I am in soo much pain at the loss of my precious 4 and half year old baby boy, Itty Bitty. I cry as I type this..
I am angry at myself for not seeing the signs sooner. I am angry at the vet before yesterday who prescribed me meds that would not ever help him. I am angry at myself for not being able to get him the best treatment possible do the outrageous cost to even "attempt" to help him. I have been crying non stop for the last 22 hours. I can't think of anything but him. I miss him soo much, and always will.
He was the type of cat that always came when you called his name. Played fetch. Loved the water. Came to the washroom with me. Expected the tap to be running for him 24/7. Slept with me everyday. Loved me everyday. Everyone saw our connection and loved his personality, it was infectious, it even made them want a cat like Itty Bitty.
I still have his mother. However it's not the same affection. Itty Bitty was my boy.
I woke up this morning. waiting to trip on him. Waiting for him to follow me to the washroom. Waiting for him to play fetch, and jump on my lap with a hefty 22lbs of love!!!
I have never experienced such a pain like this. I feel so guilty, angry and sad. The vet yesterday was very understanding and compassionate and seen the love we had. Making note of how exceptional he was. She almost cried and rubbed my shoulder as I was trying to console him.She tried to ease my mind and try not to make me feel guilty about my difficult and worse decision I have ever had to make in my life, by showing me the damage afterwards. Bless her
I will say however, he usually always purred even when I just said his name. He didn't purr the last few days. Yesterday when I took him back to the vet, and there on the table, which most cats go frantic and try to get away, he purred for me as I kissed and rubbed his head. Kneading on the blanket.
I will always love Itty Bitty! RIP my sweet boy, we'll play fetch soon!

I am so sorry for your pain. Your loss sounds excruciating. Cry much you need to. I lost my dodger a few weeks ago and the pain is strong I think of him so often and then start crying. You clearly had a special bond with itty bitty. Pray for a sign and your in my prayers

Thank you so much!
I am also sorry to hear of your loss. It is so hard, when you love them to bits!! xx

Misty3618,
I'm so very sorry for your loss of Itty Bitty. She sounds incredibly special and loving. I lost my Tango one month ago today. I cried every day for the first 3 weeks. During the first 10 days I "saw" Tango twice, out of the corner of my eye. Of course when I turned to look, there was no one there. But, I don't believe it was my imagination. I believe Tango was trying to comfort me. Others have had "dreams" of their companion, which I also believe were attempts to comfort. To comfort myself I pour all my love into my remaining companion, Bailey. I think we comfort each other. Please don't feel guilty. It is so obvious that you loved Itty Bitty with all your heart and would have done anything you could to save him. Finances are a legitimate concern too. He purred to you in the end. He loved and trusted you to know when it was time to let go too. I saw something that said "I wish the Rainbow Bridge had visiting hours." Me too, but I trust that my Tango and your Itty Bitty are waiting there for us. Be kind to yourself.
Caseysmom10

Thank you so much!
Yes I did love him to bits! He was my everything, apart from my son. I did try to help him, but I feel it was too late and I didn't see the signs
I have been a basket case this last day. Forcing myself to eat. Couldn't sleep. His mother has been super nice today as well. I also thought I saw him. It was my mothers purse. The head is playing tricks on me.
Thank you for sharing your loss with me, and I am sorry you are going through the same grief of a loved one and my prayers are with you as well . I hope they are playing together, Itty Bitty loved playing animals who visited x

We are all here going through such hard times.. that seem at the moment will never end.. my heart goes out to each and every one of us.

~Laura

Hi, Misty, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Itty Bitty. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angles.

Misty, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure.

Misty, it is perfectly obvious from what you share with us that you did everything in your power to give your beloved Itty Bitty a happy, healthy earthly journey. Like human medicine, veterinary medicine sometimes can intervene when our companions suffer an illness or injury that can restore our companions to a good quality of life. Sadly, also like human medicine, there comes a point in veterinary medicine when the only thing we can do is ease our companion's transition journey from their painful, frail, failing physical body to the company of the angels. It is not an easy decision to make, but it is a decision that is made with the most unselfish love our hearts hold for our companions. I hope in time your heart will be able to find comfort and peace in knowing that your beloved Itty Bitty loves you for making this most difficult decision on his behalf -- and is eternally grateful to you for being his Forever Mom.

As painful as this grief adjustment journey is to the physical absence of your beloved Itty Bitty, there is one thing that will never change - - the love bond you and your beloved Itty Bitty share. Love is eternal, Misty - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Itty Bitty's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will - - for he is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, Misty - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I do know from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there really are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Misty, thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Itty Bitty with us. He is a handsome fellow. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Misty, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Misty, I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious cat Itty Bitty. I read your post with tears of understanding, as I had to say goodbye to my sweet cat Jasper one month ago due to a sudden illness, and he was only 7 years old. I can tell what a special connection you had with your kitty, it is so obvious in your words how very much you loved him. I too had such a special connection with my Jasper, he was so dear and precious to my heart, and saying that last goodbye was one of the hardest things I have ever been through.

I do believe with all my heart that we will be reunited with our dear companions again, and even though we may not be able to see them or touch them, they are still right here with us, by our side, watching over us. I still can feel Jasper all around me, and when I was in those first very cold and dark few days of my grief journey, that is what kept me going, I may not have been able to hold him or touch him or look into his beautiful eyes, but I knew he was right here, I could feel him all around me, no physical separation could ever break the bond of love we shared. I really do believe that our beloved companions are very nearby, they are only a heartbeat away, and they also know without a doubt, how very much they were and are loved, and I also know that they would never want to see us so sad, but it is so very hard.

My sweet boy loved water too, he was born on a boat and lived on that boat for his first ten weeks, and I was going to name him Skipper at first, but when I first saw him, I knew he was my Jasper. It's funny, isn't it, how they just wind their way into our hearts, and as much as it hurts, I don't think any one of us would ever give up one precious moment we had together with our sweet babies, I do know that Jasper was and is the light of my life, and I am sure you feel the same about your special boy. Well take care, and I so hope you are able to find a place of peace and calm in the passing days, and I really do understand how hard this is, and just know that your dear cat will always be with you, right by your side, and always and forever in your heart.

Thank you all for your kind words, it means so much to me. It has been two days now. And I am so sad. I keep blaming myself for not seeing anything till it was too late. I just want my boy back xx Thank you all again for the support. Xx

Hi, Laura, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are going through is very normal deep grief. Each of us can definitely relate to how you're feeling when you share with us: "I keep blaming myself for not seeing anything till it was too late." One of the many emotions that ALL of us experience when our beloved companions transition home to the angels is guilt / remorse, and it is one of the harder emotions to reconcile because it comes from looking back and trying to make sense of the events that didn't quite make sense at the time they were happening, and trying to reconcile all the "whys" and "if onlys" that haunt our hearts afterward.

Laura, our companions are very adept at disguising how they are feeling. This is a genetic trait they inherit from their wild cousins - - for any sign of illness / injury / weakness makes them vulnerable. Of course this is very little consolation to us, their human caregivers, because by the time they are no longer able to disguise how they are feeling the effects of the illness / injury have begun to take ahold of their physical bodies. As with human medicine, sometimes veterinary medicine can help to restore our companions health so that they can continue to enjoy a good quality of life. But sadly also as with human medicine, there comes a time when the only thing veterinary medicine can do for our companions is offer comfort and ease their journey homeward to the angels.

I truly wish there were an easier way to navigate this grief adjustment journey, but unfortunately there are no fast forward or delete buttons we can press to speed up the process or make it immediately disappear. But I assure you, Laura, that you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Laura, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Itty Bitty's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you so much! I understand i will be feeling like this for some time. And its so very hard not to look back and wonder and think what if this what if that. It's very painful to go through. And o am so happy I found this page. On one side , the support is so touching, and on the other we all come here with the same pain. I know I loved him very much and I will always miss him. I just wosh the pain wasnt so bad. His mother has been around me loads last few days , bless her for consoling me . X

Misty,

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Itty Bitty. He sounds like he was an awesome and fun cat with a wonderful personality. He was also a gorgeous big boy! And it sounds like you loved each other so much! I lost my beautiful boy Ari, a little over 6 weeks ago, he would have been 7 in May.

I did in fact spend over 5k in 4 days with the best specialty vets as well as rack my brain for things I could have noticed, seen or done sooner. Please try not to do that to yourself. Even if we had spent more money and taken our babes to the vet sooner, it does not mean that the outcome would have been any different. I know it's hard not to second-guess yourself and I still am doing to as well but I am learning to not ask, "why did this happen?"but "what do I do with it now that it has?" My answer have been to journal, have a memorial and be kind to myself. All hard things to do when you are feeling so bad and missing your best friend. It will get a little easier but we will never forget them or be the same as before. I really suggest a pet grief group if you can find one. The Humane Society in your area would have information. Coming to this site and sharing with us about how you're feeling helps too.

Hi Misty,
I am new to this website and am struggling with recent loss. Itty Bitty sounded like a cat I lost 7 years ago on March 13th, Fane. Your story jumped out to me. I still miss him and was filled with self-recrimination for a long time. I still struggle sometimes, but at least the sadness does not drown out my wonderful memories of him anymore. I hope you are well and taking care of yourself.

I lost my boy Ollie a month ago today and just trying to plan a weeks menu is overwhelming. He was always in the kitchen with me, and I always shared food with him so how can I possibly make salmon or trout or steak??? I had him for 17 wonderful years and it STILL wasn’t enough time. He passed away in my arms as I sang softly to him, offering him my heart yet again. I felt him jump on the bed this morning so I know he’s offering me his love and comfort.

I’m so very sorry for your loss Misty. Its my belief that they will and do send us signs. Energy never dies, love never dies.