I lost my best friend on feb 8. It has been 17 days of excruciating pain. I named my 80 pound shepherd husky mix dodger because he dodged death twice before I rescued him at 6 months old. That was 14 years ago. All the memories. He loved snow. That was his time. I would throw snowballs into his mouth and he would catch And eat. He loved to swim and even duck his head under. He was in the New Jersey ocean. Long Island ocean Hudson River. And close to home on the reservoir brooks lakes and anything else wet. I live in a wooded area and we explored countless hiking trails. He was the boss/alpha among 9 cats in our home. He was the only dog and my special bonded one when I married 7 years ago and we moved into my wife's cat filled home.

Dodgers decline was from arthritis for the past two years. The last month it was very difficult to get up on his own He developed a dime size abscess that seed to nearly touch his bone. This was the not negotiable and decider for my vet

The past month dodger lost control of his bladder and defacated in the house a number of times.

I have guilt thAt dodger fell on the icy surface that I put him on in the backyard and the assess began. I have guilt that I goy lazy during this cold winter and did not walk him. I just let him in the backyard. I hate thT I took him to the vet him unsuspecting and trusting me and still licking his wound the abscess to make it get better. He had a healthy appetite to the end. Did I end it too quick. I didn't want him to lose more dignity

Right now I am past stunned but crying at the drop of a hat and many times each day. The pain is great

My wife hS been supportive but has two sickly parents that she needs to tend to

Thank you. Frank

Hi, Frank, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Dodger. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

Frank, please let me reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. This grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is a journey that cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure.

One of the many emotions we ALL experience is guilt / remorse, and it is one of the hardest emotions to reconcile because it comes from looking back trying to make sense of the "whys" "if onlys" and "I wish" that torture our hearts.

From what you share with us it is obvious that you did everything in your human, and humane, power to give your beloved Dodger a happy, healthy earthly journey. Sadly, our companion's physical body is not designed for immortality on this side of eternity. Although veterinary medicine has significantly improved the quality and longetivity of our companion's earthly journey, there comes a time when the only thing we can do is provide comfort and understanding and patience as our companions make their transition from their physical bodies to their eternal sweet Living Spirit.

Although your heart is deeply grieving the physical absence of your beloved Dodger, there is one thing that will never change - - the love bond you and your beloved Dodger share. Love is eternal, Frank - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Dodger's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will -- for he is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep sorrow there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Dodger with us, Frank - - perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you for your words of comfort and wisdom and also by honoring dodger with your response. It is day 18 now and the void is so sad and real. On day 5 I heard his all familiar bark in the house. I am certain of this and will always keep this as a gift from god and dodger. Especially since I am not one to ask or look for signs. Thank you again for responding moon beam. Blessings to you