Tookie was in our lives for almost seventeen years. We adopted her when she was a kitten. I was seven years old. Now at 24 years old, her death seemed to happen so fast.

She was never sick. Always an indoor cat, we joked that she had her own apartment away from us fools. She lived in my mom's bedroom most of the time. We played with her, brought her out into the living room, scratched and pet with her. She was (is) one of our own family members.

And, then February 18th, 2014 - she just became extremely lethargic. She had no appetite. There had been no signs of something being wrong with her. She sat in the living room on her favorite chair watching everyone else and watching television. My sister and I were away at our college campus (about a two hour drive from our house) and on our way home my mom told us that something was wrong. She had tried to cut Tookie's nails and she didn't put up a fight as she normally did. Her breathing was shallow, and she was just resting on her favorite chair in the living room.

The next day we took her to the vet and they diagnosed her with nothing abnormally wrong. Her liver count was off a little but nothing too alarming. They said that she had the healthiest kidneys of any cat they've ever taken care of. We took her home with some medicine, aiding her with food and such....She'd look up at my mom with such love and gratitude when my mom held her, gave her food and water, and medicine...She'd get extremely better, then worse, then better, then worse.

Then we took her to the vet again on March 10th, when everything just seemed to be too much. Tookie just wasn't getting better. Now, the vets said that she had bone marrow cancer and any little thing could make her pass away. It was the most quiet drive home we could make...and the next few days at home. It was like if we could silence the world, she would be alive forever.

Then, Thursday March 13th, in the afternoon, she was laying in her favorite bed. We placed her to look outside the window on my mom's bed - her favorite resting place. After we kissed her and told her we loved her, gave her some time to rest on her own...when we came back, she had passed away.

Tomorrow, Tuesday - we're saying our final goodbyes with a funeral....and it just doesn't seem to be real. It just happened so fast. I know she is in peace. I take comfort in that, but it's the loss that usurps me every day. Just realizing that it all happened. From helping her be comfortable, giving her medicine and food, trying to make the house as quiet as possible....and then seeing her lying in her final spot in the sun....

I love you, Tookie. Rest in peace sweetheart. You'll be in our hearts forever.

Hi, Katy, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Tookie. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. It is a true blessing that your beloved Tookie was able to transition home to the angels in the place she loves the most - - surrounded by the sights and sounds and smells and people who gave her a loving, comforting home during her earthly journey.

Katy, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all to painful that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure. But it is a journey you do not travel alone. Each of us here do understand what you and your family are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

In the midst of your deep sorrow and adjustment journey, I hope you will find comfort in knowing that the love bond you and your beloved Tookie share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Tookie's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will for she is always and forever in your heart and memories, Katy - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Tookie with us, Katy. She is beautiful. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, Katy, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you for the kind words and soulful support, moonbeam. It truly is a shock that we have lost such a sweet soul but as a friend suggested and I have taken to heart, the rest she is having now is for her. There are still moments where I have to grip the wall from shock of realizing that she is gone, and sometimes trying to come to terms with the last few weeks of her life. I am so happy that I have been able to share a little bit of Tookie online through youtube and in pictures, just so that others can rejoice in her beautiful sweet spirit. The grief and loss will take a long to accept or subside, however, I am at peace that we have found a respectful and beautiful quiet cemetery for her rest to continue and be at peace. Her life and her death has given me newfound appreciation for how fleeting life is, and I try to do many tasks now in her honor - in this way she feels closer to me. Deepest regards and thank you again, moonbeam.

KatyR - Just know that others feel the extreme pain of a recent loss of their beloved pet - just as you feel. It is excrutiating at times. And, I hate to admit it, but I have grieved more over my cat than over some people who I have lost in the past.

Right after my Mission (cat) was sent on over the Bridge on March 11th, I happened across an article, "Time to Say Goodbye" in an on-line magazine. There was a great statement quoted in there from a grief counselor who actually trains veterinarians. It was so blatantly clear and honestly spoken about the depths of our grieving over our pets.

"Grief is grief. That animal was unique, the relationship was unique, and that parituclar animal will never exist in the owner's life again. That is a significant loss. So many times, our relationships with our animals are pure - no history of betrayal, no history of letting us down. The relationship has been clean all the way through and, therefore, the grief can go to a deep level.

We should expect that if the attachment is really strong, the grief is going to be strong, too. It's [also] a mistake to try to put a time frame on the grieving process. It may take peoople days, weeks, months, or years, depending on the relationship and type of death...the key is not how long it takes for the person to get through it, but that the grief lessens in intensity over time..." Carolyn Butler.

I, too, am so grief-stricken and heart-broken over the recent loss of my kitty...just a little over 2 weeks ago. The void of that physical presence just about wrenches your heart out. Due to his illness, and the fact he didn't really get along with a few of my other cats, he lived in my bedroom. He was my absolute favorite - my earth angel. And, now, I can barely go in there. Everytime I go up the stairs I imagine I see his shadow in the door crack waiting for me with his bright, hopeful little eyes. Alhough I've set up a memorial for him in a spot in the bedroom where he used to sit - with flowers, photos, books, his urn, etc...every time I go in there, I "visit" him at this spot and talk to him but bawl my eyes out also telling him how I miss him.

I'm finding myself sleeping on the sofa in the living room as I can't bear being in the bedroom without him there and snuggling up on the bed or on his cushion nearby....hearing him pad over to drink his water or eat or use the litter pan.

We have to know that they are in a better place at this point. But, we suffer without them, nonetheless and it is alright to feel the way we feel. Some other people who are not true animal lovers or who didn't experience the kind of relationship we did with our kitties, may not fully understand. I've been upset with a few friends and relatives who I thought would have been there more for me during this time. But, some people just don't know how to respond back in these situations.

My heart goes out to you, my dear....or shall I say, whatever broken pieces I have left to share are there to share with you....

Hello Katy,
I just wanted to tell you how very sorry I am for the loss of your sweet cat Tookie, she is absolutely beautiful. I so understand how you feel as I lost my precious cat Jasper on February 3 at the tender age of seven. I know how much you must be hurting, and you are so very fortunate to have had so many wonderful years with your precious kitty, and she can feel your love even now, of this I am sure. My Jasper became ill so suddenly and went from the picture of health to so very sick and weak within a matter of days, so often I find myself feeling cheated out of so many years with him. I know that no matter how long we have them though, the deep sense of loss is still the same, and the unbelievable sadness is still the same. I loved him to the moon and back, I would often tell him that, and you know what, I think he knew just what that meant.

Well it has been almost two months for me, and the hurt subsides somewhat, but then very often it seems to come back with a vengeance. I do remember those first few days, and oh how my heart goes out to you, I really don't believe that I could go through that ever again, I really don't think I would come out the other side. I really do understand what you are going through, the emptiness and the utter disbelief, how can they just not be here anymore, and how on earth is the world still going on, when ours seemed to have come to a complete and utter standstill. I would give anything to have my sweet boy back, but I know that in reality this can never be, but I would go to the ends of the earth to make that happen. I can so feel the heartache and pain in your words about having to say goodybye to your Tookie, but trust me, she is still very close to you, and will always be, a love like that never goes away, but I also know how much you miss her presence, to be able to reach out and touch her and hold her, and I am so very very sorry.

KatyR,

I’m so, so very sorry for your loss. Tookie was a beautiful, beautiful girl! Your loss if felt by so many of us here who understand. I lost my girl, Molly Rose, just over two weeks ago. I cried reading your story… you have my very heartfelt condolences.
– Molly’s mom (Snapdragon)

jaspersmom
I'm so very sorry for your loss and for your sweet boys' life to come to an end so quickly. The years we spend with our furry family really seem to go by too fast. Even with Tookie by our side for nearly seventeen years, it feels like right now we never spent enough time with her - though I do try to remind myself of all the times I sat down with her to give her a massage, happily hear her calls for breakfast in the morning and dinner late at night.... Some days are harder than others, some nights especially where all of the moments that I have forged through to work or study seem to pile up before going to sleep and just need a release. Thankfully, I think we both now that our pets are our at rest now and are watching over use. Perhaps they are having a grand time together in heaven. Thank you for your kind words - they are sincerely appreciated.

Snapdragon
I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for taking the time to read my story and to share your condolences. It is truly appreciated! You have my heartfelt condolences for the loss of Molly as well. *hugs*

Jaspersmom, you SO nailed it. I have moments of calm(?), when I think maaaaybe things will be okay, but then, like you say "...it seems to come back with a vengeances" So true. Also, quite honestly, I just don't think I could go through this again. But what you say here....could'a been my words. Thank you for your voice.