I justs finished reading the book, Going Home: Finding Peace When Pets Die, by Jon Katz. It was a great read, but honestly, I left so many teardrops all over the pages of this book.


This was given to me as a gift from a good friend after the death of my beloved cat, Mission, on March 11, 2014. She understood the depth of my grief and presented me with this book to try to help me wade through all the emotions evoked from losing a beloved pet.

I just now finished a eulogy that I wrote from the heart...with very little pause, on the front page of the book. It goes as this:

In memory of my beloved Mission, my eternal earth angel.

You came to me on a mission to help heal my grief, and left on a mission, when your time came - March 11, 2014.

I will love you and cherish you forever in eternity and will hold you close to my broken heart until I die.

Until we meet again, my angel, my butterfly boy...at the Rainbow Bridge.

Fly on now, my Mission...and do what you do best - bring Joy and Hope.

Your ever-loving earth mom...

Hello OnAMission.

What a beautiful eulogy in honor of your beloved Mission. Is that him as your avatar? What a handsome man cat. I hope the book will help you in what is often called a roller coaster of ride of grieving. I felt everything you are feeling when I lost my dear Sir Thomas to his long battle with diabetes 12/08/2010. I'm sure he and many more were at the Rainbow Bridge to greet your Mission when he crossed over.

It takes time, but eventually it does get better and we start to focus on the good times our companions brought into our lives. You will notice I said "better" and not "easier" I'm not sure the latter ever happens. And we do not "get over" our loss. But in time we start to heal. You have barely begun your journey, so take your time and grieve in what ever manner seems best for you; we will all still be here for you. Take care.

Thanks so much for your kind words, Tom's Dad. Your baby looked like quite the gentleman, too. Yes, Mission was a gentleman cat in every sense of the word. I called him my butterfly boy because his little white mustache did look like a butterfly!

He always looked at me this way. This was his classic adoring look. I never saw this cat ever get mad. He was just a sweet, sweet soul.

He came to me when I had lost my other cat at the ripe old age of 21 - would you believe?? But, he helped heal my grief over losing her.

I'm sorry about your Tom. Do you have another cat now? I have 9 others...believe it or not. But, none are anywhere close to being as special as Mission was.

You know, I thought at the end that Mission was turning diabetic, too. He had severe Inflammatory Bowel Disease that we battled for almost 4 years with. Eventually though, it gained control and started to involve his liver and pancreas, as well. He had to have supplemental enzymes for his digestion. I fought constantly to get him to eat and keep weight on. It is possible that the disease progressed to Lymphoma and he was on Leukeran (a chemo drug) as well. It held him for a while until I started to see further decline...weight loss, vomiting, etc. But, I was not going to put him through any more diagnostics at that point. We had had enough. I knew treatment and care since his decline in January would be palliative. But, I never thought I'd lose him to a stroke. On March 10th I found him lying on my bed incapacitated. He had lost function on his right side. I knew then and there that this was it...coupled with everything else going on, and now he couldn't walk, get to his food or litter pan.

A friend told me that, in a way, I was lucky it happened like this. Because, it made the decision cut and dry. Otherwise, I would have continued on and kept trying to keep him going as he was declining, losing weight and gradually pining away and dying. I would have had to have made a call, at some point, that it was time and that's when you start second-guessing wondering whether you did it too soon, or maybe not soon enough. But, the fact that he was rendered incapacitated, really just left me no other real choice than to make the call then and there. It was heartbreaking, though, the last 12 hours after it happened. I cuddled with him and talked with him the rest of the night. He struggled once to get up but couldn't. I knew he must have had to go to his pan. So, I picked him up and brought him over to it and was able to hold him up in the litter pan as he pottied a few times - again...like I said the perfect gentleman. Those last 12 hours were special...heartbreaking, but peaceful at the same time because I was able to spend all that time cuddling and talking to him about it being OK to go and that I'd see him again one day at the Bridge.

Despite that we had a sweet goodbye experience, it just still doesn't make up for the loss...the presence...the big void.

Hi OnAMission. You are most welcome.

Yes, I am blessed with 2 other feline companions, Theresa and Tang; there are pictures of them in New Beginnings under the same title. Theresa I got 7 years ago this month as company for Tom. Five months after he passed I had Theresa in for her first check up in years and to get her on a wellness plan - thankfully she's been pretty healthy and most of my resources went to Tom's treatment. At that time I was telling the vet receptionist how ironic it is that I got Theresa to keep Tom company and now he is gone. That's when she introduced me to Tang who had been abandoned by his family and found by one of their nurses.

It does sound like Mission may have had diabetes or diabetes type symptoms. Many of the same ones Tom had at the end; most especially hard was his growing loss of control of his hind legs and severe weight loss. It broke my heart to see a once proud and agile boy so helpless. Alas, I was at work when he passed, I came home to find him on the bathroom floor You can read more in his topic.

Hang in there. Like I said it's still brand new to you. For months after he passed I would take my lunch outside and away from the building just to cry. I had a little radio with ear buds I would take with me to listen to music, and on one of those days You Are Not Alone by Michael Jackson came on. I could not help but smile a bit through the tears because I truly felt his presence in that moment. Take your time to grieve and heal in your own way. We will always be here for you. Take care.

Hi, OnAMission, please let me add my sincerest thank you to sharing your beautiful tribute to your beloved Mission with us. As Tom's Dad has so compassionately shared with you, please let me also reassure you that this grief journey is one of "adjustment" to the physical absence of your beloved Mission, as opposed to one of "getting over" or finding "closure." This adjustment journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity, and it is a journey that cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories tthat can be all too painful right now that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure.

Still it is a journey you do not travel alone, for each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you, with you, and beside you through every step of your grief adjustment journey.

Although your beloved Mission is no longer physically with you, there is one thing that will never change - - the love bond you and your beloved Mission share. Love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Mission's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will - - for he is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, OnAMission - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

Thank you again for sharing your beloved Mission with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi MoonBeam - thank you so much for your ever-insightful words and thoughts and prayers.

And, actually, I have shared a pic of Mission - he's my avatar. Does it show up for you? Others have seen it - hopefully you can see my beautiful boy, too. (Note his buttefly mustache - hence my nickname of Butterfly boy.)

This was his classic look towards me. Always, adoring....I have one funny pic though, I have to admit -- and even chuckled after showing it to a close friend -- where he DOES look mad...like the "mad Bluebird"....

Sweet wishes and Mission kisses back to you! I think he would have looked at you this way, too!

Tom's Dad - again, thanks for all your support. I just purchased a lovely little memorial book/CD called "Goodbye My Friend - Celebreating The Memory of a Pet". There are 4 beautiful songs they've include within a small pictorial/memorial book.

When you mentioned about listening to music, this captured my attention. However, I made the mistake of listening to it at lunchtime at work and the floodgates opened up, so I had to stop it. I will listen another time in another place. I know music can be healing, but it often evokes such a sharp emotion in me that I can't help but cry. I know it's good to cry, but when it hits, it's not always in a good place or at a good time... :-(

Peaceful thoughts and prayers being sent back your way....

Hello OnAMission and thank you for continuing to share your journey.

I empathize with listening to a song, or having a thought/memory at an inopportune time. The day after Tom passed was my first QA at work. Fortunately my supervisor was compassionate and an animal lover - neither of us had a dry eye.

You mentioned your other feline companions. I hope they are offering some measure of support. I know that when Tom passed, Theresa was my emotional rock. One thing I did to help was to keep an online journal of how I was dealing with the loss. I don't keep up with it anymore, but it really helped at the time. Please feel free to share whatever memories you are comfortable with. In the mean time. take care of yourself.

My beautiful boy, Mission...this is how he often looked at me - just adoringly with those big beautiful eyes....I miss him sooooooo very much!

And, you can see the butterly shaped white mustache pretty clearly here....hence, why I refer to him sometimes as my 'butterfly boy'.....

Hi, OnAMission, thank you ever so much for sharing this wonderful picture of your beloved Mission with us. The butterfly mustache is sooo adorable, and very distinctive - - which just adds to his being a very distinguished gentleman!!! It is obvious from the expression on his face and in his eyes he knows he is eternally loved, and he knows he is forever blessed to have you for his Forever Mom - - as you are eternally blessed to be his sole, and soul, heir to his eternal love.

I hope today is treating you and your precious companions kindly, OnAMission, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Mission's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, OnAMission.

Oh, what a beautiful boy cat! And that adorable mustache I agree with moon_beam it's quite obvious how much he loves you, his forever mom. I hope you and your other kitties are doing better today.

Thanks so very much Moonbeam and Tom's Dad! Been having one of those sad days, today. Though I did get more pics printed out of him and purchased a nice pot for his "memorial" cypress tree fantasy garden. (I will try to take and upload a pic of that, too soon.) I am just so sad and numb and missing him SOOOO very much.

But, I have to share this with you...Something kind of weird happened today, too. Another one of my cats, Miner - a big solid black cat, (who was buds with Mission for a while) must have snuck into my room...Mission's room. I had no idea he had come in there after me and when I left out of the room, I just closed the door.

I went out for a while and when I came back and into the room, Miner came running out in a panic like he'd "seen a ghost"! LOL I think he must have been visited by Mission's spirit...because some of the cards & photo albums and Mission's Cat Fancy calendar that were set up as a memorial on the vanity were all knocked over and helter-skelter...??

peace and blessings...

OnAMission....

Hello OnAMission. Thanks you for sharing how you are doing.

Your experience is not at all unusual. To this day, Theresa and Tang will become obsessed with the furnace closet in the hallway. As if they are focused on something I cannot see or hear. You, see that was Tom's favorite haunt (no pun intended) I used to tease him that he was chasing after monsters that were not there. He would just look up at me as if to say "There are TOO closet monsters, dad. And I'm gonna catch one"

It sounds like you have had your first visitation. Mission wants you to know (via his buddy, and other things) that he is OK and with you always. I'm sorry you have had such a rough day, but I hope it gets better.

Sorry to hear you're having a sad/bad day. I totally relate. It really does seem to "come in waves" as people have said, huh? So I for sure feel your pain.

Oh yes! I'd love to see a picture of the memorial cypress tree fantasy garden, if you feel so inclined to share, but no hurry/pressure! I've really enjoyed seeing your other pics of Mission also. - Molly's mom

OnAMission, your Mission is a beautiful Tux kitty boy! Love that mustache! And he looks so handsome in his tux with the white bib. Your memorial garden sounds very beautiful. Doing something like this can be therapy, very soothing.

Thank you, DannysMom...