On Friday November 8 I had to say good bye to my beautiful 14 yr old kitty Princess and I don't even have the words to describe the pain and emptyness that I have been feeling. I know that all of you are experiencing the same thing and my heart goes out to you for the loss of your beautiful baby's.
Princess's decline came so quickly....a few weeks from the time I noticed she started walking with a limp on her left hind leg has lost weight as she was always a big kitty, followed by faster labourered breathing. My daughter and I took her to the vet and they checked her over and she had a hard mass on her mammory gland which explained her limp, I had thought that maybe she just hurt it from jumping down from somewhere. They also did complete bloodwork on her which mostly came back within normal ranges except the kidney readings were slightly elevated.
She was quite concerned about her laboured breathing so she wanted to do x-rays which revealed she had a number of issues going on.....her lungs didn't look normal, her liver and kidneys didn't look normal either, the vet felt that she had cancer that had spread to other organs from the mammory tumor and it happened very quickly that it would of been difficult to notice at an early stage as she seemed like her regular self.
She spoke to us about possibly start thinking about making the decision about putting her to sleep as she felt there wasn't much that could be done for her at this point. She gave her a shot of fluids under her skin for some hydration and sent us home with pain meds for her to give every 8 hrs.
We took her home and 2 days later my daughter came to visit to see how she was (my daughter is 26) when she saw Princess, she said she looked worse and her breathing got even faster and more laboured since she last saw her....I hadn't noticed that it had changed that much because I was with her all the time. I knew logically what needed to be done but my heart didn't want to let her go. Finally my daughter said that we can't let her go on like this, that she looked miserable and she may not even make it another day, she didn't want me to have to witness her death as she gasped for air and suffering and I agreed I couldn't of handled that either so she called the vet and made the dreaded appointment. I had begun my grieving process since the vet visit as I cryed every time I looked at her knowing that we didn't have much longer together, my son (he's 19) had been taking it quite hard as well as he still lives at home going to college. We had all been spending quality time with her, loving her so much.
So the 3 of us took her to the last vet appointment, my daughter drove so that I could hold her on my my lap wrapped in a warm blanket.
We said our goodbyes to her giving her so many kisses and hugs telling her how much we loved her and that she was such a good girl. She got a sedative first and about 5 mintes later she got her other shot and within seconds my baby was gone, I felt her body go limp as I held her and we were kissing her saying we loved her. The second she went limp we all lost it, I haven't cried so hard in a long time and it was hard for me to see my kids so devastated but they wanted to be there with her until the end.
We chose private cremation for her and we will get her ashes and they will do a nice ceramic pawprint with her name on it.
I couldn't bear to go back home afterwards not seeing her there. I spent the weekend at my daughter's. I couldn't do anything but cry almost all weekend, if my daughter din't make anything to eat and drink I wouldn't have had anything, I'm so heartbroken.
Now I can't help second guessing myself if we did the right thing, even with her issues she still went to the litterbox and she still ate a little bit at a time, we got some medi-cal special canned food from the vets that she seemed to like that I would give her mixed with water and sometimes she even groomed herself afterwards, I came home today and as soon as I stepped in the door I lost it. The house feels so empty and nothing feels the same anymore. She was my baby and I miss her more than words can say.

Hi, Princess's Mom, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Princess. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Princess's Mom, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. One of the many emotions we ALL experience is guilt / remorse which comes from the normal "second guessing" that haunts the core of our very heart and soul - - did I do the right thing, what else could I have done, - - and the "if onlys", "what ifs", and "whys". From what you share with us, Princess's Mom, there is no doubt that you did EVERYTHING that was in your power to give your beloved Princess a happy, healthy earthly journey, - - and at the moment when she needed your most unselfish love - - you put HER needs first by easing her journey home to the angels - - even though your heart is breaking under the heaviest burden of sorrow.

In addition to all the different emotions this grief adjustment journey throws at us, there is also the burden of adjusting to the physical absence of your beloved Princess. It is a journey that cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey of all the "first withouts" and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure. But I assure you, Princess's Mom, it is journey you do not travel alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

And even though you are now struggling through a very painful adjustment to the physical absence of your beloved Princess, I hope you will find comfort in knowing that the love bond you and your beloved Princess share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Princess's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will - - for she is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, Princess's Mom, - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are in deep grief there really are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still I hope and pray the words I share with you will be able to offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us by sharing your beloved Princess with us, Princess's Mom. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you, and your family, are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi moon_beam, thank you you so much for replying to my post and for your kind comforting words, it really means alot. I'm so sorry that you as well has lost a precious baby. It really is pure torment to be going through this....I can't wrap my head around the fact that she declinded so rapidly, it all seems like a blur. My home just doesn't feel like a home any more, the deafening silence of her meows and loud purrs are almost too much to bear(she was always a talker) I didn't even have to touch her to get a purr, if I only looked at her she would purr instantly.I have collected everything that has to do with her such as the med containers, syringes and all of the vet paperwork, as well as having a pile of tissues soaked with my tears that I can't bear to throw away because every drop of those tears is my proof of my deep love for her.My daughter has been doing ok, she feels we spared her from further misery and her witnessing putting her to sleep affirmed to her that she passed away quickly and peacefully, but I think its a bit easier for her because she doesn't live with me so she doesn't feel the extreme void that my son and I feel even though I have no doubt that she loved her no less than us. My son is still quite sad, he is very quiet these days.This is pure agony....I want to be released from it.

Hi, Princess's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I do so well understand the deep void in your heart and home - - the sound of silence of your beloved Princess's energy is profoundly deafening - - it is almost as if your home itself is mourning.

Unfortunately there is no easy way to navigate this grief adjustment journey. There are no fast forward or delete buttons that can speed up the process or make it automatically disappear. It is rather a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your own time. There is no date on the calendar you can look at and say, "by this date my deep sorrow will be gone." And no one can tell you when your heart will / or should no longer be sad. But please know each of us are here for you, with you, and beside you to share the not so bad days, the not so good days, and the days when it feels like your heart is breaking under the burden of your deepest sorrow.

I hope today is treating you and all your family kindly, Princess's Mom, and that you and your family will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Princess's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you so much for your kind comments moonbeam...it is a blessing to have this site so that I am able to express my grief as some family and friends just don't get it and I can't speak to them about it.
Everything you say is exactly true...I know that there is no set time limit to this journey of grief...it seems to feel worse rather than easier so far.
I pray that in time it eases a bit....its hard for me to even type on here without crying my eyes out and not seeing the screen.

Hi Princess's Mom -

I am so sorry for your loss. I am touched that you would be able to write such supportive words to me while you are deeply grieving your Princess. Today marks our Scarlett's four month Angel-versary and the only thing that I can say from our experience is that time indeed continues to tick by but the grief remains. Many people have expressed that the deep searing grief will lessen - I hold on to that belief. The only thing we can do is try to take each day as it comes. Sometimes all we can handle is moment by moment.

I echo Moonbeam's sentiments - all of us on this site understand what you are going through and are here for you.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

- Scarlett's Mom

Hi Scarlett's mom

Thank you so much for the kind words and for reading my post about my Princess. I know I still have so far to go as my journey has just begun and so many of you are into weeks and months but still feeling the grief and sorrow....and for that I am so sorry, I do hope that all of your precious memories of your baby shines through and diminishes that dark tunnel of grief that we have to endure. I try so hard to think of the pleasant times and not the moments of her illness and passing, but it doesn't work too well right now, those awful thoughts keep creeping in.
I'm hoping that those wonderful memories with overtake the bad ones as I and all of us here get further down the tunnel.

I do hope that you and your husband are surrounded by your sweet Scarlett's memories and how very much you loved eachother....you did the very best that you could for her and she knows that, she felt your love for her and always will, even in the spirit world.