I am totally distraught. I just lost my second and final dog Monday around 1am.

I adopted 2 lab/keshond mixes in 2004, just after I moved out of my mothers and into a new home. They were 4 months old when i got them from a rescue place. I fell in love with them immediately. I also remember thinking (and periodically) that I would lose them one day. And those days have now come and gone. They were sisters. Ruby and Diamond.

I lost Ruby on Dec 20, 2012 just before Christmas, completely unexpectedly. It was about 7am, I was on christmas vacation. My wife had already gone to work (she's a teacher, it was her second to last day of school). I got up and found Ruby laying in the walk-in closet, which was very strange. I said "come on Ruby let's go eat". Her sister Diamond jumped up, but Ruby didn't move, just wagged her taiil slightly. I went over and helped her get up, thinking maybe she was just teasing me or her legs were hurting or something. She stood up, stumbled down the hall, then fell over.

I panicked. I got her in the car, and the nearest ER vet is 15 minutes drive. About half way there, she died in the car. She had a bowel movement and I knew she was gone. I was DEVASTATED. The vet couldn't really say what happened, but think a mass of some kind maybe burst, or a heart attack. She was healthy, not overweight, so I don't know. But she was my first to go.

But I had Diamond still, so she got double the love. I became very overprotective of her and the next day I called to get her in for a full checkup just to be cautious. On the examination, a small growth was found near her front teeth. The vet said it looked benign but wanted to send it out anyways just in case. It came back malignant malinoma. Again, DEVASTATED. So i got her into the oncologist vet. They did a CT scan of her jaw, and gave her 3-6 months to live, even if I did a jaw surgery and put her on a malignoma vaccine. They did'nt know if it had spread but they said we caught it very early, normally it's not caught that early.

So I opted to drop the 10,000 and do all of this. They cut out a small part of her upper jaw, she lost the canine tooth up front and the 4 insicors or whatever, but otherwise you coudln't really tell she had surgery. They got good margins. They also took out her lymphnode on that side and it came back negative, so no cancer had spread. They wouldn't say she was cured, but I believe she was. I put her on a cancer diet anyways, and kept her on the expensive vaccine (booster every 6 months 600 bucks each). I cooked every meal for 7 or 8 months, chicken, sweet potatoes primarily, olive oil...etc. She loved it.

She had just been to the vet for a skin infection which she would commonly get. she was suspectible to allergies and such, ear infections most of her life. So it wasn't shocking to have these issues. But about 3-4 weeks ago she wa at the vet. No problems.

Since my first dog had died, I had grown those 'parental ears' that hear everything at night. If my dog was licking i'd wake up. Anything.

January 27 at around 1am both my wife and I woke up to her breathing really shallow and fast. It wasn't normal at all. We peaked to see her laying on her side eyes wide open, breathing like that. I immediately panicked. It brought back bad memories from my first one dying. Diamond had also pooped, which scared me because I took it as a sign of death coming. My wife is a trained professional to handle crisis situations so she did'nt panic, she just said "ok let's just get her going to the vet". Of course it's a blizzard out, 1am, nothing plowed (thanks God), and 15 minutes to the nearest emergency vet (in good weather). We hurried as fast as possible. I sat in the back with her on the way, and she was alive, her head on my lap. I just kept telling her to hold on and that i love her.

We got her there, and I rushed her into the vet. Put her on the table, and walked out. A minute or two later the vet came out and said that her heart had stopped and asked if I wanted them to do CPR. I said YES of course. Did'nt know what was going on. Another minute or two later the vet came back out and said that she's showing signs that she's gone, and they could continue but there is a lot of fluid in her abdnomen and they believe she had a mass on her spleen rupture, which is fairly common. I chose to let her go. Heartbroken.

I had her cremated and they brought her to me yesterday, in a really nice marble urn. It matches what I got for Ruby. This morning was the hardest morning of my life, becuase my routine was different. Diamond would always get up with me and sit against the chair watching me make breakfast. She'd always stay up until I left, then she would go back to bed. I don't know how to deal with this.

I am devastated, and I don't want to accept it. When I was having a major panic attack during this ordeal, I wanted to die. I wanted to go with her into death. They were my life. And I know that sounds bad because I have a wife but I had these dogs before i met my wife. 10 years. They went through alot with me over 10 years.

My wife and I don't even want to think about getting another pet. We both feel this is way too hard. Life has a way of making you accept things. Right now I don't want to accept it.

I'm in Michigan and there is still a lot of snow on the ground. I can still see Diamond's paw prints in the snow out back. We've cleaned up all of her stuff. I threw out all her meds that I had for her, we are giving the remaining food to the local shelter, and giving her beds away to family and friends. It is SOOOO hard to deal with this.

Dave

Hi, Dave, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical losses of your beloved Ruby and Diamond. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing two companions in a short period of time intensifies the grief.

Dave, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eterinty. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is a journey that cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts, and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time, but it is a journey that you do not travel alone for each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Dave, this journey is not one of "acceptance" but rather one of "adjustment to" the physical absence of your beloved Ruby and Diamond. Words like "acceptance", "moving on", "closure", etc., were developed in the clinical bereavement jargon in the 1970's, 1980's, when hospice services were starting here in the United States. However, even the clinical professionals are now recognizing that there is no such thing as "acceptance" and "closure" to events in our lives that are traumatic - - and losing a beloved companion, or multiple beloved companions, qualifies as a life changing traumatic event.

When we embrace our companions into our hearts, our lives are changed are for the better. They literally become the center of our universe and our daily routines revolve around their every need - - medical, physical, and emotional. They are dependent upon us for their every need. They give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them without fear of rejection. When they precede us to the angels our lives are changed again. We are faced with the enormous task of "re-inventing" our lives and establishing "new normals" that no longer include the daily routines and needs of our beloved companions. This is a very painful adjustment -- both emotionally and physically - - and it is an adjustment that can only be made one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your own time.

But there is one thing that NEVER changes, Dave, and that is the eternal love you and your beloved Ruby and Diamond share. Love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Ruby's and Diamond's sweet Living Spirits continue to share your earthly journey now as they always have and always will, for they are always and forever a part of your heart and memories, Dave - - they are always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

Dave, there is no doubt you did everything in your power to give your beloved Ruby and Diamond a happy and healthy earthly journey. Some people find it helpful to put away their beloved companion's things to help ease the painful reminders that their companions are no longer physically with them. When it comes to donating items, sometimes it is better to wait until after the deep grief eases so that you can better decide what you want to donate and what you would like to keep. But only you and your wife can truly know what is best for you to do.

I do so know from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there really are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Ruby and Diamond with us, Dave. Perhaps sometime you would like to share a picture of them with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks for the response. I'm reading your post at work and I'm fighting back the tears. It's so hard to get through this.

I tried to upload some pictures from my phone but the images are too big. I will do that when I get home later, from the desktop computer. I don't know that I'll ever accept that they are gone, but life has a way of forcing us to move on. I don't think i 100% ever got over my first dog's death a year ago. I still am up at night upset about it on occasion, but not as intense as I was at first. This morning was very hard. Everywhere I looked I was reminded of my dogs.

It is going to take awhile to adjust to new routines like you said.

Ruby has the red (right) collar, diamond has the purple collar. This picture was taken in June, 2012. Ruby died later that year, December 20.

Here's a couple more.

It is breaking my heart to look at these right now. I want them back. I'd do anything.
The professional one was taken when they were about 1 years old (2005). The other pic was taken in the middle of 2012.

Hi, Dave, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing, and these WONDERFUL pictures of your beloved Ruby and Diamond. They are soooo beautiful - - and from the expression in their eyes and on their faces they KNOW they are loved. They are so blessed to have you for their Forever Dad, and you are blessed to have their eternal love.

I hope today is treating you and your wife kindly, Dave, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ruby's and Diamond's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.'

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I miss so many things about them. I'm crying right now as I look at the pictures I put up.

I miss Ruby's pointy head. I used to play peek-a-boo with her on the floor. She'd get up under my arms and bury her head under mine. Diamond would do that sometimes, but Diamond's thing was coming over to the couch as I'm laying down on it, and putting her face into the pillow to expose the back of her neck so I could rub her neck. That was her thing. And, she used to lift her paw up gently, to gently ask for you to pet her. Ruby was the more mischievous one, wanting to check out everything, be nosy. Diamond didn't care about everything going on, and was the calmer one.

When I used to take them for walks I had to put a bridge on between them so that Ruby wouldn't constantly wander off the sidewalk. She felt she needed to sniff every tree, look at every leave, etc. Diamond just wanted to walk on the sidewalk. It was funny when they'd get all tangled up, poor things.

They were the best dogs ever. They were not highly trained dogs, as I never put them into training or hunted with them. They were just your best friends. They were cuddly, soft, friendly, not a mean bone in their bodies. Before my wife moved in, I used to let them sleep with me in my queen size bed. Most nights was a little annoying as they'd find a way sometimes to trap me under my sheets. One 60lb dog on one side, and the other on the other side. I couldn't move. But I didn't want to. One morning I woke up and they were both laying the same direction as me, with their heads on the pillow, out like little light bulbs. I wish I had a picture of all 3 of us sleeping that day, because it was PRICELESS. Like 3 stooges in the bed together.


It was a little easier at work today. I tried to just stay busy, and I only felt like crying a few times. It's at home that is hardest. I dread getting up in the morning, without the dogs around to get up with me. I dread coming in the front door after work, so I sit in my car for a little bit before I come into the house.

Both the urns are next to each other on the floor in my bedroom, next to the dresser. I feel better that they are in the room with me at all times. I can feel their spirits but I can't see them, smell them, hear them, and it hurts so much. When I got home today i sat down in front of the urns and told them how much I missed them and loved them, and that I'd never forget them, and I wished they were still here. I told them I was sorry I couldn't save them from their bodies failing them, and that if I would have known they had some kind of medical issue I would have addressed it. I still feel like I want my life to just be over with so that I can spend eternity with them. I really hope that is an option when I die. It makes me want to be a better person in this life so that I can get the chance to be with them forever.

After I had lost Ruby, I had dreaded the day I would lose Diamond. I always thought she would make me have to choose to euthanize her, and I am thankful I didn't have to do that and God decided to take her quickly. And I always said I wouldn't get any more dogs because this is way too hard. But I have been rethinking that lately. I don't know if that's because I just long to not feel alone, or some other reason. My wife is very against it, as she is having a hard time as well. She's been stronger than me but I think she's being that way for my benefit. She knew me for 90% of their lives, so she was around a lot. But still, they were my dogs. I paid for them, every bag of food, every visit to the vet, any surgeries they had, etc. They were mine, exclusively. I think if I ever do get more dogs they will have to be labs. That's the most recent experience I've had with regard to dogs, but I just had such a great experience with them that I want more. And, I'll get 2 again, from a rescue.

I have such a big hole in my heart right now. I just hope that there is an afterlife.

I was just going through old emails from when I first inquired about Ruby and Diamond from the rescuer. This was my email back to the rescue lady on the first night that I had them. It made me cry to read it, but I think back to when I first got them and how I fell in love with them the first time I saw them. The day I took them, one of my neighbor's daughters happened to walk by and pet them. I hadn't thought of names yet for the dogs, and she said "they look like Ruby and Violet". I LOVED RUBY but I didn't like Violet, and I think my sister came up with "diamond". The other names mentioned were what the rescuer gave the dogs temporarily. I'm not very creative. SInce these were my first dogs after moving from my mother's house, I was very nervous about having them. I wanted to do everything right, which is why I sound nervous in the email. This was on June 4, 2004. The first day at my house, Ruby peed on me when I picked her up, and Diamond walked into my house and pooped on the floor by the wall in the living room...wasn't in there more than 5 minutes.

When Ruby Died, she peed on me (she was already gone, but it's poetic) as I was carrying her into the VET, and Diamond pooped in the house before I picked her up to rush her to the VeT on the day she died. As disgusting as any other person would think this is, I loved it.


"I think I am going to name them Ruby and Diamond. I really liked Ruby but
not the VIOLET that the little girl said when she was here, but I like
Diamond. So it would be Cierra = Ruby and Lexus = Diamond.

They have been playing alot, then sleeping, then playing, then sleeping.
Ruby has not pooped yet though. Diamond went twice already! They both
pee'd twice.

I just want them to both be happy. I hope my yard is enough for them."

Hi, Dave, thank you so much for sharing wiith us how you're doing. I can so relate to how you're managing at work. I remember so well the drives into work sobbing, then struggling to keep the "public face" on during the day in the office - - being ever so thankful for the privacy of the restroom where I could retreat to regain my composure so that I could go back to my desk. And then the moment I closed the door on the car to drive home the dam of tears bursting open with gut wrenching sobbing. There were times when I thought I would never be able to stop crying, but eventually the tears do ease which is a good sign that our hearts are on the path to healing from the deepest sorrow.

Some people think that if they suppress their sorrow that it will make the pain of their grief less intense. Clinical studies prove that suppressed grief is not healthy, for the stress of suppressed grief can eventually lead to serious health issues that will need to be addressed, sometimes in an emergency situation. Scientific studies prove that the tears we cry are literally healing tears for they literally cleanse our bodies from the toxic chemicals that build up in our bodies from the stress of grief. So it is important that you, and your wife, find healthy ways to release your deep sorrow.

I hope today is treating you and your wife kindly, Dave, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ruby's and Diamon's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers, Dave, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello Firehawk. I too am new to this site and Gretta's mom and Moon beam are just wonderful, beyond words. I just lost my 4 yo Cavalier spaniel Anna on 1/28. I too cry in waves of grief and just can;t believe she is gone. My husband is grieving as hard as I am. He had to put away her bed, which I understand and support his needs to grieve as he needs to. I have kept a toy in my car that Anna carried in her mouth. (She always carried a toy for a car ride.) I've also left her nose prints on the sliding glass door. Normally i'm a neurotic house cleaner. There are places I won't be able to go to for a while. She loved to go to pet smart where i would let her look at the birds and do a little bark at the hissing cats. (I chuckle a little in memory). There is also a park nearby where we took Anna to meet other dogs and their owners. it will be a long time, if ever, before we can walk there.

today I was walking aimlessly through a Marshall's store, just for something to do. I think anna was with me, because so many people stopped to talk with me in firendly ways. (Maybe i looked as sad as I felt). Then, in the checkout line, I spied journal books and bought one. I have started writing to Anna about what i am feeling and memories of her.

take care and know that you are not alone, Joy

I don't know how long it is supposed to take to get over. It's day 5 and I can't tolerate being at home. Went out with the wife tonight to a friend's place. We were all supposed to go to dinner at 5, but one of their friends was late and meanwhile we're standing around waiting at my wife's friends. They're all laughing and giggling. I'm standing there just thinking about my dogs. I actually got annoyed that they were laughing and I told my wife I was going home. It annoys me that my wife can go put on the happy face. I just didn't want to sit around listening to it.

So I left.

I dreaded walking into the house, because it's silent and I feel alone. When Diamond died, it took a piece of me. I am sure I'll live but I can't do anything at all around this house without thinking about my dogs. There are nose prints all over the patio door that I don't want to be taken off. On Tuesday, the day after she died, I went and took pictures of the snow in the backyard, because her paw prints were still in the snow. Today we got more snow so now the prints are gone. Come spring when i have to clean up the yard, it's going to hurt. I remember cleaning up after Ruby last year and it was very hard.

There's dog fur on the basement steps and I don't want to pick it up. Even way down in my basement in the workout room, there's some fur that somehow managed to get down there. I want to leave it there forever.

I went to get a serving of peanut butter, and I always used to give diamond a butter knife of peanut butter when I got some. She was like my little bodybuilder doggy. She wanted to be where I was all the time. When I'd sit at the dining room table, she'd come over and sit right next to my chair. She'd never beg for food, she'd just sit there and let me know she was there, just in case I wanted to give her something, but she never tried to take food off my plate. Ruby used to though...and I adored her for it.

I miss them both so much.

I just don't know how I'm going to get past this. It might take getting more dogs, because I feel so empty and alone. It is sad to say that because I have my wife. But there's a special bond I think, with animals, that maybe even humans don't have with other humans. I have never, ever, ever felt alone like this in my life. The only common thread is that These were my first dogs, and they were my children. That's how I view them.

When I came home tonight I talked to them. I said that daddy was home, and daddy misses you. Just typing that makes me upset. I don't know why but I also said I am sorry and that I wish you were here. I don't hold guilt over their deaths, as I spent a lot on their health and if I had known whatever ailment they had that took them away, I would have done what I could to make sure I could keep them healthy. But whatever took both my dogs went unseen, and they went fast, so I am sure it was something that just made their little hearts stop beating quickly, and wasn't detectable unless you were looking for it. Both had just been to the vet 1 month or less before each died. I don't feel guilt really, but I do feel like I was their protector and I feel like I have to apologize because I couldn't save them.

Dave, i can relate to the nose prints and leaving other physical reminders of Anna in place. We live near Philadelphia and had a lot of snow this winter and below freezing temps Anna died on 1/28 . her nose prints are on the sliding glass door and her tracks are in the snow. We got a dusting which faded them but they're still there.

She always carried a toy in her mouth for a car ride and her last toy (that she took when we took her to the hospital for the last time) is still there.

I'm keeping her bowls in the kitchen for water for our kitty, even though her bowls are in the basement.

I agree with Gretta's mom and Moon beam that each of us grieve in our own way, including your wife. My husband had to put away Anna's bed right away. he just couldn't take seeing it. that was okay with me, though I would have kept it there a llittle longer. But her nose prints and some toys remain until i'm ready to pick which ones to keep and which to get rid of.

Her ashes and a clay paw print will come soon from Univ of Pa. that will be hard, but we'll have a special place for them.

Today i bought a journal (I think Anna made sure I saw the journal books in a checkout line). I started writing to her about how I am feeling and some memories of her sweet and quirky personality.

Pour out your soul here, because we all get it. so sorry for your profound and real losses. You are not alone. Joy

The ER vet made me a clay paw print of both my dogs when they died. There's a place called Faithful Companion that does the cremations. When Ruby died I wanted the very best urn they had, didn't care what the cost was. It was a black marble urn and I had her name engraved on it. Diamond got a matching one with her name on it. When I look at them now I just still don't want to accept that they are gone. I can't believe it.

Diamond's clay print is still drying. I've saved their bowls (had their name on each) and was going to get rid of the leashes but I put them back in storage. I have big pictures on my desk of each dog, with a frame that says "You Had Me at WOOF". I fight the tears everytime I see it. My boss knows and understands how close I was to my dogs. When I'm at work I can usually stay busy enough, but right now it's just being at home, and everything I do.

Diamond used to sit against one of the oversized chairs in the great room and watch me make breakfast in the kitchen everyday. She did that just about every morning for years. I look at that spot every morning this week and want to cry. I have been talking to both of them this week, every day, telling them I miss them. I'm sure if my wife heard me doing that she'd think I was going nuts. But whatever.

When there's a death in the family it just puts things back into perspective. Nonsense, politics that go on in the workplace that I usually stress about just no longer matter anymore.

When we had to rush Diamond to the VET on 1/27 just before she died, we took towels with us in the car (wife did, I don't really know what she was expecting)...but I left the towel that I had her wrapped in, still in the car. I've looked at that towel every morning and every afternoon every day this week. I don't want to take it out of my car.

I keep replaying the situation in my head. I did that with Ruby for a good 6 months after she died. I keep thinking if there was something I missed...in the days leading up to Diamond's death. I did that A LOT with Ruby because Ruby's death was so shocking, and I had never gone through something like this before. Like I said before I just woke up and found Ruby laying in the walk-in closet, as if she wanted to just go away and lie down to die. She was 90% gone when i found her. She could only wag her tail a little when I would say "hey come on let's go outside". She couldn't even lift her head. I don't know what transpired between the night before, and the morning of...but whatever it was, I guess it was God's will. As an engineer, I don't deal well with uncertainties like these. In my field there's always a fix, always a solution. I rack my brain trying to think of what I missed. But I guess that's pointless now.

When Diamond was diagnosed with malinoma cancer in January 2013 I was very angry with the oncology vet. They cost a lot of money and they can't tell me ANYTHING certain and they're the experts. I just didn't deal with it well, and I got angry. But, she didn't die from that. And I think because I acted so fast, and because Ruby died and essentially saved Diamond's life by making me overprotective, we caught it really early and she got to live at least another 6 months. The vet told me had it not been found the statistics were that she had about 3-6 months to live. So I guess I'm thankful I got to have her another year. And I'm thankful that even though I had to lose them, I didn't have to choose to put them down, and that they went quick and hopefully painlessly.

We spent quite a lot of money on Anna also and we would do it again, even though in her case. she died about 3 or 4 weeks after her first symptoms. But in the beginning they thought it was inflammatory bowel disease, which can be managed with meds and diet in many cases. She perked up for a week or 2, but got sick again. this time they saw bowel cancer tumors and the biopsy came back that it was a very aggressive kind. Plus she probably had a blood clot in her lung, which made her short of breath.

We did have her euthanized. It was very, very sad, but Univ of PA does it as sweetly as it can be done. Anna was on my lap, wrapped in a blanket. She kissed our faces and we had time to tell her how much we loved her and what a good good girl she had been. then she had a medicine that put her to sleep before the med that stopped her breathing.

I think in time we'll get another dog. I'm going to research pet insurance and see what one to get.

Joy

I will also research pet insurance. By the time I got the notion to get pet insurance, she had already come down with the cancer. Would have probably saved a lot had I had the insurance, but oh well. It's only money. When you lose a life, whether it's a human or a pet, it just goes to show how precious life is...and no dollar bill or whatever currency can buy that.

Hi, Dave, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I do so understand how you're feeling when you share with us: "I actually got annoyed that they were laughing and I told my wife I was going home. It annoys me that my wife can go put on the happy face. I just didn't want to sit around listening to it." It is very hard to put on the "public face" when our hearts are deeply grieving. We have to do this during the week when we're at work, but there comes a time during the day when we need to give ourselves the opportunity to openly grieve for the loved ones who are no longer physically with us. This doesn't mean your wife is not grieving in her own way, Dave - - we all grieve differently and have different needs in our individual grief journeys.

And you are also right when you share with us: "When there's a death in the family it just puts things back into perspective. Nonsense, politics that go on in the workplace that I usually stress about just no longer matter anymore." During the deep grief nothing makes sense, and nothing seems to matter because our hearts are deeply grieving for the physical loss of a loved one who changed our life for the better. Now our lives are changed again, and we are faced with the enormous task of defining a "new normal" that is very painful both emotionally and physically.

Our human relationships are different from the relationships we have with our precious companions. Our precious companions give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention. They accept us for who were are - - regardless of our social status, our financial wealth or lack thereof, and regardless of where we live be it in a tent, an expressway underpass, a modest home, or a mansion. They simply love us for who we are, and this is why we surrender ourselves to them without fear of rejection. Our human relationships come with expectations on every level at every age - - expectations of behaviors, expectations to succeed, expectations to excel, expectations of acceptance, and on and on and on. We are blessed when we have human relationships that are supportive and caring and loving, but there are expectations of reciprocity, and when these expectations are not met for whatever reason then the relationship changes, and sometimes ceases to exist. Our precious companions are ALWAYS on OUR SIDE regardless if we "live up" to society's and other people's expectations. This doesn't mean that we love our human companions, friends, spouses, relatives less - - it simply means our relationships with them are on a different level.

When my beloved Black Lab Oslo and number one kitty son Eli were with me I did have insurance policies on both of them, and they did come in handy. Like human health insurance the premiums for health insurance for our companions increase every year to reflect the increased costs for veterinary care. It is always good to check out health coverage for your precious companions, but you might find it equally easier to put aside that money you pay in premiums for a "health savings account" for your precious companions so that you would have funds on hand to pay for their medical needs as they are needed. It's just a thought for you to consider as you compare the benefits of insurance.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Dave, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ruby's and Diamond's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Dave, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I am truly sorry to read about your loss. I have not visited this site for a few years, because it tugs at my heart a little too much… What beautiful creatures your two dogs were!

Their photos may be a little too much to dwell on right now. They are living moments in life, and you know all too well how ephemeral they are. It is in quiet times it when you will feel the loss the most, especially when it is dark. It’s OK to grieve a lot and for a long time. I used to think about the time that I had to wait (till the end of my life) to see them again. I don’t want an early death, but the thought of not seeing them till the end, is just so depressing.

I have no children, but feel that losing a pet is similar to losing a child. They are children who love us no matter what, eat on the floor and usually don’t speak English. And no matter how long they live, it is never long enough, we usually outlive them. They don’t want to leave us either! Cancer is a terrible disease to watch. So sad.

One day though, you may wake up and not have Diamond's loss as your first thought in the day. The sun will shine, and you may just feel a little normal. You brain is giving you a little break from sorrow. Expressing yourself to your loved ones, to those who understand and on this site does help- we come to this site to know that we are not alone. Getting another pet may help, but I don’t know. I have another cat now, who fell into our laps, and she has managed to train both my husband I in record time to do her bidding.

You may not know it but eventually you will be able to think about and talk about your lost pets and smile, and even laugh at the wonderful things they did, and marvel at how smart they were. When you have a partner in life, you share both the grief and the wonderful memories. As long as you remember Ruby and Diamond, they are not gone, just waiting patiently for you in another place.

After 5 years, I was finally able to put a photo on my desktop at work. It gives me joy to see it. Remember what you are feeling now is perfectly normal, and expected. Please know that there are many who come to this site, who never comment, but understand everything you are going through. May you find consolation and joy again in life.

It's already been 1 week today since I lost diamond, and just over 13 months since I lost Ruby. I was thnking about Diamond as I went to bed last night, and thinking about her this morning as I made my breakfsat. I sometimes talk to her under my breath. This morning I just said "hi diamond, I love you baby" kind of under my breath, as I made my breakfast.

I think my wife is already growing frustrated with me. Was supposed to go out with her and her friends friday night. I drove separately in case they wanted to do something more and I just had wanted to go with them to dinner. Well we got to her friends' house. One friend was late (about an hour), and while we were waiting around, everybody else (including my wife) is laughing it up like normal. I just don't put on happy faces like that. So I just stood there, until one of my wife's friends asked me why I was upset (and she already knewmy dog died). I almost snapped. I said "because my dogs are dead". And about 5 minutes later I told my wife "i'm leaving, I can't stand to be here". She understood, but she was sad that I left. She's been kind of giving me the cold shoulder all weekend. She said she doesn't know what to say to me since Friday.

As if there's anything that could be said...anyway, it does bug me a bit that she seems over it already. But I guess, they weren't her dogs, her babies. I think I viewed them differently than she did. In her line of work she deals with children getting very sick and dying (she teaches special ed) and maybe she's just used to death more than me. I have not had anybody really close to me in my family die so I haven't dealt with this stuff much. But I definitely can't put on a smile when I am not in the mood to smile.

Time just keeps ticking. Relentlessly.

Every once in a while I talk to my favorite little friend and tell him that I still love him. Since he is not limited by time or space, he can be anywhere I am. My husband also was too distressed to linger on our pets after they passed, and tends to just move on. I know he misses them terribly, but having that new kid to dote on does help.
I don't think your wife is really "over it" but sometimes the burden is just too much to think about it every day..
Even if you don't feel like going out or doing normal activities, it can be a good thing. You can think about anything you want in your head and no one knows, but activities will distract a little bit. Exercise will burn off some of the frustration. When you get out with others, and mention that you recently lost you dog, you would be surprised how many animal lovers will respond in kind: how hard it was, how they think about them, or that was the best friend I had, etc. If someone doesn’t respond, drop the subject. Moonbeam is right, it is unhealthy to suppress our feelings. It may not alleviate the pain for you, but I think just hearing how important they are in our lives is reassuring: it validates our own feelings.
Time seems like an enemy now, because there is so much sadness. But nothing is static in life, and there is no hurrying the inevitable changes that come.

Hi, Dave, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. When we are in deep grief, sometimes other people around us think they need to DO SOMETHING or SAY SOMETHING to help us "feel better." And when they see this failing - - as it often does - - they feel a failure in offering comfort and support. There is a bit of a "callous" that forms around people who are in professions who deal with others who are critically / terminally ill or seriously physically / mentally challenged. This is necessary for them to be able to offer the professional skills to help their clients / patients. Having worked in a medical office with clinical staff I can understand how you feel about your wife's apparent inability to show, or express, her feelings about the physical losses of your beloved Ruby and Diamond. However, this doesn't mean she doesn't care. I hope you and your wife will be able to find a way to share your feelings of grief and loss together - - which will enable you to comfort one another in the way each of you need.

It never ceases to amaze me how time continues to march forward without missing a beat - - jobs get done, chores get done, bills get paid, meals get fixed and eaten, laundry gets washed, etc., - - as before our lives are changed by the physical loss of a beloved companion - - but without the enthusiasm and zest that was a part of "what used to be." It is an incredibly painful process of establishing "new normals", and it is a process that can only be achieved one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in our own way and in our time.

Eventually, though, the deep grief eases, Dave, and hopefully in time you will find a peace in your heart that will help you to know that your beloved Ruby and Diamond want you to be happy again - - in whatever way this is possible. Until this time comes for you, please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Dave, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ruby's and Diamond's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Dave, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dave, i think Moon beam must be the wisest person on earth when it comes to grieving our furbabies and grief in general. It was a week ago today that the intensive care vet at Penn called to say our Anna was very, very sick and an autopsy had confirmed virtually untreatable cancer as well as clots to her lungs. I was at work and had to keep functioning, knowing we would euthanize her the next day. It was so very hard, but I'm in a position at a hospital that can't be left "uncovered" and I had to wait until the end of my shift. I cried while talking with the vet, but had to wait until I got to my car to really sob.

Many others, even pet owners, don't grieve in the same way we are. I cry some each day. Sometimes 1/2 a day goes by and I haven't done anything but think about Anna and walk around aimlessly. Yesterday, it was a little warmer outside and I went running. but i kept passing places where i used to walk Anna, just a couple of weeks ago, so it was sad too. Today, though, some of my facebook friends from work were very dear about expressing their sadness for me and I was able to talk to them without breaking down, especially to one who also had a cavalier spaniel. We're very partial to the breed, as I'm sure you are to wonderful labs.

Like Moon beam and Phoebe kitty, I hope you and your wife will find peace and understanding in your relationship with your wife. Joy

Are you talking about the King Charles spaniard? If you are, my mother is obsessed with those dogs. She has 2, and gets together with a club every now and then (25 of those dogs in one house...interesting).

Well, I 'had it out' with my wife just a little while ago about what happened last Friday when I ended up not being able to go out with her friends and just left. It's been 8 days as of today since we lost Diamond (4 days on the day I bailed from going out). My wife told me that it is abnormal to be this upset over the loss of an animal, and while she isn't 'over' the loss of Diamond, she is able to function just fine and not dwell on it. And she also said I'm the only one she's ever seen that got this upset and wasn't back to functioning regularly within 1-2 days. I told her I was bothered by the fact she put on a happy face with her friends as though everything was back to normal. Her response was that it wasn't 'putting on a happy face', and that she was happy to be out with friends and wasn't hiding anything.

So basically she is making me feel like this is an atypical reaction to the death of my pets. Also she thinks it is concerning that when I referred to my dogs as "like my children". She thinks it isn't fair to say that because you can't compare animals to children. I told her from my standpoint, not having kids, all I know is having my dogs and that's the closest thing to me to having my own kids. She thinks it's an odd comparison.

She said I seem to have changed from being upset to being mad because I was 'snippy' with her over the weekend. She thinks I am suffering from depression. I don't know. I think this is my normal way of grieving. I will admit that I've been down about not having my dogs anymore. After all, I had them for the past 9+ yrs and lost both in a shocking manner. And yes while they are 'just dogs', they weren't just dogs to me. I am kind of surprised she is talking like this because she is an animal lover. I guess she just compartmentalizes things better than me in her mind. I can't shut it off like that.

Today I am feeling better than I was. I guess I'm starting to accept it, but it is still tough to come home and not see my dog here, and when I get up to not see Diamond sitting, watching me. Why is that abnormal? It's only been 8 days.

I know that all pet owners don't grieve the same way. Some can move on quicker than others. Some get new pets right away, maybe to ease the pain, maybe because they move on just that quick.

I don't like change, never did, never will. I like routine. I'm a creature of habit. So when anything changes, it automatically disturbs my way about things. When there are major changes, it upsets me more. But these were my babies...and apparently, that's a weird thing to say. I don't think so, but that's what my wife thinks. So, I'm not getting much support apparently from home.

Hi, Dave, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. You were very brave to have a "heart to heart" talk with your wife to try to resolve the friction between you. Sadly, while clinical professionals recognize that the grief journey for the physical loss of a beloved companion is identical to the physical loss of a human family member or friend, sometimes the people who are the closest to us both emotionally and geographically do not. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum is here as a safe place where we can come to share what is in our hearts about our beloved companions with those who truly do understand.

Dave, there is NOTHING wrong with you. In this situation, however, you and your wife are two different people with two different viewpoints on grieving. Even though you are now husband and wife, this does not mean you cease to exist as individuals - - for your experiences each of you had BEFORE you married are what makes each of you who you are NOW, and in the future. It is perfectly okay for you to refer to your beloved companions as your "children" - - as each of us here feel the same way - - including those who are blessed to have human children. I, too, am considered the "wierdo" among my siblings because I happen to value my companions EQUALLY to, and in some instances MORE THAN, the relationships I have with human family members and friends. It has been this way ALL of my life, and now that I am a very senior citizen I truly do not care what people think. I hope and pray you and your wife will be able to come through this together in a way that will bring you closer to each other.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Dave, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ruby's and Diamond's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Dave, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I didn't know that a clinical professional would tell me that the grief journey from the death of a pet or human relative is the same. It's good to know. I never bought into what she was saying, but it was upsetting that she would say it and that she would feel that way. I was surprised she was 'relatively' over the passing of my dogs this quickly, but at the same time, they were MY dogs.

I had them since they were 11 weeks, and I got them 1 week before I met my wife, but for the first several years I only saw my wife during the weekends primarily based on schedule, so she wasn't around all the time when my dogs were growing up. Maybe there is a little bit of jealousy mixed into how my wife is feeling. I've expressed how empty I feel with my dogs gone and maybe she is taking that personal. IT is amazing how exact dogs are with their senses. If it were 3:30am or something and my wife got up to use the bathroom, my dog wouldn't move from her bed. But if she heard me stirring, she'd jump right up. I don't know how my dog knew it was me stirring versus my wife, but she always did. And, Diamond would have her routine with me in the mornings, and when I got home she'd always sit by my side during my post-workout meal. I was the clear, recognized master with my dogs, and I just think even though my wife has been with me as my wife for the last 4 yrs now, it's still not the same, because they were MY dogs, and my dogs looked to me primarily as their owner. I just don't think my wife has thought about that; maybe it's painful for her to, or she just hasn't realized it.

Either way, I know how I feel, and I think it is normal, and the grieving I did and am doing is natural. And even if I was the 'oddball' and 'weird', and was the only one that referred to my dogs as my kids in the whole world, I would flip the bird at society. I was proud to have my dogs, and I'm not going to let anybody take away from the relationship I had with them, ever.

Hi, Dave, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Sadly, many people believe that a person who loves animals has to make a decision about loving their animals less and placing them below their human relationships. This is a conditioning our society still "demands" in relationships, and is one of the many reasons why I never found a human companion who could accept me for my love of animals - - because there was always the feeling of "competition" - - love me more than you love your dog or cat or bird or horse, and on and on and on. I never met anyone who desired companionship with me and who could love me BECAUSE I love my dog or cat or bird or horse, and on and on and on. It is through this forum that I have found acceptance among the many people who come here seeking comfort in their deepest sorrow.

My siblings have told me that they believe I "use" my precious companions as a buffer to prevent myself from having a close relationship with them and other people. Clinical professionals recognize that a person who can surrender themselves to the unconditional love of a companion animal has a HUGE capacity to love - - not just their beloved companions but human relationships who are an important, and intimate, part of their life. Sadly, because of many difficult family dynamics I am not close to my siblings, and they still repeatedly rebuff me because of my feelings about my precious companions - - and all animals.

I hope and pray that in time you will be able to talk to your wife about your feelings, and your wife will be able to better understand them, and love you for them. This may take some time and lots of patience, but please know you are always among friends here who truly do understand how you feel, Dave.

I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ruby's and Diamond's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Dave, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Dave and Moon Beam. I agree with everything both of you have said. Our capacity to love our pets very deeply and therefore grieve them very deeply is not in anyway abnormal. It's beautiful. Anna's ashes and paw print plaster arrived last night, in spite of a terrible ice storm we had in the Philadelphia area. It's kind of comforting to have them nearby. Having her physical remains makes her spiritual remains seem closer.

I'm lucky my husband is grieving very similarly to me. We both have bouts of crying, but also bouts of just heavy hearts as we go about work, etc. We both felt Anna (yes a King Charles Spaniel) was one of the strongest loves of our lives. Like your mother, Dave, I think I'm hooked on this breed, but not yet ready to get another while we're on this awful grief journey. I shouldn;t say "awful" because it's part of life, but I do wish there was a fast forward button.


I hope you and your wife can find a way back to each other. My husband and i have been to counselors several times over our long married lives (37 years!) and with the right therapist it can be very, very helpful........just an idea for you to consider. I'm sorry if that's inappropriate for me to suggest. Works for us.

Everyone out there, thanks so very much for sharing and comforting. Joy

We argued for a good 1.5 to 2 hours and then that was the end of it, basically. She has her opinions, I have mine, we both think we're 'right', and I'm going to feel the way I'm going to feel. I'm not going to try to feel some other way because someone else says I should, even if it's someone close to me. I value her opinion but I don't agree with her.

I also felt better once the ashes were returned to me, ESPECIALLY with Ruby. Since Ruby was my first to go, it was the most shocking. I was completely unprepared for that one. With Diamond, I had been through this once, and knew she had cancer, although I felt we cured her of it. She didn't die of the cancer she was diagnosed with, and it was a shock to wake up one morning finding her having a hard time breathing for sure...but I had been through this once recently so I guess looking back, that did help. But the part I hadn't been through is not having EITHER of them around. But, when Ruby's ashes came back to me (it took a good 3 days) I was able to settle down a little bit more. When Diamond came back, it helped, but when I look at their ashes sitting side by side near me at bedtime, it makes me sad. To go from a good dog to an urn, just tough to think about still.

Hi, Dave, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. There are times when two people who dearly love each other need to respect each other's differences, as you have shared with us about you and your wife in this time of deep sorrow for you: "I value her opinion but I don't agree with her." You and your wife are not clones of one another. Therefore, neither of you need to "change" your feelings - - respecting one another's individuality is a major part of love, particularly in times of disagreements.

I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ruby's and Diamond's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Dave, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I wanted to share this picture with everybody.

My mother's friend made this. She got the rainbow bridge photo, and superimposed a photo of Ruby and Diamond, Ruby is licking Diamond's face. It looks like they're in heaven.

I swear, I got choked up when I saw the dogs imposed on there. She made it for me as a picture, but I'm going to put it on my desk at work. Fighting the tears...

Ruby and Diamond are precious.

What a dear and beautiful picture gift from someone who knows how much you love and miss Ruby and Diamond.

Hi, Dave, thank you so very much for sharing this beautiful tribute to your beloved Ruby and Diamond. I know you will always treasure it.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I have some good news. My wife came up to me upset a couple hours ago and said she has been looking online to see what dogs are available for rescue because it is getting herder and harder for her since diamond died. The quiet house is making her more sad. So in a sense this is wonderful news because now we are looking for 2more dogs! Only issue now is i want more labs and she wants small dogs that shed little. She said it makes her nervous that had she been here alone she couldn't have carried diamond to the car in an emergency. I think she could have though. So, im happy we are looking for more. I was going to wait until summer when she is off work (teacher) but she doesn't want to wait.

Hi, Dave, thank you so much for sharing your news with us. It sounds like your wife is finally allowing herself to grieve for Ruby and Diamond, and you and your wife are now being able to share your sorrow together.

As a woman, and one who is the only human in the household, I can understand your wife's concerns about a larger dog to try to provide care for in an emergency situation. If you decide on Labs, or another similar size dog, you may want to get your wife a four-wheel wagon so that she can get the dog to the car and easily transfer the dog into the car so that she can take the dog to the vet in case you are not there to help carry and lift the dog into the car. Once they are at the vet, the vet techs can take over transferring the dog from the car to a litter to get the dog into the hospital for treatment. Hopefully you and your wife will be able to find a "system" that will work for her so that she is not afraid of being able to get your companions to a vet in case of an emergency should you not be there with her at the time.

I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ruby's and Diamond's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Dave, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Another thing that happened which was wonderful she was at her doctor for prescription refill and she started chatting with the doctor about how we had lost our dogs and about how I was feeling especially early on. The doctor told her that she also had lost her dog a few months ago and had to take 3 days off work and was deeply upset for weeks, and looked at her dog as her child as well.

That seemed to calm my wife down. She apologized to me today for saying what she said, about how she was wrong and apparently I 'knew what i was talking about'. I told her, I don't know what I'm talking about I just know how I felt and how I still feel. I don't need a professional to tell me how I should or shouldn't feel about the loss of my dog. It was my dog, and I viewed them as my children. I could care less waht the 'medical world' has to say about it.

I wasn't that abrasive as that sounds with her, but i did explain that I felt she was a bit out of line but was glad to see that now she understands that I'm not the only one that feels that way toward animals.

Moonbeam, I also told her what you said about how clinical professionals don't see a difference between grief over an animal or grief over a human. She was willing to listen this time, and nodded.

So I'm glad the friction is gone and that I can openly discuss getting more pets with her now. She seems to be leading the charge even. She's spent 7 hours today already looking up rescue places and such.

I'm happy, but at the same time still sad. I miss my babies very much. My wife was upset as she was explaining her conversation with the doctor. She said she is having a really hard time, and it is getting harder every day for her that the house is silent. I said "welcome to my world".

Dave, I'm just another grieving member of this site, but I too am so very glad for your relationship and that you both are opening your hearts for another or other dogs.

My husband and I have some trips planned and we're going to wait until we're home for a consistent basis before getting another dog. We need to talk about whether we'll get another cavalier king charles or adopt a sweet tempered dog from our SPCA. I've been looking on line at responsible breeders who are trying to breed cavaliers that don't have the heart disease problems. but unfortunately many really don';t have a long life span.

Our Anna was only 4 years old and the love of our lives. that's young even for a cavalier. I believe you said your mother has CKCS's. I'd be interested to know how her's have been health=wise.

My cousin just got a labrador retriever puppy that's bigger boned English type, OMG soooooo cute.

I think you and I both getting along a little better, having lost our dear dogs the same day. Moon beam is such a dear!!!!!!

Take care and good luck. Joy

My mom's CKCS's are in great health as far as I know. She takes them to a cardiologist every year to get their hearts checked. About 5 yrs ago she got her first CKCS and named him Luke. One day they let him out to go potty, and when they called for him he didn't come. They looked and saw him laying in the snow. Heart stopped on the spot. She was devastated. The breeder became good friends with my mom and because that happened she gave my mom a discount on another one. She has 2 now and loves them to pieces.

I'm not a big fan of the small dogs. Not that I dislike any animal but I just have my preferences. When I look at a chocolate or black lab face it just makes me melt. My wife is the same with the little dogs she's been searching online for all day haha. I told her we should'nt rush, but she's in a big hurry. I think she's hurting.

I told her I think we should wait until summer when she's off but she has the opposite view that it'd be better to cage them and get them used to being alone for a few hours at a time now instead of them getting used to someone always being home and then having the shock of nobody being home. She could be right.

I really don't know what's best but I don't think she's going to want to wait. I just told her we can get some sooner than summer but we should take our time finding the ones that make us melt when we see them, however long it takes.

Hi, Dave, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your wife are doing. I am soooo glad to share your news that you and your wife are now being able to share your sorrow together - - to be able to comfort one another.

Your wife does have some sound thinking about adopting a new companion sooner than summer when you share with us: " she has the opposite view that it'd be better to cage them and get them used to being alone for a few hours at a time now instead of them getting used to someone always being home and then having the shock of nobody being home. She could be right." Whenever you decide to embrace a new companion(s), one of the many important things is that you and your wife feel ready. Your beloved Ruby and Diamond are already guiding your paths to that moment in time when you and your wife will know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is the RIGHT TIME, and the RIGHT MATCH of companion(s).

And if I may offer an unsolicited suggestion: Please do not feel restricted to one type of companion -- many friendships have been formed between large and small housemates. So, if you want another Lab, please know a smaller dog for your wife will not be in harm's way.

I hope today is treating you, and your wife, kindly, Dave, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ruby's and Diamond's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

thanks, Dave. I've been looking at responsible breeders who are breeding for health of CKCS's. We'll probably get one this spring or summer. This has been one heck of a winter in Philly area. Our 11th snow storm coming tomorrow. I miss Anna terribly, but a "dogless" home doesn't feel like home.

Definitely doesn't feel like the same home without pets running around.

We are considering some pincher mixes now. Or, pug/beagle mixes. This weekend we are going to look.

I miss my dogs so much.

Our winter has been a record winter here. It hasn't warmed up enough in 2 months for any of the snow to melt. We probably have 12 inches on the ground still, and ice everywhere, and i have huge piles on the sides of my driveway, nowhere to put any more snow. Looks like about 8 days from now it's going to warm up over 32 degrees finally.

Hi, Dave, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I hope you and your wife will enjoy your search for a new companion(s). I know you already are reading up on the needs of each breed and the health focuses pertinent to the individual breeds you are considering. Please let us know how things are going in your adoption process.

I hope today is treating you, and your wife, kindly, Dave, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ruby's and Diamond's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

A rescuer is bringing us 2 10 week old Beagle/Cocker Spaniel mixes tomorrow morning. I am so excited...but I have mixed feelings. It does not yet feel the same as it did with Ruby and Diamond. They were my first babies, and I don't know if it's because it's not THEM or because it is like 'replacing' them, even though I understand that I'm not. It just feels different. When I was first getting Ruby and Diamond I was super excited and so nervous about making sure I did everything right. This time I am more knowledgable so not so nervous, I am very excited, but it just isn't the same. I am sure when those little pups are taken up into my arms I will melt, because I always do, but right now it feels strange. I don't really know how to explain it. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?

The puppies are siblings, a boy and a girl. Currently the rescue names are Dylan and Darla. We really like Darla, but my wife doesn't like Dylan because she teaches a child name Dylan that is a tyrant apparently lol. I kind of like Mikey...'come here little Mikey'. She sorta likes it...she likes Oliver. I don't mind Oliver either but two names for siblings, in my view, should have a very similar ring to it. The wife also likes Lucy for the girl. I am fine with that. I have a feeling Dylan will be my buddy, and Darla will be her little sweetiepie. Just how it goes, even though we will love them to pieces no matter what.

There are some old nerves coming back about the potty training thing, and leaving them in a crate when gone to work. My mother will be able to run over a couple times to let them out to go potty, and I am sure it will quickly turn into what I felt when I had Ruby and Diamond. I went to work, and then came home and spent every moment with them until bed. It's all I wanted to do.

I dunno. This situation is significantly different. When I got Ruby and Diamond, it was just me making all the decisions. Now it's my wife and me having to agree, and I am not exactly getting my first pick. I wanted a bigger dog, but the wife didn't want to get an animal that has the shorter life span, didn't want a dog too heavy for her to carry, and didn't want to get one prone to cancer like the bigger dogs...and let's not discuss the shedding issues with labs lol. She does most of the indoor cleaning so I guess I can understand. I wish i could post the rescue links to the pups because they are like little stuffed animals they're so cute. I will take pics and post if we end up getting them tomorrow.

Hi, Dave, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your wife are doing. I'm so wondering how things are going today with Dylan and Darla.

Please let me reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal when you share with us: "I am so excited...but I have mixed feelings. It does not yet feel the same as it did with Ruby and Diamond." I felt the same way several years ago when I adopted my first canine companion Samson - - a mixed Lab / Border Collie from the local shelter. He not only was my precious companion but he also became my "therapy partner" while I went through a very long rehab accompanied by a very dark period of depression. When he joined the angels I felt like I was truly losing myself, but - - 8 months later a Black Lab named Oslo came into my life. Like you, it wasn't the same - - yet I loved Oslo with all my heart - - but differently. Our bond was strong but different. And this is the way it's supposed to be.

Like our human relationships, each one is different because each person we have a relationship with is uniquely different. And so it is with our precious companions. I assure you that you and your new companions will form a very special bond uniquely special and deep - - but different from what you share with your beloved Ruby and Diamond.

I hope today is treating you, and your wife, kindly, Dave, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ruby's and Diamond's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing. And we will look forward to seeing pictures of your new companions.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

It's day 3 with the new puppies. I will post pictures. They are so precious. Sunday and Monday morning I felt nervous, wondering what I got myself into, and wondering if I was going to bond with these new pups. But by last night and this morning I'm constantly wondering when I can spend more time with them. I started to really fall in love with them overnight as we had to wake up every 2 hours to let them out since their bladders are so small.

The puppies are beagle/cocker spaniel mix, with some brit spaniel and possibly border collie (per the vet). They are 8-9 weeks old, as guessed by the vet yesterday. The rescue person told us they were about 10 in their best estimate, so the vet thinks based on their teeth they are a bit younger.

They are sister/brother (same litter), and the girl is the smallest of the litter, the boy is the biggest of the litter. It's cute to see them side-by-side. AND THE GIRL IS CLEARLY THE BOSS! She has me melting when she looks at me already. I can't say no to her. She gives me that look all of you women seem to know how to do with us men lol.


Here's a couple photos. I have thousands of them already. They like to snuggle with each other, and crawl on your legs and lay in there. Probably warmer there. The girl is 3 pounds 10 oz. The boy is 6 pounds 4 oz. IT's so cute how they will be hyper active and then on a dime decide they're tired and want to sleep.

We had to break the girl of sleeping all day. We learned Sunday night not to let her sleep during the day, becuase she started getting hyper around 7pm and wouldnt' settle down until about 1am. Also they are crying alot about being in the crate with us in our room, but it is better than when they were in another room. After a few minutes they calm down. They need to adjust to our way of things. Their litter was an 'oops' litter and was dropped off at a kill shelter. The foster person took all 6 of the litter, and was able to adopt them all out in 2 weeks time.

They are so precious. Dudley is the boy, and Darla is the girl. The girl's name was given by the rescuer, but we liked it. We changed the boy's name from Dylan to Dudley, although we really liked Dylan also. My wife works with someone named Dylan whom she doesnt' like so she said we had to change it haha.

I have fallen in love with them aleady. It is a very mixed emotion. The first day and a half I spent it comparing these to my passed away dogs, and the past day or so I have tried to realize I shouldn't compare them, but rather welcome them to my heart as additional members to my family. Makes me get teary typing this part.

I am leaving work a little early today to get home and see them. I cannot wait.

Hi, Dave, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and these wonderful pictures of your new family members Dudley and Darla. They are sooooo sweet. I wish Dudley and Darla a long, happy, healthy earthly journey with you and your wife.

I hope today is treating you, your wife, and your precious Dudley and Darla kindly, Dave, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ruby's and Diamond's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you, your wife, and your precious companions are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Moon did you say that you had suffered through depression previously? I have panic attacks and general anxiety. Having dogs helps bring down some of the anxiety, but I still have a lot of panic attacks and have been diagnosed with panic disorder. I continue to avoid taking any drugs for it but I'm starting to think I'm just torturing myself and am considering taking something to take the edge off.

Dave,

Congratulations are your new babies, they are adorable! As someone looking to get two new kittens down the road, I would love to know how you are doing with the new babies and coping with your loss at the same time. We probably won't get new babies until the summer but I am very proud of you for taking that leap of courage, for that is what it really is, and welcoming two new precious lives into your heart.

kk

Hi KK,

I don't regret it one second that we got puppies. I have so fallen in love with them over the past 2 days now that it's crazy. I was apprehensive on the day we got them, and into half of the next day. I thought "oh my Gosh what did we get ourselves into?" And i caught myself comparing my passed away dogs to these puppies. It made me realize, just from the shear amount of work it takes to take on 9 week old pups, how calm and relaxed my labs were. I found myself doing too many comparisons, and it was making me sad to do that. So I then ended up thinking to myself that I should not be viewing these pups as replacements, but rather additions to the family. I joked the other day and said that they were the descendants of great labs...just trying to be funny. Monday night and into yesterday I just started falling in love with these puppies and now I am all in.

I would never go back. I found myself texting my wife every 20-30 minutes while I was at work, asking her how they are doing (the dogs, I don't care what my wife is doing hahaha).

The girl, darla, has already established that she is the alpha. She lets her brother tackle her and when he gets a little too tough she will turn from chirping to snarling and he takes off. It's hilarious, because he's like 80% heavier than her. She's 3lb 10oz and he's 6lb 4oz.

I think we have very intelligent puppies. Both of them learned to sit in the first day we had them. I couldn't believe it. The boy, Dudley, doesn't listen as well because he's more hyper, but he listens I'd say 50% of the time with the sit command and gesture. Darla listens about 80% of the time.

We introduced a bell on the patio door handle starting Monday afternoon and apparently Darla has learned in 24 hours what the bell is for. Yesterday she was playing with her brother, suddenly stopped, trotted to the patio door (about 30 feet away) and hit the bell. We let her out and she went poop and pee on the patio. My jaw dropped. I didn't know a puppy could learn somtehing that fast. She's done it twice, and her brother has done it once.

They aren't perfect, they are still having accidents in the house of course, but they are learning. Every time they go outside they try to pee and/or poop. So they've clearly learned what we want them to do out there. But they still think it's ok to go in the house, so we have to really be pre-emptive with them, otherwise they'll wander off out of the play area and go potty. We keep trying to get streaks going on how many times we can successfully get them to go outside before we slip up and they go in the house. We've gotten up to 3 straight times, but then usually we let a little too much time go by or are talking and one of them wanders to the outer area of the room and goes.

They are really social, and brave. I had these baby gates that cut off access to hallways, for 10 years and my labs never even so much as challenged them once. Dudley figured out how to get through it the first day we tried to use the gate. LOL Then Darla saw him do it and she did it. Darla likes to sleep alot. We are trying to keep her awake more during the day and let her go nuts late evening so she sleeps better in her crate through the night. If you are sitting on the floor with them, she will try to get on your lap and cuddle up and fall asleep. Then Dudley will come full speed and jump and try to do the same. It's so cute.

We are going to definitely need to make sure they are trained well. Beagles are great dogs and are notorious for getting into everything and following their nose everywhere. But that's what I wanted, smart, social dogs. So I'm very happy. The vet said we shouldn't let them sleep with us in bed until about 1 year old, when we trust them fully and they are matured. I can't wait for that, but at the same time I'm enjoying every moment of raising them. It's keeping me up alot at night, having to wake up every 2-3 hours to put them out because their bladders are so small, but it's worth it. I'll look back at these memories and miss this. I didn't even take my jacket off all of Monday because they have togo out about every 30-45 minutes right now when we are home during the day, and they are active.

Hi, Dave, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. It is sooo wonderful to share your news that you and your wife are enjoying your precious Dudley and Darla. There is no doubt that your precious Ruby and Diamond led your and your wife's paths to Dudley and Darla, and they are doing a "happy dance" in heaven in having a little brother and sister now in the family.

To answer your question: "Moon did you say that you had suffered through depression previously?" - - yes, several years ago I experienced a very difficult part in my life that included a deep depression. I sought professional counseling to help me work through the challenges, but the only thing the counselor I had at that time wanted to do was to put me on drugs. I tried medications but they only made the problem worse. I finally received a referral to a counselor who actually took the time to LISTEN to me. He, too, suggested that I try medication again but I refused. Instead of turning me away, he agreed to counsel me but if he did not see any improvement he would insist that I try medication again. I agreed to this compromise, and as it turned out I never needed to try medication again. As a part of the counseling, I was taught how to re-direct my thoughts when I began to have panic attacks and flashbacks. It is a technique that takes a LOT of effort, and it does work.

However, there are times when medication is helpful. The brain is comprised of many different chemicals that work together to keep the body and mind in good health. Many things can cause a chemical imbalance in the brain - - epilepsy, a head injury, a stroke, stress, change of life, etc.. When this happens, the brain can benefit from medications that are designed to compensate for the chemical imbalance. Many years ago, prior to the traumatic event that included a deep depression, I was in a difficult situation at work that was causing me to experience symptoms of extreme stress. I spoke to my doctor about the situation, and he prescribed a very mild tranquilizer to help me cope while the problem was being resolved. Thankfully I did not need the medication for very long, but it was helpful when the stress was more than what I could handle. So, my suggestion is to talk to your doctor about what you are experiencing and take it from there. I hope what I have shared with you is helpful.

I hope today is treating you, your wife, and your precious Dudley and Darla kindly, Dave, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ruby's and Diamond's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you, your wife, and your precious companions are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Darla appears to have a little bit of congestion of sniffling. This morning she was sort of sneezing/sniffling as if she had a stuffy nose. I had a very stuffy nose myself this morning, and am wondering if it's the weather here. But anyways, now that I'm very overprotective and worried about them both, I called the vet, and they suggeseted to bring her in. She's very young and doesn't have a strong immune system yet and so I don't want to take any chances.

My mother went there during the day already to let them out of the crate and go potty, and she said she heard her cough once but that was it. She was going through short little bouts of it this morning, but was otherwise hyper and playful.

Also, she likes to sleep alot. When we are at home during the afternoon/evening she seems to want to sleep, more than her brother. I am also concerned a little about that. I'll bring it up to the vet today. That might just be her personality, or maybe she's playing catchup and her body is hitting a growth spurt right now and needs the sleep. She's so precious. If you sit down on the floor she will come over and climb up on your legs and cuddle up and want to go to sleep on you. She is going to be a great cuddler when we start letting them sleep with us in bed.

I can't wait. Dudley is bouncing off the wall more. He's hyper, then decides he's going to collapse and fall asleep for about 20 minutes, then he's up again and hyper.

We have been keeping Darla up, or trying to, during the late afternoon/early evening to keep her from getting hyper as we are ready to go to bed. It happened the first night we had her, and she was up until 2am bouncing off the wall. We don't want that. But maybe we are hindering her proper sleeping habits by doing this. I will also ask this at the vet.

It's been a long week. I know we will look back on this week and smile, but these puppies are a FULL TIME job. The boy Dudley gets into EVERYTHING. He grabbed one of my wife's dress boots and started running around the house with it. It was funny but it was also like "come on dude". This morning I had the worst thing happen.

The snow is starting to melt here, and Dudley and Darla are starting to jump over the snow walls I built and they started running toward the privacy fence. The fence has a big enough gap in some places that they could squirt easily under it. I hvae to put some chicken fence around the entire yard at some point. But anyway, this morning it was icy, and they both managed to get over the 'snow wall' i made and I had to catch both of them quickly. As I hvae both in my hand, I stepped back over the snow wall onto the patio, slipped, and dropped Darla from about a height of 3 feet. She cried for about 30 seconds straight. It was something daddy didn't want to hear! I started to panic, thinking I just killed her or seriously injured her. But after a few minutes she started to play again. I watched close to see if she had any limps or anything but she didn't. My wife checked her pupils to make sure they dilated. She fell on the patio on her side, and came down pretty flat. I think i twas the shock of it that scared her so much, but I never want to hear her cry like that again.

I thought I seroiusly had hurt her. I cried on the way into work. I was worried ALL DAY. My wife called me every half hour for the next 2 hours and told me she was playing and didn't seem hurt. She was very active all day and seems happy. I swear if I ever did anything that hurt these dogs seriously I would not be able to live with myself. I still feel so bad about it. I know it was an accident, but gee wizz. I thought "oh my god we have had them for 5 days and I already killed one".

At lunch today i bought a bunch of chicken wire and built a pen for them around the patio with some grass area so they can have some room to run, but can't get out into the main yard and risk getting under the privacy fence. In the spring I will need to get some shorter chicken wire and put it all the way around the privacy fence, then they can have full run of the yard.

Darla seems to have picked up a cold or something. She has been sneezing since 2 nights ago. We took her into the vet and they said she seems to be checking out ok, but put her on an antiboitic in case it's the start of kennel cough, or just a cold she picked up. I am not taking ANY risks with her.

ALl I need is to lose another animal in a span of 14 months. My wife told me that most babies roll off something at some point, or fall, or whatever, and animals/humans are resiliant, so not to worry.

But I do worry. They're my kids.

Thanks for sharing all the fun you are having with the pups, Dave! Sounds like you and your wife have your hands full, lol! Are you experiencing any guilt or is just having the new babies around is like a living memorial to your other fur babies? My husband can't even think about new kittens but I think we will be ready by the early summer.
kk