I love animals. I have had a whole household full for years. On Sept 15, 2013 I made the heartwrenching decision to euthanize my cat of almost 18 years "Kitten". She is longest pet I've ever had. She was so mouthy and "bitching" as I would tell her all the time. She had liver problems that I had stopped treating a couple years ago because the treatment was too hard on her. The morning I took her into the vet she had stopped talking, eating, or drinking (even out of the faucet which she trained me to turn on for her) and I knew the time had come. I held her in my arms and she just looked at me with her sweet little eyes while she passed.

Then, 11 days later on Sept 26, my son & I made the painful decision to euthanize our 16 year old lab/pitbull "Karli Sue" in our home. She had a heart condition & began having trouble breathing, and could barely walk without help in the last week especially. My son considered Karli his dog as they had a special bond while growing up. He was 7 yrs old (now almost 23 yrs) when Karli came to our door. I felt guilty afterwards thinking I should have taken her back to the vet to see what else could've been done. And the worst part is that when the cremation service came to get her, he put her in a black trash bag, not a body bag, but a trash bag right there on her bed she laid. I can't get that image out of my head. I realize the issue of body fluids but he could have done that in his van.

Then to top it off, 3 days after Karli's death, I found my 15 year old shepherd/Akita "Daisy", drown in our pool. I had left the back door open because they liked to walk around in the backyard. I feel so much guilt because I fell asleep on the couch, so I didn't hear her fall in. I was always very careful to not leave that door open unless I was supervising them. When I awoke and looked everywhere in house & then I looked in yard & saw her floating in the pool. I jumped in knowing she was dead. I was hysterical. I can not forgive myself for not being awake, leaving door open, and not saving her. I know people say its an accident but it happened because of me!

I can't get the image out of my head. I can't even look in my backyard. I don't even want that pool anymore. I haven't been able to eat, work, sleep, or when I do it's nitemares. I cry constantly. I knew those 3 pets were going to go around the same time, but I didn't think within 2 weeks. But the worst is my guilt over my poor lil baby drowning & suffering like that. How can I ever get over this severe heartache? I still have 2 other cats "Lucky & Sophie", and a beagle " Bugle". Even feeding them brings me to tears. I simply don't know how to ever get over this feeling of guilt and remorse. Click to view attachmentClick to view attachment

Dear Lovemyfurrykids, my heart goes out to you. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. Losing three beloved fur kids in just 2 short weeks is too much to bear for anyone. Your Daisy knows that you never meant for this terrible accident to happen. When we are grieving it is so hard for us to function, and so it is no wonder that you were exhausted and fell asleep. You are not a terrible person. It is clear to me that you love your fur kids dearly. Please do not torture yourself. Your Daisy wouldn't want you to. She is in a better place, with her friends Kitten and Karlie Sue. Please take good care of yourself. You may want to take a herbal supplement to calm your nerves and help you sleep better. Perhaps it may help you to write down how you feel. Expressing our feelings on paper can help us deal with them and see things more clearly. In this stage of deep grief please be especially kind to yourself. You lost three of your best friends, and that is incredibly hard.

Hugs,
DannysMom

Dannysmom,
Thank you for your kind words. I needed them. And your sweet kitty looks just like a cat I had named Pooky. These wonderful bundles of joy make our lives worth living. Today I picked up Karli & Daisy's ashes. Bittersweet. Ironically enuf the fancy box that they packaged Daisy's urn & paw print in, which I emptied out when I got home, my sweet lil Sophie cat bunched herself in. It brought me a smile. These furry kids always know how to make us feel better. Click to view attachment

Hi, Lovemyfurrykids, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical losses of your beloved Kitten, Karli Sue, and Daisy. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing multiple companions in a short period of time intensifies the grief.

Lovemyfurrykids, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is filled with many emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. One of the many emotions ALL of us experience is guilt / remorse, and it is one of the hardest grief emotions to reconcile - - because it comes from looking back and trying to reconcile the events that lead up to the physical separation from our beloved companions.

As your beloved Kitten and Karli Sue know that you love them and did everything in your power to give them a happy, safe, and healthy earthly journey, so does your beloved Daisy. When our physical bodies are so exhausted from the stress of grief, we literally have no control over when we will literally collapse so that our bodies can get the vital rest it needs. You in NO WAY neglected your beloved Daisy and are not responsible for her drowning. We are mere mortals - - we do not possess the gift of foreknowledge. There is no way you could have foreseen that it would be this particular moment in time when this tragic event would happen to your beloved Daisy. I hope and pray that someday you will be able to find peace in your heart.

Please let me try to reassure you that the symptoms you are experiencing are very normal with this deep grief journey: "I can't get the image out of my head. I can't even look in my backyard. I don't even want that pool anymore. I haven't been able to eat, work, sleep, or when I do it's nitemares. I cry constantly." When we experience a traumatic event, scientific studies prove that our minds record this event similar to a CD recording. Sometimes the CD gets warped or damaged, and when that happens the CD continuously replays the music or video at that point. Clinical professionals refer to this as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and the more the traumatic event is, the more the event continuously replays in our memories.

Several years ago I had a very traumatic, and tragic, life changing event. A wonderful professional counselor coached me with a technique that helped me to eventually de-sensitize my recall of the event. It takes a lot of concentrated effort, but it does work. When you begin to remember the image of your beloved Daisy, you must try to re-direct your thoughts to something else that is more pleasant. This technique does not change the memory that you will always have but it does help to eventually diminish the traumatic reaction you are now experiencing with the memory of the event, and will help you to be able to eventually remember your beloved Daisy and the many wonderful memories you and your beloved Daisy share without feeling severely traumatized.

And eventually, as your deep grief eases, so will the other symptoms you are feeling. For now though, as DannysMom has so comfortingly encouraged you, it is absolutely imperative that you take care of yourself. If eating a regular meal is not appealing to you right now, that's okay - - but you must keep yourself hydrated and nourished to the best of your ability, as the stress of grief takes a physical toll on our bodies. You must also provide yourself the opportunities to openly grieve for your beloved Kitten, Karli Sue, and Daisy, for the tears you cry are literally healing tears as they literally cleanse the body from the toxins that build up from the stress of grief. It is very normal to feel totally emotionally "out of control" particularly during the very deep grief. I promise you it will not always be this way - - one day you will find that you are once again beginning to feel in more control.

The good news in the midst of all this deep sorrow is that the love bond you and your beloved Kitten, Karli Sue, and Daisy share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Kitten's, Karli Sue's, and Daisy's sweet Living Spirits continue to share your earthly journey as they always have and always will - - for they are always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - they are always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are in deep grief there really are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still, I hope the words I share with you will be able to offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone - - each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Kitten, Karlie Sue, and Daisy with us, Lovemyfurrykids, and for sharing these wonderful pictures of them with us, and of your precious Sophie. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Lovemyfurrykids, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Oh, my, losing 3 furry ones so close... I am so very sorry for your loss. I can feel your heartbreak through your words and it is also obvious from what you wrote how much you love your furry ones. Please make sure to take care of yourself - we lost our girl Scarlett in July and we literally had to remind ourselves to eat and drink water etc. Also, please remember to be kind to yourself - these feelings of guilt will remain - as I am just finding out myself - but they will ease with time. The intensity will ease.

We are each grieving the loss of our furry babies here on this site - we each know how incredibly special our furry one's were AND continue to be. I wanted to reach out to you to let you know that I am keeping you in my prayers. I also wanted to tell you that I loved that you shared the photo and story about your Sophie in that box... they really do know how to lift our spirits. Me and my husband only had our Scarlett so are leaning on each other, our friends, and all the kind souls here on this site to help us with our grief. This place is a safe place where you will find much comfort.

Sending you healing energy.

~ Scarlett's Mom

Thank you Scarlett's Mom & moon beam for your kind words. Moon beam I am hoping I can replace my awful memory of Daisy's lifeless body in my pool to something else. I hope it's possible. I've also thought of contacting an animal communicator for a session. I'm not sure I believe in that but I'm desperate to talk to them to make sure they know how sorry I am & how deeply I love & miss them.