We took Cheetah from an animal shelter eight years ago, a month after we were married. She was a magnificent dog (actually, I feel like saying "person" when I talk about her) right from the beginning. It was like a match made in heaven. She has been with us through everything. She was by my side when I finished med school, when I started working, during the terrible year and a half of fertility treatments, during my first pregnancy and during two thirds of my last one.
She changed, as if by magic, from a child- intolerant dog to a patient and loving companion to our daughter. She did it as she did everything else, just by herself, by observing us and understanding what we expected of her.
I can not explain how much I loved her, and still do. I am ashamed to admit that I probably loved her more than my own flesh and blood. And, God knows she deserved every ounce of that love.
I know it sounds as if I am intensifying my feelings after she died, but the really sad thing is that I wish it were so. I sometimes try to tell myself that I feel so sad because she has been glorified in my memory. But, sadly, I know that is not so. Sadly, I remember thinking these exact same thoughts when she was alive.
Eight months ago she started throwing up one night and became very passive. The ultrasound, two days later, said she had cancer all over. The biopsy confirmed it. She was having trouble breathing so about three hours after we got the answers of the biopsy, we euthanized her. It was the most terrible day of my life. She was just eight years old. It was less than four days from the moment she started throwing up to the end of her life.
I have so many thoughts running through my head and nobody to share them with, so I am sorry if I keep rambling.
I can't talk to my husband about it. Although he loved her deeply, his way of mourning is just not thinking about it, and I can see that I am bothering him with this.
Other people don't come even close to understanding. She was the only creature alive that I wanted to have by my side all the time. There wasn't one situation or activity that I could name that I would have rather spent without her.
I took her everywhere with me, except work. And believe me, that is not easy in Israel. People are not as tolerant of dogs as they are in Europe or the United States. I got into some domestic quarrels about this too, when they realized that I intend to keep bringing her with me even with a small infant in the car..
I feel so guilty. I am so scared that we acted too quickly, maybe we should have checked again? And even if the decision was right, how come she got cancer so young? Maybe I did something wrong? Maybe it is my punishment? She was my responsibility, so why didn't I prevent it?
When she died, I was seven months pregnant, and I remember thinking that she was making room for the new baby. I wanted to shout into her grave "please come back! I will always have room for you!". I felt is was like "a life for a life". We got pregnant so easily this time, so maybe this is the price we had to pay for this child. I am ashamed to say I wanted to renounce on the deal...
These are terrible thoughts but I have nobody else to share them with. Everybody would think me crazy.
My only wish is that I will be worthy of such love again. But I am not optimistic. I really think there was something about herI will never find again in anybody, canine or human.

Thank you for giving me the ability to honor her memory.

Hi, Cheetahsmom, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Cheetah. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions - - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Cheetahsmom, please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very painful. This grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. This is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your own time. It is a journey that will not be reconciled in a minute, a day, an hour, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the "first withouts" and the memories that right now are too painful that include the "this time yesterday, last week, last year" to endure.

Clincial professionals now recognize that grief journey we experience as a result of the physical loss of beloved companion is identical to, if not more painful than, the physical loss of a human family member or friend. This is because the love bond we share with our companions is deeper in a different way than what we share with a human family member or friend. Our companions bring to us their unconditional love and undivided attention, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them completely without reservation or fear of rejection. They accept us totally for who we are. This does not mean that we love our human family members and friends less - - but with our human relationships there are always "expectations" to act a certain way, to think a certain way, to live a certain way, etc., - - and if we do not meet these "expectaions" then there are disappointments which can then bring "complications" into the human relationships. There are NEVER any "complications" with our relationships with our companions - - which is one of the many reasons why our grief journey is so painful when they precede us to the angels.

Clinical professionals also recognize that sometimes the people who are the closest to us emotionally and geographically are the least we can count on to offer us comfort and support during our grief adjustment journey. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum was created as a safe place where we can come to share what is in our hearts and on our minds without fear of judgment or recrimination. You are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through, Cheetahsmom, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I can so understand how you're feeling about your beloved Cheetah's diagnosis of cancer - - particularly at such a very young age. In 2003 my number one kitty son Eli joined the angels at the tender age of 6 years and 8 months due to end stage Lymphoma, and in 2010 my beautiful baby girl Abbygayle joined the angels at 6 years and 10 months due to end stage Fibrosarcoma. By all rights they should still be here with me enjoying a long and happy and healthy earthly journey. Instead, their sweet Living Spirits are with me continuing to share my earthly journey as they always have and always will until it is my appropriate time to join them in eternal joy.

And so it is with you and your beloved Cheetah. Even though she is no longer physically with you, her sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey. The love bond you and your beloved Cheetah share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Cheetah is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, Cheetahsmom - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

There is no doubt from what you have shared with us that you did everything in your power to give your beloved Cheetah a happy and healthy earthly journey. It is NOT your fault that cancer invaded her physical body. Unfortunately, our companions are created similar to our physical bodies and are therefore subject to the same illnesses. Furthermore, our companions are very adept at disguising how they are feeling until they can no longer do it - - it is a genetically inherited trait they continue to have from their wild cousins. Sadly this is of little help and comfort to us as their human caregivers. Because of the advanced stage of her cancer, you did the only thing you could for her - - you released her sweet Living Spirit from her failing, painful physical body so that she is now restored to her former youthfulness. There is no greater love than this, Cheetahsmom.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will be able to offer you some measure of comfort, encouragement, support, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so very much for honoring us by sharing your beloved Cheetah with us. Perhaps sometime you would like to share a picture(s) of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Cheetahsmom, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello Cheetah's mom

My heart is breaking for you in the homegoing of your precious baby Cheetah. It's clear from your writing that youand Cheetah were a specially-honored pair - a pair of soul-mates. Every so often, a very special animal shares a soul with an equally special human being. And this is (NOT was) you and Cheetah. Our native Americans call these animals spirit-animals. They and you have existed since the beginning of time and will exist until its end. Sometimes joined togather, sometimes apart, but always a part of each other. When our spirit animal is apart from us, after a while s/he decides to seek us out. She searches all over the immense universe to find the ONE person who holds the other half of her souls. Imagine that!!! Then, equally astounding, she puts herself in our path and makes sure WE find HER. And the instant, overwhelming rush of love confirms it - we have found each other.

People who have not experienced a bond with a spirit animal cannot understand what it is like. And we who have experienced this cannot find the words adequate to describe it. So we try to talk to each other across a miraculous gap - and it doesn't work.

Please rest assured that NONE of this, not even the TINIEST part was anything NEAR your fault. With your awesome love for Cheetah, how would this have been possible? And none of it was divine retribution or exchange! with a loving God there is no such thing as "a life for a life." What happened was part of nature's laws: companion animals' lives are shorter than ours. Our Creator made it this way - who knows why. That means that when we give our hearts to an animal, we are, at the same time, signing up for the worst kind of pain this side of heaven. Why do we do this? Because of the power of love: yours for Cheetah and Cheetah's for you. Then, animals, because of their eons-ago lives, are experts at disguishing illness, paiin and other symptoms. In the early times on earth, the weak did not survive. So it's in our fur-babies' genetics to completely disguise any sickness - until it overcomes then. My Gretta, the kindest chocolate who ever lived, went from a normal morning walk to not being able to stand up by 4 PM and I had to make the terrible decision at 6 PM. She passed in my arms. it was the saddest day of my life. I had absolutely NO clue - and she had the very best vet care at a teaching vet school in our city. She is my spirit animal and I shed tears for her every day (like when I am writing this).

So Cheetah's mom, do whatever it takes to grieve for precious Cheetah. And know the she is in the Perfect World where the sun is always warm, the water is always cool, the food is always healthy, there are thousands of friends to play with, there is no pain or sichness and certainly no death. Only one thing is missing: you. One day you will join precious Cheetah in this Perfect World and it will be just like when you joined her in this world - except it will never end.

So treat yourself gently as Cheetah would want you to do and hold that piece of Cheetah's soul close to your heart as she will yours and live fully until the day you are reunited, exchange soul-pieces and no longer have a hole in your hearts.

Peace and blessings,

Gretta and Rufus's mom

Dear Gretta's mom,


I want to thank you so much for your reply!
I know how difficult it is for me just to open this forum page. Even reading about another's grief brings all the memories back. So I can imagine that replying to my post had costed you quite a few tears..
I really hope that what you believe is true, and that she is, indeed, in a better place. Sometimes I think that I could be at peace if only I knew that she was ok. If only I could somehow know that she is feeling good and knows that we love her still, so much, and that we did not want to leave her.
I pray to get a message from her, telling me so..

I wish you the very best. May you find this kind of bond again.

Cheeta's mom









quote name='Gretta's Mom' date='Aug 27 2013, 10:59 PM' post='78656']
Hello Cheetah's mom

My heart is breaking for you in the homegoing of your precious baby Cheetah. It's clear from your writing that youand Cheetah were a specially-honored pair - a pair of soul-mates. Every so often, a very special animal shares a soul with an equally special human being. And this is (NOT was) you and Cheetah. Our native Americans call these animals spirit-animals. They and you have existed since the beginning of time and will exist until its end. Sometimes joined togather, sometimes apart, but always a part of each other. When our spirit animal is apart from us, after a while s/he decides to seek us out. She searches all over the immense universe to find the ONE person who holds the other half of her souls. Imagine that!!! Then, equally astounding, she puts herself in our path and makes sure WE find HER. And the instant, overwhelming rush of love confirms it - we have found each other.

People who have not experienced a bond with a spirit animal cannot understand what it is like. And we who have experienced this cannot find the words adequate to describe it. So we try to talk to each other across a miraculous gap - and it doesn't work.

Please rest assured that NONE of this, not even the TINIEST part was anything NEAR your fault. With your awesome love for Cheetah, how would this have been possible? And none of it was divine retribution or exchange! with a loving God there is no such thing as "a life for a life." What happened was part of nature's laws: companion animals' lives are shorter than ours. Our Creator made it this way - who knows why. That means that when we give our hearts to an animal, we are, at the same time, signing up for the worst kind of pain this side of heaven. Why do we do this? Because of the power of love: yours for Cheetah and Cheetah's for you. Then, animals, because of their eons-ago lives, are experts at disguishing illness, paiin and other symptoms. In the early times on earth, the weak did not survive. So it's in our fur-babies' genetics to completely disguise any sickness - until it overcomes then. My Gretta, the kindest chocolate who ever lived, went from a normal morning walk to not being able to stand up by 4 PM and I had to make the terrible decision at 6 PM. She passed in my arms. it was the saddest day of my life. I had absolutely NO clue - and she had the very best vet care at a teaching vet school in our city. She is my spirit animal and I shed tears for her every day (like when I am writing this).

So Cheetah's mom, do whatever it takes to grieve for precious Cheetah. And know the she is in the Perfect World where the sun is always warm, the water is always cool, the food is always healthy, there are thousands of friends to play with, there is no pain or sichness and certainly no death. Only one thing is missing: you. One day you will join precious Cheetah in this Perfect World and it will be just like when you joined her in this world - except it will never end.

So treat yourself gently as Cheetah would want you to do and hold that piece of Cheetah's soul close to your heart as she will yours and live fully until the day you are reunited, exchange soul-pieces and no longer have a hole in your hearts.

Peace and blessings,

Gretta and Rufus's mom
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