We said goodbye to our beloved Thunder on Monday night. (Jan 13, 2014) He would have been 4 on March 20th. I am devastated and can't stop crying. Monday was like any other day, I took Thunder for his morning walk, he pranced along beside me, happy to be out walking. I could take him along the same route day after day and he always saw it as an adventure.

Monday afternoon we took both our dogs for another walk, again, Thunder was just happy to be out with us, prancing along beside me. He played in the back yard with our other dog Storm when we got home, they continues playing when we brought them in the house. He was perfectly fine and happy.

At 4:30pm he was laying on the bed with me while I was reading and he got up, turned and sat on the bed looking at me, then he curled up with his head on my husband's pillow. I felt him slump back against me and I put my hand on him to find him stiff and then he started to convulse. He was having a seizure. I called my husband and the both of us sat with him, ensuring he didn't fall off the bed and once the seizure was over, Thunder seemed fine. I called our vet and he advised me to give him a dose of phenobarbitol, (our other dog is on phenobarb for a seizure disorder) and keep an eye on him.

I gave him the medication and he went outside, came back in and had some water, ate some of his food, and then he had two more mild seizures. I called the vet back and he said to give it some more time for the medication to get in his system. Thunder had three more mild seizures and once again I was on the phone with the vet, he told me to give him another dose of the meds. Which we did, Thunder had some more water, ate a bit more food and within five minutes he went down on the kitchen floor and started seizuring again, only this time the seizures were non stop.

I called the vet and he advised us to bring him into the vet clinic. Meanwhile Thunder continued to have continuous seizures. We got him onto a blanket and we carried him out to the car and my husband headed to the vet clinic, an hour away from us. Thunder seized the whole way to the clinic.

When they got him into the clinic, the vet got an IV going with phenobarb in it, and took his temperature. His temperature was 109, because of the non stop seizure activity. A temperature that high in a dog causes organ failure. The vet and my husband started packing him with ice and hosing him down to try and bring his temperature down. An hour and a half the vet worked to save him, Thunder's heart was damaged, his lungs were damaged and the vet had to keep pushing on his chest telling him, 'come on, keep breathing Thunder' you could hear the fluid in his lungs.

Finally the vet told my husband Thunder wasn't going to make it, he was brain damaged, his heart was failing and even if he came out of this, he didn't know how Thunder would be. My husband and I had made the decision if it was really bad, then we needed to be kind to Thunder, and my husband told the vet to put him down.

My husband talked to Thunder, petting his head and he kissed him on the forehead, told him we loved him and it was okay to go to sleep. He said Thunder was looking at him and a single tear formed in his eye before he slipped away.

I am heartbroken, I just can't understand how it got so bad so fast, there was no warning, how can a dog be perfectly normal and a few short hours later be gone? I just can't understand. He had always been healthy, never had any health issues and to all of a sudden have a catastrophic event like this happen without even a hint that there was something wrong?

I just can't stop crying, and I can't get the image of him on my kitchen floor convulsing out of my head....I never wanted to see my beloved Thunder in that state...it was horrific. I am constantly reminded of Thunder, no matter where I go in our home, I listen to hear him jump off the bed and come down the hall to see me...I just hurt so bad...

Hi, Shadow Dancer, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Thunder. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion so suddenly intensifies the grief. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Shadow Dancer, there are many things can happen suddenly that can cause seizures - - an aneurysm, a blood clot, a stroke. As with people an autopsy, (necropsy in veterinary medicine) can sometimes shed light on what caused the medical crisis, but sometimes these procedures raise more questions than provide answers. It is obvious that you and your husband, and your veterinary provider, did everything in your human, and humane, power to provide emergency treatment for your beloved Thunder. Also as with human medicine, sometimes veterinary medicine can restore our companion's health so that they can enjoy a good quality of life - - and sadly, as in the case of your beloved Thunder, there comes a time when the only thing that can be done is to ease their transition journey home to the angels.

This grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different uncontrollable emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your own time - - for it is a journey that cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - -for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure.

But I promise you it is a journey you do not travel alone, for each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Unfortunately there is no easy way to navigate this grief adjustment journey - - there are no fast forward or delete buttons we can press to speed up the journey or make it instantaneously disappear. Some people think that if they suppress their grief that it will make their sorrow less painful. Clinical studies prove this is not the case for the stress of suppressed grief can cause serious medical symptoms that will eventually need to be addressed. Scientific studies prove that the tears we cry are literally healing tears for they literally wash the toxins out of the body that build up from the stress of grief. So it is vitally important that you allow yourself the healthy opportunities to release your grief - - even if you must find a private time and place to do it.

In the midst of your deepest sorrow there is one thing that will never change - - the love bond you and your beloved Thunder share. Love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Thunder's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will - - for he is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there really are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Shadow Dancer, thank you so very much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Thunder with us. He is soooo handsome, and it is very obvious looking at the expression on his face and in his eyes that he KNOWS you love him. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Shadow Dancer, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Shadow Dancer I am so very, very sorry for your loss of your beautiful Thunder.

Thank you Moon Beam for your comforting words.

I find myself going round and round, trying to understand how this happened, but I find no answers. At times I feel like I can't breathe and have something stuck in my throat. The weekend is here and I have been dreading it, weekends were our time to spend outside with both our dogs. I can't even go in our back yard, had to force myself to get in the car and go check the mail because the last time I saw Thunder, he was in the car and my husband was leaving for the vet clinic. I can't eat, my sleep is filled with nightmares of Monday night and Thunder on our kitchen floor seizing and I wake up shaking and worry that I will wake my husband, yet afraid to go back to sleep.

I would like to share a little history about Bum (my nickname for him). He came from a litter of 9 pups. He was born March 20, 2010 and April 26th the woman we got him from arrived and dropped him off with us. He was 4 weeks and 6 days old, way to young to be away from his Momma. He didn't get the socializing that he should have gotten from being with his littermates till he was at least 8 weeks old.

A month later I received an email from the woman, saying that two of his littermates had to be put down, she said they had brain tumors, and would shake all the time and fell over when they tried to walk. She asked if Thunder was showing any of these symptoms and she hoped he wasn't and that the rest of the puppies were okay.

We immediately took Thunder to our vet, and explained what the woman told us. Our vet told us his littermates didn't have brain tumors, they were 'bobble heads', they had neurological damage and he was the one who put them down.

Thunder was quirky, not in a bad way, and it wasn't any one thing I could put my finger on, he was just a bit off. He would have been four in March this year, yet he was still very much like a puppy. He didn't seem to develop out of puppyhood. He was slow to catch on to things, when training him, he took longer to catch on, but once he did he was an extremely clean dog. If he had an accident and messed in the house, he felt so bad. He was constantly on the go, running around the house, he would never just lay down and be with us. If I put him on the couch beside me, he wouldn't settle, he was constantly biting my fingers and trying to climb all over me, even when he got older this behavior continued.

We got Storm and she is a very laid back, easy going dog. She helped Thunder to become more balanced and over a few months we noticed Thunder had calmed down and would just be content to lay on the couch or lay in the grass when we were outside and not always be racing around a hundred miles an hour. He became a happier, more content dog.

Thunder hated change, and he noticed if something was changed right away. If we changed our routine even in the slightest way it bothered him, which we found odd, but put it down to his being a bit quirky.

We think and our Vet agrees that whatever neurological damage his littermates had, he to some degree also had neurological issues, and it didn't manifest until now. But we never anticipated anything like what happened with him Monday evening. When I called our vet clinic the next day to arrange for his cremation, his wife told me when our vet got home that night he was shell shocked. He had never seen anything as horrific and traumatic as what he saw with Thunder that night. The staff of the clinic were in shock the next day, they all knew Thunder, and he had been in the previous week for his annual check up and had blood work done and the results were all normal. There was nothing that would indicate anything like this was coming. And that makes it all the more difficult to come to terms with.

Thank you so much octoberdana, your words mean so much to me.

Hi, Shadow Dancer, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and sharing more information on your beloved Thunder. With the information you have provided, I would tend to agree with you and your vet that your beloved Thunder also suffered some form of neurological disorder that did not manifest itself until it became a medical crisis. I do hope and pray having this insight may eventually help ease your deep grief.

I can so understand how you're feeling when you share with us: "There was nothing that would indicate anything like this was coming. And that makes it all the more difficult to come to terms with." When we embrace a companion into our hearts we do so without the privilege of foreknowledge as to when and how they will precede us to the angels. If we did have this foreknowledge then we would be faced with making the decision that could deprive them of a loving forever home, and deprive us of the blessing of their unconditional love and undivided attention. When they precede us to the angels, our hearts are broken - - shattered - - and the pain of the grief adjustment journey can feel like it is more than we can bear. This grief adjustment journey is not one of "logic" but rather one of adjustment to the reality that we are mere mortals who have little control over life-changing events - - including the physical absence of our beloved companions. This is one of the many reasons why this grief adjustment journey is so very painful.

And this is also one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum is here, Shadow Dancer, so that we can come and share what is in our hearts with others who truly do understand what we are going through. By ourselves we find this grief adjustment journey impossible to navigate and endure. Together we find the comfort, support, encouragement, and hope to endure through the not so bad days, the not so good days, and the days when the grief tortures our very soul.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Shadow Dancer, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Thunder's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Shadow Dancer,
I was reading your posts about your beloved Thunder and my heart was breaking right along with you. Your Thunder was such a beautiful and handsome boy, and I know how very much you love and miss him. I so understand your pain and sadness, as I lost my precious 7 year old cat named Jasper on February 3rd, and my life and my world will never be the same. He also was diagnosed with some sort of neurological disorder, perhaps a brain tumor or brain cancer, but all the tests did not point to any one of those conclusively, so I will never know. But he could not eat, he could only walk a few steps and then he would collapse, he could not even hold his little head up anymore, and when he was having trouble with every single breath, I knew I had to love him enough to let him go, hardest thing I have ever done in my whole life. I will never forget his last few days when he went downhill so rapidly, I will never foget that night when I held him and told him to wait for me, I wanted so badly to go right along with him at that point, it was pure and utter devastation I felt.

I feel so cheated about the time I would have had with him, although I am so happy for those who are able to have their beloved pets with them to an older age, they are just so fortunate to have had them for so many years, although I also realize that their loss is just as horrific as ours, in every sense of the word. Your Thunder was not even 4, my Jasper was only 7, so very young, so many times I have thought that it just wasn't his time yet, sometimes I think a mistake was made, and I know that sounds strange, but it is just how I feel. It was way too soon, it wasn't his time yet, and I am sure you felt the same way.

I still have not come to terms with what happened to him, I suppose I will never come to terms with it, he was just so strong, so seemingly healthy, so young and vibrant, it is so very hard when they are taken from us so suddenly, no warning, no time to prepare, no time to say goodbye. I just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts, and I am so very sorry that you had to goodbye to your beloved pup, it is just so hard, isn't it? I am sure you can understand when I say that my life and my world will never be the same, and I don't want to look at pictures of him, or hold his little collar with the bell, I just want him, I want him back so badly. I suppose that acceptance will come one of these days, and although my broken spirit is mending itself ever so slightly day by day, I really don't think I will ever be able to truly accept what happened to him, and what he went through those last days, oh my gosh how I miss him. I just wanted to let you know that I so understand your sorrow about losing your beloved Thunder, and I really do hope you have been able to find some peace and comfort with the passing of time, and just know that I am wishing you the very best in the days ahead.

Click to view attachmentI KNOW JUST HOW YOU FEEL.MY DOG DOZER DIED FROM THE EXACT SAME THING.I LEFT DOZER WITH A FRIEND CAUSE I WAS MOVING.SHE CALLED AND SAID SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH DOZER.I GOT IN MY CAR AND DROVE TO HER HOUSE.HE HAD BEEN SEIZURING ALONE FOR 24 HRS BY THE TIME I GOT THERE HE WAS SEIZURING NONSTOP BUT WAS ALREADY BRAIN DEAD.IT WAS THE MOST AWFUL PICTURE I WILL NEVER GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD.I TOOK HIM TO VET AND LAID NEXT TO HIM AND HELD HIM WHILE THEY PUT HIM TO SLEEP.IT WAS HEARTWRENCHING.I WILLL NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR LEAVING HIM WITH SOMEONE.THINKING OF HIM SUFFERING ALONE HURTS MORE THAN ANYTHING.SO I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL MY FRIEND.I HOPE WITH TIME OUR HEARTS WILL MEND A LITTLE.I POSTED A PHOTO OF DOZER IN MY POST.

Jaspers Mom,

You said it perfectly when you said you feel cheated. That is exactly how I feel. And Thunder was cheated, because he missed out on so many new adventures that we hadn't got to have yet. With spring coming I can't help but feel sad that another season is upon us and he's not here to enjoy it.

Thank you for your support and for sharing about your Precious Jasper.

Thank you Muppiesmommy,

I am so, so sorry for your loss of your Precious Dozer. I would never want anyone to go through what we went through with our beloved pets. It was horrific and the trauma is something I don't think I will ever get over.