part of their genetics they inherit from their wild cousins, but it does nothing to help us as their human caregivers. As with human medicine sometimes veterinary medicine can intervene and restore our companion's health so that they can continue to enjoy a good quality of life. And sadly, as in the case of your beloved Sheba, sometimes the only thing that can be done is to relieve their suffering by gently easing their transition journey from their physical body.

I can truly understand how you are feeling as my number one kitty son, Eli, was officially diagnosed with end stage Lymphoma in September 2006, with the cancer already invading one of his kidneys which needed to be removed. The surgeon, unfortunately, did not call me to let me know how extensive the cancer was and decided to bring him out of the anesthesia for recovery. After consulting with two other veterinary practitioners, I authorized 6 weeks of palliative chemotherapy which was hard on the both of us, - - but - - he did reach a place where he could enjoy some time with his little adopted kitty brother Noah. But it was short lived - - for on Monday, December 11, 2006, there was no other choice but to release him from his suffering so that his sweet Living Spirit could be free from his failing, frail, painful physical body. Eli was 6 years old when he joined the angels.

Please let me try to reassure you that you did the absolute best thing for your beloved Sheba by letting her go peacefully under the anesthesia. This is what love is - - it willing sets aside OUR wants for the needs of our beloved companions - - especially when it means that our hearts will be shattered under the burden of the deepest sorrow we will know on this side of eternity.

The good news in the midst of your deepest grief is that love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Sheba's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will - - for she is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, MissMySheba - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Sheba with us. She is soooo beautiful, and it is obvious from the expression in her eyes and on her face that she knows she is loved. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, MissMySheba, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

"Crippled with grief." My eyes filled with tears reading your post. After losing my Molly, of 16 yrs, just last month, reading your post I feel your loss so keenly. I am so, so sorry for your loss and the pain you're going through--I totally understand what you're saying. Molly was with me through a huge, disruptive move out of state, so many changes in my life, she was the constant there all the time.

The first week or so of losing her felt like torture for me, so when you say "crippled with grief" I can completely sympathize with how you're feeling. And, the sad thing is, for me, and I am guessing others, it feel like nothing can seems to help with the pain. Well, the only thing that helped me keep my head above water, and from drowning in pain, was coming here for support and knowing that others really, truly understood....and that I wasn't going crazy. I remember that first week I thought I was going to just die from the pain. So I look at your baby Sheba, and I just want to cry, what a sweet--and dignified looking girl she was.

And yes, handling their belongings....litter box, toys, food dish...it's sooo hard. I still can't sit in the spot on the sofa where I sat every morning, with my morning coffee, with Molly sitting on my lap. It just feels so, so, SO wrong that they have to leave us, doesn't it?! And don't underestimate your love for her...I have come to believe that we can love our fur-friends every bit as much as the people in our lives! I have grieved the death of Molly more than I ever could have imagined I would--it feels like I have truly lost a part of me.

So you will find those here who really understand your pain and sorrow. I found writing about it, and reading others' stories helps. We are here for you. Again, please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss.

I'm sooo sorry to hear about your Sheba...what a beautiful kitty...and, of course, I'm partial to black cats.

It is shockingly painful going through this...as Snapdragon mentions in her last post it becomes so difficult to get through the days without their presence and visualizing them in their favoritie spots.

I am still also devastated over the loss of my beloved Mission. And, Sheba...wow...you just don't think about losing them at that age. Mission was 14 or 15 - not sure. But, I had a previous cat, Heathcliff who was either 21 or 22 when I finally had to send her on over the Bridge. I felt cheated with Mission, in comparison.

Just know, as Moonbeam says...sending them on in these circumstances is the last act of love and respect we can give our beloved animal friends. Mission was family to me, as I'm sure Sheba was to you. And, many people don't understand the grieving process is the SAME when losing a beloved pet who was so close to you.

My heart goes out to you, as I know, how the first days, weeks are...the shock, the grief, the anger, the desperation, the sadness....all there flooding you at once. Please know that you are not alone. We ALL feel this same grief over our beloved ones. But, we have to believe they are in a better place now. I try to take comfort in that.

And, PLEASE...don't ever second guess yourself over anything you've done for Sheba. You were a good mom and you did the very best for her in her life and at the end.

OnAMission

Thank you both for your kind words. The emotions seem to come and go like a tidal wave. This morning I woke up feeling slightly numb but held it together. It wasn't until I saw some of Sheba's cat food that I burst into tears. I've found old photos of her which have brought comfort and feel happy that she really did have a good life.

My faithful friend Sheba, I know you are at peace wherever your little soul is now ***

I am so sorry to hear about Sheba's passing, she is beautiful. My boy passed just over a week ago and I can definitely relate to days of feeling numb. It seems the grief journey fluctuates between moments or days of holding it together and others which where you just fall apart. This forum has been helping me and i hope it helps you too. I am sure your Sheba knew how much you loved her and though you never got to say goodbye, I think it was a merciful way to pass.

I'm sorry to hear about the passing of your lovely boy It is such a rollercoaster at the moment isn't it? She wasn't a noisy cat but home just feels so still and quiet. The loneliness is palpable despite my little toddler running around! It's amazing how such a small soul can have such a huge presence which isn't really noticed until they are gone. I hope you are managing ok.

They definitely do make a lasting impact...it would be a lovely world if pets lived as long as we do, alas we're always doomed to have our hearts broken in the end. But though the pain sucks so much, I think it's very worth it for the years of joy they give us

Hi, MissMySheba, thank you for sharing with us how you're doing. Indeed, the silence of the physical absence of your beloved Sheba is deafening - - it's almost as if the house structure itself is mourning the loss of her energy.

This grief journey is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride, and during the very deep grief it can feel like there is no end to the furious ups and downs, twists and turns and turnarounds. During the deep grief we are extremely emotionally vulnerable having little to no control over our emotions and when, and how, and how easily they are just boiling at the surface ready to burst through the fragile dam of what little control we do have.

Some people think that if they suppress their grief it will make the sorrow less painful. Clinical professionals now recognize that suppressed grief is not healthy for suppressing the grief puts more stress on the body which eventually may need to be dealt with through medical intervention. Scientific studies prove that the tears we cry are literally healing tears for the tears literally cleanse our bodies from the toxins that build up due to the stress of grief. So, go ahead and cry, MissMySheba - - it is one of the healthy ways of grieving. And I promise you that one day when you least expect it you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Sheba and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and your heart will fill once again with the warmth of your eternal love. Does this mean you will no longer miss your beloved Sheba? Absolutely Not - - for even 20 years down the road you and your beloved Sheba may be sharing a memory and you may feel a mist come to your eyes and an ache to your heart wanting to hold her and feel her close to you. The GOOD NEWS is that you will still be able to smile and the brief moment of sorrow will not be as intense as your sorrow is now.

I hope today is treating you kindly, MissMySheba, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sheba's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts ad prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you moon_beam. I feel emotionally exhausted. I'm struggling with feelings of guilt. When my son was born, I didn't spend much time with her as I used to. It was only when I realised how ill she was that I realise how much I loved her. Before she was admitted to the vet to get ready for the operation, I slept on a mattress in the living room with her next to me on a sheepskin rug for a few nights (she was barely able to walk by then) I told her how much I loved her and how sorry I was for neglecting her.

Today we found a few packs of her food around and had to throw them away. It was another trigger for a flood of tears The reality that she is not coming home is slowly starting to sink in. I miss her so much

Hi, MissYouSheba, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal during this deep grief journey when you share with us: "I'm struggling with feelings of guilt. When my son was born, I didn't spend much time with her as I used to. It was only when I realised how ill she was that I realise how much I loved her." Unfortunately feelings of guilt / remorse are a part of this grief adjustment journey, and are the harder of the grief emotions to reconcile because they come from looking back and trying to reconcile the "whys" "what ifs" and "if onlys" that torture our hearts and minds when they are at their most vulnerable. Please know that your beloved Sheba NEVER felt neglected - - she truly understood the huge adjustment you were experiencing in the care of your son. She ALWAYS KNEW, as she knows NOW, that you love her with all your heart, and is eternally grateful to having you for her Forever Mom. Hopefully as your deep grief eases you will come to find peace in your heart that this is TRUE so that you can focus on the many treasured memories you and your beloved Sheba share.

Right now each minute of every hour of every day can feel like a piercing sword in your heart with the continual reminders that your beloved Sheba is no longer physically with you. I hope and pray that when you come here to this forum you are finding comfort, support, encouragement, and hope that eventually your deep grief and the searing pain of sorrow will ease.

I hope today is treating you kindly, MissYouSheba, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sheba's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts ad prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam