My special baby baby, Atticus, died unexpectedly on Sunday. One minute he was playing, the 15 Montez later he was gone. He was 2 years old. I found him lying on the bath mat in front of the tub. At first I thought he was just resting, he had been playing with a bottle ring earlier, but then I saw his mouth hanging open and I screamed for my husband. He wasn't breathing and had no heart beat. My husband tries giving him mouth to mouth and nothing. He was just gone.
I have had cats from for 16 years. My oldest boy Mulder passed last year, and his brother Mattie, passed just 2 weeks ago. Both were older, 16 & 12, and had kidney disease. I watched them both waste away to nothing and thought that was the worst thing of my life to have to deal with. They both let me know when it was time to go, even though I wasn't ready to let them go. But at least with them I had time to prepare. This just WAS.
I have never had such an affectionate, loving cat before Atticus. Don't get me wrong, both Mulder and Mattie were definately mama's boys and I know they loved me every bit as much as I loved them. Attikins was just different. He would reach up and beg me to pick him up, he talked to me, he loved being anywhere on me. He was brilliant and a troublemaker at the same time. He was my cuddle bunny.
When we adopted him, the shelter failed to tell us that he had a heart murmur. Our vet caught it right away and was shocked that they didn't catch it. My husband wanted to take him back, but that just was not happening! Our vet said we should have yearly check ups and he was fine at the last one.
I just can't wrap my head around the fact he is gone. I expect to see him come darting out of the bedroom or meeting me at the door. Just opening the window he liked to sit in in the morning crushes me.
I am numb yet have this horrible ache in my chest T the same time. I just don't understand why he had to go.


I love you my baby baby. I miss you!

Hi Kkitty,

My deepest sympathies for your loss. I just lost my beloved cat last week, so I understand the pain you're going through. You and your family are in my prayers. Your little Atticus will always be with you in spirit, so he is always nearby. Take care of yourself, have a good cry, and take everything one day at a time.

Hugs,

ChillyC29

Hi, Kkitty, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical losses of your beloved Atticus, Mulder and Mattie. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing several companions so very close together intensifies and prolongs the grief.

Kkitty, this grief journey is one of the hardest experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Even though you were "prepared" for the physical losses of your beloved Mulder and Mattie due to their senior years and health challenges, the sudden physical loss of your beloved Atticus is a more traumatic event - - and clinical professionals now recognize that the physical loss of a beloved companion IS a traumatic event in our lives.

Kkitty, because the physical loss of our beloved companions can be quite traumatic, the grief journey that ensues can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time, in your own way and in your own time - - for you are now on a journey that cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the "first withouts" and the memories that are right now too painful of "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year, etc." to endure. But I promise you, Kkitty, that one day when you least expect it you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Atticus, and your beloved Mulder and Mattie, and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and the deep pain of sorrow that is now filling your heart will be replaced with the warmth of your many treasured memories. But it will take time for you to get this point in your grief adjustment journey. One thing you need to remember is that you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Unfortunately, we are not blessed with any "guarantees" as to how long we will be privileged with the physical presence of our companions during their earthly journey. The GOOD NEWS is that you and your husband have the blessing and privilege of your beloved Atticus' eternal love - - for you are blessed with being his Forever Mom and Dad. It is you and your husband who gave Atticus a happy and loving home during his brief earthly journey, and you and you alone are now blessed with cherishing the many treasured memories you share together - - that will always be with you in your heart and memories - - for your beloved Atticus', as well as your beloved Mulder's and Mattie's, sweet Living Spirits are always and forever a part of you - - they are always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

From first hand experience I know that when our hearts are entrenched with deep sorrow that there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of grief. Still, I hope and pray the words I share with you will somehow be able to offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Atticus, Mulder, and Mattie with us, Kkitty. Perhaps you would like to share a picture(s) of them with us - - but only when / if you would like to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Kkitty, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Chilly & MoonBeam~ Thank you so very much for your kind words. They are very comforting.
MoonBeam~ Your post made me cry even more (if it is possible). Thank you for reminding me that I am my babies forever mom, and nothing can ever take that away.

Today, so far, is just as hard as the last 4, with the exception that I am not crying right now. And honestly I think that is only because I have no tears left. Every little thing, reminds me of my little punkinhead. I dread just opening his favorite window, because he always screamed at me in the morning to open it. Having him follow me into the bathroom in the AM for cuddles (i won't go into detail ). Coming home and finding the front window empty, and not having him meet me at the door. Walking by the dining room table chair where he used to lay. He would always reach out his paw to stop me and get me to cuddle him.
I broke down this morning when I was sweeping, cause I found one of his little whiskers.
My other cats Stella and Oliver, keep looking for them. Stella was especially close to my Mattie. She keeps cuddling with me and she isn't a cuddlier. I think she is looking for, as much as trying to give me, comfort.

All the while I feel guilty about grieving for Atticus so hard. Maybe it is the suddenness of his death. But I was able to function a couple of days after both Mulder and Mattie's passing. Right now, I just want to curl up in a ball and go to sleep. When Mulder passed, I had a couple of experiences when he came to me. 1st in a couple of dreams, then I would see him out of the corner of my eye, and finally I heard his meow. When Mattie passed, I asked him to let me know that he got to his brother ok. I am still waiting. Same thing for Atticus. It would help SOOOOO much just to know they are ok. I really believe that receiving those visits from Mulder helped me tremendously in accepting his passing. I guess they will make their appearance when the time is right and I just have to be patient.

Once again, thank you for your prayers.

Below are my babies.
Atticus is the Orange and White
Mattie is the White & Grey
Mulder is the tuxedo


XOXOXOXOXOX MY LOVES
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Hi, Kkitty thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for sharing these wonderful pictures of your beloved Atticus, Mulder and Mattie. There is no doubt in looking at them that know you are their forever mom and dad. I truly wish there were an easier way to navigate this grief adjustment journey but unfortunatly I do not'. Just remember that you are not alone - - there is a safe place where you can come to share with us what is in your heart and on your mind - - no recriminations.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Kkitty, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Atticus', Mulder's, and Mattie's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my close in my thoughts and prayers, and that I always look forward to sharing your news.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam