Hi, I am new to this site. I have recently lost my cat of 18 years. He was more than a pet. Many of the early years I had him were very rough and lean years and for much of the time it was just him and me. Somewhere along the way he stopped being a cat to me and was just Nicky, my best friend and constant companion who happened to be a cat. His loss has been very difficult and I am afraid that we have complicated matters. When I remarried nearly 5 years ago, my new husband was not a cat lover or even animal lover, but Nicky changed that all around for him and he came to love Nicky very much. He grieved very much at Nicky's death and was upset for days. Here is where the problems start. Mark, my husband, wanted to get a new cat right away. At first I thought no, not now I need to get over Nicky. Then a bit later, I realized, I will never 'get over' Nicky so why not now? Well, I am finding out why not now. We have a new cat for a week now and Mark loves it and I don't even want it in the house. I feel that I have not completed the grieving process for Nick and am unable to do so while trying to get accoustomed to a new cat. The cat is a real sweetheart, but I just feel that I do not have anything left inside of me to give to another cat or pet of any kind. I actually feel like the pet centered chapter of my life closed when Nicky died and honestly, I don't have any problems with that. Except that now there is another cat in the house. I spoke to Mark about finding a new home for this cat and now things are rocky between us. I feel awful for asking him to give up this new cat, but the longer it is here, the worse I feel. I also feel bad for the cat because he deserves to have a home where everyone there loves him. Mark travels alot with his work and I am a homemaker, so guess who will be with the cat all of the time? Although I didn't realize it at the time, getting this cat was a big mistake, but I know keeping him will be an even bigger one.
This whole experience with losing Nicky has been awful , I felt that when we took him to the vet, about 4 days before he died, that it was time to have him put to sleep then. The vet assured us that she didn't see any reason for that and Mark was not at all ready to say good bye to him so we followed the vets advice and I stuffed pills down his throat for 4 days. I had hoped to have him put to sleep at home, before he was in any misery but we woke up one morning to find him paralyzed and gasping for breath at 6:30 am. Try finding a vet then. It was an agonizing 2 hours of trying to ease his suffering until we could take him to a vets office to be euthanized. We are currently waiting for his ashes to be returned from the vets, it has been over two weeks. Mark would like to keep them here at home. That is not for me. I would like to have him put to rest in a pet cemetary, which Mark has recently agreed to. I called one today and the cost will be nearly four hundred dollars. another unpleasant complication.
What I am hoping for is to find this new cat a new home, put Nicky's remains to rest, somewhere other than here at home, and put the pieces back together so Mark and I can get on with our lives in a positive way.
Has any one gone through anything like this? does anyone have any advice? I really am at a loss and don't know where to turn and would like to here from others who understand.
Thank you
Susan