QUOTE (MillieAngel @ Mar 17 2014, 06:29 AM)

I wrote recently about my dog Millie... she started to have seizures, which I soon found out were due to a brain tumour.

The vet prescribed some steroids to take down any inflammation and said she may surprise us and live another year. Well it was going ok for about a week and a half. Millie was loving her walks, food, cuddles etc... Until two nights ago she had another seizure which she never really came out of, she was twitching, drooling, her little paw kept giving way, within half hour she had another big seizure, so rushed her to the emergency vets, they said they could give her something to possibly bring her out of it. When they took her out the back to give her an IV, the vet came back to say she'd just had another seizure in the meantime and that it would be unfair at this point to let her go on

She bought Millie back to say goodbye and she started to wag her tail, thinking she was coming home :'(
When they took her away, she was looking at me with her ears up as if to say "where am I going, aren't i coming home with you?" And I couldn't take it, I screamed for her and tried to get her back, but my brother held me against the wall so I couldn't, as they knew it was her time to go.
When we got home I couldn't go back into my house, I couldn't bear to see where she had those seizures, where she was laying before she had one... can't bear to sleep in my bed, where Millie's dent is still in her blanket on the end of it.
I've come to a friends in London, beautiful weather on the river and my whole world is black! A deep sadness and feeling of emptiness.
I don't know how I'm going to go home and face it all.
I know some people are so strong in these times and I'm really not holding out so well! I miss her so much, my heart physically hurts, I can't swallow food, just soup.
She was my best friend, she was always by my side... followed me everywhere. 13 years she honoured me with her heartwarming presence that got me through many good and bad times. It's the end of a chapter which I just can't bear to close. Please, somebody take this heartache away!
Hi MillieAngel. I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious doggie Millie, she is absolutely beautiful and so very sweet, and I know how very much you miss her. I feel the pain and the heartache in your words, and I can so relate to your feelings, as I lost my dear cat Jasper at the tender age of seven, due to a sudden illness which came and took my once strong and healthy boy away in a space of three days. The doctors could not offer me a definite diagnosis, but it was something neurological, and I will never know what it actually was that took him from me so suddenly. I used to go over and over it in my mind, trying to figure out what happened to my big beautiful boy, he was so young and vibrant, and I felt so cheated out of so many years with him, but I finally stopped looking for answers, as it would not do the one thing I wanted more than anything, it would not bring him back to me.
I wish I could ease your sorrow, but I did want to let you know that you will not always feel this sharp and intense grief, it will subside somewhat as time goes by, but oh my gosh, I remember those first few days like they were yesterday. It was so hard just to breathe, and I just kept reliving my sweet Jasper's last days when he was so sick, and his last moments when I held him and kissed his little head, and told him he had fought the good fight, and it was okay for him to go to the light. I kept hitting the instant replay in my mind over and over again, it was like a broken record that I could not stop, so I really do understand how difficult that part is, we seem to get stuck in that awful replay mode of the traumatic experience. Slowly as the days passed, those hauntingly clear memories of his last few days when he was so very sick, began to fade ever so slightly, and they began to turn into spurts of our happy and special times together, but this did not happen right away, and it took every fiber of my being to keep going. I just wanted to let you know that I so understand where you are right now, and you will not always be there, the sadness will always be there, but the sharpness of the hurt and pain will ease up just a bit.
I can tell by your words how very much you love your Millie, and she knows how much she is loved, and I do believe that they are right beside us, watching over us and guiding us, every step of the way. I do remember that in my darkest hours, when I didn't think I could walk another step, when I didn't think I could go on another moment, I felt Jasper's presence so very close to me, our special connection was and is one that is unbreakable, as yours is with your Millie. I loved my Jasper more than life itself, he was and is the light of my life, and even though I hurt so badly at times, I know I will see him again, when my journey here is over, and I will scoop him up in my arms, and I will tell him through happy tears, how I have carried him with me, every single moment of every single day. You will see your sweet Millie again, of this I am sure, dear little ones such as ours who gave so much love, and left so much love behind, could never just disappear, they are just on the other side of the rainbow, waiting for us.