It has been 2 weeks since I had to let my baby of 15 years go. Her name was Sydney and she was an Australian terrier xBelgian Shepherd. There will never be another dog like her. HEr kidneys failed and she couldn't keep any food down. She went from 12kg to 8, in spite of me trying everything. I miss her so much. This week I am picking up her ashes from the vet and I think this will be very hard. I have ordered a teddy bear to put her ashes in so that I can cuddle her and feel close. I miss her little furry face poking around the corner of the door and coming to hang around while I cook dinner. Forever seems like a long time to never see her again. I'm so lonely without her. She was my first dog.

Does anyone have some ideas for a memorial?

Hi, Sydney's Mom, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Sydney. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Sydney's Mom, please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal deep grief. This grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months for you are now on a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure.

Getting our beloved companion's ashes back is truly a two sided coin: on the one side it can be quite comforting to have them back home where they belong, yet the other side of the coin it is yet another painful reminder they are no longer with us in the physical form our hearts and arms long for.

The teddy bear sounds like a wonderful way to keep your beloved Sydney close to you. Many of us here, including myself, find it comforting to have something that belongs only to our beloved companion to hold close to us when the deep sorrow is overwhelmingly painful.

There are many ways you can honor your beloved Sydney: Some people plant a memorial garden, some people write a journal of memories and love notes to their beloved companion, some people make scrapbooks and / or videos, some people make donations to their beloved companion's veterinary care provider, rescue organizations, etc. There are many, many ways to honor our beloved companions, and I know you will find a way that will honor your beloved Sydney.

Even though your beloved Sydney is no longer physically with you, there is one thing that will never change: the love bond you and your beloved Sydney share. Love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. I hope you will find it comforting to know that your beloved Sydney's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will - - for she is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, Sydney's Mom - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I do know so well from first hand experience that when our hearts are in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. It is important for you to know you are not alone in your grief journey. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Sydney with us. She is sooo cute, and she is forever blessed to have your eternal love. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I am so sorry for your loss Sydney's mum. It's only been 3 days since I lost my beautiful boy so I know exactly what you're feeling. I know it isn't for everybody but I plan to get a tattoo of my boy's paw print as a memorial. But as Moon Beam suggested, writing also helps somewhat with this pain, as crushing as it is.

Sydney’s mom….
I am so, so sorry to hear of your loss. It’s horrid and hurts like nothing else! The loss, I know, feels overwhelming. I lost my cat of 16 yrs just over a month ago and it’s been agonizing…a pain I’d never known. There are many people here who are going/have gone through the very same loss and pain so understand where you’re at. And coming here to the forum probably kept me from drowning in pain when I first lost Molly—the pain was excruciating, I just didn’t know how I was going to survive it. But coming here has helped and I would encourage you to keep coming back and writing about how you are feeling and what you’re going through. I really liked your idea of putting Sydney’s ashes in a teddy bear, how sweet and, like you say, a way to cuddle him still. My heart goes out to you!! - Molly's mom (snapdragon)

Bear with me, I am still trying to figure out how to use the site, so I apologise in advance if I get it wrong. Thanks so much everyone for your kind words. It is nice to be somewhere where everyone understands... I think it's something you can't understand unless you have been through it yourself. I know I never thought it would hurt this much. I got the teddy bear this afternoon in the post. It's absolutely beautiful and I cried as I held it. I will try and collect the ashes this weekend and bring Sydney home with me. It's where she should be.

I go about my everyday and then suddenly, I remember. Or wonder why I feel like I am not whole and I remember. I miss her little fuzzy face and her telling me about her day. She was certainly a big part of my life, because I got her in my early 20's and I am now in my late 30's. She went through house moves, interstate moves, relationship breakups and cats. All through it she kept smiling and kept me smiling too. Ah Syd, I knew you couldn't live forever, but you gave it a very good try. In the end, your little body gave out, even though your heart wanted to stay.

I have been doing some research on things that I can do and I think it works for me to light a candle each night, to let her know I'm here and thinking of her and so that she can tell me about her day. I look forward to the time when I can think of her and smile, not think of her and cry.

Thanks again everyone.

Thank you for your kind words, as I know it is hard to be kind when you yourself are hurting. I am also sorry for your loss of your boy and I know that there is nothing I can say to take away the pain. But just know that I do care. I also plan to get a tattoo of Sydney which incorporates her paw print. I like the idea of getting it on my leg, so that I know she is walking with me forever. Don't forget it's OK to cry.

I am also very sorry to hear of your loss of your girl Molly. Although I know the pain is a measure of how much you loved them, it just means it hurts all the more. How are you going one month later?

I felt that way about Molly's ashes...I felt better when I was able to "bring her home." Is the teddy bear made to hold the ashes, or are you just going to adapt it to hold them? I think it's a wonderful idea, I really like it. I related to what you said about Sidney being there with your throughout so many changes in your own life...it's like they are a mainstay, an anchor that keeps you steady throughout the vicissitudes of life. Well, that's how I felt about Molly--probably without even really knowing it. She was the one real "constant" in my life, unchanging, always there for me, always loving, always fun and funny....she truly felt like my right arm.

You asked how I am doing a month later. When I first came to LS I, also, wondered how people were doing who were further down the grief journey than I. Well, the first week was the absolute worst. The pain was so intense I just wanted to die. (And I'm a "strong" person, very independent, know my mind, and am otherwise pretty happy and optimistic in my outlook.) But when Molly died, I just wanted to die. I thought the pain was unbearable and didn't see how I could live with that much pain. It really took me by surprise. So, the first week was hell. The second week wasn't much better. For me, it's Tuesdays, the day of the week Molly died. So over a month later, I do get through my days. I HATE not having her here, life just seems wrong without her here and I feel like I'd pay any amount of money, or give anything, to have her back. But somehow I get through my days, it's hard to explain. I feel my routine has, superficially anyway, returned to some semblance of "normal.” Though I feel like I am changed. I don't feel "whole"—I feel almost zombie-like. My world is less for not having Molly in it. I feel like my life is now lived in a cloud of sadness. I lived in Seattle for many years and, especially in the winter months, it was like a cloud would just settle over the city, it's like fog but a really wet fog. Everywhere you went, morning, noon and night, you'd be in this cloud. Get up and to go work in the morning--in the cloud, go to lunch--in the cloud, go shopping--in the cloud, go to a movie--in the cloud, go home from work--in the cloud, go for a walk--in the cloud....you get the idea. So that's probably how I'd describe living without Molly. I feel like I'm living my life, but everything I do is "--in the cloud" of sadness from Molly's absence. Now, will that ever change? I don't know. I am certain my life will never feel entirely whole without her. I am married, and have friends, so it's certainly not like I am "alone" in life, but without Molly....it's hard to explain, my anchors gone. Like you kind of said, she was that "anchor" in my life—that constant, unchanging anchor. But more than that, I knew her every quark, her every habit, her every like and dislike. People often describe the love one has with their fur-companions as a truly unconditional love. Maybe that's it. The relationship you have with your beloved pet is so "real"--no guessing, no games, no wondering what they're "really" thinking. ;-) They just are what they are. And Molly did really care about me....when my husband and I would horseplay, just goofing off, if I screamed, Molly would coming funning right up to my face and meow, as if asking if I were ok? Seriously, she had this worried look on her face...I'd tell her "it's ok, it's ok," then she just meander off, maybe a bit annoyed! so funny. But I thought so sweet that she cared!!! Anyway, this has been a looooong answer to a short question. But I think everyone's "time" of grieving, and how they do it is different. I’m glad you found LS and joined on in, Sydney's mom. Keep reading and writing…I know it’s helped me!