im up and cant sleep. 2 weeks ago today i lost my honey cat unexpectedly. i have 2 cats, a black 13 year old named beep "bc when he meows it sounds like a little beep", and my 12 year old orange tabby honey. ive had both cats since they were kittens "rescues of course". well, beep was diagnosed with a rare disease called hemangiocarcinoma which are basically tumors on the liver. vet said in his 16 years of practice hes never seen a cat with it, just dogs, just my luck. so 2 weeks ago i come home from work "i am an rn and work nights 7pm-7am", and we do out usual routine. both honey and beep greet me at the door, i feed them both, everythings good. so i go on the livingroom couch to sleep. both my boys are in their beds under the coffee table. a half hour goes by and im starting to doze off when i hear a "coughing" sound coming from honey. i immediately get up to see whats going on and he's slumped with his head hanging off his of bed gasping for air. i jump up and grab him from the bed, his tongue is hanging out of his mouth hiseyes are wide open. then he just stops breathing. i start giving him breaths "like we do for people", he takes 2 more gasps and hes gone. i sat on my livingroom floor with honey in my arms screaming!!! i was crying but it was such a shock no tears were coming out from my eyes. all i could do was scream and yell NO NO! i felt like i was dreaming and this wasnt really happening. how could this be? nothing was wrong with him. i called my fiance hysterical who then called my mom to come over immediately "thank god she only lives 5 minutes away." i called the vet hysterical and he said "im so sorry, i thought he would live at least a few more months", when i told him it wasnt beep and that it was honey he was in disbelief. i held honey in my arms and cried like ive never cried before. his face was soaked from all my tears. the vet thinks he has a heart attack, and that he had some underlying heart condition that was never caught bc he never showed any symptoms of illness. i cant get the image out of my head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! his lifeless body, his face, his beautiful eyes wide open! its horrible!!! im upset that i had to see that but i try to think "what if he died when nobody was home and i came home and found him dead" i hate when people tell me "it was just an animal". NO, he WAS MY BABY!! MY BOY!!!! i found this website and read some stories and found that there are peoplelike me... people who loved their animals just as much as i did. my heart is broken into pieces right now and its gonna get worse when i also have to lose my beep. i had honey privately cremated and hes back in my livingroom in a beautiful urn i bought for him. i just wish the tears would stop soon.

Hi Honeysmom,

Let me say how very sorry I am for your loss of Honey. He is such a beautiful boy and it is so tragic that you lost him so suddenly. Almost 11 weeks ago, I lost my two kitties, Joe and Steve, on the same day. They had terminal illnesses and the time had come for both of them. They were old, so while losing them wasn't a shock in that I knew the time was coming, the reality of their absence was completely awful just the same. Years ago I lost my cat Jake unexpectedly, so do understand the added grief and shock that comes from losing a furry one in that way, as well.

I'm sorry to say, the tears probably won't subside anytime soon. When you love an animal that much and are so connected, the grief is overwhelming, but I do want you to know that the pain will ease over time. I cried everyday for six weeks and I still cry sometimes now, although it's more manageable. For the first month, I was moving in slow motion. The world, it felt, was whipping past and my life had come to a standstill. I felt I would never be able to move forward. Even with my two sweet dogs still with me, the loss of my baby boys was so incredibly difficult. And I, like you, fear the loss of one of them as well (they are 10 and 12).

If I can offer any kind of advice from my experience over the last 11 weeks, it's just to allow yourself to grieve for as long and as hard as you need to. I have found that you can't get "over" grief. You have to go "through" it. The strange thing is that by embracing grief, I found a peace in all of it... a connection to my boys that makes me feel close to them. It is a roller coaster ride, though. I have good days. Many more now than weeks ago. And then I'll have a really awful day, thinking it's just time for them to come home. So hard to grasp that they're really gone.

This forum is wonderful place with so many supportive people. I have found it to be a comforting and reassuring place to hang out. At first, I just found comfort in posting to my thread and reading people's replies to me. Then I began to read the stories of others and that was so helpful. You are not alone in this. It is a journey I wouldn't wish on anyone, but it is a journey you will come through.

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss and hope you and Beep will have a peaceful day. Please know we are all here for you.

CritzyJ

Hi, honeysmom, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Honey. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion so unexpectedly intensifies the grief.

Honeysmom, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences we will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the "first withouts" and the memories that right now may be all too painful that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. But it is a journey that you will not have to travel alone, honeysmom, for each of us here truly do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

The good news in the midst of all your deep sorrow is that the love bond you and your beloved Honey share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Honey's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will - - for she is always and forever a part of your heart and your memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there really are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still, I hope in some way that the words I share with you will be able to offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so very much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Honey with us. He is a very handsome kitty, and you are so very blessed to be his heir to his eternal love. Please know you and your precious Beep are in my thoughts and prayers, honeysmom, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

thank you both so much for your kind words!! moon beam and critzyJ....critzy im so sorry about your kitties!!! i feel your pain and it sucks. both of you made me just feel a little better, its nice to kno there are people out there who understand and can empathize with what im going through. i got my honey back, "cremated", i bought him a beautiful urn and hes back in my livingroom near his spot he loved to sleep. beeps doing good, still hanging in there, happy and purring. thank you both again for your thoughts and prayers. it means alot!!

Hi, honeysmom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for sharing this wonderful picture of your beloved Honey with us.

I'm so glad having your beloved Honey's ashes back home is comforting to you. I am also glad your precious Beep is doing well. Please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, honeysmom.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Beep kindly, honeysmom, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Honey's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Beep are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Good morning Honey's mom

My heart wept when I heard your story about your precious Honey. And the picture! what an incredible cat!

Thank you, Honeycat, for searching the world over to find your one and only soul-mate, and for sharing an earthly life with your loving mom for many years. Now you have gone back home to the Perfect World and your mom is as sad as it is possible to be on this earth. Please send down some "love rays" to her today and let her know that one day you two will be together agaiin - and that your beautiful spirit will walk beside her every step of her earthly life.

Gretta and Rufus's moom

that was so sweet grettas mom! very beautiful. and i know my honey is with me until we meet again. i will keep you all updated on beep, hopefully the dr's are wrong and he will stay with me longer than they expect

this is my beep, he misses honey

Hi, honeysmom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for sharing this picture of your handsome Beep with us. He is soooo stuning. Please know you and your precious Beep are in my thoughts and prayers that you and Beep will indeed continue to have a happy earthly journey together for a long time. Please let us know how your precious boy is doing.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Beep kindly, honeysmom, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Honey's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Once again, please know you and your precious Beep are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam