Hello Friends,
I'm Lisa. My husband Paul and I have four Shih Tzu and three cats. I did Shih Tzu rescue for almost 10 years but eventually "retired" with my own two "original" pups and four more or less permanent fosters that we adopted when I left the rescue I was with.

I always fostered the senior dogs and the special health and behavioral needs dogs. I loved it but it came with heartbreak...namely dealing with the loss of these precious babies when their times came...and that time did always come. In the past three years we have lost Lola - a Maltese poodle cross with congenital liver disease, Chet - a Lhasa with a seizure disorder and severe diabetes, Lettie - a 16 year old blind/deaf Lhasa cross with multiple heath issues, and Nelson, a Lhasa with CHF. Each of these losses was incredibly difficult and painful, and not one day goes by where I don't think of them and wish I had just a little more time with them.

But now has come something even harder, although I would have thought that hard to imagine. One of my two "original" Shih Tzu - meaning, one of the two dogs my husband directly adopted, not fostered, and have had since they were pups - Charlie, has lymphoma which has become inoperable.

It started with a lump on his thorax/throat area. That was removed. Then another lower on his torso, behind his front legs. Removed, grew back, removed. It grew back and was removed again. That time, my vet told me after his surgery that it had been fairly impossible for her to get all the margins of the tumor and she was afraid it would grow back. It didn't for a long time...and then it did. While it was still very small, we went in again. This time, she called me while Charlie was still on the operating table and told me that he had so little viable tissue left in that area that she was afraid she couldn't close him up properly. I asked her to do her best and she did. We expected him to bleed out within 48 hours, but he miraculously healed. And of course the tumors came back within a couple of months. My husband and I made the decision, with our vet, not to operate again because it was just too much for him...and I didn't want my baby to die on the OR table. So fast forward a few months and a million prayers later - his tumors are large, his muscle is wasting and my sweet boy isn't the boy he always was. He is on mild pain meds as needed but he is beginning to have difficulty walking comfortably. He can't get up on furniture. His tumors show no sign of letting up. He gets great supplements and an excellent diet, which I believe has helped a lot, but I am beginning to deal with the fact that despite our hopes, we will lose him to this battle with lymphoma. How I hate the idea. He is the sweetest of the sweet - just this little tiny, puff-chested red and white ewok who is all emotion. We have enjoyed and loved and lived with CHarlie for eight years. I am taking him back to my vet today for a new pain medication plan assessment and to talk about what to expect in the coming days and hopefully weeks.

I'll keep y'all posted; I just had to write to someone and tell them what is happening. I am a strong person who thinks it is perfectly normal to bawl ones eyes out over a lost furbaby...but this particular pending loss is just...too hard to think about right now.
Thank you for letting me share. Lisa
This is Charlie
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Hi, Lisa, please permit me to offer you my sincerest empathy in your and your husband's Anticipatory Grief journey with your precious Charlie. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal.

Anticipatory Grief is a very difficult journey with various emotions all of its own. It is very, very difficult to see our precious companion's physical health deteriorate knowing that we will do whatever is in our power to keep them happy and comfortable for as long as possible - - while knowing that eventually there will come the time when we will have to make the most ultimate act of love releasing them from their frail, failing physical bodies.

I can so relate to your precious Charlie's surgical history with my beloved beautiful kitty baby girl Abbygayle who was diagnosed with advanced Fibrosarcoma mainfested on her left hip. She underwent three surgeries with the tumors returning within days after the last surgery. There was little muscle mass to support another surgery, and I promised my precious girl after the third surgery that I would not subject her to that anymore. When she started limping on her hind left leg and stopped eating I knew the time had come to release her precious physical body from the consuming effects of the cancer.

Lisa, I hope your veterinary care provider will be able to offer you and your precious Charlie a pain management regimen that will enable your precious Charlie to continue to enjoy his earthly journey with you and your husband for as long as possible. Chronic pain is debilitating to the physical body and spirit, and I'm hoping his pain can still be managed so that he can continue to enjoy a good quality of life for as long as possible.

Among many things you need to remember is that you are not alone, Lisa. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you both now as well as when your precious Charlie joins the angels.

I hope today is treating your precious Charlie and you and your husband kindly, Lisa. Thank you so much for sharing your precious boy with us. He is sooo sweet. Please know your precious Charlie and you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, Lisa, and please let us know how your precious boy and you are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you so much Moon_Beam. I appreciate your kind and loving words.
I just returned from the vet. Charlie's mass site is full of blood; possibly a vessel has been broken. So the mass itself is smaller but what makes up the bulk of the "tumor" is blood drainage. She feels there may be as much as three cups in there. She feels she can drain the site and clamp the broken vessel. This operation - if successful - will take pressure off his skin and the mass as well as allow him to walk normally. After some discussion, we have decided to go ahead with this. Because of the difficulty with this tumor in the past, there isn't any guarantee that there will be a positive outcome. I am allowing myself to be hopeful but tonight we will have to try to grapple with the reality that Charlie may not come home from surgery tomorrow afternoon. I plan to be at the vet's throughout the surgery. I guess the only other thing I can do right now is pray and hope and try to understand that we are doing the best we can for him and the rest is in God's hands.

Hi, Lisa, thank you so very much for sharing with us how your precious Charlie's check up went yesterday. Please know your precious boy, and you and your husband, are in my thoughts and prayers today that your veterinary care provider will be able to drain the tumor successfully so that your precious Charlie can continue to have a good quality of life with his Forever Mom and Dad. Please let us know how things go, Lisa.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you Moon Beam. We had to let Charlie go; there were a lot more complications once my vet opened him to clamp the blood vessel and his prognosis was very poor. His blood had no more clotting factor. So I was with him as he passed but my husband was not able to be there. I am so incredibly sad; heartbroken...and it hasn't yet even begun to sink in. Your words are very comforting and I appreciate that so much.
Lisa

Hi, Lisa, please permit me to offer you my sincerest and deepest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Charlie. I am so very sorry that the results of the surgery were not as you and your husband - - and your veterinary care provider - - and I - - were hoping for. I do so know from first hand experience how deeply heartbroken you are feeling. I also know from first hand experience that when our hearts are in deep grief there really are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still I do hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Charlie with us, Lisa. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam