Yesterday my 7 week old baby kitten came down with pneumonia and in less than 6 hours he was too far gone to save. I took him to the emergency vet where they informed me his lungs were so filled with fluid the X-rays wouldn't even show the outline of his heart. As soon as he started acting different I knew something was wrong. I rushed him to the vet and they gave him oxygen, antibiotics, and IV fluids. His tiny body just couldn't get enough oxygen.

He was a bottle fed baby and I'd had him since he was 10 days old. I'd named him Rory after my favorite Doctor Who character because he was a survivor if nothing else. My other kitty is 3 years old. After some adjusting he took to mothering Rory and constantly playing with him. Rory would always find Riker wherever he was and try to pounce him. He was just a perfect and spunky little kitten who liked to sit on the edge of the tub when is showered and fall asleep in my computer keyboard when it was warm.

I cannot even fully grasp how and why I'm so very heartbroken by this loss, because I've buried other pets in the past. I even lost a kitten I had for 20 years. Though I mourned that loss intensely, the sense of devastation from Rory's loss is overwhelming and I feel like I cannot breathe or move without a feeling of emptiness overcoming me. I can't walk around my tiny apartment without seeing him at my feet or in his favorite places. My Riker Kitty even tried sleeping in Rory's box last night and my heart broke for him because I can't explain that his best friend and baby brother isn't coming home.

The little kitten shaped hole in my chest feels like it can never be filled. He was just so incredibly special and far too young. I can hardly even believe the loss and grief are real. I keep waiting for him to sleep on my feet and chew on my toes when I'm studying.
I don't know what to do.

Kaytbug, I am very sorry for your loss. What a cute little tux kitty your Rory is. It is devastating to lose one so young who really hasn't had a chance to live his life. I know it's got to be especially hard since you bottle fed him and took such good care of him only to lose him to pneumonia. When they're so young it's difficult for them to fight off infections. What a sweet little kitty. Seeing his picture I just want to hold him and hug him.

Hi, Kaytbug, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Rory. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion so very young is especially heartbreaking.

Kaytbug, one only has to look at your beloved Rory to know how he won his own special place in your and your precious Riker's hearts. You did everything in your power to give your beloved Rory a happy and healthy earthly journey. Unfortunately, when we embrace a new companion into our hearts and home we have no guarantee as to how long they will physically be with us. But from the moment we embrace them into our hearts the love bond we share with them is eternal - - nothing in heaven or on earth can ever separate us from their eternal love.

You, Kaytbug, and your precious Riker, are blessed to be your beloved Rory's sole benefiiciaries of his eternal love and the legacy of joy he brought to your lives during his too brief earthly journey with you. YOU, Kaytbug, are his Forever Mom - - and only YOU wear this crown of eternal love.

Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. Not only are you grieving because your beloved Rory became so ill but you are also grieving for "what could have been" - - all the years of a long, healthy, and happy earthly journey that "should have been". From first hand experience I do know and understand how broken your heart is feeling.

One of the many things you need to remember as you navigate your grief adjustment journey is that you are not alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Kaytbug, I also know from first hand experience that when our hearts are filled with deep sorrow that there really are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still I hope and pray that the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Rory with us, Kaytbug. He is such a sweetheart. Please know you and your precious Riker are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

The first 24 hours were incredibly difficult. I couldn't bring myself to clean up his favorite things or even read a book on my couch because RoryBug would always climb up on the couch to snuggle with me and chew on my toes. I had to leave my apartment and just drive. I couldn't stop crying. I am racked with guilt. I keep thinking did he get sick because I fed him too fast in my haste to run off to work, did he get sick because I let him play in the kitchen sink water after I did the dishes, did the new cheaper food I bought him that he threw up cause the pneumonia? Did I kill my sweet little bug?

My Riker Kitty still won't eat and he cried most of the day. I don't know what to do for him. The vet suggested a new companion similar to Rory's age. I know RoryBug would want another baby to have a home, but I don't want to betray him.

I'm just so very sad.

Hi, Kaytbug, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that you did NOT do anything to cause your beloved Rory's pneumonia. Please believe me when I tell you that upper respiratory infections are very complex to treat even in the physical bodies that are bigger and have a history of a stronger immune system. Please let me try to reassure you that you truly did EVERYTHING that is in your power to give your beloved Rory a happy and healthly earthly journey.

Kaytbug, there is no reason why you need to rush into cleaning up his things - - unless you are ready to do it. After several years I still have many toys and collars on display of my beloved companions who are now with the angels. For me this brings me great comfort - - you must find what brings comfort to you now.

Your precious Riker is deeply grieving for his housemate. For whatever it may be worth to you, I think you and Riker need this time to comfort one another first before introducing a new companion for him - - and you. You may need to hand feed Riker for a few days to keep him eating. You may also need to encourage him to continue to drink water - - if he isn't drinking water on his own then you may have to give it to him via syringe. If he continues not to eat or drink for several days you will need to have his veterinary care provider check him out.

I truly wish there were an easier way to navigate this very painful grief adjustment journey, but unfortunately it is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time - - knowing that you are among friends here who truly do understand what you and your precious Riker are going through, and knowing that we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Rory with us, Kaytbug. I hope today is treating you and your precious Riker kindly, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Rory's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your beloved Riker are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

It has been a few days now. Things are still a struggle. I can't bring myself to move my Rory's things. Riker and I are adjusting. Things are still terribly difficult. Still not quite certain how to adjust to all of this. Wish there was an easier way to deal through all of this.

Hi, Kaytbug, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I do so understand from first hand experience the deepest sorrow of your lament: "Wish there was an easier way to deal through all of this." It truly doesn't matter if it's our first experience or our thousandth - - the deep sorrow we experience is uniquely painful because the relationship we have with each of our precious beloved companions is uniquely individual. Unfortunately the only way through this grief adjustment journey is one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your own time - - with the reassurance that you are not alone - - that you find comfort, support, encouragement, and hope here with each of us who truly do know and understand what you are going through.

Some people find it helpful to put their beloved companion's possessions away quickly so that they are not yet another constant painful reminder that their beloved companion is no longer physically with them. Still others, including myself, find it quite comforting to have the possessions of our beloved companion in plain view. It's perfectly okay for you to keep your beloved Rory's possessions where you can see them, Kaytbug, if this is comforting for you and your precious Riker. Whatever you decide is the RIGHT decision for you.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Riker kindly, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Rory's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your beloved Riker are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

It has been almost a month since my buggy boy passed away and it still feels like it just happened. I feel an immense amount of guilt for not being there when he was euthanized. I would have given almost anything to have held him when he passed. I feel like my days all run together because I don't live by Rory's feeding schedule.
My poor Riker Kitty wouldn't eat hardly anything for 2 weeks. He would cry most of the night. After speaking with my vet he suggested I try to get Riker a playmate, I'm not sure how ready I was for that. But I understood he needed something to fill the kitten-shaped hole that Rory left. I went to the Humane Society that I had fostered Rory from and this sweet, tiny, and believably terrified black kitten was huddled in the back of his kennel just crying softly to himself. When I approached him he tried to run further into the cage and was shaking in fear. His poor little nose was runny and his eyes were dirty. He broke my heart. The Humane Society informed me that he had been a bottle fed baby, rejected by his mom because he had terribly allergies that made him sneeze constantly, and he was the runt.
I picked him up out of the kennel and he looked at me with the saddest little face and I asked if could wash his face with a warm cloth. When I finished washing his little eyes off (which the humane society had been doing once a day, but his allergies were rampant) he curled up under my chin and purred so loud I could feel it in my toes.
My Rory would always curl up under my chin and try to play with my hair, so it was a welcome sign of affection. I knew at that point I was doing the right thing. That Rory, who was such a bubbly kitten, would not be happy if his family wasn't happy.
When I brought the newbie home Riker was rightfully confused. We made the decision not to name him until we really knew him. The Humane Society had named him Bean because he was so little and always curled up tightly hiding from people. I knew that would not be his name with us. After a couple of days and one-sided hissing (from Riker) I came home from night class to find the two of them asleep on the cat tree in the corner of our living room. The newbie woke up first and in his haste to greet me he fell of the tree and landed on his butt. Now that's some serious personality. He started rolling off the edge of the couch regularly, running into cabinets when he would slide on the tile kitchen floor and twice fell in the toilet. He even once sneezed so hard he scared himself. He was definitely a scaredy cat. He would run behind corners and jump out at me only to scare himself and run away. I started saying "boo" out of human habit and then realized how perfect that was. So after 2 weeks home, we named him. (Boo) Radley. I have an English degree so it works on several levels.
I told him all about Rory and sometimes he does things that remind me of Rory in a great way. I think it's his way of saying thank you. He'd been at the shelter for over a month and he wasn't even 2 months old. Riker kitty is eating and playing and getting annoyed just like before. And, though I miss my Rory in painful amounts, Radley has been a wonderful gift to our little family.

Hi, Kaytbug, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you, your precious Riker, and your new family addition Radley are doing. Even though it has been a month since your beloved Rory joined the angels and your heart is still grieving for the loss of his sweet precious physical presence, you are sooooo right when you share with us: "That Rory, who was such a bubbly kitten, would not be happy if his family wasn't happy." - - There is NO DOUBT in my mind and heart that your beloved Rory led your footsteps to the Humane Society on the very day that you would see the little waif who has now become your precious Radley. This in no means diminishes your eternal love bond with Rory - - it simply means that your beloved Rory has given you one of the greatest gifts he can - - a new companion to love and to offer you comfort.

Thank you so much for sharing this adorable picture of your precious Riker and Radley. I am sooooo happy for you and Riker to have Radley with you - - your precious Radley is adorable!! May you and your precious Riker and Radley have a long, happy, and healthy earthly journey together.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Riker and Radley kindly, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Rory's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Riker and Radley are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam