I lost Timmy on new years eve, he was my beautiful big gentle maincoon 15YO, he had been ill for months with heart trouble and fluid build up in his lungs, we did everything we could, the vet drained them and put him on medication which we struggled to get him to take without stressing him. Believe me we tried every trick in the book. He lapsed just before christmas and struggled to breath, we called the vet new years eve to end his suffering for him.
He was my mate, he followed me everywhere, he looked for me round the house, he only sat on my knee, he loved to have his tummy tickled which we couldnt do as the fluid in his lungs made it difficult for him. He shared my home office desk, even lying on my keyboard. He was so playful for an older gentleman.
I cannot believe and describe the pain im going through, I miss him so much.
I dont know what to do
The house is empty, I am empty, hes not there to meet me in the morning for his breakfast, hes not there to come upstairs onto our bed at night, hes not there to fall asleep on my knee, hes not there to tell me when he wants food or go outside, he used to use his litter tray in the house, facing in for a wee and facing out for a poo.
The end wasnt as peaceful as I would have liked, the vets fur shears scared him, he panicked and tried to get away, the vet nurse held him then handed him to me at the end.
I feel I let him down, I should have held him, calmed him, talked to him, I cant change this, god help me I will have to live with it.
We buried him in our garden and put a sleeping cat stone monumant over him, I put his favorite mouse toy in with him so he has something to play with.
I told him he would be seeing his mummy again and that she would be so proud of him
I miss him so much

Thank you for reading this

Dear johnk,

Please accept my deepest sympathy on the loss of your wonderful Timmy. While there are no adequate words to bring you comfort at such a sad, sad time, I would like to share some with you anyway.

You sound like a very wonderful cat person and a tribute to that is the length of Timmy's life. And the depth of your loss. Companions do not live as long when they are just considered "pets" or property. Please remember this, you did everything possible to give Timmy quality life and you gave him the ultimate loving gesture when saying goodbye to him. We companion lovers suffer greatly when making this decision. It is never an easy decision and always comes with the pain of hindsight and the "should haves". You made the right decision for you and Timmy and no one can ever dispute that; don't even let them try.

And now comes the hardest part of all. Living with the physical absence of Timmy. You see him and hear him everywhere, all the time, day and night. And you desperately wish he could be back with you, if just for a little while. Let me reassure you that Timmy is still with you. No, not physically because he has become a Spirit Cat. He is your Spirit Cat. Timmy now lives totally in your heart and soul. And feel that part of your heart that is missing? Timmy took that with him over the Rainbow Bridge, but just until you meet him again. Then your heart and his will be complete again. While you are suffering on this awful roller coaster we call the Grief Journey, and it can truly be a journey to hell and back, listen and you will hear and feel Timmy with you. Look for signs that Timmy is sending you, in the small ways that no one but you could possibly understand. My Trevor sends me butterflies, live ones in the warm months and pictures of them in cards, letters, even wallpaper when the weather is too cold. Timmy may chose butterflies or he may chose things that meant so much to you. They will come, I promise you.

Please do not let others tell you how or when to grieve. Your grief is your own and no one else's. What you are feeling is totally normal and will last as long as is right for you. How you grieve is also yours. You may keep a clean litter box around, or Timmy's toys will be kept safe and secure, or you go out to his garden burial spot often, just to visit. You may hear some very insensitive remarks about your suffering and loss that cut you to the quick. Let them pass right out of you head, immediately.

Also know that there are hundreds of people on this site who understand what you are going through now and are HERE TO HELP. We listen, we empathize, we do not judge for we all have been through this journey at least once. Come here when you need to and stay as long as you want. Others will give you much better comforting words than I can. They all support you completely.

I lost my Trevor over 2 years ago (and have lost 5 dogs over the years before Trevor). He was a very sick Cocker Spaniel that we had to just 2 years and 2 months. I am still grieving and writing to him on this site, but my friend has been Father Time. He has given me the gift of time to slowly work my way through my Grief Journey. I am now at a more comforting level with Trevor's loss. I see his butterflies everywhere and have at least one picture of him in every room of my house, so I can talk to him easily and I do! Trevor was one of the first animals in Heaven to great Timmy and show him "the ropes". Timmy is there bragging about you and all the love the two of you share(d). Timmy is once again healthy, spry and never hungry. And he has many, many Spirit friends. You will meet them all when you and Timmy are together again. At least this is my belief and it's very helpful to me.

Dear johnk, my thoughts and prayers are with you now. Let us know how you are doing because we all care!

Wishing you peace.........
Trevor's mom aka Bobbie

Bobbie thank you so much for your kind and comforting words, I am sorry if my story of my pain has caused you to dip into your own pain once more. I read and read your reply to me and it did give me hope because just now I have no hope of ever getting over this. My beautiful gentle giant was my friend unlike any human friends I have, he wanted my company un conditionally, he gave me more than I could ever return. I was honoured that he chose me over anyone else in the family.
He was such a good boy and I used to tell him all the time and now I cant ever again, he would sit on my office desk look at me and press his forehead into my face.
But I know I will never forgive myself for not calming him properly as I had promised at the end, I live in terror of him knowing I had let him down at the end and I feel so guilty.
He was very ill, the vet said he was in curable and we were making the right decision, why didnt I do my best for him as he has in so many ways for me.
I hold onto the small comfort that he is well again, young and fit and playing with his new friends, I hope he has found his mummy, I always said to him that his mum would be so proud of him and that she thought he was her beautiful kitten.
We only had him a short 18 months, we rescued him when he wasnt wanted so I didnt know him very long, but in such a short time he has burned himself into my very soul.
At the moment things seem helpless and hopeless.
One second, minute, hour and day at a time I think, I hope he is still with me as a spirit cat and doesnt hate me for what I didnt do.
My god this hurts

thank you again

Hi, john, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Timmy. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

John, please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief - - painful both emotionally and physically, yes -- still very normal. One of the many emotions ALL of us experience in our grief journey is guilt / remorse, and it is one of the harder emotions to reconcile - - because it comes from looking back and our hearts being tormented by all the "what ifs" and "whys" and "if onlys". John, you ALWAYS did the very best you could for your beloved Timmy - - including during the very final moments of his transition home to the angels. It is normal for the last moments to be the ones we remember during our very deep grief, but hopefully, in time, I pray you will be able to find peace in your heart that your beloved Timmy LOVES you for EVERYTHING you did for him during his earthly journey with you. There is no sorrow or recrimination in his heart toward you, john - - and I hope you will be able to come to understand and believe this. Your beloved Timmy does not want your heart tormented by the deep sorrow and remorse that now fills your heart - - instead he wants you to remember him with a happy heart and the many treasured memories you share together.

We live in a physically-oriented world governed by the five senses of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Every time our companions rub against, lick / kiss us, etc., they are literally chemically imprinting themselves onto us so that they can identify us from the millions of other people on this planet. When they precede us to the angels, we literally go through a phyical, as well as emotional, withdrawal from their chemical imprint - - and it is very painful. Some people find it helpful to hold something that belongs only to their beloved companion - - a toy, a blanket, a collar - - SOMETHING -- to help ease the physical pain when their arms long to hold their beloved companion. For example, each time one of my companions transitioned home to the angels I slept with their collar under my pillow, and when the pain was unbearable to hold them one more time I held their blanket in my arms as I wept - - gut wrenching sobbing. No, it isn't the same as holding their sweet physical body in our arms, but it does help.

It is important that you find healthy ways for you to release your deep sorrow, john. Some people think that if they suppress their sorrow that it will make their grief less painful. Clinical studies prove otherwise, in that the stress of suppressed grief can cause serious medical issues further down the road. Scientific studies show that the tears we cry are literally healing tears for they literally cleanse the body of the toxins that build up from the stress of grief. So it is important for your health that you find the opportunities you need to release your grief, even if you must do this privately.

And as our forum friend Bobbie has already so comfortingly shared with you, please let me reaffirm to you that the love bond you and your beloved Timmy share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Timmy's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will - - for he is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, john - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there really are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. As like Bobbie, I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so very much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Timmy with us, john. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, john, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Bobbie and Moon Beam

Thankyou for your support, your words are a great confort to me. Today things seem better, he is constantly in my thoughts and back at work my office is empty without him.
Me and my wife spoke many times over the weekend and although greiving herself she saw things differently to me at the end and was able to help me see what really happened. She said he was calm, the VET and nurse were proffessionals who were magnificent and that I held him as he passed so he knew I was there, he knew I was talking to him and most importantly he knew that my love for him was with him. I believe he went happy, calm, content and smiling ready for his next adventure.
I only hope the new friends he has made on the other side watch any rough play because one swipe with his big paws and they will know about it, to be honest he wouldnt hurt anyone, he was my gentle giant. I never once saw his claws unless he was stretching.
So dear friends, one day at a time as they say, I have tried to upload his picture but unfortunately the file is too big

god bless you both

Hi, john, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. I'm so very glad your wife has been able to help comfort you in your sorrow.

Sometimes uploading pictures can be a challenge. There are instructions on how to do this in the topic "Please Watch The Size Of Your Photos" under the Site Administration, L-S Tech Support section. If you still have difficulties sizing and uploading your pictures - - which we love to share to share with you - - you can private message the L S Administrator and he will be very happy to help you.

I hope today is treating you and your wife kindly, john, and that you both will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Timmy's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your wife are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello John!

Thank you for sharing more of Mr. Timmy with us. He sounds like such a wonderful cat and companion! And, rest assured, he is making one heck of an impression in Heaven! It is comforting to know that our loved ones are now doing perfectly well in the hereafter. Be still and you will hear from Timmy, if you haven't already!

Each day in this grief journey will bring sadness and then eventually a resigned type of joy. Don't ever feel that anything you say or do is inappropriate, for you and you alone know what your relationship with Timmy was and is. I have Trevor's pictures in just about every room of my house and I am still writing to him on this site, even after 2 years. I talk to him all the time, too. Most people think I am crazy, but I don't care. This is what makes me feel better....so there!

Good luck in uploading a picture of Timmy. I have never been able to do it, but then I haven't tried all that hard. We would all love it to see what Timmy looked like.

Please take care of yourself. This journey takes time, lots of time, and we are with you every step of the way!

Peace and love,
Trevor's mom aka Bobbie

Hello dear friends
You both were quit right, time does heal, its still tough but I can remember Tim with more hapiness these last few days, I can now look at his pictures and smile, I have printed my favorite ones off and will frame them so that I can look at him when Im in my office, where he spent a lot of his time with me.
God bless you both for holding me up when I was falling.

John

Hi, john, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I am so glad you are now being able to remember your beloved Timmy with a happier heart. Please know we are always here for you to share the not so bad days, the less than good days, and the days when your heart may still feel the seering pain of sorrow in the physical absence from your beloved Timmy.

I hope today is treating you kindly, john, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Timmy's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Click to view attachment

I thought you all would like to meet my Timmy, my big orange lion

Hi, john, thank you so very much for sharing this wonderful picture of your beloved Timmy with us. What a handsome boy he is!! It is obvious from the expression on his face and in his eyes that he KNOWS he is "the king" of his domain!!

I hope today is treating you kindly, john, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Timmy's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello Moon beam

I am glad you like Tims picture
I fall asleep sometimes in my chair where we used to sit with him on my knee and I sometimes have the most vivid dream that he is on my knee, I can feel his weight and warmth but of course when I wake hes not there and that leaves me feeling uncomfortable for quite a long time.

Hi, john, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I am so glad you are able to feel your beloved Timmy's sweet Living Spirit with you - - in your dreams and feeling him on your lap, etc.. Please know this is Timmy's way of reassuring you that he is ALWAYS with you, and I hope you will be able to find comfort in this. And please let me reassure you that others, including me, have experienced similar "visits" - - so you are NOT losing your mind.

I hope today is treating you kindly, john, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Timmy's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam