Hello, I am new on here and I would like to share my story with all of you. I am struggling with the decision I made to put my 13 year old Pittbull dog THUNDER down. She had been struggling with a skin condition for over 4 years that would leave her hairless in spots and she was on antibiotics and prednisone tabs. In the last two months, while giving her her bath I found hard lumps in her mammary glands. I took her to my vet and she advised that since she was aged that she may or may not come through the surgery to remove them. We opted for more meds and to keep her comfortable. Within the last two weeks, those lumps busted and left deep holes in her belly and she began to sleep for hours and hours at a time. She also started not to be able to walk and her back paws started turning under and she was trying to walk on her front of the paws. She also could not stand steady to go to the bathroom. I took her this past Saturday to the vet again and I was advised that those lumps were actually tumors that had ruptured and that the only way to stop the progress was to either take them off or put her under. She would not live through the surgery. My Furrbaby died at 9:00 AM 01/18/14. I am so upset with this that I can't sleep because I hear her crying for me. I cry all the time. I thought if someone was in the same situation or similar situation as I am that they could help me through this. My boyfriend of 13 years made the decision with me, but I am the one that seems to be taking it the hardest. When I try to talk to him he seems like he doesn't want to hear it and doesn't care. We brought her home and she is buried out in the edge of the clearing on our property. I miss her so much!!!!!

Hi Carrie,
First, let me offer my sincerest condolences on your loss. I am very new here too. I hope I am replying correctly and that you even get this. As I struggle with my loss and Am trying to cope with immense pain over losing my soul pet and very best friend, I am learning that grieving is a process and there is normalcy in how you are feeling and dealing with the loss of your beloved furrbaby. Ive only begun reading about how to grieve. If you need help finding resources I'll be glad you send you what I've found so far. Our decision to put Versache (my cat) to sleep was an unselfish one. But was still difficult. Although everything in me wanted to try and save him, I knew he would suffer and still end up losing his battle. Do not listen to those that aren't sympathetic. This is your time to heal.

Thanks Derrick. I know that she's not suffering any longer. I'm just now second guessing my decision. What if? But Ithank you very much and would appreciate any resources you can send my way. My deepest sympathy for your loss. People don't realize that our furrbabies are family. When they are gone they leave an empty hole in our hearts. Take care and God bless you for answering me!

Carrie----

So sorry about Thunder---the decision to put them down is hard, even if they are ill--because you hope, maybe there is something that can be done---

I know what you are feeling---there doesn't seem to be the words to make the pain go away---it's not a bad thing to cry---it's more for yourself, than them---but it helps.

This site will help too--because the people here--truly understand your pain.

Take care and give it time----

Mary

Thanks Mary. I just can't believe that she's gone. Take care and God bless you!

Hi, carrie, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Thunder. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Carrie, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the "first withouts" and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure. It is a journey that also is comprised of all the "what if", "if only," and "why" questions that can haunt our heart and make us question decisions we made that were the best for our beloved companion with the information we had at the time.

Carrie, there is no question that you did EVERYTHING in your human and humane power to give your beloved Thunder a happy and healthy earthly journey. There does come a time when we must weigh the benefits of medical intervention to the quality of life that will result. Just because a medical procedure "can be done" does not necessarily mean that it "should be" done. I had similar decisions to make for my beloved canine Black Lab companion who was diagnosed with Laryngeal Paralysis at 13 years of age. There was an invasive surgery that "could be done" that "could have" provided him easier breathing - - BUT his age and other chronic medical challenges did not make him a good candidate. I spoke with another veterinary care provider for a second opinion, who also confirmed the same information. So, his primary veterinary care provider and I did our best to keep him comfortable and restrict his activity so that he would not have severe shortness of breath episodes.

I do know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there really are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still, I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone in your grief journey - - each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Another thing that is very important for you to remember is that the love bond you and your beloved Thunder share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Thunder's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will - - for she is always and forever in your heart and memories, carrie - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Thunder with us, carrie. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank Moonbeam. The thought that she isn't here with me is overwhelming sometimes. Especially in the morning when I'm by myself getting ready for work. I'll post a picture soon.

Hi, carrie, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Yes, the adjustment to the physical loss of our beloved companions is very painful - - both emotionally and physically. Every time our companions rub against us, lick / kiss us, etc., they are literally chemically imprinting themselves onto us so that they can identify us from all the other people on this planet. When they precede us to the angels, we literally go through a physical withdrawal from this chemical imprinting, and it is a very painful process. Several people, including myself, have found it helpful to hold something that belongs to our beloved companion to help ease the pain of physical separation - - a collar, a blanket, a toy - - something - - that has a direct connection to our beloved companion who is no longer physically with us. No, it isn't the same as holding their sweet precious physical body, but it does help to eventually ease the pain when our arms, and hearts, long to hold them just one more time.

This grief journey cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - but I promise you, carrie, that one day you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Thunder and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling, and your heart will once again feel the warmth of your and your beloved Thunder's eternal love. It's just going to take time for this day to come for you, and please know we are here for you to share the not so bad days, the not so good days, and the days when you feel like your heart cannot endure the pain of your deepest sorrow anymore.

I hope today is treating you kindly, carrie, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Thunder's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Click to view attachmentMy Precious beautiful girl!

Hi, carrie, thank you so much for sharing this wonderful picture of your beloved Thunder with us. She is so sweet - - and from the expression in her eyes and on her face she knows she is the light of your life. You are so blessed to be her sole, and soul, heir to her eternal love, and we are blessed to share your treasured memories of your beloved Thunder.

I hope today is treating you kindly, carrie, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Thunder's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam