I’ve been reading the posts over the last few days and have found all the stories to be comforting as I am struggling with the loss of our beloved cat, Mike. Please allow me to tell you my story in some hopes that someone will have the words to help our sorrow subside. I have struggled for days on whether we made the right choice to have Mike put to rest after 20 wonderful years as our little boy.
About 5 years ago, during Mike’s annual check-up, the vet noticed a mass on his stomach. It appeared benign and was not painful, so she told us to just monitor it and she would monitor during his check-ups. About 4 months ago, Mike started to throw up a lot so we took him in and his vet did some blood-work and let us know that he had hyperthyroidism but it was treatable with meds. We began his medication and his symptoms really calmed down. However, about a month later during his follow up appointment, the vet told us that his blood-work showed that the hyperthyroidism was really progressing and she upped his dosage by 3 times. During the following 2 weeks, the increased dosage seemed to irritate Mike and he began throwing up again, so we opted to back his dosage down and he seemed to feel better.
Now during the last year, Mike lost his hearing and had begun to sporadically use his litter box, but was still eating and drinking well (even kept his place at our dinner table with his own plate and ate every meal with us). The vet had told us last year that as long as food and water were going in and the plumbing was working on the other end, things were fine. When one of those things went, it was pause for concern. We chalked up his lack of using the litter box to his old age and we certainly did not mind cleaning up behind him.
However, last weekend, he stopped using the litter box altogether and on Sunday we noticed that he was trying really hard to pee and could hardly walk. Only little dribble of urine would come out and a vet friend told us how to check his bladder and we noticed it was really engorged. But later on Sunday evening, Mike walked thru the living room, stopped and let out a large puddle of urine and went off to bed. We felt the bladder again and it appeared to be not as engorged so we thought he may have some blockage or an infection of sorts. Monday morning, we noticed the bladder was again swollen and he couldn’t use the bathroom again, although strangely enough, he went to his litter box and tried his best. We took him to the vet and she tried to manually squeeze his bladder, and bless his heart, he was trying so hard but nothing would happen. She said there did not appear to be any blockage. She guessed the hyperthyroidism along with the stomach mass were confusing his wiring down there. She could try a catheter but said it would be very painful and he may have trouble with the sedation at his age and likely the bladder would fill again with the same results. I tried to imagine the pain of having a full bladder, standing at the toilet straining with no relief. Our only other option was to have him put to rest and it was the hardest thing I could have heard in my life. It literally brought me to my knees. We thought about it for a small amount of time and knew the day had been coming and the very last thing we ever would want was for him to be in any pain or discomfort so we made that difficult choice. We spent about 10 minutes with him as he walked around the exam room and then we held him during the sedation and watched his pain and discomfort leave him and drift off to sleep and our vet was so compassionate and allowed us to continue to hold him as she administered the last dose that sent him to kitty heaven.
For days, I have been beating myself up wondering if we should have given him a few more tries to pee since the night before he had really let it go. I know that is selfish and after 20 years of devotion to us, he deserved better than to be in any pain. As I have read other posts and tried to recall his quality of life over the last few weeks, I just can’t seem to reconcile everything and I wonder if I missed the signs that he might have been trying to tell us (not using the litter box, less activity during the day). He spent about 18 hours a day in “his chair” only leaving it for food, water, using the bathroom(wherever he felt like it) and occasionally coming and sitting on the couch with us. He did trek up 3 flights of stairs every single night to our bedroom for midnight feeding (even the night before he started having bladder problems), but had begun to stay up there with us instead of walking back down stairs. Not sure if that was his way of getting the last bit of loving he could from us since he sensed the end was nearing? I just wish I did not have this guilt over the decision. I know that is part of the grieving process but not any easier as the days slowly go by.
You see, 20 years ago we got Mike and his brother, Kitty. We lost Kitty to cancer about 10 years ago and while that was very hard, I think having Mike made it easier to grieve. We are now left with an empty nest and no where to spend all that unconditional love we have shared with Mike for so long. I know it will get easier with time and I thank you all for the stories of your loss as it does seem to help talking about Mike and remembering all the good times. I read somewhere that writing a poem or a letter to your friend can help with the grieving process. It made me feel better remembering all the things I loved about him.
Our next hurdle is to go back and retrieve his ashes next week and that, I’m afraid will be hard too. Thank you all again and any words of advice or encouragement would be appreciated as I, obviously, don’t do grief very well and this whole process has unlocked emotions in me that I did not know existed…
Yours in grief.
Steve
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Full Version: Farewell To Our Little Mike
Dear Steve,
Let me say how very sorry I am about the loss of your sweet kitty, Mike. I do know how you're feeling at this point. I lost my two old kitties on the same day last July. Steve was 15 years old and losing his battle with kidney failure. Joe was 20 and had a mass in his chest that was pressing on his trachea and making it hard for him to breathe. I had spent weeks and months trying to help them both hang on. The "decision" was horrible, but made itself apparently on July 31 when I said goodbye to both of them. I knew it was the right decision, but it didn't make it any easier. The shock of losing them was unbelievable. The absence of them screamed throughout the house. The weeks and months after they left were so difficult. I didn't know if I could make it through. Part of me didn't want the pain to pass because I never wanted to let go of them. I obsessed about memorializing them.
Let me just say that the days and weeks ahead of you will not be pretty. When we love a little furry one so much, the pain of losing them is so great. He knew you loved him. He KNOWS you love him. Please know that in time, the pain will ease a bit. You will emerge from this fog and you will remember Mike with smiles and not pain and tears. Grief is a journey that must be embraced. You will get through it, but it takes time. Allow yourself the time.
The people on this forum are amazing and it is a great place to hang out as you grieve and heal.
You're in my thoughts.
CritzyJ
Let me say how very sorry I am about the loss of your sweet kitty, Mike. I do know how you're feeling at this point. I lost my two old kitties on the same day last July. Steve was 15 years old and losing his battle with kidney failure. Joe was 20 and had a mass in his chest that was pressing on his trachea and making it hard for him to breathe. I had spent weeks and months trying to help them both hang on. The "decision" was horrible, but made itself apparently on July 31 when I said goodbye to both of them. I knew it was the right decision, but it didn't make it any easier. The shock of losing them was unbelievable. The absence of them screamed throughout the house. The weeks and months after they left were so difficult. I didn't know if I could make it through. Part of me didn't want the pain to pass because I never wanted to let go of them. I obsessed about memorializing them.
Let me just say that the days and weeks ahead of you will not be pretty. When we love a little furry one so much, the pain of losing them is so great. He knew you loved him. He KNOWS you love him. Please know that in time, the pain will ease a bit. You will emerge from this fog and you will remember Mike with smiles and not pain and tears. Grief is a journey that must be embraced. You will get through it, but it takes time. Allow yourself the time.
The people on this forum are amazing and it is a great place to hang out as you grieve and heal.
You're in my thoughts.
CritzyJ
Oh Steve, my heart is crying with you over the passing of your beautiful little kitty Mike. Let me first say that from what you write, you made absolutely the right decision to set Mike-y free from his pain. This is THE hardest thing you will ever have to do. It is the ultimate love we show to our fur-babies and it almost kills us, too.
Every word you write tells how wloved Mike IS (not WAS). I am absolutely with you in deciding not to put our beloved animals through painful medical procedures like chemo or, for Mike-y (after seeing his picture, I can't help calling him that. Hope that's OK with you.) catheterization. We can't explain why we are inflicting pain on them because it's potentially curative. In my mind, all they would know is that their loving mom or dad was letting somebody hurt them and WHY? It would make me go into my house and never come out if either one of my beloved labs had to have the thought, "why is my mom hurting me? i thought she loved me."
Steve, I have learned many things from my dogs - both gone now, to the Perfect World. Shortly you will get a message from Moonbeam , sort of the mother of new grievers. She taught me that humans live in a world of senses. If we can see something or hear it or touch it or smeel it, we call it real. if we can't, we call it non-existant. But that is NOT so. Like us, animals have a physical AND a spiritual component. Right after the passing of my first dog, Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) a social worker at the Vet School said something that gave me a belief that has sustained me since then (5 years ago). She said that our animals choose the time of their arrivals and their departures. What she was saying was that Gretta, Mike-y and every other animal had been somewhere before they came to earth and therefore must have gone back there when they departed earth. OF COURSE!!
Our truly special animals share souls with us. That's where the term "soulmates" really comes from. You and mike-y share a single soul. And these amazing animals, when it's time for them to come to earth, search the whole world (the universe maybe) looking for THE one and only person who shares their soul. Imagine that search! And then, when they that one-and-only, the find a way to put themselves in their soul-mate's path so they will meet. And the instant surge of love tells the story. We have found each other! Long or short, the time we live together is the most wonderul time of our lives. We never feel alone or incomplete. We have the most fun ever. We love each other So much, because we are really loving ourselves - our complete selves.
Then, Whoever created this universe decided that most animals' lives would be much shorter than our human lives. They must go back to the Perfect World before us. We must pass the ultimate test of love: we have to help them on their way. Out of love for them, we have to go against every fiber in our body and soul and help them on their way. That's why it's often said that we grieve in proportion as we love. I can see throught your words that that is surely true for you. BUT .... and here's the good news .... these and all animals are NOT gone, they are as alive as they ever were. They are just in spirit form - we can't see or hear or touch them as we could while they were with us on earth. But they ARE STILL where they ever were - right by our sides, guiding our steps, helping us, protecting us and, most important of all, loving us and being loved back.
They're spirits and spirits have some wonderful properties. For one things, they can be in two places at once. They are both right next to us AND in the Perfect World - a world of perfect happiness, no sickness, no sadness, no pain, no anger - only warm sunshine, cool shade, delicious food, clear water, and zillions of friends and relatives to walk and talk and play with. Mike-y is up there now enjoying the right of a newcomer to let everybody know that HIS dad is the best dad in the universe. I have asked my gentle Gretta to take Mike-y under her wing (figuratively) and show Mike-y around his Perfect home. The happiest day in both of your lives will be when you join him in the Perfect World.
Meanwhile, your pain is unbelievable! Especially when it's compounded by the questioning that every beloved goes through when their soulmate leaves them. Yes, Steve, you DID do the right thing by trying to help Mike-y stay healthy. You took him to the vet ever so many times and followed the vet's instructions to a T. But you saw Mike-y suffering and in kindness and love, chose to set him free. My second dog, Rufus, a half black lab-half Newfie (my Big Black Dog) got sick and went home when I was half a continent away helping my younger sister who had just been diagnosed with a fatal disease. Rufus was found to have spleen cancer which is inoperable because it is not a solid mass but a tangle of newly-formed blood vessels. It had spread to his pericardium and was slowly crushing his heart. He had to go over all by himself and I still weep over that (a year ago) and tell him how sorry I am - which, of course he understands. I am in several family crises right now and I often call on him to help me with his strong back, to help me "parent" the situations and, like the Black Giant, get up and do what has to be done. I write to both of them here on LS, too.
Steve, right now EVERYTHING seems empty because you look around and think 'This is where Mike ate' or 'Remember how we played in the grass last summer' or 'last week Mike warmed my feet as I slept.' Your body knows that your heart cannot stand this kind of stress so it has put you on protective shut-down. I call it the "robot" period. You go through the minimum motions like a robot. And the rest of the time you grieve - or sleep. Take as long as you have to in this robot-time. At some time, the screaming-grief will creep in - but in it's own time.
I am sorry for how LONG this post has become. I wanted to tell you about things that had helped me go through this excruciating experience. Do it in your own way, on your own time. MIke-y is right there with you. Some people get signs from their soulmates, some don't. So don't feel bad is you are one of those whose soulmate has enough confidence in that he doesn't send signs. But look for subtle things. Gretta sent me one sign. Rufus is helping me develop my strength so he hasn't sent a visible sign, but i still feel his presence often. Like when I go into the kitchen and start opening a package of food. Then I have to look at the door to the kitchen because I know he's there.
Steve, you have come to the right place. This is THE best group site I have ever found. Here people DO understand what you're going through because they've been there. Here no one will ever tell you what you SHOULD do. We are a band of brothers and sisters who support each other and come to the rescue 24/7.
Please excuse all the typos there are likely to be in this post. I'm getting old but I know if I proof this, I will cry all day. Please rest in the knowing the Mike-y lives, he's in a perfect World, and most of all ........He loves you.
Gretta and Rufus's mom
Every word you write tells how wloved Mike IS (not WAS). I am absolutely with you in deciding not to put our beloved animals through painful medical procedures like chemo or, for Mike-y (after seeing his picture, I can't help calling him that. Hope that's OK with you.) catheterization. We can't explain why we are inflicting pain on them because it's potentially curative. In my mind, all they would know is that their loving mom or dad was letting somebody hurt them and WHY? It would make me go into my house and never come out if either one of my beloved labs had to have the thought, "why is my mom hurting me? i thought she loved me."
Steve, I have learned many things from my dogs - both gone now, to the Perfect World. Shortly you will get a message from Moonbeam , sort of the mother of new grievers. She taught me that humans live in a world of senses. If we can see something or hear it or touch it or smeel it, we call it real. if we can't, we call it non-existant. But that is NOT so. Like us, animals have a physical AND a spiritual component. Right after the passing of my first dog, Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) a social worker at the Vet School said something that gave me a belief that has sustained me since then (5 years ago). She said that our animals choose the time of their arrivals and their departures. What she was saying was that Gretta, Mike-y and every other animal had been somewhere before they came to earth and therefore must have gone back there when they departed earth. OF COURSE!!
Our truly special animals share souls with us. That's where the term "soulmates" really comes from. You and mike-y share a single soul. And these amazing animals, when it's time for them to come to earth, search the whole world (the universe maybe) looking for THE one and only person who shares their soul. Imagine that search! And then, when they that one-and-only, the find a way to put themselves in their soul-mate's path so they will meet. And the instant surge of love tells the story. We have found each other! Long or short, the time we live together is the most wonderul time of our lives. We never feel alone or incomplete. We have the most fun ever. We love each other So much, because we are really loving ourselves - our complete selves.
Then, Whoever created this universe decided that most animals' lives would be much shorter than our human lives. They must go back to the Perfect World before us. We must pass the ultimate test of love: we have to help them on their way. Out of love for them, we have to go against every fiber in our body and soul and help them on their way. That's why it's often said that we grieve in proportion as we love. I can see throught your words that that is surely true for you. BUT .... and here's the good news .... these and all animals are NOT gone, they are as alive as they ever were. They are just in spirit form - we can't see or hear or touch them as we could while they were with us on earth. But they ARE STILL where they ever were - right by our sides, guiding our steps, helping us, protecting us and, most important of all, loving us and being loved back.
They're spirits and spirits have some wonderful properties. For one things, they can be in two places at once. They are both right next to us AND in the Perfect World - a world of perfect happiness, no sickness, no sadness, no pain, no anger - only warm sunshine, cool shade, delicious food, clear water, and zillions of friends and relatives to walk and talk and play with. Mike-y is up there now enjoying the right of a newcomer to let everybody know that HIS dad is the best dad in the universe. I have asked my gentle Gretta to take Mike-y under her wing (figuratively) and show Mike-y around his Perfect home. The happiest day in both of your lives will be when you join him in the Perfect World.
Meanwhile, your pain is unbelievable! Especially when it's compounded by the questioning that every beloved goes through when their soulmate leaves them. Yes, Steve, you DID do the right thing by trying to help Mike-y stay healthy. You took him to the vet ever so many times and followed the vet's instructions to a T. But you saw Mike-y suffering and in kindness and love, chose to set him free. My second dog, Rufus, a half black lab-half Newfie (my Big Black Dog) got sick and went home when I was half a continent away helping my younger sister who had just been diagnosed with a fatal disease. Rufus was found to have spleen cancer which is inoperable because it is not a solid mass but a tangle of newly-formed blood vessels. It had spread to his pericardium and was slowly crushing his heart. He had to go over all by himself and I still weep over that (a year ago) and tell him how sorry I am - which, of course he understands. I am in several family crises right now and I often call on him to help me with his strong back, to help me "parent" the situations and, like the Black Giant, get up and do what has to be done. I write to both of them here on LS, too.
Steve, right now EVERYTHING seems empty because you look around and think 'This is where Mike ate' or 'Remember how we played in the grass last summer' or 'last week Mike warmed my feet as I slept.' Your body knows that your heart cannot stand this kind of stress so it has put you on protective shut-down. I call it the "robot" period. You go through the minimum motions like a robot. And the rest of the time you grieve - or sleep. Take as long as you have to in this robot-time. At some time, the screaming-grief will creep in - but in it's own time.
I am sorry for how LONG this post has become. I wanted to tell you about things that had helped me go through this excruciating experience. Do it in your own way, on your own time. MIke-y is right there with you. Some people get signs from their soulmates, some don't. So don't feel bad is you are one of those whose soulmate has enough confidence in that he doesn't send signs. But look for subtle things. Gretta sent me one sign. Rufus is helping me develop my strength so he hasn't sent a visible sign, but i still feel his presence often. Like when I go into the kitchen and start opening a package of food. Then I have to look at the door to the kitchen because I know he's there.
Steve, you have come to the right place. This is THE best group site I have ever found. Here people DO understand what you're going through because they've been there. Here no one will ever tell you what you SHOULD do. We are a band of brothers and sisters who support each other and come to the rescue 24/7.
Please excuse all the typos there are likely to be in this post. I'm getting old but I know if I proof this, I will cry all day. Please rest in the knowing the Mike-y lives, he's in a perfect World, and most of all ........He loves you.
Gretta and Rufus's mom
Gretta's Mom and CrtizyJ- Thank you both for your insightful and compassionate responses and my heart goes out to you for your losses. I does truly help to talk about Mikey (it is perfectly okay to call him that) and this seems like such a great site to come and do that. My wife still struggles and can't hardly come home from work without being hit with tremendous waves of sadness to not see him jump out of his chair to say hello (and feed me). I guess I wasn't expecting the tremendous amount of sadness I would feel, even though I knew down deep that the day was coming when we would have to say "goodbye", but I don't think anyone can prepare themselves appropriately for those dreaded words from the vet. I know our vet loved him too and wanted so much to be able to say that she could fix him right up and get him back to his chair so that he could watch over our comings and goings. I know part of the grieving (robot-process...I like that BTW) process is to find ways to fill that emptiness with good thoughts and loving memories and I know with time, that will get easier.
We will anxiously await his wandering spirit to find us again and I believe that to be true. Our first cat (Kitty) passed away almost 10 years ago and just in last 3 months, we had a stray cat show up in our back yard and, of course, we started feeding him as my wife can't stand to think of a hungry animal anywhere. His mannerisms and attitude so remind us of Kitty that it is almost bizarre. From the way he eats the treats we put out for him, to the lack of vanity he displays when he wants to clean himself so that we can see. I have to believe Kitty's spirit is with that stray and he showed up knowing that Mike's time to head to the Perfect World was nearing and that he would be there to watch over us in some strange way. Does that sound kooky? I know Mike is sunning himself with his new found friends and looking down at us wishing we would not be sad and hoping we can move on quickly and be happy again. He would want that and would probably be mad at us for still being sad (he had a knack for getting mad at us and turning his back to us and I can see him doing that right now), although I hope he understands the emptiness we feel without his sweet physical presence.
Our next hurdle is to return to the vet next week and get his ashes. It is hard to even fathom making that drive again as I know the guilt and doubt I feel over letting him go will come rushing back and I know I will want to ask the vet again if we made the right choice. Does that guilt ever get any better? I worte a long letter to him yesterday and maybe I will post that in a day or 2 since it did really force me to think about all the things I loved so much about him and for a brief moment, I could smile when I thought of him...I really want to get to the place where I know he gives me a sign that I passed that test to help him get out of his poor old body onto the Rainbow Bridge. Thanks for re-emphasing that it was the ultimate test that goes against our every fiber..something his vet tried her best to tell me but the emotion would not let me hear it.
I read over each of your posts and cried as I did it. Your stories are an inspiration to me that things will get better and that all pet lovers have a common bond. I am so sorry for the losses you had to endure and I hope that time has been kind to you and I sense that your fur-babies' spirits have found you again and are there with you watching over you. I'll anxiously await Mike's... Thank you again for your compassion, your stories, and your words of encouragement. My thoughts are with you as well.
Steve
We will anxiously await his wandering spirit to find us again and I believe that to be true. Our first cat (Kitty) passed away almost 10 years ago and just in last 3 months, we had a stray cat show up in our back yard and, of course, we started feeding him as my wife can't stand to think of a hungry animal anywhere. His mannerisms and attitude so remind us of Kitty that it is almost bizarre. From the way he eats the treats we put out for him, to the lack of vanity he displays when he wants to clean himself so that we can see. I have to believe Kitty's spirit is with that stray and he showed up knowing that Mike's time to head to the Perfect World was nearing and that he would be there to watch over us in some strange way. Does that sound kooky? I know Mike is sunning himself with his new found friends and looking down at us wishing we would not be sad and hoping we can move on quickly and be happy again. He would want that and would probably be mad at us for still being sad (he had a knack for getting mad at us and turning his back to us and I can see him doing that right now), although I hope he understands the emptiness we feel without his sweet physical presence.
Our next hurdle is to return to the vet next week and get his ashes. It is hard to even fathom making that drive again as I know the guilt and doubt I feel over letting him go will come rushing back and I know I will want to ask the vet again if we made the right choice. Does that guilt ever get any better? I worte a long letter to him yesterday and maybe I will post that in a day or 2 since it did really force me to think about all the things I loved so much about him and for a brief moment, I could smile when I thought of him...I really want to get to the place where I know he gives me a sign that I passed that test to help him get out of his poor old body onto the Rainbow Bridge. Thanks for re-emphasing that it was the ultimate test that goes against our every fiber..something his vet tried her best to tell me but the emotion would not let me hear it.
I read over each of your posts and cried as I did it. Your stories are an inspiration to me that things will get better and that all pet lovers have a common bond. I am so sorry for the losses you had to endure and I hope that time has been kind to you and I sense that your fur-babies' spirits have found you again and are there with you watching over you. I'll anxiously await Mike's... Thank you again for your compassion, your stories, and your words of encouragement. My thoughts are with you as well.
Steve
QUOTE (Gretta's Mom @ Feb 14 2014, 07:49 AM) 
Oh Steve, my heart is crying with you over the passing of your beautiful little kitty Mike. Let me first say that from what you write, you made absolutely the right decision to set Mike-y free from his pain. This is THE hardest thing you will ever have to do. It is the ultimate love we show to our fur-babies and it almost kills us, too.
Every word you write tells how wloved Mike IS (not WAS). I am absolutely with you in deciding not to put our beloved animals through painful medical procedures like chemo or, for Mike-y (after seeing his picture, I can't help calling him that. Hope that's OK with you.) catheterization. We can't explain why we are inflicting pain on them because it's potentially curative. In my mind, all they would know is that their loving mom or dad was letting somebody hurt them and WHY? It would make me go into my house and never come out if either one of my beloved labs had to have the thought, "why is my mom hurting me? i thought she loved me."
Steve, I have learned many things from my dogs - both gone now, to the Perfect World. Shortly you will get a message from Moonbeam , sort of the mother of new grievers. She taught me that humans live in a world of senses. If we can see something or hear it or touch it or smeel it, we call it real. if we can't, we call it non-existant. But that is NOT so. Like us, animals have a physical AND a spiritual component. Right after the passing of my first dog, Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) a social worker at the Vet School said something that gave me a belief that has sustained me since then (5 years ago). She said that our animals choose the time of their arrivals and their departures. What she was saying was that Gretta, Mike-y and every other animal had been somewhere before they came to earth and therefore must have gone back there when they departed earth. OF COURSE!!
Our truly special animals share souls with us. That's where the term "soulmates" really comes from. You and mike-y share a single soul. And these amazing animals, when it's time for them to come to earth, search the whole world (the universe maybe) looking for THE one and only person who shares their soul. Imagine that search! And then, when they that one-and-only, the find a way to put themselves in their soul-mate's path so they will meet. And the instant surge of love tells the story. We have found each other! Long or short, the time we live together is the most wonderul time of our lives. We never feel alone or incomplete. We have the most fun ever. We love each other So much, because we are really loving ourselves - our complete selves.
Then, Whoever created this universe decided that most animals' lives would be much shorter than our human lives. They must go back to the Perfect World before us. We must pass the ultimate test of love: we have to help them on their way. Out of love for them, we have to go against every fiber in our body and soul and help them on their way. That's why it's often said that we grieve in proportion as we love. I can see throught your words that that is surely true for you. BUT .... and here's the good news .... these and all animals are NOT gone, they are as alive as they ever were. They are just in spirit form - we can't see or hear or touch them as we could while they were with us on earth. But they ARE STILL where they ever were - right by our sides, guiding our steps, helping us, protecting us and, most important of all, loving us and being loved back.
They're spirits and spirits have some wonderful properties. For one things, they can be in two places at once. They are both right next to us AND in the Perfect World - a world of perfect happiness, no sickness, no sadness, no pain, no anger - only warm sunshine, cool shade, delicious food, clear water, and zillions of friends and relatives to walk and talk and play with. Mike-y is up there now enjoying the right of a newcomer to let everybody know that HIS dad is the best dad in the universe. I have asked my gentle Gretta to take Mike-y under her wing (figuratively) and show Mike-y around his Perfect home. The happiest day in both of your lives will be when you join him in the Perfect World.
Meanwhile, your pain is unbelievable! Especially when it's compounded by the questioning that every beloved goes through when their soulmate leaves them. Yes, Steve, you DID do the right thing by trying to help Mike-y stay healthy. You took him to the vet ever so many times and followed the vet's instructions to a T. But you saw Mike-y suffering and in kindness and love, chose to set him free. My second dog, Rufus, a half black lab-half Newfie (my Big Black Dog) got sick and went home when I was half a continent away helping my younger sister who had just been diagnosed with a fatal disease. Rufus was found to have spleen cancer which is inoperable because it is not a solid mass but a tangle of newly-formed blood vessels. It had spread to his pericardium and was slowly crushing his heart. He had to go over all by himself and I still weep over that (a year ago) and tell him how sorry I am - which, of course he understands. I am in several family crises right now and I often call on him to help me with his strong back, to help me "parent" the situations and, like the Black Giant, get up and do what has to be done. I write to both of them here on LS, too.
Steve, right now EVERYTHING seems empty because you look around and think 'This is where Mike ate' or 'Remember how we played in the grass last summer' or 'last week Mike warmed my feet as I slept.' Your body knows that your heart cannot stand this kind of stress so it has put you on protective shut-down. I call it the "robot" period. You go through the minimum motions like a robot. And the rest of the time you grieve - or sleep. Take as long as you have to in this robot-time. At some time, the screaming-grief will creep in - but in it's own time.
I am sorry for how LONG this post has become. I wanted to tell you about things that had helped me go through this excruciating experience. Do it in your own way, on your own time. MIke-y is right there with you. Some people get signs from their soulmates, some don't. So don't feel bad is you are one of those whose soulmate has enough confidence in that he doesn't send signs. But look for subtle things. Gretta sent me one sign. Rufus is helping me develop my strength so he hasn't sent a visible sign, but i still feel his presence often. Like when I go into the kitchen and start opening a package of food. Then I have to look at the door to the kitchen because I know he's there.
Steve, you have come to the right place. This is THE best group site I have ever found. Here people DO understand what you're going through because they've been there. Here no one will ever tell you what you SHOULD do. We are a band of brothers and sisters who support each other and come to the rescue 24/7.
Please excuse all the typos there are likely to be in this post. I'm getting old but I know if I proof this, I will cry all day. Please rest in the knowing the Mike-y lives, he's in a perfect World, and most of all ........He loves you.
Gretta and Rufus's mom
Every word you write tells how wloved Mike IS (not WAS). I am absolutely with you in deciding not to put our beloved animals through painful medical procedures like chemo or, for Mike-y (after seeing his picture, I can't help calling him that. Hope that's OK with you.) catheterization. We can't explain why we are inflicting pain on them because it's potentially curative. In my mind, all they would know is that their loving mom or dad was letting somebody hurt them and WHY? It would make me go into my house and never come out if either one of my beloved labs had to have the thought, "why is my mom hurting me? i thought she loved me."
Steve, I have learned many things from my dogs - both gone now, to the Perfect World. Shortly you will get a message from Moonbeam , sort of the mother of new grievers. She taught me that humans live in a world of senses. If we can see something or hear it or touch it or smeel it, we call it real. if we can't, we call it non-existant. But that is NOT so. Like us, animals have a physical AND a spiritual component. Right after the passing of my first dog, Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) a social worker at the Vet School said something that gave me a belief that has sustained me since then (5 years ago). She said that our animals choose the time of their arrivals and their departures. What she was saying was that Gretta, Mike-y and every other animal had been somewhere before they came to earth and therefore must have gone back there when they departed earth. OF COURSE!!
Our truly special animals share souls with us. That's where the term "soulmates" really comes from. You and mike-y share a single soul. And these amazing animals, when it's time for them to come to earth, search the whole world (the universe maybe) looking for THE one and only person who shares their soul. Imagine that search! And then, when they that one-and-only, the find a way to put themselves in their soul-mate's path so they will meet. And the instant surge of love tells the story. We have found each other! Long or short, the time we live together is the most wonderul time of our lives. We never feel alone or incomplete. We have the most fun ever. We love each other So much, because we are really loving ourselves - our complete selves.
Then, Whoever created this universe decided that most animals' lives would be much shorter than our human lives. They must go back to the Perfect World before us. We must pass the ultimate test of love: we have to help them on their way. Out of love for them, we have to go against every fiber in our body and soul and help them on their way. That's why it's often said that we grieve in proportion as we love. I can see throught your words that that is surely true for you. BUT .... and here's the good news .... these and all animals are NOT gone, they are as alive as they ever were. They are just in spirit form - we can't see or hear or touch them as we could while they were with us on earth. But they ARE STILL where they ever were - right by our sides, guiding our steps, helping us, protecting us and, most important of all, loving us and being loved back.
They're spirits and spirits have some wonderful properties. For one things, they can be in two places at once. They are both right next to us AND in the Perfect World - a world of perfect happiness, no sickness, no sadness, no pain, no anger - only warm sunshine, cool shade, delicious food, clear water, and zillions of friends and relatives to walk and talk and play with. Mike-y is up there now enjoying the right of a newcomer to let everybody know that HIS dad is the best dad in the universe. I have asked my gentle Gretta to take Mike-y under her wing (figuratively) and show Mike-y around his Perfect home. The happiest day in both of your lives will be when you join him in the Perfect World.
Meanwhile, your pain is unbelievable! Especially when it's compounded by the questioning that every beloved goes through when their soulmate leaves them. Yes, Steve, you DID do the right thing by trying to help Mike-y stay healthy. You took him to the vet ever so many times and followed the vet's instructions to a T. But you saw Mike-y suffering and in kindness and love, chose to set him free. My second dog, Rufus, a half black lab-half Newfie (my Big Black Dog) got sick and went home when I was half a continent away helping my younger sister who had just been diagnosed with a fatal disease. Rufus was found to have spleen cancer which is inoperable because it is not a solid mass but a tangle of newly-formed blood vessels. It had spread to his pericardium and was slowly crushing his heart. He had to go over all by himself and I still weep over that (a year ago) and tell him how sorry I am - which, of course he understands. I am in several family crises right now and I often call on him to help me with his strong back, to help me "parent" the situations and, like the Black Giant, get up and do what has to be done. I write to both of them here on LS, too.
Steve, right now EVERYTHING seems empty because you look around and think 'This is where Mike ate' or 'Remember how we played in the grass last summer' or 'last week Mike warmed my feet as I slept.' Your body knows that your heart cannot stand this kind of stress so it has put you on protective shut-down. I call it the "robot" period. You go through the minimum motions like a robot. And the rest of the time you grieve - or sleep. Take as long as you have to in this robot-time. At some time, the screaming-grief will creep in - but in it's own time.
I am sorry for how LONG this post has become. I wanted to tell you about things that had helped me go through this excruciating experience. Do it in your own way, on your own time. MIke-y is right there with you. Some people get signs from their soulmates, some don't. So don't feel bad is you are one of those whose soulmate has enough confidence in that he doesn't send signs. But look for subtle things. Gretta sent me one sign. Rufus is helping me develop my strength so he hasn't sent a visible sign, but i still feel his presence often. Like when I go into the kitchen and start opening a package of food. Then I have to look at the door to the kitchen because I know he's there.
Steve, you have come to the right place. This is THE best group site I have ever found. Here people DO understand what you're going through because they've been there. Here no one will ever tell you what you SHOULD do. We are a band of brothers and sisters who support each other and come to the rescue 24/7.
Please excuse all the typos there are likely to be in this post. I'm getting old but I know if I proof this, I will cry all day. Please rest in the knowing the Mike-y lives, he's in a perfect World, and most of all ........He loves you.
Gretta and Rufus's mom
Hi, Steve, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Mike. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.
Steve, please let me reassure you that what you and your wife are feeling is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. Getting the ashes of our beloved companion is indeed a two sided coin: on the one side it is a relief to have them back home where they belong yet the other side of the coin is another blatant "reality check" that they are no longer physically with us in the way that our hearts and arms long and ache for.
Both CritzyJ and Gretta's Mom have shared with you much of what is in my heart. This grief adjustment journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. There are many different emotions we experience that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. One of the many emotions we ALL feel is guilt / remorse, and it is one of the hardest emotions to reconcile for it comes from looking back and trying to reconcile all the things that didn't quite make sense at the time, and all the "whys" and "if onlys" that haunt our heart that is filled with the deepest sorrow we never imagined possible. Hopefully in time as your deep grief eases you will find a peace in your heart that you did the very best for your beloved Mike at all times and in all circumstances, and you will know your beloved Mike is forever thankful to you and your wife for being his Forever Mom and Dad.
There are no "good byes" to be said to our beloved companions when they precede us to the angels - - for their sweet Living Spirits are always and forever with us in our hearts and our memories. NOTHING in heaven or on earth can separate us from their eternal love, nor separate us from them as they patiently wait for our appropriate time to join them in eternal joy. We are forever united in a love bond that is eternal - - a love bond that is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space.
Steve, I know all too well from firsthand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you and your wife some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief journeys.
Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Mike with us. What a handsome boy he is!! You and your wife are so very blessed to be his sole, and soul, heirs to his eternal love. Please know you and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Steve, please let me reassure you that what you and your wife are feeling is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. Getting the ashes of our beloved companion is indeed a two sided coin: on the one side it is a relief to have them back home where they belong yet the other side of the coin is another blatant "reality check" that they are no longer physically with us in the way that our hearts and arms long and ache for.
Both CritzyJ and Gretta's Mom have shared with you much of what is in my heart. This grief adjustment journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. There are many different emotions we experience that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. One of the many emotions we ALL feel is guilt / remorse, and it is one of the hardest emotions to reconcile for it comes from looking back and trying to reconcile all the things that didn't quite make sense at the time, and all the "whys" and "if onlys" that haunt our heart that is filled with the deepest sorrow we never imagined possible. Hopefully in time as your deep grief eases you will find a peace in your heart that you did the very best for your beloved Mike at all times and in all circumstances, and you will know your beloved Mike is forever thankful to you and your wife for being his Forever Mom and Dad.
There are no "good byes" to be said to our beloved companions when they precede us to the angels - - for their sweet Living Spirits are always and forever with us in our hearts and our memories. NOTHING in heaven or on earth can separate us from their eternal love, nor separate us from them as they patiently wait for our appropriate time to join them in eternal joy. We are forever united in a love bond that is eternal - - a love bond that is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space.
Steve, I know all too well from firsthand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you and your wife some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief journeys.
Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Mike with us. What a handsome boy he is!! You and your wife are so very blessed to be his sole, and soul, heirs to his eternal love. Please know you and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
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