I can't believe that it has been only 11 days since I said goodbye to my beloved cat Jasper, it feels like so much longer, the days and nights go by so slowly without him here. I feel as though I am just going through the motions, putting one foot in front of the other, and it really does seem sometimes as though all of the color has gone out of my world. Yesterday it snowed, and I remember how he used to love to sit on the windowsill and watch the flakes fall, many times he would reach out his little paw and rest it on my arm, just to be connected to me, oh how I miss that. I still can't believe that he is not here, taken from me at such a young age. I just keep thinking about how young and healthy he was, how there was no time to prepare, how there was no time to say goodbye. It is just so hard to wrap my mind around the fact that he is no longer here with me in this physical realm, and the suddeness of it all is still so hard to deal with it. I have read about the stages of grief and I seem to go from one to the other in such random order, not sure which one I am in now, but it doesn't really matter, all I know is that it hurts, but I have learned from moon_beam's insightful words that our grief is very individual and can never be clinically categorized, it is such a personal journey, and there are no limits of time or depth of feeling to this journey. There have been times lately when I have thought of my sweet Jasper, and intermixed with the sadness and tears is a bit of a smile, so maybe the healing of my heart is beginning, I sure hope so. I know he would not want to see me so sad and I do want to one day be able to embrace the joy and love he gave me and still gives me, but I know this is going to take some time. I so miss awakening to those sweet little meows in the morning and that dear little paw on my shoulder, I don't like this new normal, it will never be normal without him.

I am so, so sorry for the loss of your Precious Jasper. It is so hard to say goodbye to our beloved fur companions, they leave their paw prints on our hearts.

My thoughts are with you.

Shadow Dancer

I just lost my cat too, I know how it feels. I felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest. I loved him so much. It is hard isn't it, and the house feels so empty and quiet and there is such a hole. I have cried so much, now I am crying less, after a week but the pain and loss is deep and I have heart ache. He was my darling little boy. I had him from 7 wks to 19 years and he was like my baby. Not everyone understands how we feel. I am guessing, like me, you live on your own? I have not been able to be in the house on my own for a week and have had a friend to stay round. I have also not been able to watch TV for a week either. Blue Cross have been extremely helpful and give great (free) support by phone or email. Maybe worth a try? There is also a great book called 'Coping with sorrow on the loss of your pet.' Moira Anderson Allen and 'Coping with Pet Loss' Robin Grey.

Thank you very much Shadow Dancer for your kind and thoughtful words of support. It is so difficult going through this, but this forum has really helped me to see that I am not alone on this journey, and that so many have and are experiencing the same feelings. That is so true that our sweet companions leave their paw prints on our hearts, what a difference they make in our life, and even though I may be going through the pain of loss now, I am still so thankful that he was and always will be in my life and my heart.

I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your precious cat Kirsty, that must have been so very hard for you to say goodbye to him after 19 years. My Jasper was only 7 and was very strong and healthy, and they have no answers for me as to what happened, but it was very sudden and I can't stop thinking about how many more years we could have had together, so much precious time that we will never have. I have one other cat named Jingles who is 13 years old, and he keeps looking for his little brother, and looks up at me so confused, and I have been trying to give him extra time and affection, but he does seem depressed. The whole atmosphere of my house has changed and my place feels so quiet and so empty without him here. I couldn't watch tv for the first week either, I was just so consumed with grief and I didn't think the tears would ever stop, but they have eased up just a bit now, but the sadness is always there. I will look into the Blue Cross program and also the books you mentioned, as I need all of the support I can get now. Again I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved cat, and thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful words, my thoughts are with you through this difficult time.

Hi, jaspersmom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Particularly during the deep grief our minutes, days, weeks, months are measured by our thoughts "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" when our beloved companion was physically with us. It is a very difficult, and painful, transition to make in our relationship with them when they precede us to the angels, for we still exist in the physical world where our focus is governed by our physical senses - - and our physical senses are yearning to see, touch, smell, and hear our beloved companions just one more minute, one more hour, one more day - - one more lifetime. Our earthly journey with our beloved companions is never long enough, and our sorrow is added to when our companion's earthly journey is shorter in years than what we expected. I know your deepest sorrow about losing your beloved Jasper at a young and tender age of 7 years. Two of my beloved feline companions joined the angels at 6 years of age due to end stage cancers - - one with Lymphoma (December 2006) and one with Fibrosarcoma (March 2010).

Like your precious Jingles, my precious Noah grieved deeply for his housemates, too. Because of my age my precious Noah, who will be 11 years old in 3 months, will be my last companion.

I hope today is treating you kindly, jaspersmom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jasper's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Jingles are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you so much moon_beam for your kind and compassionate words. You are so right about our thoughts during deep grief are often measured by this time last week, this time last year, and how wonderful it would be for just one more day, just one more moment with our precious friends. That must have been so hard for you to lose two of your beloved feline companions at the young age of 6, and within just a few years of each other, and I am so very sorry for your loss, and I know you understand fully how I feel about losing out on so many years with my sweet companion. I do worry about Jingles and am trying my best to just be here for him with love and care to ease his confusion, but he is lonely and grieving. I can imagine how difficult it must have been for your precious Noah when he lost his housemates within just a few years of each other. Then I also read posts about someone losing their beloved pet at one or two years of age, and I have to stop and think how fortunate I am to have had Jasper with me for this long, and to have known him at all, and to have had him light up my world with his sweet and unconditional love. My friends and family were quite caring and supportive at first, but now it seems that when I want to talk about my Jasper, they try to change my train of thought to a different topic, perhaps they just don't know what to say anymore, or perhaps they just can't understand my sadness. I am so thankful that I found the LS forum, it has been such a lifesaver for me during this time. When I first was looking for pet loss support help, the words lightning strike really spoke to me, because that is exactly how I felt, as though a bolt of lightning had just struck, and I felt stunned and totally unable to process what had happened. Reading the different posts and knowing I am not alone in this grief journey has helped me so very much, and the kind and heartfelt words from you who has traveled this road, and from all those who are now trying to get through each day as I am is making such a difference. I know from reading your posts moon_beam, that although I may not be able to see or touch my Jasper, that he is right here with me and always will be, and that has helped me more than words can say. Thank you for your kindness and encouragement and for this wonderful forum that is helping me to know that this storm can't last forever, there is a little light at the end of this tunnel, I just have to find it.

Thank you. I find my grief comes in waves, very often, intense and painful at the beginning, then less often and intense after a week. Not sure how I will cope when I collect his little casket of ashes, that will be so hard and I think it is going to get worse again.

Hi, jaspersmom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me reassure you that it is perfectly natural to feel "cheated" from all the years that "should have been" with the physical loss of your beloved Jasper at such a young and tender age. Comforting your precious Jingles will also bring comfort to you - - as you will be comforting one another. My precious Noah was not a "lap cat" with me when he had his housemates for company. But now he enjoys snuggling with me and curling up on my lap, and I am so honored to share these moments with him.

Jaspersmom, although clinical professionals recognize that the grief journey for the loss of a beloved companion is the same as the grief journey for a human family member or friend, sadly sometimes those who are closest to us emotionally and geographically do not. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum is here where we can come to share what is in our hearts with those who truly DO understand what we are going through as we navigate our grief adjustment journeys. Rest assured there are no time limits here - - no "expiration dates" as to how often we need or want to share what is in our hearts.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Jingles kindly, jaspersmom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jasper's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Jingles are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I know what you mean Kirsty about the grief coming in waves, just when I finally think that the intensity of the hurt is subsiding, something will set me off and the tears will begin again. I did face the hurdle of picking up Jasper's little casket of ashes the other day, and it was one of the most difficult things I have ever done. It was as though everything was in slow motion, and through my tears I watched all the people taking their cats and dogs back home with them in carriers and on leashes, and here I was, carrying my precious kitty in this little box, it was so unreal and so sad, but I am still glad I did it, because later on in the evening there seemed to be just the tiniest bit of comfort knowing that, in a way that is unexplainable, he was back home with me. Then the other day, I received a sympathy card from the doctor at the animal hospital, and as thoughtful as that was, it just brought it all back again. Sometimes I wish I could just forget, not my sweet Jasper, but the last few days when he was so sick, maybe with time this will happen. I try not to look too far ahead, just getting through the day is enough for me right now, and I hope that you are doing alright and finding some peace with each day that passes.

Dear Jaspers Mom,

My eyes are filling with tears as I read your posts about Jasper's homegoing. Everything you say is absolutely true. The emptiness. The abject sorrow. The crushing loneliness. The "just one more time" wishing. It all means that you and Jasper have an incredible love. And as the miracle who is MooonBeam has taught us, our beloveds do NOT just disappear and end. They continue in life as they ever were - they have just changed form. Instead of being in physical form where we could see them and hear them and touch them, as spirits we can't do any of that. But that DOES NOT make them any less real.

How well I remember the two days when I picked up the ashes of my two beautiful, senior rescued labs - Gretta, the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived, and Rufus, my Big Black Dog (half lab-half Newfie and ALL strength). It's sad enough when women cry but there in the lobby of the vet school was a youngish man who was cradling the ashes of his dear one and sobbing his heart out. I should have gone over and comforted him but I didn't. Whoever you are, young man, I'm sorry for that.

I cannot imaginie the suffering that cat parents go through having their babies with them for so many years. My Gretta was with me for 5 years and Rufus only 21 short months. I still cry for both of them every day. I tell them how much I miss them and thank them for choosing me and ask them for help in challenging situations. Right now there are several very serious situations going on in my life and the lives of some of my family members. I call on Rufus with his strong back to be the co-parent with me in these situations - and feel his strrength that I can lean on.

No doubt about it, when we give our hearts so thoroughly away, eventually we get to feel the agony which is the opposite side of the coin. But who would trade even one minute of the lives we had with our beloveds? And please rest secure in the knowledge that, accourding to the beliefs of most people around the world, even organizad religions, we WILL be reunited with our fur-babise again in a place that goes by variuos names - I call it the Perfect World. And then we will never have to be separated again - EVER.

Please give ma a little of your heartache and I'll carry it for today. And I know Jasper's sibling is feeling your love through his confusion, too.

Jasper sees you and loves you just like he ever did. You can count on it.

Gretta and Rufus's mom

Dear Gretta and Rufus's mom,
Thank you so much for your kind and comforting words, your post is so heartfelt and brought tears to my eyes, and you so understand what I am going through. I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Gretta and Rufus, how heartbreaking that must have been for you to lose them. My Jasper was so young and very healthy and strong, never would I have ever imagined an illness taking him within three days, unbelievable, no time to prepare and no time to say goodbye. Jasper and I do have an incredible love and such a special bond, and it helped me so much to see how you spoke about my precious boy in the present tense. Sometimes in my darkest hours, I can feel him right here so close to me, and I call out his name and tell him how much I love him, and I do believe he can hear me. Saying goodbye to Jasper and walking out of that animal hospital with his empty carrier was one of the darkest days of my life, and carrying out his little casket of ashes was just unreal, it felt as though everything and everyone was in slow motion, now I know the what pure devastation feels like. I wanted so badly to be bringing my sweet boy home in his carrier, with him meowing the whole way and sticking his dear little paw out, the way he always used to do, but it wasn't meant to be. When I kissed his little head for the last time, I told him he had fought the good fight and I was so proud that he had tried so hard to hang on and stay here with me, but it was time for him to let go, and I told him how much I loved him and to wait for me, and that when the time was right, we would be together again. Thank you again Gretta and Rufus's mom for your understanding and compassion, and for offering to take and carry some of my heartache, that means so much to me, because my heart still hurts so bad, and I miss my sweet boy so very much..

I thought I would share this beautiful and touching poem I found, and I can only hope it will give you all the tiniest bit of comfort from this journey of loss and pain, sometimes the sadness can be truly overwhelming.

I know that you can't see me, but trust me I'm right here
Although I'm up in Heaven, my love for you stays near
So often I see you crying, many times you call my name
I want so much to kiss your face, and ease some of your pain
I wish that I could make you see that Heaven indeed is real
If you could see me run and play, how much better you would feel
But our loving God has promised that when the time is right
You'll step out of the darkness, and meet me in the light.

Well here it is, almost three weeks since I lost my precious Jasper, and I am still just going through the motions, going to work, trying to stay in touch with family, but it's just different somehow. It's as though I am detached and separated from the rest of the world, the only real comfort for me is coming to this very special forum, reading all the stories, and knowing that I am not alone in this journey. It is still very difficult at work, but I do seem to be doing a bit better at holding the tears in and being pleasant with a friendly spirit, and that is a good thing since I am in a customer service position, but as the clock ticks towards the end of my shift, it is really tough and all I can think of is going home, to sink into my grief. As sad as I am when I get home, and as fast as the tears fall, there is that comfort just in writing about my sweet boy, looking at his pictures, and talking about him. It just seems as though so many people just want to discount the fact that he was ever here, perhaps they are trying to protect me from the sorrow, but he was, is, and always will be in my life, and although they mean well with their diversions and let's change the subject conversations, they need to know how important it is for me to talk about him, to keep him and that connection and special bond we have very much alive. I may not be able to see him or touch him, but that doesn't mean that he is not right here, always by my side, forever in my heart.

I used to always buy him little cat toys and he would play with them for a while, then they would disapper, well yesterday while walking by my couch, I coudn't help but notice all of those missing toys that he had put in one little pile, my sweet boy must have been saving them up for a rainy day, and it was just so bittersweet to find them. Last night while I was looking at some of Jasper's pictures, my cat Jingles sat right down by my feet and began meowing so loudly, almost frantically, as though he was trying to tell me something. Well I got up and told him, ok what are you trying to communicate to me, then he walked right over to Jasper's favorite spot where he used to lay behind the chair to get his belly rubs, and Jingles lay right down there in that very same spot, and then he all of a sudden seemed to relax and be more at peace than I have ever seen him, since that fateful day we said goodbye to his brother. I can't help but think Jasper was right here in that very spot last night, and although I may not have been able to see him, Jingles could, but I did feel him and sense his presence with his loving and joyful spirit, right there in his very favorite place. I just wish for one more moment with him, I guess that is all we would do anything for, to have one more moment in time to cherish and love them, but I guess that would never be enough, we would always want more, I know I would.

Hi, jaspersmom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doiing. Indeed, when our hearts are in deep grief we measure time by the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months that our beloved companion joined the angels. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal sorrow - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. NOTHING feels the same - - because nothing is the same now. When you embraced your beloved Jasper into your heart and home, your life changed for the better. And now your life has changed again enduring the painful process of adjusting your daily routines of no longer having his sweet precious physical presence with you.

But as you are finding out, your beloved Jasper's sweet Living Spirit continues to let you know he is always with you - - as your precious Jingles alerted you last night. I hope when your beloved Jasper lets you know his sweet Living Spirit is close to you that this will bring comfort to you - - for he truly is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, jaspersmom - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

Thank you also for sharing this beautiful poem with us. Although our earthly journey changes when our beloved companions precede us to the angels, we endure with the hope and promise that our physical separation is only temporary - - yes, longer than what our hearts want particularly during the deep grief - - but looking forward to the moment when it is our appropriate time to join them in eternal joy. In the meantime we continue with our earthly journey in a way that will honor their eternal love for us.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Jingles kindly, jaspersmom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jasper's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Jingles are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello moon_beam, I want to thank you so very much for your beautiful words and posts that are truly helping me so much after having to say goodbye to my sweet Jasper. I am entering into my third week now, and I have read several posts about how the third week seems especially difficult for some, well this holds true in my case. I feel as though a part of me is missing, a very precious piece of my life and heart is not here, and I just don't want to see these pics of Jasper and I in happy times, I don't want to have these these bittersweet memories, I want him back, here with me, not in a little brown box with his name imprinted in gold on it. I found his little black collar with the bell on it yesterday, and seeing it and hearing the jingling just made my heart break all over again, he was so active and always up to something, I knew I could always find him and keep him safe from harm with that little bell, well at least I thought so.

I find myself thinking I am doing better and moving through this, then something happens that brings me right back to square one again. Yesterday at the pet store where I work, I was doing pretty well, holding it together, when all of a sudden I look up, and who is coming through my line, well it turned out it was Jasper's doctor and it was just so surreal. She has always been my favorite veterinarian, and I have always brought my two kitties to her, and she helped Jingles so much when he was having an issue years before. Well needless to say, it was very awkward, but I did not want her to feel uncomfortable, so I spoke from my heart and told her that I wanted to thank her and her staff for being so kind to me that terrible evening, and how much that meant to me, and she told me how very sorry she was, and how she knew how difficult this was for me. It just brought everything flooding back again, those heartbreaking last few days of his illness and those last devastating moments when I had to let him go, and I am not sure if I will ever be able to go back to that animal hospital or doctor in the future. I suppose I will wait and see and maybe with time it will be different, but if Jingles needs care soon, I may just find another vet, because right now, I don't think I can ever walk back through those doors again, even driving past the building is hard for me.

Thank you again moon_beam so much for listening, and for your kind and comforting replies that are really helping me to see that it won't always be like this, and that one day with time, I will be able to get beyond this sorrow. I am so thankful and feel so blessed to have found this wonderful forum, and I truly believe that God saw me going under, and he brought me here to grab onto this lifeline, and I'm holding on and not letting go. Even though losing my sweet Jasper is one of the hardest things I have ever been through, I would not trade one single precious day or moment we had together. I saw a quote the other day which really spoke to to me and the special connection my sweet boy and I had ... True love never ends, it only waits.

Hi, jaspersmom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Indeed, this grief adjustment journey has many ups and downs, twists and turns and turnarounds. Just when we think we are through the "perfect storm" of grief, something - - a memory, a song, finding a lost toy, etc. - - can bring us to our knees once again with our hearts aching with deep sorrow. The good news is that as our deep grief eases - - as it does eventually - - the moments of piercing sorrow lessen with intensity so that we can quickly refocus our thoughts to the many treasured memories we share with our beloved companions.

But until this time comes for you, jaspersmom, please know we are here for you, with you, and beside you through every step you take to share the not so bad days, the not so good days, and the days when it feels like your heart is breaking under the unbearable burden of your sorrow.

I can understand your feelings about the difficulty of returning to the veterinary practice that provided care for your beloved Jasper. I remember all too well how difficult it was to take my surviving companions back to their primary care provider after one of their housemates had joined the angels. It took several visits before I could get through them without tears welling up in my eyes, struggling to make it through the appointment, and then letting go of the heartbreak with gut wrenching sobbing on the drive home. What helped me is knowing that I had a veterinary care provider that I trusted - - who had seen my beloved companion, and me, through the darkest of times, and who stayed by our side. Because of your love and devotion to provide the very best care possible for your precious Jingles, there is no doubt that whatever you decide for your precious Jingles' will be the RIGHT ONE for you.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Jingles kindly, jaspersmom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jasper's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Jingles are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[quote name='jaspersmom' date='Feb 25 2014, 03:02 PM' post='80983']
Hello moon_beam, I want to thank you so very much for your beautiful words and posts that are truly helping me so much after having to say goodbye to my sweet Jasper. I am entering into my third week now, and I have read several posts about how the third week seems especially difficult for some, well this holds true in my case. I feel as though a part of me is missing, a very precious piece of my life and heart is not here, and I just don't want to see these pics of Jasper and I in happy times, I don't want to have these these bittersweet memories, I want him back, here with me, not in a little brown box with his name imprinted in gold on it. I found his little black collar with the bell on it yesterday, and seeing it and hearing the jingling just made my heart break all over again, he was so active and always up to something, I knew I could always find him and keep him safe from harm with that little bell, well at least I thought so.

I find myself thinking I am doing better and moving through this, then something happens that brings me right back to square one again. Yesterday at the pet store where I work, I was doing pretty well, holding it together, when all of a sudden I look up, and who is coming through my line, well it turned out it was Jasper's doctor and it was just so surreal. She has always been my favorite veterinarian, and I have always brought my two kitties to her, and she helped Jingles so much when he was having an issue years before. Well needless to say, it was very awkward, but I did not want her to feel uncomfortable, so I spoke from my heart and told her that I wanted to thank her and her staff for being so kind to me that terrible evening, and how much that meant to me, and she told me how very sorry she was, and how she knew how difficult this was for me. It just brought everything flooding back again, those heartbreaking last few days of his illness and those last devastating moments when I had to let him go, and I am not sure if I will ever be able to go back to that animal hospital or doctor in the future. I suppose I will wait and see and maybe with time it will be different, but if Jingles needs care soon, I may just find another vet, because right now, I don't think I can ever walk back through those doors again, even driving past the building is hard for me.

Thank you again moon_beam so much for listening, and for your kind and comforting replies that are really helping me to see that it won't always be like this, and that one day with time, I will be able to get beyond this sorrow. I am so thankful and feel so blessed to have found this wonderful forum, and I truly believe that God saw me going under, and he brought me here to grab onto this lifeline, and I'm holding on and not letting go. Even though losing my sweet Jasper is one of the hardest things I have ever been through, I would not trade one single precious day or moment we had together. I saw a quote the other day which really spoke to to me and the special connection my sweet boy and I had ... True love never ends, it only waits.
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I was reading over some of my older posts, it seems so long ago and so far away at times, and yet at other times, it feels like only yesterday, when I recall the sad night that I lost my best friend and the light of my life, Jasper. I never ever expected to lose him so soon, I have often felt cheated out of so much time with him, and I have often expressed that view here, seven years was no where near long enough, it still feels so wrong, and I still at times want to just sink down upon my knees and ask why, why was his little life cut so short, why was he taken from me so soon.

If I had only known or had an inkling that this was going to happen, I would have spent every single moment with him, I would have pet his soft fur a hundred times a day, I would have breathed in his scent and tried to lock that into my memory forever, I would have made every single moment count. Looking back, I do believe that I was a really good mommy to him, and I also do believe with all of my heart, that he knew how very much he was loved, but I still wish I could go back, just one more day to hold him in my arms, one more day to have him reach out his sweet little paw to me, one more day to see those beautiful green eyes of his light up when I would come home from work, one more day, I suppose that is all any of us ever really hope for.

This so called grief journey can be a strange one, you take two steps forward, then one step back at times, at least that is how it has been for me. I think of mother's day coming up, that is when I got him, he was my most precious mother's day gift ever, nothing will ever surpass that magical moment when they handed him to me, and he kind of just melted right into my arms, my sweet baby knew he was home. Oh how I miss my boy, and what I would give to have him back here with me. I would have gone to the ends of the earth to save him, and I did, I tried so very hard to save him. He was such a good boy, he should still be here with me, he should still be sitting on the windowsill watching the birdies, he should still be basking in those sunbeams he loved, he was just much too young to lose his sweet life.

Jasper I miss you so very much, and not a day goes by that I don't think about you and our seven precious years together. Sometimes I will find your brother Jingles just sitting and staring at the front door, I think he still must be watching and waiting for you to come back home. Always remember what I told you on that very last day, for you to wait for me just on the other side of the rainbow, and one day we will be together again, but until then just know that I carry you in my heart every single moment of every single day, and I thank you so much for coming into my life. Sending belly rubs and blowing kisses to Heaven just for you my sweet boy.

Hi, jaspersmom, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. As I read through your words I can feel the deep sorrow and pain in your heart, and I am sharing it with you.

Indeed, particularly during the deep grief it does feel like we are on a "slippery slope" of progress, and it feels like there is nothing solid to hold onto from one day to the next. Everything feels different and uncertain, and we wonder however on earth we are going to make it through the journey. By ourselves we cannot endure the journey - - the intense searing pain during the deep grief, and the many ups and downs, twists and turns and turnarounds that lurk in the unknown paths. Together we find the strength and courage to forge forward knowing we are surrounded by others who are there with us, for us, and beside us through every step until we are able to feel stronger in our path. Although the deep sorrow does ease, there will be times - - even 20 years down the road - - when you will be thinking of your beloved Jasper and you may feel a mist come to your eyes and an ache to your heart because you still miss his sweet precious physical presence. But the GOOD NEWS is that these moments will not feel like they are swallowing you alive - - drowning you in a "perfect storm" of deep grief. Instead you will find yourself smiling through the mist in your eyes and feeling a warm embrace surround you - - the warmth of the eternal love you and your beloved Jasper share. NOTHING in heaven or on earth can ever take this away from you, jaspersmom -- for love is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space.

I also share your heartache about losing your beloved Jasper at a young and tender age. In December 2006 my beloved number one kitty son Eli - - who was the best big adopted brother to my precious Noah - - joined the angels at 6 years of age due to end stage Lymphoma, and in March 2010 my beloved beautiful baby kitty girl Abbygayle (my sweet Noah's sibling sister) joined the angels at 6 years of age due to end stage Fibrosarcoma. My precious little Noah's heart grieved deeply for his big adopted kitty brother, as well as for his beautiful baby sister to whom he was her caregiver all through their life together. Even now there are times when my precious Noah will look out the big windows with an expression on his face that I know he is remembering the times he explored his yard with Eil and Abbygayle. I share his memories with my precious Noah, and tell him every day how proud of him I am for being the best kitty brother to Eli and Abbygayle. It is a hard adjustment -- even now - - losing my beloved Eli and Abbygayle at such young and tender ages. But I am thankful they are not suffering in their physical bodies, and it brings me great comfort in knowing they are now restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels. My precious Noah will be 11 years old next month - - no matter how much time we have with our companions during their earthly journey it will NEVER be long enough, for we will ALWAYS want just one more minute, one more hour, one more day - - one more lifetime with them.

I truly wish there were an easier way to navigate this grief adjustment journey, jaspersmom. I hope you will find some comfort and reassurance in knowing each of us are here for you.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Jingles kindly, jaspersmom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jasper's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Jingles are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you so very much moon_beam for your wise and wonderful words which always seem to help ease my sadness. Your kindness and compassion at what I and so many others on this forum are going through is truly beyond words, and I am so very thankful that I found this site. I remember at the very beginning after losing my Jasper, I used to dread coming home, the loneliness and emptiness of this house without my boy here just seemed to emanate from every corner, and it was so very hard. When I was fortunate enough to find Lightning Strike, coming home was not quite as difficult as it had been before, just knowing that there was a place I could go to was such a refuge from the storm. I could come here and read all the stories of those going through such similar heartache, I could write about my dear Jasper, and literally pour my heart out to let everyone know how special he was to me, and then of course reading your posts gave me a depth of perception that I had not had before. I remember when those last few devastating moments of Jasper's life kept replaying in my mind over and over again, and you wrote how every time that happened to divert my thoughts to something pleasant, well that was the beginning of such healing for me, to finally be able to stop that broken reccord playing, and to finally be able to move out of that awful place I had been stuck in for what seemed like forever.

That must have been so very hard for you to lose your precious Eli and Abbygayle at such a young age, and yes you truly do understand how I feel about missing out on so much time with our sweet little ones, and you are so right that no matter how many days or years we have with them here on earth, that it would never be enough, and that we would always want more. That is so sweet how you tell your dear Noah how proud you are of him for being such a wonderful kitty brother to Eli and Abbygale, how very special that is. Your three kitties are so fortunate to have had someone like you who always put their needs first above anything else, and loved them so very much, and although you have been through such deep losses yourself, you still have so much compassion and kindness to give to all of us to help us through our struggles.

Jingles and I have reconnected like never before, he used to be somewhat aloof and off to himself, now he wants to be with me and close to me all of the time, and I love that, and it just warms my heart. When I come home from work, he almost runs to meet me, and I can just see the spark coming back in his eyes, he is so happy his mama is home. He needed me so much after losing his best friend, and I needed him, he kept me going in so many ways. You wrote about even now how your sweet Noah looks out of the window, and you can tell that he is remembering his times with Eli and Abbygale. I see that in Jingles sometimes, he will look around toward the bedroom kind of puzzled when I feed him now, as if he is thinking, where are you Jasper, it's time to eat. They never forget, do they, they miss them just as much as we do. Jingles and I have been through so much together, but this was by far the very saddest and the very hardest, but I have to thank God every day that we had each other to lean on.

Thank you again moon_beam for your kindness and encouragement, and for keeping Jingles and myself in your thoughts and prayers. You have such a gift for helping those of us who are hurting so very badly, who don't even think we can go on one more day, to keep going with hope in our heart. You always let us know that no matter how broken or shattered, that one day we will be able to pick up those broken pieces and heal, and that the joy will one day come back into our lives. I am so very thankful that in this big old world of ours, that somehow, someway, fate saw to it that Jasper and I found each other, and that we were truly meant to be, and the seven beautiful and precious years we had together filled with such love, so far transcend the sadness of our goodbye.