Well today I had to do the hardest thing ever. I had to euthanize my girl. I hope she knows I loved her and that I will always remember her little quirky behaviors that made me smile.

It all started 3 months ago with a trip to the vet b/c she stopped eating and was vomitting so much. With some Xrays and blood tests we discovered her liver was not functioning well. So with some appetite stimulants, antibiotics, liver meds, and anti nausea meds I took her home where she got better until a month later when the meds finished and she started to be ill again. Again we went to the vet and took some blood and found the same problem. So 2 more months later and 2 more rounds of meds she just got worse 3 weeks ago. She was so jaundice... I wasfeeding her water and baby food for the last 2 weeks. All she did was sleep and yet she purred and wagged that little stubby tail of hers whenever I petted her. I felt so bad for her .

She came from the SPCA where some horrid person declawed her and abandoned her to fend for herself. After getting rhino I fostered her. After 2 years (this month) she had used her 9th life. I feel so alone. All I did for the last 2 days was care for her and weep and weep. This afternoon I took her in and she was sedated before they eutanized her and you know what... I held her and she purred. In the winter and up until today she sat right in front of the fireplace on her pillow and now when I look there she isnt there and all I can do is cry. I have had many cats in my life and helped many more abused and abandoned cats over the years, BUT THIS IS THE HARDEST THING I HAVE EVER HAD TO DO!

Sorry to ramble but I needed to share my love for her, now that she isnt here.

My baby I will say goodbye to you today,
Feeling the softness when I stroked your fur.
You could scarcely raise your head to eat,
yet still you calmed me with your purr.

Were you comfortable curled on the pillow?
And did you know your time drew near?
Your wide yellow eyes held gentle love,
and quiet pain, but showed no fear.

You slipped away so quietly
that I wasn't sure that you were gone.
Your piggy curled tail is stilled
but your spirit lingers on.

I miss our time together already
Are you happy, are you strong?
I feel your warmth, your life, your love
and still can hear your purring song.

Oh, what a beautiful kitty. I am so very sorry you had to go through all of this. I know your heart is breaking and I know that your heart is as empty as your girl'spillow by the fireplace. My heart goes out to you. That was a beautiful poem you wrote to your girl. I know she does know how special she was and how much you loved her. You did everything you could to try to save her!

Please keep coming here and posting your feelings. It really does help and you'll find that everyone here understands and cares.
Love,
Marcia

I am so sorry that your baby had to be helped to the Rainbow Bridge and your time was cut short with her. Her purring most have been her way of telling you how much she loved you and was so glad you took her in and gave her a good life. The poem made me cry as it really touched my heart and thanks so much for sharing your love and care of her with us.
Ann

I'm so sorry for your loss!!!

There is no doubt: She knows how very much you loved and still love her! Love is stronger than the death of someone's physical body, and although we miss their physical presence (I can just imagine you looking at that pillow ), they are spirit now, experiencing love and bliss without the pains of the body.

You are such a special Mom.
Your poem is precious.

You did everything you could do! It was just her time. "You could scarcely raise your head to eat,
yet still you calmed me with your purr." ...That is such a sweet image. Her purr was indeed her message to you that she'd be ok, and she wanted to comfort you so that YOU would be ok. Remember, love is a 2-way street.

" Your wide yellow eyes held gentle love .... but showed no fear." Love is stronger than fear, and she certainly knew how loved she was.

" your spirit lingers on."
Definitely.

"I feel your warmth, your life, your love
and still can hear your purring song."

Nothing will ever break the bond you and she have.

Write any time. I'm so glad you wrote, and shared her picture, and your poem. My heart is there with you. Sending prayers of comfort your way. Love,

Kathy

I miss my baby so much today.... I feel angry, so angry AND sad. My head is a mess. I see my other cat and for some reason he is oblivious of the fact that Peanut is gone. For some odd reason that bugs me. I dont know why I feel irritated by that but I do. Damn how I long for my little girl to be here. So irrational ... I know, BUT I WANT HER BACK! So NOT fair. My heart is empty and broken... I still weep but it feels like I have run out of tears. I also think of getting another cat but feel so resistant , like it could never be my Peanut. Well enough of my rambling..... Here is another pic of my baby