I'm crying again tonight even though I lost my little buddy 3 weeks ago. Daddy Cat (aka Mr Cat) started going downhill in September and I had him euthanized on 4 October. Part of me feels incredibly guilty I did not move more quickly to figure out why he seemed to be slowing down a few months ago. The vet did blood tests and they turned up no problems, but suddenly in September he stopped eating and eventually we found out he had a really bad heart problem. I can't stop thinking that I should have been more concerned about him over the summer.

And then there is the guilt that maybe I put him through too much as we tried to figure out what was wrong and help him get better. He had a little plateau where he began eating again and then he went back into a decline.

I have to admit he was by far my favorite cat of the four that I had and I doted on him. And I feel like I let him down when he needed me the most. The last few weeks of his life I'd let him outside whenever he wanted (he was an inside/outside cat, though he had less interest in being outside the older he got, and he had a fenced in yard to keep him safe) and sit with him as long as he wanted to be out there. and I could get him to play a little, and eat some catnip, but I remember feeling so sad because it was the fall and I had the feeling he would not be around for the winter. And he seemed so...tired. But he had flashes of his old self. Three times I decided to euthanize him and then couldn't go through with it. But the last time I knew I had to.

Now my heart is broken. It seems like he's just out of reach, but he's gone forever. Forever! I'm so sorry little buddy.

I found the post on this site about when I lost my Oscar back in 2006. I mentioned Mr. Cat then - he showed up the very next day to visit. And even though he had hissed at me before, he started letting me get close. Eventually he adopted me and decided he wanted to share the house. That's what makes this so hard. My little buddy adopted me, and now he's gone.

Hi, aepheva, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Mr. Cat. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to them at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Aepheva, as you know from first hand experience this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It doesn't matter if it's our first grief journey or our thousandth - - each grief adjustment journey is uniquely painful because each relationship we have with each of our companions is uniquely individual. It doesn't mean that we love our other companions less, or more - - it is simply that we love each of them for the unique individual relationship we share with them.

It is very obvious from what you share with us that you did everything in your power to give your beloved Mr. Cat a happy and healthy earthly journey. As it is with human medicine, so it is with veterinary medicine - - anything a veterinary care provider can do for our precious companions is based upon test results - - whatever the tests may be. Our companions are very adept at hiding / disguising how they are feeling because they carry the same genetic trait as their wild cousins when they are ill or injured - - any indication of illness / injury / weakness makes them vulnerable. Unfortunately, by the time they begin to exhibit symptoms the illness/ injury has already manifested itself in their body. Sometimes veterinary medicine can intervene and restore a good quality of life for our companions, while at other times we are faced with having to make the most selfless heartbreaking decision of releasing them from their failing, frail physical bodies.

The good news in the depth of your deep sorrow is that the love bond you and your beloved Mr. Cat share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Because we live in a physically oriented world governed by the five senses of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell, we are conditioned to believe that the physical world and physical senses are the only "real" things in our lives. But there is another "dimension" to our lives that surpasses the physical senses - - and it is the dimension of eternal love. Your beloved Mr. Cat's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will - - for he is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, aepheva - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

Unfortunately there is no easy way to navigate this grief adjustment journey, aepheva. There are no fast forward or delete buttons we can press to speed up the journey or make it instantaneously disappear. Rather it is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. And it is a journey that you do not need to travel alone - - for each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there really are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still, I hope the words I share with you will be able to offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Mr. Cat with us, aepheva. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, aepheva, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you for your kind words. I cried so much last night I couldn't work today, my eyes were so swollen. Am trying not to lose it tonight. I don't know why I am so much sadder this week than I was the first few weeks.

Here's a picture of my buddy from way back when he first joined the household.

Hi, aepheva, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and this wonderful picture of your beloved Mr. Cat. He is a very handsome kitty, and you are forever blessed to be his Forever Mom.

Unfortunately this grief journey is not a straight line from A to Z, but is one filled with many ups and downs, twists and turns, and turnarounds without any forewarning - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride.

It is important for your health that you allow yourself the opportunities to openly grieve for your beloved Mr. Cat. Scientific studies prove that the tears we cry are literally healing tears as they literally wash the toxins out of our bodies that build up from the stress of grief. Some people think that if they suppress their grief it will make the sorrow less painful and intense. Clinical studies prove this is definitely the wrong thing to do for suppressed grief will eventually need to be addressed and the stress from suppressing the grief can cause other medical complications that can lead to emergency situations.

I know all too well from first hand experience how difficult it is to put on the "public face" at work and around others when our hearts are deeply grieving. But it is vitally important that you find the time when you can openly release your deep sorrow without fear of criticism.

Aepheva, thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Mr. Cat with us. I hope today is treating you kindly and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Mr. Cat's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, aepheva, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

I still feel really empty not having Mr Cat around. The other cats were so good to me on Monday night - they all came to sleep on the bed with me (usually only Callie, my calico does that since Mr. Cat died) and I like to think they understood.

I was reading sher mark's story about Rusty and her description of the bond she had with her cat was like the one I had with Mr. Cat. It was like we were meant to be together, he was probably someone's abandoned pet who lived wild a few years before adopting me. Nobody cared about him, and when I took him in he became my buddy. It was like having a dog, he was always beside me, no matter what I did. I used to joke that he was my dog in a cat suit. And he only accepted other people if he saw that I was ok with them too. And he was the best cat inside. Never made a mess, never fussed or fought with the other cats. Every night he slept on my right side.

That makes it so hard to lose him - he was always with me, and now he is not. And I still feel horrible about how we figured out, too late, why he was so sick. I feel like I failed him. And that he went through so much that last month, and maybe I should have let him go sooner.

Hi, aepheva, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. During our deepest grief it can feel like our sorrow will never ease - - we will never be able to feel again, laugh again, - -. But I promise you, aepheva, that it will not always be like this. One day when you least expect it you will be thinking of your beloved Mr. Cat and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and your heart will fill with the warmth of all the many treasured memories you and your beloved Mr. Cat share. But until this time comes for you, aepheva, please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

It is so heartwarming to share with you that your other precious companions are comforting you. They, too, have lost a valued housemate and need your comfort and reassurance as well. In comforting them you may also feel comforted.

I hope today is treating you kindly, aepheva, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Mr. Cat's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, aepheva, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam