Hi,
Our great family dog, Haley, passed away suddenly this morning due to Bloating. I wish I knew what signs/symptoms to look out for. She was 100% yesterday around dinner time, and now she is gone. It's a total shock for myself, my wife and our two teenage boys. We're grief stricken as you can imagine. It doesn't seem real. It can't be real. We are of course having a really hard time digesting her loss. We were just cuddling her last night. Myself, well....I feel like I am responsible. As I mentioned, she passed away due to Gastric Bloating.

Last night I noticed her a bit listless after supper, panting heavily from time to time, but only a bit more than usual (she's a deep chested dog), she threw up a couple times (foam and a clear almost gelatin-like substance), but I thought she was just restless and maybe was getting a flu type sickness or had an upset stomach or maybe a bit stressed from her grooming appt earlier in the day (it was her first time, but the groomer said she was great). She also stopped and just stared from time to time, but again, I thought she was maybe getting a dog flu. Anyway, if I had known these symptoms were life threatening and not just from stress, or restlessness or wanting to go outside and pee or unable to sleep, I would have called the vet sooner and she might still be alive.

Saying goodbye to her this morning, watching my sons crying, ripped my heart out. I can't help feel that if I had known then what I know now.....she would have probably survived (although I don't know that for sure). I took her to the hospital when I noticed she was really bloated. I knew THAT wasn't normal. This is really hard for me to wrap my head around. I wish I could talk to the doctor and get his opinion on what happened and what her chances were and when the onset was....so I could maybe feel better or less guilty....I need to know. Unfortunately the doctor has gone home and won't be back for a couple days. I need to ease my guilt, my pain. I keep replaying this over and over again in my head, saying all the "what ifs?" and "why didn't I?" Things might have already been too far gone, but I had no way of knowing....and hearing it from a vet (one way or the other) would make me feel less like I stole the life of our dog from my sons and wife (and myself). Again, this just happened this morning...so it still really hurts.

Dealing with the grief is hard enough, adding guilt is torture.

AlanB

Hi, Alan, please permit me to offer you and your family my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Haley. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

Alan, this grief journey is filled with many different emotions that usually overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Unfortunately, one of the many emotions we ALL experience is guilt / remorse, and it is one of the more difficult emotions to reconcile - - for it is based on the "looking back" and being able to finally process information that didn't make sense at the time the events were happening - - hence the all too familiar and painful "why didn't I know this - - how could I have been so wrong" etc..

I am not a licensed vet tech, but several years ago I did take the courses, and I can honestly tell you, Alan, that even if you had taken your beloved Haley to the vet immediately at the first sign of symptoms there is no guarantee that your beloved Haley would have survived - - for the only way to try to treat bloat is through major abdominal surgery to release the built up air - - which can also involve a twisting of the intestine. The survival rate for bloat is not promising even under the best of treatment circumstances. Yes, idealistically it is beneficial to get our companions to veterinary care as quickly as possible when we notice they are in distress or not feeling well, but there is only so much veterinary medicine can do - - sometimes when the cases are so very critical the only thing we can do for our companions is to ease their journey home to the angels. So, please do not put additional grief in your heart, Alan. I think it would be an excellent idea if you can speak with the vet about what happened so that your heart can find some peace. If you do speak with him, please let us know how it goes - - if you would like to.

This grief journey is one of adjustment to the physical absence of your beloved Haley, and it is a journey that will not be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the "first withouts" and the memories of "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year, etc." to endure. But I promise you, Alan, that one day - - perhaps when you least expect it - - you will be thinking of your beloved Haley and your heart will be able to smile once again with the warmth of the many treasured memories you and your beloved Haley share. And you will then be able to know that the love bond you and your beloved Haley share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Haley's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will - - for she is always and forever in your heart and memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know so well from first hand experience that there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of deep sorrow that is in your heart. I can only hope and pray that the words I share with you will be able to offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you and your family travel your grief adjustment journey. One the many things you need to know is that you are NOT alone in your grief journey - - each of us here DO understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Haley with us, Alan. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you so much for your words. This is still all very fresh in our hearts, as it has only been 10 hours or so since Haley passed away…..and so suddenly. As I had mentioned, this time yesterday, she was GREAT.

I will try and not blame myself. I know I am not a vet, but I wish I was. And yes, even if I had taken her in to the hospital when I first thought things were "out of the ordinary", it still may have been too late. This is why I would like to talk to the vet…..to get some details…some closure (even though I don’t like that term).
One day the feeling of taking her away from my family will subside, and I will realize that it wasn’t my fault……I hope this is the case anyway….with all my heart.

Thank you again for your reply. I find comfort in talking about it and you have helped. I still have a ways to go, as do my two boys and wife (and other pets, especially Haley’s sister Moka who is a 6 year old Shih Tzu cross). I’m sure she's wondering where here big sister is...Haley being 95lbs and Moka 6lbs. They made quite the odd couple....like Mutt and Jeff.

Haley was/is a black 10 year old Collie/Shepherd cross who left us far too soon. So happy, so young at heart, so much more life in here....like a puppy. She truly was one of the biggest lapdogs and will be missed like crazy!!!

Once again, thank you.
Alan

p.s. I wish I had been a vet

Dear Alan

I send my truly heartfelt condolences for the sudden loss of your beloved Haley.

I second everything that Moonbeam has said . I know that your heart is breaking and that we can't take the pain away, but sometimes sharing and talking about our beloved angel pets can be of some comfort.

If you check out my profile on here and go to my last topic you will see that 2 weeks ago I lost my beloved Pixie, so suddenly, fine and seemingly healthy one day and gone the next. We think she was just 5 years old.. a wonderful Akita, who we rescued 6 months after the dreadful loss of my last Samoyed Noushka. In the 3 short years that she was with us she became the most wonderful, beloved companion that anyone could wish for.
This group has been such a help to me over these last few years when I have had to deal with this dreadful grief. Everyone here understands as they have all endured this pain.

Yes it does get easier with the passage of time.... our darling companions would never want us to spend our lives in a state of sadness and despair.... but oh yes it is so hard, as we miss their physical presence so much. I truly believe that they are always part of us, so in that sense they never leave us, always in our hearts and souls.
I send hugs to you and your family.
Thinking of you all. RIP dear Haley.
Jan x

Thank you Janika,

It's been 24 hours and we woke up to a very lonely, very empty, very sad house. Haley was a giant presence and a huge part of our lives...not only in size, but in heart. Such a sweet, good natured, happy girl. I am thankful the sun is shining this morning...it helps. I also thank you for your words and sentiments. I am so sorry about Pixie.

I told my sons that even though Haley's loss is devastating, can you imagine a life if we had not had her at all? Ever? She brought so much love and light and happiness and laughter into our home....I can't imagine never having had her. And the same would go for Pixie. A love lost is better than to have never loved at all.

One thing I thought about as I was driving my son to school a few minutes ago, was that because this was so sudden, he and my other son and wife, nor I, ever got the chance to say goodbye to Haley while she was alive. We had a moment with her yesterday in the hospital, but she was no longer awake. That is another regret. I know that we have to think of the positives and appreciate what we had and not what we don't have now....but that will just take time. Right now it is still too fresh, too soon. She should still be here. She was bouncing up and down just hours earlier. I don't know for sure, but Haley probably had another 3 or 4 years. 3 or 4 more years of pure joy to share with us.

She just turned 10 two days ago. We took her for a nice walk to the beach (one of her favorite spots), she had her usual ice cream birthday treat, the next day she went for a trip to the Groomers (it was her first time ever....it was a birthday treat), then hours later she is gone. It's just not fair. She didn't deserve this.....no one does? My sons are 18 and 16 and they deeply miss their Haley. She was (and always will be) the light in this family. We will support each other and get through this. The pain will subside....but not completely.

I just need to feel that I wasn't the reason for her loss. That if I had taken her to the vet earlier when I saw signs that I thought were maybe a sick stomach or just feeling out of sorts, would Haley still be here? I don't know...but it haunts me. That is what pains me the most. Haley is gone now and seeing the pain and sadness and tears in my sons tears me apart. Am I the reason they no longer have their big beautiful Haley? I have read articles and heard from people who say that this gastric onset is fast and that unless you know what to look for and are quick, you have no way of knowing. I just need to believe that. Because the focus here shouldn't be on me and how guilty I feel, it should be about Haley and the fact that she is gone and how we need to bond as a family and support each other...and when it's time, remember Haley for all the wonderful times she gave us. And as we replay and talk and laugh and smile about those moments, she will give us those moments again.

It truly does help to talk and get things off my chest, and I want to thank you so so much.

Alan

Dear Alan

Thankyou so much for your reply.
Yes waking up that first morning would have been so hard for you all. Every 'first' without our darlings is so painful. I did our 'Pixie' walk for the first time without her yesterday. My little 5 year old grandaughter wanted to walk her little min Poodle on our same walk.... it was just unbearable for us, but I'm glad we did it. Grandaughter just talked about Pixie the whole time, and was in tears, and I saw so many people who used to see us on our walks. They were all asking 'where's Pixie?' Pixie would want us to carry on I'm sure, but it was just so hard.
I feel so sorry for you all as I know that sickening , empty, horrible feeling that you and your dear family are going through. Your boys have grown up with beloved Haley, she has helped to shape who they are. Do they feel better talking about her, or is it just too much for them. In time the memories become 'happy' ones.... and the talking becomes easier.

Alan, I also understand how you feel 'guilt'. Our circumstances in a way were similar, although different conditions. Pixie's breathing was just not quite right in the morning , it seemed more rapid, but she went on her walk and seemed quite normal in her behaviour. Her vets appointment was for 16.10. I keep thinking that if we'd taken her in the morning things would be different, and she might still be here. She showed no signs of having anything wrong on her yearly vets checks, and we just always thought what healthy girl she was. The night vet said the condition must have been very advanced, but I keep asking myself, how had we missed it? People have since said that it could have been caused by a virus.
I think no matter how our beloved pets leave us, we feel guilt. We are so responsible for them and bless them they can't tell us what's wrong.
It is so plain to see how much you all adore your precious girl and you did everything you could. My dear neighbour has lost one dog suddeny to bloat and one to heart failure. Both at age 6, and both large dogs. Nothing could be done to save them , as was the case with your dear Haley and my Pixie.
We have to take small steps through our grief, take one day at a time, one 'first' at a time.
I think you said you have another little girl, Moka, who is missing her sister. Give her a big hug from me. She will wonder what's happened to her world too. She will help you all, as you will help her. Pixie was an only dog, so yes our house feels so empty without her huge and wonderful presence. It does help when my daughter brings little Rocco the poodle round, fortunately he likes lots of cuddles, it's as if he knows we need someone to hug, bless him.
I send my thoughts and prayers and lots of hugs to you all.
Please let us know how you are getting on, and if and when you can we would love to hear more about your Haley, and about how Moka is doing.
Take care.
HUGS
Jan x

I'm so sorry, Alan. It is in our nature to heap guilt on ourselves, isn't it? Your dear dog was part of your family and you will miss her for a long time because you all loved her so much. Patricia

Hi, Alan, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you, your family, and your precious Moka are doing. I truly wish there were an easier way to navigate this grief adjustment journey, and if I knew of an easier way I would most certainly share it here with everyone. I do hope today is treating you, your family, and your precious Moka kindly, Alan, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Haley's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you, your family, and your precious Moka are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you so much Jan, Patricia and Moon Beam.

Today marks one week since Haley was taken away from us so suddenly and far too early. I can't believe it's been a whole week. Everyone (including Moka) is feeling better. We still can't believe she's gone. Time truly does help. Finding distraction in work and watching movies together and just about anything helps. It keeps the mind occupied.

A couple days ago I picked up Haley's ashes, along with her collar, some locks of hair and a paw print that had been cast in plaster by the vet hospital. I found it hard walking back inside the hospital, but I had to do it. I didn't want her ashes left sitting on a shelf for weeks on end. She deserves more than that. She needed to be back home. As I took her belongings back to the car, I sat down, grabbed her leash, smelled her scent and cried. I haven't revealed the ashes or cast to anyone yet....I will do so tonight. During dinner I'll make a special toast to Haley. She'll always be the heart of our family....and all through the house her little bits of hair she left behind, well...they will be another reminder. I don't plan on sweeping or vacuuming all those bits of her up....some will stay.

Last Thursday was truly one of the darkest days our family has ever faced....if not the worst. Things will be better. They are getting better.

Again, thank you for your support, kinds words and helping me look past my feelings of guilt and focus more on what's important and being there to support my sons, my wife and our other furry family members.

Alan

Hi, Alan, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Yes, getting our beloved companion's ashes back can be a two-sided coin: on the one side it can be comforting to have them back with us yet the other side of the coin is that it is yet another "reality check" that they are no longer with us in the physical form that our hearts and arms long for. From first hand experience I can so relate to what you share with us: "As I took her belongings back to the car, I sat down, grabbed her leash, smelled her scent and cried."

Thank you for honoring us in sharing your beloved Haley with us, Alan. Please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. I hope today is treating you and all your family kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Haley's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Alan, and please let us know how you and your family are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi,

First off, thank you again to all who shared your thoughts and showed your support. It really helped me get through a terribly dark time.

I can't believe it's been more than a month since Haley passed. I still haven't been able to take my little dog, Moka, to Haley's favorite beach.....but that time is coming soon I think. Wounds are healing. Everyone at home is doing much better....almost back to normal. There's still that void. I'm sure Moka is still wondering where her big sister is. I wish I could tell her. It's too bad we can't read their thoughts....even though we try.

Again, thank you very much. You made one of the worst moments in my life (and my family's) much easy to copy with. I'll always be grateful.

Alan


p.s. I tried a few times to upload a photo of Haley, but it just didn't work.

Hi, Alan, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your family are doing. During the very deep grief it can feel as though time is standing still -- or passing by quickly in a daze. Nothing makes sense - - and the only thing that is a constant is the deep heartache of missing our beloved companion.

I'm glad to share with you "Everyone at home is doing much better....almost back to normal. There's still that void." For quite awhile the void without your beloved Haley will still creep into your heart and memories, but it sounds like you and your family are doing well, and your precious Moka will be okay, too - - all she needs is your comforting love.

I hope today is treating you and your family kindly, Alan, and that each of you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Haley's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Alan,

I am so sorry for your loss and hope you find comfort that Haley will always be fortunate to know what a kind loving family she was fortunate enough to be part of thru her years. Guilt was one of many emotions I dealt with when the initial shock of my boy's quick death hit me the next day. As the days passed I realized that we did and provided our pooch with such a great, loving environment and that helped. I also agree that time heals as it has been 18 days since he has passed and as my family goes thru the trials of life we are busy and that helps. We continue to discuss how much we miss him, how lonely our home but most of our thoughts are positive and filled with great memories of the joy Mason brought to us and we to him.