My cat Zach died a couple weeks ago, only 2 years old and what killed him was such a stupid thing, from our description the vet thinks a urinary infection, but was so unexpected, an overnight thing, the day before he went we would have still thought he'd be with us for years. I went from being so sad I feared I'd never get over it to worrying I would forget him since it was so short and since I discovered, still to my incredible guilt, that I can't remember as many specifics as I should about my previous cat who I once believed was the world's best cat, to worrying that bad dreams I've had about him would affect my general feeling about him, and now well it's a mix of the bad dreams I still get and the huge loneliness I feel without him and the fear that I won't be able to open up and love another pet. Thing is, he's not the only one who's died young. My first cat lived to be almost nine, but after her our main pet was our dog, who died at age 4, and now Zach after only 2 years. I just can't help noticing how it's halving every time, I'm getting to the point where I'm expecting our next cat won't make it to 2, and I'm just so worried that I won't let myself get as close to another pet. I'm nineteen so I'm still at home and my mom's planning on getting another cat within the next couple months, so I'm pretty worried about that. And so wish these bad dreams would stop, Zach's memory shouldn't be tainted. They're mostly like, well I'm a horror fanatic so if anyone's seen Pet Semetery, they're like that. I can't say I want him back, because I wouldn't be happy if he came back at this point in time. More accurately I just wish he hadn't died in the first place, he really was too young and so full of life and he should've been here with us for years to come. So many times in a day I think of how he's probably nearby doing something before I realize he's not here anymore, he's never gonna lay with us on the bed at night again, never gonna jump up on the couch next to me and come on my lap again, never gonna run free through the grass outside on his hunting expeditions again. He was so smart, never went toward the road when he was outside, even when we were in the driveway he'd just stay nearby us. I worry that we won't get a cat who's as great as he was, in their own way, or that I won't let myself see their greatness. I want Zach's memory to be a happy, peaceful thing, and I do want to love another cat again, but I'm so scared of letting myself get hurt again.

Hi, JB, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Zach. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion so suddenly and so young intensifies the grief.

JB, please me try to offer you some words of comfort by first of telling you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very painful. This grief adjustment journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity for there are so many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - you will experience many ups and downs twists and turns and turnarounds - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride.

Many people fear they will eventually forget their beloved companion who is now with the angels, but I promise you, JB, this will never happen - - no matter how much time continues with our earthly journey - - and even though they may not always be to the forefront of our daily thoughts. We live in a physically oriented world governed by the 5 senses of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. Every time our companions rub against us, touch us, kiss / lick us they are literally chemically imprinting themselves onto us so that they can identify us from the millions of other people on this planet. When they precede us to the angels, we no longer have this physical contact with them, and unfortunately our society lives on the theory that what is not comprehended by our 5 physical senses does not exist.

But there is another bond that is deeper than the physical world - - and it is the eternal bond of love that we share with our beloved companions - - which nothing in heaven or on earth can break. I promise you, JB, that your beloved Zach's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will for he is always and forever a part of your heart and your memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you - - even though you cannot see, smell, taste, touch, or hear him.

I can so understand your feelings when you share with us: "I just can't help noticing how it's halving every time, I'm getting to the point where I'm expecting our next cat won't make it to 2, and I'm just so worried that I won't let myself get as close to another pet. I'm so scared of letting myself get hurt again." JB, I do know so well from first hand experience the deep sorrow that is in your heart experiencing multiple losses of companions who have transitioned home to the angels at such very young ages. It does take a toll on our hearts, and we begin to think that every companion we have will also physically leave us at very young ages.

Unfortunately we are not omnipotent - - we are not gifted with the privilege of foreknowledge - - contrary to the universal belief that humanity is the "master of the universe" - - the true reality is that we only have limited control over what happens in our world. When we embrace a companion into our hearts and lives we do so not knowing when or how they will precede us to the angels. If we did have this foreknowledge the question would then be "why bother - - they will leave us in "x" number of days, weeks, months, years". Making a decision based on this "why bother" attitude we would then be denying a precious life the opportunity to know our loving touch and a safe home - - and we would deliberately be denying ourselves the opportunity to know the unconditional love and undivided attention of a precious companion.

While some people find it comforting to embrace a new companion quickly after the physical loss of a beloved companion, others find it more comforting to wait until their deep sorrow has eased. When we are living in a family unit and decisions are made without taking our feelings into consideration, it can be very difficult embracing a new companion before we feel ready to do so. I promise you, JB, that your beloved Zach will be very happy for you to have a new companion to accept and love who will be a member of the entire family. Each relationship we have with our companions during their earthly journey is unique because each relationship is individually unique.

During the deep grief we are very emotionally vulnerable. Because of this our minds can twist our sorrow into very unpleasant thoughts which scientific studies have proven can be manifested in our dreams - - which can be transformed into horrible nightmares. It is important that you keep your thoughts focused on more pleasant memories and experiences - - particularly as you are going to sleep. It may take awhile before your bad dreams stop, but I assure you, JB, that your "horror" dreams have nothing to do with your beloved Zach.

I know from first hand experience that when our hearts are in deep grief there are really no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still, I hope the words I share with you will be able to offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Zach with us, JB. Perhaps sometime you would like to share a picture(s) of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, JB, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you for your reply, moon_beam. Unfortunately I don't think we even have a picture of him, don't think anyone got around to taking one and I'm legally blind so I couldn't really do that either, though do wish we had one as a physical reminder of him since I would still be able to see it a bit.
Anyway, the bad dreams about Zach seem to have gone away, now it's mostly just the sadness and memories that remain. I try to be happy thinking about the memories of him, and of the few good dreams I had had of him the nights following his death. On the night after, I dreamt he was in our dining room chasing a string we would always play with him with, and I knew he would be gone soon so I reached to touch him, but he ran away from me. The second night it was a very simple dream, that I was just holding him on my shoulder again, but still comforting. Though I won't completely rule out that it could've just been my mind wanting him back, I like to hope that the two dreams are some way of him telling me that he is still with me. I do hope that we are with all our pets as well as people after we pass, and I hope I can soon open up to a new pet.
Thank you again for your kind words.
animalloverJB

Hi, JB, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. There is no doubt in my mind that the two dreams you have had of your beloved Zach are his way of letting you know that he is still with you. I'm glad you have found these dreams to be comforting, and hope you will have more opportunities to feel your beloved Zach's sweet Living Spirit with you.

I know what you mean when you share with us: "I hope I can soon open up to a new pet." Please let me try to reassure you that you will be able to embrace the comfort and joy of a new precious companion. It may be difficult in the beginning if it happens sooner than what you feel ready at the time. Just take each day one day at a time, JB - - and please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you kindly, JB, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Zach's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you, and thank you so much for sharing your beloved Zach with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, JB, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam