I lost my best friend 17 days ago. I wish I were able to say to everyone here that is going through this either recently or further in the past that it gets easier with each passing day, but I can't. If anything, it seems like it's getting harder. I still haven't been able to bring myself to clean the house, even though the smell of him is all but gone. The vacuum cleaner still has his hair in it from the last time I vacuumed before he left, and I can't seem to bear the thought of emptying it. I have managed to put up his food and water bowl, but his treats and dog food are still in the kitchen, in the place they've always been.

To tell you our story would take awhile, and as I write this, I realize that I have nothing left but the time that it would take to tell that story, and yet I can't, or don't want to tell it, even to the very people that can understand what I am going through.

The thing is, it just occurred to me that the one thing in my life that has always been there to help me through times like this is Butler.

What little is left of my broken heart goes out to each and every one of you here.

Butlers Dad

Hi, Butler's Dad, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Butler. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

Butler's Dad, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions - - it is a journey frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is a journey that cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time - - hopefully with the reassurance that you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through, and who are here for you for as long and as often as you need us to share with you whatever is in your heart and on your mind - - whatever you feel comfortable sharing with us.

There is no rush in cleaning the house or picking up your beloved Butler's belongings, Butler's Dad. I still have some of my beloved companions' toys and belongings out around the house as they give me great comfort in still having them. Whenever I have found some fur and / or whiskers of my beloved companions I have put them in a plastic storage bag to keep. It is important that YOU do for YOU what brings YOU comfort during this very sorrowful time of adjustment to the physical absence of your beloved Butler.

I do know from first hand experience how painful the deep grief journey is - - how every minute of every hour of every day is a constant reminder of not having a beloved companion with me. Even when there are other precious companions still in the household there is a HUGE VOID continuously present as a reminder that a very integral part of the family unit is no longer physically present. It can feel as though the house structure itself is mourning.

Although your beloved Butler is no longer physically with you, there is one thing that will never change: the love bond you and your beloved Butler share. Love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. I hope you will find comfort in knowing that your beloved Butler's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will - - for he is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I also know from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Butler with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Butler's Dad, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Butler’s dad,

I am so, so very sorry for your loss. I totally get what you’re saying about not wanting to empty the vacuum bag! It’s hard, the things that our pet-friends used—the toys, the food/water dishes, where they slept, the blankets…the reminders everywhere we look in the house.

I lost my cat of 16 years, Molly, a little over a month ago and it has been nothing less than excoriating. We did clean up/remove most of things but two things come to mind. When we got home from the vet the day we lost her, I picked up her little snack dish in the upstairs bathroom, where I’d give her some bonito flakes every night, and put it, along with her little upstairs water dish, in the cabinet. It still has a few flakes of the bonito and I’m not sure when I’ll ever be able to clean it out. Also, a week or so after we lost her I noticed some kitty litter in the upstairs bathroom which we missed getting. I looked at that little bit of litter for several days before I could bring myself to clean it up.

Yes, the little remnants of our buddies are a really, really hard thing to “deal” with…to see, to put away, clean up, or give away. I’ve saved most of Molly’s little tattered mice—which I saw in a drawer just the other day and (again) brought me to tears. The intensity of the pain of losing her totally caught me off guard, it’s just been SO painful, and the emptiness of her not here is indescribably hard.

So, I’m talking about “me,” but really, I’m talking about all of us here. From the reading I’ve done on this forum it appears that most of us really understand the magnitude of the loss that we’ve experienced. I understand what you’re saying. And when you talked about Butler’s fur being in the vacuum, I feel like I can honestly say I know what you’re saying and how it is. So, if you can, when you feel like it (if ever), I might encourage you to write and tell us how you’re doing and feeling. I know that this forum was a life-line to me, especially those first few weeks when I felt like I just wanted to die from the pain, but being here helped me through that. And Moonbeam will give you words of wisdom and insight...do allow yourself the space to grieve, in your own way, and you have every right to grieve the loss of Butler just as much as you would the loss of a beloved person--that was big for me, to really understand and accept that the loss of Molly was just as valid/important as the loss of a person whom I loved--NO difference. It helped me to understand this.

Again, you have my deepest sympathy for your loss.