somehow managed to register on lightning-strike, motivated by having to put my beloved lab down, monday 19aug...she was 12, she was my heart. my heart is now beating but there's nothing there. i know i have to do something and keep aware of what's going on, so had to start here with everyone in this forum.

Hi, Diane, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved companion. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Sadly, there comes a time when the only way we can help them is to compassionately and lovingly give them permission to leave their physical bodies so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Please let me try to offer you some words of comfort by reassuring you that what you are going through is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. This grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is a journey that will not be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the "first withouts" and the memories that right now are very painful that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" etc., to endure.

Diane, this journey is one of adjustment to the physical absence of your beloved companion. When our companions come into our hearts and homes, our lives are changed for the better. They literally become the center of our universe as our daily routines revolve around their physical and emotional needs - - feeding schedules, play time and walk time, trips to their veterinary care provider for medical care, etc.. When they precede us to the angels, we are then faced with the incredibly painful task of re-inventing our lives and daily routines that no longer require including the physical care of our beloved companions. This is incredibly painful especially during the deep grief because every minute of every hour of every day seems to be a continuous reminder that our beloved companion is no longer physically with us.

But I promise you it will not always be this way. One day when you least expect it you will find yourself thinking of your beloved companion and you will find yourself smiling again - - truly smiling - - and the memories that are now too bitterly painful for you will once again be embraced with warmth and happiness. But it will just take time for you to come to this point in your grief adjustment journey, Diane - - for it is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. And it is a journey that you will never have to travel alone - - for each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. You are among friends here, Diane.

The good news in the midst of your deep sorrow is that the love bond you and your beloved companion share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved companion continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will - - for she is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, Diane - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can effectively soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still, I hope and pray the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved companion with us, Diane. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Diane, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Diane

My heart is very sad with you on the passing of your lab. All dogs are precious, but labs are the best. I have had two labs, both older rescue dogs. When these gentle ones disappear, your heart is not just broken, it's in shock. You expressed it beautifully: my heart beats but there is nothing there. Yes, when a terrible crisis, especially a loss, happens, the mind and heart is physically unable to deal with it all at once, so it turns you into a living robot - just a hollow shell. The terrible feelings of loss and sadness are there and if you poke at them, rivers of tears will fall, but you are bring temporarily protected by the robot state.

Diane, dring this time, however long it lasts, it is very important that you be gentle with yourself. And you do not have to apologize for that. Move slowly, think slowly, do the minimum possible to keep the bare essentials going.. Don't make hasty decisions - like feeling you "have to" do or not do something - especially if it's something being told you should or shouldn't do by someone else.

How well I remember when my first dog, Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) went home. My house was empty. My arms had no body to hug. My heeart had no body to love. Life was just EMPTY. It was terrible. As Moonbeam says, there is no other sorrow like this on earth.

There is a reason behind this, though: Animals and people are made of the soul-stuff. Some of us, like you are lucky enough to be an animal's soul mate. They carry a piece of our soul, and we carry a piece of theirs. Our soulmate animals search for us throughout this vast universe until they find the one and only person who carries the missing piece of their soul. And then they put themselves in our path so we will find them. When we do, and when we get the incredible privilege of spending some of the happiest years of our lives with them. Unfortunately, the Maker of the universe decided that animals' lives should be shorter than ours. So when we give our hearts away in love to a soul-mate animal, we also sign up for some of the worst pain in this life - separation from them. Your lab is really not gone. She's just shed her physical characteristics - like when they shed their undercoats. Again unfortunately these elements are the ones we humans use to define whether something "is": sight, hearing, smell, touch, taste. And a spirit has none of these. But that does NOT mean the spirit ISN'T REAL. You lab is where she ever was - right by your side. Watching over you, guiding your steps, walking with you, and most important, loving and being loved by you.

This Gentle Spirit has gone before you into the land from which she came: the Perfect World. Always safe, always sunny. Always well, always well-fed. Always friends to play with, always comfortable places to rest. Always cool water to drink, always warm water to swim in. The only thing missing is you - her soulmate. Your Lab-baby is waiting for you in this Perfect World - probably telling all kinds of stories about how wonderful a mom you are. Can you hear them? My momis the best mom in the world. Oh no, MINE is. Just like that old expression that there is only one perfect dog in the world and every owner think hs has him.

Diane, you have come to the right place. Every one of s has had a loss like yours and everyone of us has dealt with it a little differently. This is one of the best managed sites on the net. People care. There is no criticism - only understanding - that we are a band of brothers and sisters united by a unique experience. Alone, we would fall but nited we stand and support each other. Come here as often as you want. Someone is always here to care. And when the time is right, we'd love to hear more about your precious lab and maybe even see his or her pictre. The avatar I use is my second dog, Rufus, a half lab-half Newfoundland. He passed in March while I was half a continent away and couldn't be with him. I still miss him and cry a tear or two (or more) every day.

These labs sure steal our hearts, don't they?

Peace and rest to you today,

Gretta and Rufus's mom

Diane,

So very sorry for the loss of your beloved lab. It’s been a month for me since I lost my cat to a tragic accident at home. The hole in your heart will always be there but the piercing emptiness you feel will gradually dull with time. Probably the last thing you want to hear, but time does help to heal the grief-stricken heart. I don’t think you ever get over losing an animal you had a special bond with, you just learn to live with it. You learn to live with the loss and it makes you a more compassionate person because of it. Isn’t that a wonderful gift animals give to us? And isn’t the deep grief you feel a testament to the great love you had for your furbaby? When a human dies there is often a lot of support for the family but when a pet dies only true animal lovers will understand what you are going through. Don’t try to rush what you feel. Just acknowledge it as the testament of love you had for your dog. I have been depressed ever since but have been trying to actively work through my grief by remembering Scout’s life and the special bond we had. No doubt the love you and your precious furbaby shared will live on until you meet again someday. There are no words that can express my sympathy for you at this time. Be patient with yourself as you did everything you could and you gave your furbaby a great life. What a lucky dog to have someone love them so much. Do things to remember your baby, it really does help. Some things I have done is writing a letter to my baby Scout and planting a memorial garden in his remembrance. Take care of yourself.

Dear Diane
I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that I am thinking of you. I too am grieving the loss of my beloved Pixie (Akita) so I know the heartache you are feeling. It's 3 months now, and yes what Moonbeam says is true, at times I now think of her and smile at the precious and wonderful things she did. I also can change in just one second and start to cry again. It really is the most agonising experience, but one that must be endured, we wouldn't have been without our fur babies, would we. They are with us forever , in our hearts and souls. They help to make us who we are. They teach us so much, and give us that wonderful unconditional love. They wouldn't want us to be sad because they have had to leave us. They enrich our lives and that is what we must remember. Be kind to yourself and take each day at a time.
Please let us know how you are, and as others have said, when you are ready, we would love to hear more about your precious girl.
Hugs

Jan and my Angels, Tasha, Noushka and now my Pixie ***

Dear Diane

I'm jst stopping by this morning to make sure you're OK (that is, breathing, moving, taking nourishment - physically OK). I also wish for a day when your heart has at least one instant of peace.

I asked my Rufus (half black lab/Half Newfoundland) to welcome your lab-baby into the Perfect World and help him find a home there. He night want to live with any relatives he has. If not, Rufus and all our crew will be more than happy to welcome this darling in.

Hope today is a get-by-able day.

Gretta and Rufus's mom

I am simply overwhelmed by the responses to my initial paragraph. didn't know how this would work, the forum that is. and i wish i knew if i was responding properly, to everyone who responded to me. well, i plan to just send this off, because it is important i thank the folks who responded to me. i honestly read what everyone said through tears, i had to run and get a box of kleenex. how can so many people who don't know me be so kind and so open and so heartfelt? how can they be able to express exactly what i'm feeling, without knowing a single thing about me, other than i lost my lab? i'm crying now as i write this. grammar and punctuation and spelling to blazes. thank you....the beautiful human souls who have responded to me with their kind words, lovers of cats and dogs and akitas and ....labs...yes...labs...
i've cried too much, but just today...and sandi left me on monday the 19th, its friday the 23rd...just today, i started to get a hold of myself.

my sandi is still here though at my feet. bumping my elbow as i type so she could get my attention and once she got my attention, summoning me with her intensity and brown eyes...to play, swim, walk, catch, to live.....she loved to live. she got me to live.
i wanted to reach out, to find a friend who understood. who understands crying and grief and missing a beloved animal as much as i feel i do....and i am selfish in acknowledging how good it feels to know i'm not the only one. and you've all said it will get better. it takes time, they'll be a moment when i find myself thinking of sandi and laughing instead of crying with memories of her. her memories have filled me and for 12 beautiful years i was sooooo lucky to have her for that long. she became arthritic toward the last couple years and was on lots of canine arthritis meds to ease her comfort level...frequent vet visits for blood work, and i tried so hard to keep her comfy. i know recently she was hurting, she still ate and did her doody and would play but she had a hard time getting up...she had labored breathing...when she stopped eating i knew. i know. it was right. i miss her anyway.
i want to thank you guys for helping me along. how you've done it...i don't know...but through every comment i felt the love and concern and honestly i feel strength through you....thank you for your comments. i'm healing. i hurt. i loved that dog.

Hi, Diane, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for honoring us by sharing your beloved Sandi with us. There is a saying that goes like this "you can't know what I'm going through unless you have walked in my moccasins." Each of us here have walked in your moccasins, Diane, so we DO know what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Our beloved companions do find a way to let us know they are still with us after they have joined the angels - - the sound of paws on the floor or a quick bark, or meow, or chirp, the feel of a jump up onto the bed, the feeling that your precious companion is looking intently at you mind melding that it is time for you to "pay attention", etc.. All of these feelings and "manisfestations" are REAL, Diane - - I promise you are not losing your mind. I hope you will find your beloved Sandi's visits comforting.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Diane, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sandi's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Oh Diane

Of course you hurt. And it's for exactly the reason you said, you loved that dog! May your gentle loving heart always be open to love, even though many times it also involves hurt. You're a perfect dog mom and now you have somebody waiting for you in the Perfect World.

Gretta and Rufus's mom

Glad you found us here, Diane. This forum has been so helpful to me over the past four weeks since I lost my kitties (Joe and Steve) on the same day. Like your sweet dog, my kitties were both old. Joe was 20 and Steve was 15. Both had terminal illnesses and were in declining health. They were best buddies, so it only seemed right to let them go together. I thought the actual letting go and making the decision to let them go was going to be the hardest part, but it wasn't. It was the absence of them that overwhelmed me. I thought I would find comfort in knowing they lived long, full, happy lives, but there has been no comfort for me in that. I didn't care how old they were. I just wanted them with me. The pain was unbearable during the first few weeks. But I can honestly say, even as I write this post with tears rolling down my cheeks, that it does get easier. You'll have moments here and there where you start to feel a little bit more like yourself again. The waves between sorrow and this new way of being spread a little farther apart.

I don't have all the answers, by any means, but here are some things I've found helpful in the last few weeks.
--Eat (even when you don't feel like it)
--Drink water
--Try to get up and move around
--Embrace the grief. Going through it (rather than past it) is the way to healing.
--Talk about it to friends or post and read posts on this site.

There is comfort in grieving with others who are grieving. I find it validating and it helps me to see that this is truly a journey and we move along at different paces. I can see where I've come from and where I imagine I'm headed. And it also makes me feel connected to my kitties, since I fear the idea of letting them go. I'm learning I can move farther away from deep, deep sadness, but not farther away from them.

Anyway, stick around this place. There are wonderful people here.

CritzyJ